[OneLight]

I pray that who ever reads this will see the Hand of God in my life, and not the life itself.

I was not brought up in a Christian home. My father was Baptist, though he never went to Church when I was a child. My mother was a Catholic, and even though she never went to Church, she made us go to Catechism. I never really learned much about God or Jesus, just about Mary and the Saints, plus about purgatory and penance. When I was in, I believe, the fourth grade, I went to where the priest lived and asked if I could be an alter boy, for I felt God was calling me to Him. After being asked how my grades were, the Priest asked me the name of my teacher. When he found out that I did not go to Catholic school, he quickly informed me that I could not be an alter boy for I did not go to their school. I walked back home feeling that, for some reason, I was not good enough for God. I became very sad, and mad, at God, thinking that He did not want anything to do with me cause of the school I went to. After awhile, the pain went away and I didn’t think about Him. Instead, I went into the world, head strong.

By the time I graduated High School, in 1971, I was already married and in the Navy. The marriage was a big mistake and soon ended in divorce, for, while in boot camp, she was running around on me. The Navy was just as bad for me as my marriage, for I was introduced to heavy drugs. I spent the next year in a haze and was finally discharged with a General under Honorable conditions. The Navy had promised me one thing and delivered another, which I rebelled against. We came to an agreement where I would confess to fraudulent enlistment and leave.

I had met, through my mother’s bi-sexual lifestyle, another girl, who became my second wife. At the time, she was underage, which I did not care about, and she soon became pregnant with my first child. I had to go before a judge and ask their permission to be married. I could have very easily ended up in prison for this crime, but, little did I know, God was looking out for me. We decided to leave my home town because of this and tried to start a new life in Colorado. We had our first child while living in Colorado Springs, Colorado. We didn’t stay long in this area and soon headed back home. After living back at home for awhile, my mother and father divorced and my mother moved to Mass, leaving me with the house I grew up in. My dad had re-married … my seconds’ wife’s mother. This is still something that I do not talk about with many people, but they did not have much to do with me or my second wife. Anyway, my friends soon moved in with us, sort of like a commune in town. We sold drugs and partied, nobody working. Soon, my wife, who was busy watching our oldest, was sick and tired of me always tripping and never being a father to our child. I never showed her any love, for “I was the man and she was the woman.” This was a common theme back in those days. She soon found someone who paid attention to her, for she was a beautiful woman. I kicked everyone out of the house trying to make it right with her, only to have to find an apartment for I could not afford the house any longer. After the move, I started to become very depressed because she continued to see the other man. She soon moved out to a friend of hers who allowed them to spend time together. It was then that I decided that life was just not worth the pain and took an overdose of drugs. I remember walking around all night, having conversations with people who were not there. The drugs did not take my life, but should of. I did not realize it then, but God had a plan for my life. I told my dad what I had done and he went with me to the state hospital for help. I really didn’t want help, just to be loved by my mom and dad, as it was when I was a kid. I so desperately wanted those days back.

The hospital took me only because they felt that I would attempt it again, and it was the law not to commit suicide. For days, I would just sit in this big room not talking to anyone, not doing anything. I was very depressed. I really did not want to live at all. One night, I was placed at a small table in one of the outer rooms, for I had gotten ugly at the other patients. All I wanted to do was to get out and find more acid, speed or even a joint. Then, this long haired man came in. He was someone who worked there as an aid. He came up to me and sat down, trying to talk. Since he had long hair, I asked him if he liked to get high. His reply astounded me. “I get high on Jesus.” This led to a conversation that I had not anticipated. Soon, I had bowed my head and accepted Jesus as my Savior. The next day, I felt full of life, ready to get out and fix what I had done wrong. The doctors didn’t believe me when I told them what had happened and kept me there for a few more weeks under observation. During those two weeks, I had been given permission to visit the aid and his wife, go to Church with them and start a new life in Christ. After the continued improvements, they had no choice but to release me.

