I think there are many reasons why Christian marriages are failing so much. For starters, it is quite possible that many of those who profess to be Christians really aren't. So the Christian divorce rate looks higher than it really is.
I mean, who makes those statistics on divorce and how do they come up with the numbers? The secular pollsters/statisticians, being unaware, may use the criteria that going to church automatically means Christian; when, of course, lots of people may go to church, but are not not truly Christians. So I am sure this factors into the statistics.
The secular world, which loves to make Christians look as bad as possible, wants to deem as many marriages as possible Christian, so that when they divorce they can make them seem no different than secular marriages.
I hear all the time about how America is supposedly 70, 80 or some other ridiculously high percent Christian, and I think "no way!" Things wouldn't be the way they are if we were.
And I think the same holds true for Christian marriages. If they were truly Christian their divorce rate would be much lower, because Christians would be seeking to honor the Lord instead of and ahead of themselves. But when people divorce, they are honoring themselves as more important than their vows to their spouse, and more important than God. Sounds harsh? Well the truth hurts. Will we suffer in a less than ideal marriage in order to please God, or will we divorce and seek a more fulfilling life, God's will and commands about marriage notwithstanding?
Divorce is all about me. I deserve happiness. It is I-centered, instead of God-centered. God must have something better than this for me. I have rights. My happiness is the end-goal, and if I am not getting it, someone else will be more than happy to take someone as special as me. Not to mention an attitude of, "God will forgive me, He will understand". ETC.
On that last point, maybe hand in hand with it is a lackadaisical attitude towards sin, and a lack of proper reverence/fear of the Lord? God hates sin. God hates divorce. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. And our attitude is, "whatever"?
If more people trembled before God, they would perhaps fear the consequences of doing things God hates, more than they might fear the consequences of having to stay in a marriage that is not up to their standards.
For me, personally, if I was unhappy in my marriage I would nonetheless stay in it as an act of obedience and love to the Lord. My happiness is secondary to His will and holiness, and His holy will is that we not divorce except in the case of fornication/adultery.
Some other reasons for high rates of divorce are :
-unequally yoking of partners
- marriage is seemingly often viewed as "something you do", rather than something you commit to.
- add to that, faulty/unrealistic expectations of married life (whether it's an expected/assumed life-long honeymoon, all good times and no bad times, an "I'm in it for a good time, not a long time" mentality)
- and unrealistic views about love
- easy divorce mechanisms in place in society = an "easy out".
- pride and self-centeredness of course greatly harms marriages.
Also, some Christians may think because they are Christians that means they automatically have a right to a great marriage, definitely one that is better than others'. They feel their marriage is in God's hands (which it is) and that means everything is all taken care of and happiness and a great outcome is assured. Then when things start going wrong one or both of them become disillusioned with, and resent God for "letting them down".
Another possible reason is :
Some Christians are very good at coming up with excuses for why they should or shouldn't do some action. They may have this mentality that "God wants better for me", and as such they think He is telling them they should move on and find "a more Godly man/woman". Or someone that treats them better, or whatever.
People get married because they love each other, he/they have good jobs, they both love kids, they get along with their in-laws, she is great-looking, he is handsome, etc.
Then the job situation takes a hit for the worse, someone's health goes bad, someone gains a lot of weight or isn't attractive to the other anymore, the intimacy lessens or disappears, one of them has a difficult period that strains the marriage, and you start wondering why God would want you to be this unhappy. You then reason that He doesn't, which then leads to the idea that maybe He wants you to divorce.
So instead of staying committed to your one flesh union, and being obedient/faithful to God in your marriage vows, and staying in the marriage regardless of how you feel, you take the easy way out, and maybe even reason that it's somehow okay, or not that big a deal, because "you're not the only one doing it".
I realize these are simplified explanations. But I want to add that I disagree with the answer some people give as to why Christians divorce as much as everyone else, because Christian or non-Christian, we're all human. Yes, we're all human, but I believe as Christians we have a higher standard to uphold than the world.
I hadn't planned on being so verbose, so I will try to wrap this up.
Last thing I want to add, one I think it very important, is that too many people don't understand that love is not just a feeling, it is a choice. Just like we can choose to forgive or not forgive. We may not feel like forgiving, but we do because we know it is the right thing to do.......We can choose to be happy despite our circumstances, or we can choose to wallow in depression, anger, bitterness, or whatever the situation may be. Feelings are often fickle and faulty, and they shouldn't cloud our choices and decisions.
Marriage commitment is A CHOICE !! Christian marriage is a vow to GOD, as such we can't dishonor our spouse without dishonoring God.