i guess there isnt much wrong and that i am doing pretty ok eventhough i didnt eat yesterday. i think it may be because i am thinking of my past, which i think was mostly no fun. feeling and thinking that i do not want to see my mother and stephfather anymore, because of the way i have been treated. i get very angry inside and think the worst things, it couldnt be much worse in my mind then it was the past days. i feel bad now myself for not being able to remember the good moments. ok i remember some perhaps. but its not much. the fact is i guess i had it no good. it's really not a lie, and i dont understand why i must feel bad about this. i almost have to cry.
i guess, but am not sure. but i know i wouldnt have wanted to be a succesfull person in earthely matters. i am very happy really with the things god has shown me. what i am trying to say is that i feel like that i wouldnt be where i am now if it wasnt for all my past.
please forgive me if i get angry inside and such over my past. i hope you can help me to stay as positive as possible and not to worry to much.
god we, the two of us will deal with it in a good manner when i feel troubled and hurt, and we hope that i be good enough to maintain a good progress. and for sure not to go insane, and if i do to not lose control and deal with it, so i've said.
i should realise seriously that i should only use mind altering substanses among the right people and in the right sircumstances and surroundings. i have spoken about this god and i believe the people are right indeed that who say this. i guess it is as simple as knowing not to drink beer in the church but in a pub, etcetera.
god why dont you tell what is wrong with my behaviour. i eman that i can thinka bout it but i am not sure if that is good for me. i do not see the need for me to think further about my behaviour. and people think thay know the way it should be but i have not seen it the past 27 years as to where it comes to certain points. certain points which will have marked me for the rest of my life. sure i have done things that are no good, basicly as a kid and unseen. so i dont exactly get the point. are people trying to tell me that i have been punished for my mistakes and that is why i am psychiatry and have been mistreated heavily. i am sorry for thinking that i am not treu telling you what i say here just now. but we should not get mne wrong and be honest. must i write dwon what i have done and what others have done to me and then go and compare that? i mean is that required?
or shall i tell others what i dont like about them and tehy what they dont like about me. i mean i guess that is a possibility. and forgive but i tend first always to say whats good and think that it is good. or i dont but usually i do think it is good. i do not really hold any grudge against anyone.
so the point has been said that i should think about my behaviour is that anything new at all? i guess i have been punished heavily for my behaviour my whole life. and i cant dig further of things i dont remember. i remember some things though. i have been a bad kid and i deserved punishment so i was locked up into the seperation or isolation. after i seen the sun, that's right exactly what happened god.
i went toward the closed section of the pstchiatric hospital by my own request. after i seen the orange liquid streaming surface of the sun. right after it, i asked for it. before this there was no problem between me and the psychiatry really. then because they said i had moved furniture i was to walk towards the seperation although i had the chance to dry myself first after i stepped out of the shower.
then i was seperated, put into isolation for three weeks. i remember pretty much everything.
then i had to stay in high care for about half a year. you tell me what i did wrong. its inhuman i tell you. the medication i was given made me almost swallow my tongue, for which they had to give me extra medication. and they know this
i have chosen this road with usage of substances god.
can i or we change the offspring to better?
ask about abraham and lot ok?
i got pens papers enveloppes and stamps, i be ok.
imagine i ever have questions to you, for a start i'd liek to work out amonst each other next to perfect how we speak and so how we would search within this talk, further words that come about facts we will have explained i think for as far as we know.
this is to pronouciation of the smallest till the biggest combining languages where so possible. that was what i wanted to ask, can we work on that for me?
hm describe that sound, can i or you or we or us tend too?
would i needc the help of a human? all i need is litlle startings or certaintys.
we can be fine with a percent less. i mean is a tiny amount of trashables. i mean bad stuff you know i doubted it and heard some but i tell you god that we can do with that one percent less perhaps even a bit easier, and do we want to expertise in explaining negatif details we wont.
o god do we, will we always be good?
free be free he said. and she oh well ok.
bed stories online you and me god or some people too ok.
offspring which is kept good, be's good.
