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Christians & Divorce


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61 replies to this topic

#1
jessy73

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Why are many Christian marriages ending up in divorce? It really baffles my mind. Don't know about your country but in my country it's getting worse by the day but there are many weddings going on all the time but many of them don't last.

Is it because Christians are not choosing the right partners? Is it because they married the wrong person? Is it because they were in a haste and didn't seek God's guidance? Is it because the devil is really on their cases? What do you think might be the problem?

Share your thought.


Edited by jessy73, 21 August 2010 - 03:30 AM.


#2
mjrhealth

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Satans ploy, divide and conquer. Love is our greatest weapon, satan takes away our love making iit harder to be loved , and therefore in one small blow, he wins a small battle. Love. its so hard to live without it. Though our partners may leave us we must still love them, for its what Jesus does.

In His LOve

#3
Parker1

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My opinion is that wives don't submit themselves to their husbands and husbands don't loves their wives as they love themselves.
Ephesians 5:22-33 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

#4
georgedrw81

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It is a ciommon effort with give and takes on both sides. There seem to be more divorces these days as there are more of us. Look at the population in your country 50 yeard ago and today. God is the central part of a successfull marriage.
Blessings

#5
OneLight

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If you put Christ first in your life, He will see you through whatever you are going through. When you take your eyes of Jesus and look at your "issues", you give place to selfish desires and remove yourself from under His blessings. If you are wise enough, you will catch this early and turn back to Him so He can heal you. If not, then your desires will fill your heart and you will find yourself very unhappy. Marriage is about what God has given you, not what you want. There are no perfect relationships.

#6
winsomebulldog

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My opinion is that wives don't submit themselves to their husbands and husbands don't loves their wives as they love themselves.
Ephesians 5:22-33 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

Oh, wow Parker, you're BRAVE to make this statement! It isn't exactly the most popular Biblical message out there. (Though I believe you are right, at least in part.)

Having the right relationship - as in a Biblical one where the husband and wife each work to fulfill the roles God intended for them - is a key part of keeping a marriage intact for the long haul. But I believe the ever increasing divorce rate has its roots in a number of things. This is a topic that I've spent a lot of years trying to figure out. I come from a family that was far too familiar with divorce. Just for giggles: my maternal grandmother married at 18, had 2 children, divorced and married again, had 2 more children, divorced and REMARRIED her first husband. They stayed together until he died, after which she married a final time. My mother and father were both married and divorced before they met and married each other. And they were separated with my mom ready for divorce when she died. My sister was married 4 times and that doesn't include the boyfriends in-between the husbands. My other sister only had 1 husband, but they divorced and there have been some boyfriends since. So you see, it's a problem I am VERY familiar with.

Now to myself & my husband. You could read my testimony if you wanted the whole story, but suffice it to say that we met when neither of us were looking for a spouse. I was 16 when he proposed. There were a lot of people out there who said it was crazy, that I was too young. We have been living under the same roof for 21 years now. We are very close, deeply in love, and would rather spend our time with each other than with anyone else. I have been told often (by some family members) that I am lucky because I got "a good one." While I agree that my husband is indeed what is generally considered to be a good catch, I do not give the credit for the ongoing success of our marriage to luck. I don't believe luck exists. God alone deserves to be credited. Because He brought us together under the most unlikely of circumstances. He has kept us together through more than a few rough spots. My ultimate point is, that if God isn't in it, it cannot hope to endure.

People get married on a whim, or because they're scared of being alone, or because its what they are "expected" to do. They speak those vows without truly meaning them. "till death do us part" is only the last vow they break. I've seen so many marriages fail because neither spouse is willing to swallow their pride, even just a little, so that a small, silly thing escalates to "irreconcilable differences." People get married without paying the slightest heed to "the two shall become one" bit of Bible wisdom. They get married, but still want to live separate lives. They want to put their mommies or daddies or best friends before their spouses. The ONLY Person who should come before your spouse is God Himself. Everyone else - including children - comes second. It's a shame so few people, including Christians, base their marriages on the world's model when the One who invented the whole idea laid out a plan for how it should work.

I know my husband was a gift from God. Maybe if a few more people would allow God to find their spouses for them instead of rushing into a marriage with little concern or appreciation for the fact that it is supposed to be a LIFETIME commitment the divorce rate would fall sharply. But that's our nature, isn't it? We always seem to want to "help" God along and that ALWAYS leads to trouble whether in marriage or any other part of life!

#7
Fez

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I've seen so many marriages fail because neither spouse is willing to swallow their pride, even just a little, so that a small, silly thing escalates to "irreconcilable differences."


That is one of the core things that cause divorce and you are so right!

Deal with the small things first and quickly. Don't let it simmer until one day it boils over. But be truthful and deal with the problem with love (both sides).

