Faith, Love, Abuse and My Father - Worthy Christian Forums

Hi All!
First-time poster... I have a bit of a dilemna and was wondering if anyone had any advice or experience on this matter. I'm a daughter of a minister. He was verbally and physically abusive with me and has left me scarred it feels like for life. I just remember praying to God every day for the beatings to stop. But they never did until I finally left the house of my own volition. Nobody came to my rescue, not my mother, not other family members. I always believed that everybody knew my dad had anger-management problems, but was too fearful of him or thought it was none of their business to do anything. My dad was one of the leaders of our congregation. Everybody looked up to him and my mother and believe, even to this day that they are fine pillars of the spiritual community... They also wonder why their children turned out so worldly.

I'm older now, 27. And have been struggling with depression and my own spiritual needs. I think I've internalized a lot of things, like because God didn't answer my cries for help as a child, I was not worthy of God's love. Because if he really loved me, he would have cared for me and not let one of his own shepherds hurt me. I know that logically, this isn't the case, but I emotionally, I've never felt truly loved by God, never felt like I was really one of his beloved children. I don't know if I've forgiven myself, or God. But I still want his love.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm about to go into therapy and deal with a issues there, but I was wondering if anybody had any advice. I know I have a few blocks. Like, I don't really feel comfortable in a church. I've gone to a few since leaving my father's house, but I always felt so weird and isolated. I know I do that to myself. But do feel like I need spiritual counsel. Any advice would be surely appreciated.

Blessings to you. I am glad you are here and are going to get therapy. No child should have to suffer abuse of any kind. One would think that a man of God would have more kindness and more love in his heart than to perpetrate that upon his children. The sad thing is - we hold ministers up as beacons of the society, when often they are as frail as some of their flock. Forgive yourself - you were worthy of love and respect. God DOES love you. He wants you to believe in yourself and to be healthy and whole again. He wants you back. Speak to your counselor and read your Bible and realize that you are a true child of a King. Everyone is deserving of love and respect. You have learned in your life how NOT to treat people. That's a lesson many don't learn for a long time. Pray and forgive - you! God is waiting for you to come home, sweet Child of His. Blessings!!!

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/emot-crying.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/emot-pray.gif) you are a daughter of THE KING!

Isaiah 53:5 (New International Version)

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 1:18 (New International Version)

18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.





Your friend in Christ. joe

Hello and welcome. My father wasn't a minister or even go to church but he was a most abusive alcoholic and even after my prayers God didn't stop him or make my mom stop him either. I was a very angry kid, teen and in some ways a young adult. I have learned through all the tears and years that I didn't do anything wrong and just had to let it go. I finally knew that those feelings were reflected in everything in my life and was going to affect my kids. I see first hand what holding on to that does since two of my brothers just want to hold on to their sadness and anger and over the years have internalized things that never happened to them. Its a dangerous situation. Now that I am older I can see there was no rhyme or reason behind all that except my fathers own shortcomings, depression and well it was all about him and not what you did or didn't do. God does love you and always has so please don't think He has abandoned you in any way. If you feel the need to speak to a someone please make sure its a christian person as so many others seem to want to lead away from God and rely solely on themselves. I pray God makes you whole!

Thanks Mizzdy! How did you do it? How did you get over your anger? How did you let it go? And how were you finally able to accept God's love and believe he never abandoned you? Thinking one thing, feeling it, and believing it are so separate. How is it that my prayers for feel so unanswered?

Welcome!

Welcome to Worthy.
I'm glad your going to theraphy. I will be praying for you.
It will take time for healing. I'm still dealing with issues from my emotional abusive dad. It took time for me to forgive him and myself. I stil go to therapy to deal with my depression. I have a relationship now with my dad. I dn't see him often, but i call once in a while.
You're not to blame for your dad's behavior.
Know that JESUS knows your heart & pain. HE will cover you under the Shadows of HIS Wings.
lv yr sister in CHRIST
lomi

i am praying for you.
lv yr sis in christ
manie

Welcome to Worthy. I think you will find many here who care and will try to help you deal with this problem.

Keep in mind that we live in a fallen world, and every person - Christian or not - deals with sin. Your father, no matter what his position in the church, also deals with sin. I am so sorry that you were on the receiving end of his sin. I don't know why children are abused, but so many are. It breaks my heart. You cannot do anything to change the past, or change your father. You can only change yourself, and then only with God's help. You might begin by praying for your father. Something must have happened in his past to cause him to beat you. That does not make his actions right, but he also needs to face his sin.

You say you haven't forgiven yourself. For what? Have you forgiven you father? That is where your forgiveness needs to focus. Hard? Yes, but something that will help you to move on.

Another question....have you accepted Christ as your saviour? Your earthly father has failed you, but your Heavenly Father allowed His own Son to be beaten and crucified to save you ... and your earthly father ... from true death.

I'm glad you are here and I hope you will find friendship and support here.

<>< ><>
Nathele

At first it wasn't easy I admit. I finally realized I was the one who kept holding on to it all because it was such a part of me and letting go apart of oneself can be very hard. I just had to let it go for my sake, my kids and my husbands also. I must also say that when I started to see all this I had not yet given my life back to God but now realize God was certainly working in my life!! You have to take things one day at a time one issue at a time, its not like we can go ah I don't care anymore and all is just peachy. I think and I may be wrong but I think God is working on this issue with you that may very well be the reason you are reaching out to others now in your life. When I finally realized I could let go of the anger, hurt and resentment something amazing happened to me I saw God's goodness in so many things around me as well as what He was doing. I remember the first time I really prayed or cried out to God about all this and at that time it was really important since my dad was beginning to fade and I knew that I needed to get all that out before I could go to his death bed and really say I loved him.

God is so wonderful when we open our hearts to Him and ask Him to heal us. I also see that even as bad as I was in my sin God didn't abandon me but used those things that have happened to me for my own good. I will admit like many perhaps, is that I still feel sometimes that I do not deserve God's love or His goodness and blessing in my life yet there He is everyday in so many ways. Sometimes its just a feeling of joy sometimes its just that something went right for me in many small ways. Not all of us feel God in the same ways my dear sister in Christ but please do know that He is always there and He answers our prayers according to His plan. Maybe His plan for you is to just touch someones life by reading this very thread and comes to accept Christ in their lives. I do know that He does have a plan for you and that is eternal life with Him. If you would like to pm me you can do so at anytime I am usually online.

Father I ask that you bring peace to this daughter of Yours, show her how she can release these feeling from her heart and see Your love and goodness all around her.