why cant i go on serious talks really or i do, but..i do right i try too really good, write too i mean. i hope we be good sry and that we are allright and so.x excuse me sentimentally but know it all. no i dont mean wrong, ioh if you want to try and think all answers right to them ears i'd tell you bak some to well figured or so maybe. and i hope i may think and know who i am or what i think of too besides eeing, ofcourse i see seeing as top as hearing so too, you know. do i use my hands and fingers right while talking and my mouth or just one or so? we be good. and i hope i can get into fine areas where i be good too. and i live on ok i be fine, where worse then i can witness have i seen so far. there's basicly litlle questions but i hop eand will get along.
i will be allright i know.
if it was all me it might come to a certain still stop. or not i dont know, i know i will make a move sooner or later to which i always hope it doesnt harm anyone.
god, i want for you to be, as i know you.
celebration time i can tell.
e feast means good and maybe fun or so happyness, so it supposed to be.
i be alright for good understandings.
people and so amongst each other.
what if i say i just want who goo dis to be ok and talk
i wanted to know whats good and not bad any.
buy invest and donate and do any which serves the good without harm.
i said i would like to meet people, you know. and birds too, sun and wind and maybe beach or so. and nature is amazing.
treat me good i'll never totally defeat you. i hope we are ok and well able to speak and so.
as to who wrote the books of marcus lucas and matheus, i am sorry to know that is not first hand writings neither one of them.
officialy is known the names have been given to the books to give them authority.
also this is the same with many of the letters, also the letter of judas is not written by himself.
thanks for the replies, there welcome and usefull.
i visited a church two sundays ago, and i was allowed to take the evening meal (in the morning) anyway. it made me think a lot since i never took it before.
i have walked a path in believe in christ the messiah for 8 plus years now though. or actually longer if i count the tears i shed for him.
(but you say to leave the past for what it is, which i think is a good advice in a certain way)
what i wanted to say is that i have been instructed and tought into the meaning of the ritual of baptism. i am not baptised by water but if i were to choose too undergo that ritual. it would ony be the ritual.
it would not change me much anymore, since i have been changed allready the past years and the whole walk of my life so far.
especially since my encounter with our sun,, my life has changed radically. its like seeing the pure nature of love and light. and being scared to tell anyone, and then run off..........
to talk about it years later not having forgotten the leastest bit of what it was like to be face in face with its surface (and to feel it)... dont get me wrong if you want to know me, think about this pure fact.
(there have been given serious reasoning also by doctors, also going into quantum fysics (of the eye and such) and such proving its not been a hallucination, of course i am the only witness who can say it was more perfect if not so perfect, more perfect then nasa's picture's, (think about this, up high...)
i visited this church though, but i am the kin dto read a book and study it. maybe sing a song maybe clap my hands once. for the rest to sit and hear the speach. which was about earthly succes. i real bummer thus. though i can mentalise every aspect for better human contact....
(forgive if i stupiditly think am not alive anymore..)
(god proove himself to me and answered my prayer to truly see truth of god's existence, i used to pray this when i stayed with my grandma and visited the church there. she told me she prayed to see soem so she could believe. she told me what she saw. then as a youngster i prayed to see truth, instead of hallucinations, i hope she and people can forgive me for this matter. i realise what source i think it has.....and also have i experience with that too only in my way iin that underground then, once just to try. i know enough about it to stay sober before..)
sunday is on it's way. what would be your advice?
and can you understand me?
can i even take the meal. jesus led me to anything i found..
i died mentally for him, sometimes used to wonder wether stein still lives in this body..
there's nut much unable to believe for my body, for me.
i have had a building past few ours and have had good buildin gtalks with some of the people here.
i feel pretty ok
praise god he is all the greatest.
and i will take what someone else said correct,zince my min dis on god, i suffer or may suffer. peter says its a good thing.
but i am stein and think if better there may be no pain if i adjust my output more to the left or right eventhough my mind is set certain.
within this i think i shoul dfind a good way, since my asurance i certain with my mind on god.
but that does not mean easyness, actually...
forgive me anyone if i said one wrong word. no harm, maybe not all positive as possible. i hope i be ok. i am free allright. but i hope i feel good and didnt mean wrong.
there was just one less good part but it came from the same source. scribing of cant that mean give up hope upon an someone else you know.
it is situtaions of the unpleasant it happens i guess.
can i believe all i want if i want to get anywhere?