We should get to the state (it takes training....), where one partner says I need to talk about..... that the other should not get defensive, and know that the comment that is to come is from genuine concern and not because of an ulterior motive, or any other motive except love.

I have really experienced that bottling the problem eventually causes it to become a big thing.....

Why do we bottle it up? Because in a marriage with problems we know it is going to cause an argument, because the partner becomes defensive, or worse, initiates the "great cold shoulder sulk". (Don't you just love those :whistling: )

Why do we get defensive? Pride, nothing more than the good old basis for most of the worlds problems, and satan's most used tool, pride.

When pride walks through a door, love flies out the window......

And of course, sometimes you know what you are going to say might be sensitive, and might hurt some. That is the time that we need to be even more sensitive and grace filled when we talk.

We need a marriage boundary course here on Worthy. Anyone got any ideas? (our church runs one, but the notes won't fit here, lots of DVD stuff...)

Blessings (And Winsome, from what I read you are qualified to run the thing :emot-hug: )

#8
FresnoJoe

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I Believe This Is May Be The Key To Truly Loving Her

Rejoice evermore.
Pray without ceasing.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

And I Have No Idea What Goes On With Her Side Of This Union Except She Gave Her Heart To Me To Hold In Tender Trust

.... and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Genesis 3:16

And With Her Daddy In Heaven Looking Down Upon Her With Love

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. Romans 8:15

Watch It Bub~! :24: :24: :24:

#9
jessy73

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Thank you all for sharing your thought.

That's real insight to what leads to divorces in christian and other marriages.

Although i have not been there before, i just cannot stop wondering why it happens but you have really really explain it to me.

Thanks once again, have something to hold on to before making a move into that arena.

God Bless







#10
Isaiah 6:8

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I believe one reason is because of the expectation of the "Fireworks" to go on forever. I like how C.S. Lewis put it. The Fireworks are only the bang that start the engine. Expecting to live with butterfly's in your stomach your whole life is unreasonable and would cost you the ability to function as an adult! Also it is my belief that many people have been trained to divorce by the whole dating game. They were raised to get involved until the sparks stopped flying and then quit. I do believe that many going into marriage, have divorce as an option. When you go into something expecting to fail, then usually it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Also people no longer see marriage as what God sees it as. The union of two into one. So when a divorce happens its the equivalent of cutting off a limb, part of your body. Many see it as simply a disillusion of a partnership, not unlike a business. When you see it as the rending of a body, then it becomes much more serious. Also my wife and I have long before we got married decided that Divorce was never an option... Murder is not divorce however....

okay bad joke but the point is Before we married we had already decided not to divorce.

#11
Seriousseeker

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Why are many Christian marriages ending up in divorce? It really baffles my mind. Don't know about your country but in my country it's getting worse by the day but there are many weddings going on all the time but many of them don't last.

Is it because Christians are not choosing the right partners? Is it because they married the wrong person? Is it because they were in a haste and didn't seek God's guidance? Is it because the devil is really on their cases? What do you think might be the problem?

Share your thought.


There are perhaps many reasons for this, as you suggest, but one that stands out in my mind is a misunderstanding of love and the meaning of marriage. In the Bible man is told to "love your wife", not to show love if you feel like it. Love is devotion, not just sexual emotions. Many people, even professing Christians marry for the wrong reasons, and are not really devoted to their spouse, but are seeking to please themselves. They are often attracted to a person for appearances and not for their inner being (the same problem in buying a car --many don't buy cars for quality, but for looks). God compares marriage to like unto Christ and the church (Eph. 5:25).

- Seriousseeker

#12
LadyC

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i think the reason is just plain and simple. christians, like any other couple, are imperfect. and when the relationship is new, they can't imagine ever not feeling "in love" with their spouse. but the truth is, marriage takes WORK to maintain a good relationship. if you don't actively work at it, even before you need to, then contentment gives way to complacency, and couples suddenly wake up one day and realize that they don't 'feel' the way they used to feel. and we all WANT to feel that way! why wouldn't we? it's a beautiful feeling, being in love with the one you plan to spend your life with. but once complacency has set in, it's really, really hard to get that loving feeling back. couples forget how to communicate. they forget how to make each other feel desirable. heck, they forget how to make each other feel VALUED. in any sense!

and when that happens, then the couple is a prime target for satan to come in and throw fiery darts of temptation their way. a compliment from an attractive stranger... some attention from a co-worker. a sympathetic ear from a neighbor. all of a sudden, someone is feeling a resurgence of all those feelings that have been lying dormant for so long... only the feelings aren't being resurrected by their mate.

that's why the bible speaks so much about marriage, and about 'girding up the loins of our minds'. that's why we're warned to avoid even the appearance of evil. it's why we're told in scripture not to reject intimacy with our spouse. it's why we're told that the husband has authority over the wife's body AND that the wife has authority over the husbands. it's why we are not to defraud each other of what we are rightfully entitled to. not just sexually, but in terms of emotional intimacy too. it's why we're told to respect our husbands, and love our wives.

when someone buys a brand new car, they take care of it. they make sure to keep the oil changed, the tires rotated, the fluids checked. not just repairs, but preventive maintenance.

unfortunately, most people don't realize that when you marry, your new mate in life requires that you devote just as much time to preventive maintenance.