Once I left the hospital where he worked, and moved back home, I saw them only once, and it did not take long before I was back into the drug scene, but not before my wife and I reconciled. After trying to re-start a life around my home town, the call for the Californian life style grew and we headed out West. This is where my second child, a son, was born. It is also where I spiraled downward in daily, heavy drug use. This is also where I dove into the sinful desires of sexual immorality, which is how I lost my second wife for good. She left me and took the two kids with her. The life that I chased after, the one that I moved across the United States to have, stole every bit of happiness I had in my life. For the next year or so, I lived only for my desires, staying away from anyone who tried to get close to me. I fed my sin to a point that I lived in beautiful homes and the back of broken down trailers. Sold drugs to feed my habit and slept with who every wanted me. This became the darkest days of my life. I left California on a bus, in the middle of the night, being chased by those, whom I was told, wanted to kill me.

After returning to the East Coast, I traveled back and forth between NH and Mass. While in Mass, I stayed with my mother and sisters. While in NH, living where ever I could, I met Ruth, who would become my third wife. She had a heart that I had not experienced in a long time. She cared more for the underdog, then for normal living people. She cared for me. Yet, I was still selling and using drugs. I had to leave NH and stay in Mass for I had stolen money from my boss to supply my addiction, and feared arrest.

One night, after living with my mother and sisters, I took too many drugs, but instead of dying, I became violent. I threatened my mother with a knife and cut all the wires in the house as the cops arrived, thinking that they would not find me if it were dark … that’s how messed up I was. The cops arrested me and took me off to jail. The next day, my mom pleaded with the police that I needed drug rehabilitation, not jail, and told them of my past. They agreed and brought me down to a VA hospital in Mass, where I stayed for months. Still, I did not turn back to God. To do so would have meant that I was not strong enough to handle my own problems, that I was weak. After a few months at this hospital, they moved me to a two year program at the other side of the state. One that watched my every movement, every word that came out of my mouth, and how my attitude was. Only the hardest core users that had a chance were allowed to go there. I was not forced by law, it was voluntary. I stayed until I found out that my mother had called, for she was going in for an operation and they refused to tell me until the day of the surgery. I used this as an excuse to leave.

While I was living at my Mom’s house, I found out that Ruth was looking for me in the state hospital in NH where I had been before. I found out that she had moved to a town about 40 miles East of where I was living and contacted her. She came to visit and we have been together ever since. She helped me get my kids back, for earlier, I had paid for my second wife, and my kids, to fly back east. She had promised to get back together, but had lied and was living in NH and partying all the time. Due to her partying, she did not stop us from keeping the kids.

Ruth and I lived together for about five years, and had another child, before getting married. Even as my life started to turn my life around, I stilled partied a little, and Ruth joined in. She was only 19 at the time and was easily led by persuasion. She drank for a time, but gave it up about 15 years ago. I, on the other hand, still smoked pot until about three months ago, when I turned back to Jesus. Now, God leads me in everything I do. I am not saying that I am perfect, for I find it very hard to give up cigarettes. Still, I feel His presence all the time, for this time, it is real and from the heart, not out of distress.

Brother In Christ,
Alan

[bestill]

I do see the hand of God in your story and I thank you for sharing this. One thing that has struck me as I read your testimony and others, is that we are all a part of such an amazing family. Each of us, so different and yet we all know and love our Savior, Jesus. It always strikes me anew when I hear someone's testimony that there is no pretense in their story. We all have come to the conclusion that we need Him and want Him. Isn't it just wonderful that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. God bless you OneLight

[Trusting Jesus]

God is awesome and can make the most broken life whole. Have you ever hear of Mike MacIntosh? He is the pastor of Horizon Christian Fellowship in San Diego. His life was one full of drugs and all sorts of crazy things.....until he met Jesus. He has written a book called "For the Love of Mike" which tells his story. You might draw some strength from his story.

I hope that you are attending a Bible believing church with good solid Christians to help you stay in Christ. I love to read about how Jesus changes lives, and I am so happy for you that you are back on solid ground. If we can help you here on the Worthy Boards, let us know.

