comprehension - something that one has to get in order to get it - Worthy Christian Forums

abbreviation - a long word used to describe a short word used in place of a long word

accountant - a person who will prove that two and two did make four, but, after deducting professional fees, now only comes to three

antibiotics - the ideal thing to give to the man who has everything

argument - an exchange of words between people with diametrically opposed views, all of whom know that they are right

bail - an opportunity to see if you can get away with it the second time

Christmas - a time of year when people empty their bank accounts, come to blows with their relations and suffer embarrassment at office parties, but which is nevertheless referred to as a period of rejoicing

colloquialism - a formal word for an informal word

commitment - the capacity of a would-be husband to do what he's told

common sense - practical wisdom and understanding, and as such, not common at all

comprehension - something that one has to get in order to get it

computer - an electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities

computer expert - someone who has not read the instructions, but who will nevertheless feel qualified to install a program and, when it does not function correctly, pronounce it incompatible with the operating system

confidence - the feeling one experiences before one fully understands the situation

cooperate - used of oneself, to enter into a constructive collaboration with another person; used of someone else, to do exactly as one is told

democracy - a system which ensures that everybody gets what nobody wants

dieting - wishful shrinking

DIY - an abbreviation for Damage-It-Yourself

dog - a man's best friend - after football, beer, women, television, snooker, more beer…

dropout - a rebel without a course

dyslexia - a medical condition defined by being unable to spell it

experience - the ability to repeat one's mistakes with ever-increasing confidence

fashion - a means of expressing one's individuality by wearing and doing exactly the same things as others

freedom of speech - the right to be listened to that civilized societies gives to people, even when they have nothing to say

fun - a form of enjoyment that advertising agencies would have you believe everyone, except yourself, is having

girlfriend - a man's future ex-wife

global warming - a meteorological phenomenon cited to explain the appearance of three consecutive days of fine weather in a British summer

help desk - a department of a business organization that purports to combine help and a desk but invariably delivers only 50% of these

hospital - a place to which the sick and the injured are rushed at breakneck speed, and then asked to wait for several hours before being seen by a nurse or doctor

husband - a person who empties the waste paper bin and believes that he has cleaned the whole house

hypochondria - the only illness a hypochondriac thinks he or she doesn't have

instruction manual - an explanation of how to use something written in a way that is easily understood only by the author

lisp - the result of muddled lips

management consultant - someone who tells you how to do improve doing something that he or she can't do at all

manager - someone who is paid a lot of money to watch other people do all the work

martial art - a technique that uses aesthetically pleasing movements to render one's opponent less aesthetically pleasing

mobile phone - an electronic device for one-to-one communication and one-to-many irritation

morris dancer - a drinker with a dance problem

naturist - a person who prefers to go about naked, and by doing so reminds others why it is a good idea to go about clothed

personal stereo - device for listening to music privately, which includes a set of earphones to ensure that it can be heard by all the other passengers on the train

politics - the art of answering a question with another question

pub crawl - the shortest distance between two pints

procrastination - a word I didn't get round to defining today but might get round to tomorrow

quality - a meaningless word used by estate agents to add 10 per cent to the cost of an unremarkable house

reality - an illusion sometimes experienced by people who have not drunk enough alcohol

recursive - see recursive

short cut - a more direct route between two points, typically increasing the time it takes to reach your destination

skiving - when one is working hard at not working at all

sprightly - an adjective applied by journalists to anyone over 60 who is still breathing

suicide - jumping to a conclusion

thunderstorm - a rain of terror

tree - in Ireland, the number that comes between two and four

unbelievable - a word used by sports commentators to describe any normal event

voicemail - an automated answering service for when you are more mobile than your phone

wife - a woman who has ceased to be your girlfriend and resents anyone attempting to fill the vacancy

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/24.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/24.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/24.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/24.gif) Love these!!!

experience - the ability to repeat one's mistakes with ever-increasing confidence


This one is true. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Of course, that's not to say that I understand what they're talking about. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/whistling.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

I don't get it

wife - a woman who has ceased to be your girlfriend and resents anyone attempting to fill the vacancy

i actually liked this... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

south

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

we know (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)