am not gonna run ok
i just meant i dont like people who do nasty and i will pray for love to reach who does no good too. i have lots of big and less big news in my mind ok.
ah never mind.
keep the peace, one can actually pray, but one can pray more, i know. hmmm i try to talk as much as i can, not always as much with everyone but as much as i can.
can do a garphic too, or i mean theres things betond your ration so i cannot explain what you have not seen.
i work tal work speak work take effect talk even more now.
but i did keep quit for years and went into my own studies of lots. i did the fun part first. its cool.
you get the tocuh first and then figured everything out myself.
i wouldnt be the first
and know he is one for real, besides me as a basic, i am not running but perhaps seeking the net and writings for a purpose.
i be ok now, but no nobody is or am i running form no ow ow ow,,,
sorry that i tell you my feelings
i'lll rem(ember) i had worse
(as to who am i i want to say am i alone to be who i am, now today. i know i will be that is more close, but, i wont perish. and its an where do i go sisue, not who am i. but its good to be reminded to i think.
and a how do i live my life.
i understand its not the dumbest talk.
here's what i care for to have written and prented in my mind if so:
Special is the joy for best one.
also two might be ta have a use.
after third can be to have an answered or solitary action. Later on there will be a place one can settle.
I think its important to establish or keep this good as it and also will be or so.
Keep the peace good.
What are you behind tell me.
Do you want me or a familiar relative later on within possibility's to scribe yours off @ all nowadays sircumstances?
Who do you want to meet up with peoples? Dont be wrong be good as right next to perfect.
How far of lunar, you dont know me stein knows enough and was never blind.
I hope for you to be good. For one part.
Who do you want, was thinking of opening op a wordly prayer upon the negativity around the east now.
can you imagine a man be so sad torn and calm just witing to be able to talk as well as think.
he know, ok, i do know.
for sure, theres times i doubt but i am sure for a fact. there should be none wrong.
its not less good or so, i give my heart out my hand felt really not nice, i am ok now, but if you dont ask me what it was, ok hey. am over it i try to still care and live.
if i spoke wrong i incline and apoligize but hey where what is?
explain, i try be no wrong ok! glad i thinki still live huh. neh i just make my very own decisions at times and fases. this is a good fase.
tell me did you get the written straight down to earth and right. i put my heart on the line at time. its how i rather not see that but much can be.
i heard a good song of remember the rain........
talk, what is (forgive me uhm) what u onup about can u write some decent lines yourself?
talking over all, makin gnames pop up all weird funny and such to serious extra(ab) normality's?
hm, ow what can i say i wont perish.
there lots, hm.
do you pray for all? or where do i go to?
how do i live my life?
so then where do i got to? and how do i live my life with that? imagine me taking it far to real.
i'll keep in mind to set some questions when i post, is that ok?
because i dont lik eit no longer to only set the tone...
i wish feedback so i will put some open questions left ok.
passion is what is real love. love we know and continue loving.
we realise we have been tought the truth about the past writing started by book slike genesis.
we found a pure truth in there.
i come to say then what? did you not know all input will take on effect. and wrongdone will be turned right?
did you know what the question is then?
sometimes i say dumb things like where do i go
here, i smile and feel allright.
i am ok i know you can tell good to.
didnt you know i past the milk very long ago?
and i have a job which wil lbe carried on. how can i dismiss the facts?
and say tell me what image god has?
who saw the whol eof god? dont tell me..
is the get off, i need a feet to stand on water, and a feet to stand on land, at least one the two, otherwise i dont know none either..
i say hes everywhere you see him.
what else there is to see besides, i wish to find out.
is that a good talk?
what did the people who put information in the bible witness?
i meant it was ok that you removed the url @onelight
thanks for your replies. it's very kind, i apreciate that. i realise this is a worthy forum. i guess most forums really are. sometimes a disagree may just come along.
it has been pretty long ago since i had that on a forum though, meaning i guess i have learned a bit too.
i've also learned to talk over the computer again. for a long time it seemed i was talking some strange format.
i dunno how bad one can have it, or maybe i do.
but i do not really feel like telling how bad life has been the past 8 years in psychiatry.
did you know where i am now when they lock you up they also put your feet in some kind of lock. so that you cant kick.
i had the worse part i am pretty sure. if i say i do not want another 8 years as the past 8 i am honest really.