<>< ><>
Nathele

[OneLight]

Trusting Jesus, on Oct 9 2007, 03:06 PM, said:

God is awesome and can make the most broken life whole. Have you ever hear of Mike MacIntosh? He is the pastor of Horizon Christian Fellowship in San Diego. His life was one full of drugs and all sorts of crazy things.....until he met Jesus. He has written a book called "For the Love of Mike" which tells his story. You might draw some strength from his story.

I hope that you are attending a Bible believing church with good solid Christians to help you stay in Christ. I love to read about how Jesus changes lives, and I am so happy for you that you are back on solid ground. If we can help you here on the Worthy Boards, let us know.

<>< ><>
Nathele

This board is where I spend a lot of time learning and sharing. You have already helped me in more ways then you could ever imagine. Even though I have been attending a Bible believing church that is run by the Holy Spirit, I have yet to find friends who I can hang with, that follow Jesus. This is my home and I consider everyone my family.

[Cobalt1959]

OneLight, on Oct 9 2007, 02:20 PM, said:

Trusting Jesus, on Oct 9 2007, 03:06 PM, said:

God is awesome and can make the most broken life whole. Have you ever hear of Mike MacIntosh? He is the pastor of Horizon Christian Fellowship in San Diego. His life was one full of drugs and all sorts of crazy things.....until he met Jesus. He has written a book called "For the Love of Mike" which tells his story. You might draw some strength from his story.

I hope that you are attending a Bible believing church with good solid Christians to help you stay in Christ. I love to read about how Jesus changes lives, and I am so happy for you that you are back on solid ground. If we can help you here on the Worthy Boards, let us know.

<>< ><>
Nathele

This board is where I spend a lot of time learning and sharing. You have already helped me in more ways then you could ever imagine. Even though I have been attending a Bible believing church that is run by the Holy Spirit, I have yet to find friends who I can hang with, that follow Jesus. This is my home and I consider everyone my family.

Great testimony Alan. I never got into drugs, but for several years, I was a pretty intensive alcoholic. It took the Lord a long time to deal with that problem. Mainly because I kept getting in the way.

[FresnoJoe]

OneLight, on Oct 9 2007, 12:20 PM, said:

is my home and I consider everyone my family.

Welcome Home Brother

Love, Joe

[OneLight]

FresnoJoe, on Oct 10 2007, 04:20 AM, said:

OneLight, on Oct 9 2007, 12:20 PM, said:

is my home and I consider everyone my family.

Welcome Home Brother

Love, Joe

Thanks Bro .. it is great to be here!

[OneLight]

Cobalt1959, on Oct 9 2007, 06:47 PM, said:

OneLight, on Oct 9 2007, 02:20 PM, said:

Trusting Jesus, on Oct 9 2007, 03:06 PM, said:

God is awesome and can make the most broken life whole. Have you ever hear of Mike MacIntosh? He is the pastor of Horizon Christian Fellowship in San Diego. His life was one full of drugs and all sorts of crazy things.....until he met Jesus. He has written a book called "For the Love of Mike" which tells his story. You might draw some strength from his story.

I hope that you are attending a Bible believing church with good solid Christians to help you stay in Christ. I love to read about how Jesus changes lives, and I am so happy for you that you are back on solid ground. If we can help you here on the Worthy Boards, let us know.

<>< ><>
Nathele

This board is where I spend a lot of time learning and sharing. You have already helped me in more ways then you could ever imagine. Even though I have been attending a Bible believing church that is run by the Holy Spirit, I have yet to find friends who I can hang with, that follow Jesus. This is my home and I consider everyone my family.

Great testimony Alan. I never got into drugs, but for several years, I was a pretty intensive alcoholic. It took the Lord a long time to deal with that problem. Mainly because I kept getting in the way.

Thanks! When I did finally sit down and write my testimony, I started writing a book. It was pages long, so, in order to keep it simple, I brought it down to this. I am more grateful to God then what you read above, but at least people can get an glimpse of how great God has been in my life, once I, like you, allowed Him to do His work!

[Northern lass]

How great is our God, how great is His name! Your testimony really moved me and I thank God for His hand in your life and for bringing you here! :rolleyes:

[Beamers]

Praise the Lord! I can truly see God's hand in your life. Thank you for sharing this awesome testimony. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Welcome home to the family of God.