#13
LadyC

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(how funny that seriousseeker and i both brought up cars... and i didn't even read his response before i posted!!)

#14
Caste

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I think the same as you: the greatest problem is the misunderstanding of love. If people can't understand what love really is, only thinking and acting emotionally, then It's highly probably that They will end up divorcing.
Sometimes, a little bit of rational thinking could be of aid in the matter of love. We got understand that love is non only a feeling but even a choose, primarily a choose. I think It's obviously to marry someone who makes you "feel" in a special way, the "fireworks" said before. But after that there must be something else: the choose. The choose that we make everyday, that it's the same choose we made with God: He is the right choose, so we have to stick with it, and keep going, even in times when it seems that all is wrong, especially in those times. If we can put our faith in God, how it is that we cannot trust a vow made before him?

#15
Dionysiou

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There is cases of christians staying together till death in the same way there is every other religion or lack there of. The problem is people thinking christians got it together more than the rest of the world and will therefore succeed in good and noble endeavours.

#16
savedgeezer

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Mat 13:15 ESV
For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.'

#17
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Done a lot of studying in this area very recently. Actually, my divorce is 99% finalized now. So I've kind of gone through one of these.

The real reason so many "christians" are getting divorced is because the majority of "christians" aren't really christian. Now that won't be a popular statement. But the one thing that has not been mentioned yet is the power of Christ. The intent of marriage is to be a life long commitment. When both people are focused on living a daily christian life etc. then they will be held together with the power of Christ. I liked one image, which is a triangle. Put God at the very top. One spouse is one cornor, one is on the other. As they both move closer to God, what happens to the distance between them?

Some of the things about loving your wife, submit to your husbands etc. The idea of what biblical love is. (which 1 Cor 13:4-8 is what I call the biblical definition). But the thing is, if one is not concerned with trying to live a life for Christ then none of these things will matter to them. The break downs in these area are simply a sign that there is more of a break down elsewhere. Not that what has been given isn't good advice so far etc.

But the thing is, I am now in the church. Do you count my divorce is the statistics for christians? Majority of people would. However, I would not. Why? Because niether one of our lives had Christ at the center, or even close to the center. None of us were practicing etc.

The issue with the question becomes what a christian is. And in my country (USofA) this definition is so diluted its ridiculous. So I refer to it as a term that describes the condition of ones heart, and the daily living of one trying to be like Christ the best they can. But the country will define it as someone who just goes to church every Sunday. Actually, you don't even have to do that! You can just say, yea thats all true to some extent, and yoiu are labled a christian. The majority of "christian" divorces uses this second definition. Not to offend someone. As I believe my divorce itself falls into this latter category. Thankfully, I've had some major changes in my life.

#18
sunflowerwife

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Simple, Christians are sinners. Divorce is a direct result of sin. What people, christians included seem to forget, is that marriage isn't about "love","respect", "communication" and "happiness",those things come through the obedience of God. Marriage is about the covenant you make with God, and upholding the sacred those sacred vows. The Bible only sites one biblical reason to divorce and that is if one of the two commits adultery HOWEVER, there must be evidence that there was no sin on the part of the other spouse which is rarely the case. It is so easy to forget God when it comes to marriage.

#19
UndecidedFrog

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DISCLAIMER: I am not a christian. My opinions are my own. You do not have to accept them if you dislike them.

Dear jessy73,

Thank you for your OP question.

Why are many Christian marriages ending up in divorce? It really baffles my mind. Don't know about your country but in my country it's getting worse by the day but there are many weddings going on all the time but many of them don't last.

Is it because Christians are not choosing the right partners? Is it because they married the wrong person? Is it because they were in a haste and didn't seek God's guidance? Is it because the devil is really on their cases? What do you think might be the problem?


I shall attempt to answer from my perspective:

1) Christians tend to marry younger (than atheists), often when they lack enough life experience to temper their expectations with maturity.

2) The biblical teachings that prohibit fornication encourages young people to marry.

3) As populations evolve because of superior diet and nutrition, young people tend to reach puberty sooner in life. This further fuels the trend.

4) Christians have the same issues of choosing the right or wrong partners as any other person.

Regards,

UF

#20
Anguspure

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I once had a wedding but it turns out that the person I "married" either had no intention or no idea of being married. They wanted to retain their independance from me in some very damaging ways.
Individualism is a foundational philosophy of western culture and in my experience it is this that destroys the concept of marriage in our society.
I guess the relationship between two Christian people can be just as marred and twisted by individualistic thinking as any other.




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