not just the past 8 actually. they were treu horror though, as you sometimes see in movies with weird physical symptoms in human bodys.
can i say it this way; do you know what it is like to feel holes of some sort in your hands for the first time?
i had to cry i screamed from the inside, noo god.
later on i have felt it in my feet as well. these where the only symptoms which are pretty unexplainable and more toward the spiritual.
the rest of a list of hurting feelings are more known by doctors.
well but to make a huge story short. it is most honest i say i suffer a delsuion meaning i became the inheriter of all words spoken so far. and written.
that is up most honest.
where can i go?
not to mention what the impact was of seeing orange liquid floating on the sun. i took my every word away.
the words are back now. the story survived still eventhough i came to think first it was all made up by it.
not to mention the sun is a star, but not the one i looked at in the nightsky.
i still often see a ligthdot on the image in my brain, ithink it stayed behind from the burning through.
absorbing the light made me see the surface.
these few fact kept me alive. who am i, can you tell me. am not jesus i know that.
but jesus was a human with last name christ.
i am a human too. just as paul also was.
you should know it is this above which had almost allready costed my life. thank god and the security that those man didnt kill me.
its my story. its not really a funny one. much tragedy. many tears. many pain. much dispair.
but here i am and i am still alive. but where do i go. what do i do?
i have just a secret or two, not even really.
i'd apreciate to talk here @onelight or anybody who want tell me where to go..
today i had a tlak about voluntary work. which is about to get started asap. and i will leave this last clinic pretty soon too.
teach me how i can be a good believer. i mean i'll never forget all i saw. and the knowledge of it. the knowing.
it's not easy to tell. since i feel like it sounds nuts myself if i tell you all this as free as i can.
but you know the bronze/copper snake right, from mozes...
its believable really. i mean the sun, but i dont watn to speak a single wrong word about the. but the imapact and movement it had on my mind..
i dint talk for years on a row.
now i am pretty much recovered.
but what do i do?
(imagine a whole story comin gto life in a person with also the witness of supernatural miracle/vision. when i say vision i mean real sight. imagine a tail unfolds (witha and without one person) and once again were at this point, imagine)
i think it is allways strange to say that after 2000 years its the same idea not being believed, i think that never nice to say..
wondering of here who might read what, and who they are. so who are you?
i will only tweet something in case its otherwise hard to forget, so i will do.
i have intoduced myself here for as far as within believe.
of course i have my own life here, and have never been blind in case anybody might wonder.
what can one say without being wrong here?
i guess i behave perfect, i mean i have my own design of rules and managemnt though i dindt keep it at least once, heavily.
my mother said i shouldnt tel,l but did you know i was saved from worse by security?
my life has been in major danger, now i am somewhat under protection, in case i drive the supermarket insane in iran or iraq and might get harmed.
so by this rule, people who know m,e and are aware of the situation at hand, know this and can prevent me, from being hurt or worse.
which is a good thing.
i am christian to the bone, every word on the positive hand can be found back with me and my own personal story that clings to it.
i mean all positive really. even the brunch still is burning.....................
i wish to be more active with the faith then i am now.
it has been good weather here, and i am taking care of my own food now.
and if things go good i will move to live on my own, hopefully in the city.
away from people who know me to well.....i mean we al sometimes just happen to recognise a person.
if not so thats cool, but if so it has to be fun, and not like lost. coz i am not lost (anymore)
i am well dressed speak pretty ok and what i just said. i wish to be more in touch over the holy words in relation to christ our saviour i belive in him.
"tell me im wrong then you gotta proof you right" "i wont give up the fight"(music...)
i watch the news yes, and can think too well all together, but do you care about that book??
i wish to find out where and how i can be here, but who is reading and who will reply?
where do i go to, do you think?
besides thinking i hope there is more intresting and atst fun to find here.
or i can jump in on unjust end finish it of................
but really rather maybe i get to know about how i live my life and what i do on this go.
am just a simple storytailer..
but i be real when i say the doubts have flown... and i be reading timothy to much and have known to also gonna read the rest of the older papers someday, someday...
my teaching has been perfect i promise you. but has been very personal as well. my own believe entirily figured out by my mind and pencils and papers.
got to understand every word and slightest noise possible, of course i have love.