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sister-in-law is friends with husband's ex

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13 replies to this topic

#1
~Shalhevet~

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My husband dated this girl back in high school and they were pretty serious. Just recently my sister-in-law added this girl as a friend on facebook. And I found out that this weekend she drove to meet and hang out with her. How would you react? I'm feeling very hurt by this. I mean, how would she react if I befriended her exboyfriend?

#2
ladypeartree

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How is it going to affect you ?????


YOU are married to the man so he must love YOU more than this other girl....please dont let your insecurities spoil your life by making you worry about things that dont matter.

I had something similar in my own family just last week when my oldest daughter left a message on the face book page for my ther daughters ex ..... it made my son in law very angry but as she said she chose HIM not the other guy :noidea: :noidea: :noidea:

#3
~Shalhevet~

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I know it seems petty, but I feel so betrayed. She has also chosen to remain friends with a girl that almost tore our family apart a couple months ago. I won't go into details, but I just didn't think she would remain friends with this girl after what had happened. I don't understand her. I want to forgive her but it's hard.

#4
nebula

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Other than talking to her about it, I would not know what else to do.

But be sure to start with, "I feel hurt that you are befriending these women/girls." Focus on how it's affected you, not pointing fingers at her.

I have heard that is the best way to work through conflict.

#5
~Shalhevet~

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Thanks Ladies. Do you think I'm overreacting? I have a tendency to do that.

#6
nebula

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Feellings are what they are.

#7
LadyC

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do i think you're overreacting? yeah, just a bit :emot-hug:

this girl and your sister-in-law were probably friends way back then, and it's NATURAL that they would want to resume their friendship after having not seen each other in a while. their relationship began before you married your husband. and it has nothing at all to do with your husband! your sister-in-law is her own person, and has every right to be friends with whomever she wants, no matter what kind of relationship her friend may have had with her brother a hundred years ago.

now if it was your husband resuming a friendship with her, you would have good reason to be concerned. but it's not. it's his sister. and she's not betraying you.... because she's not married to you. it's really not fair of you to expect her to have friends that only meet with your approval. and i know that's not what you mean to do, but by being offended that she would be friends with your husband's ex, that IS what you're doing, even if it's only subconscious.

#8
Believer1997

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IMO ... I think it's a bit unreasonable for you to believe that your sister-in-law should curtail her friendships with people she has probably known for years. I'm not sure what you mean (nor do I want to intrude) on what you mean by the woman 'almost ruining your family' a couple of months ago. You and your husband are the two who are in your marriage - he is married to you - if you have trust issues regarding the security of your relationship - you and he should discuss it and perhaps get counseling to improve communications between the two of you. Just because your sister-in-law is friends with someone your husband once dated prior to your marriage, should not be a signal that you are being betrayed - by anyone.

#9
~Shalhevet~

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Alright. Thanks ladies. :)

#10
ladypeartree

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:emot-hug: :emot-hug: :emot-hug: :emot-hug: :emot-hug: :emot-hug: praying that you are able to let this go and have peace about it :thumbsup:

#11
FresnoJoe

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Thanks Ladies. Do you think I'm overreacting? I have a tendency to do that.

Prehaps They Need Each Other? You Got The Guy.... Let Them Eat Cake!

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you,
live peaceably with all men.
Romans 12:18

Praying God Will Keep His Peace Within Your Heart

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid
.
John 14:27

In Jesus' Name

Amen!


#12
BFP

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My sister in law has always been best friends with my husbands childhood sweetheart...and my husband is still great friends with her brothers and visits her parents at least a couple times a year. My husband chose to marry me...and I am confidant that he simply loves me and that is that. We often run into her and her family and even visit at times. She is also invited to many of my husbands family functions.
I don't have any problem with that whatsoever...and you know what they say...sometimes the best thing you can do is befriend the enemy...LOL! That way she might actually like you enough to never want to overstep any boundries...
I am not saying to be close friends, that could be asking for trouble, but be friendly and realize that YOU are the one your husband loves.

#13
south

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I had a similar situation happen between a lady and a very close friend. I used to share an apartment with the lady and she had so many issues that we eventually parted ways and it was not at all good.

Now my very close friend, who owns a construction company, had to work with her because the lady's boss was her client. Being from the same church, they somehow became friends. My friend asked me if it was alright for her to be friends with the lady. I told her I didn't have any problems with that because whatever happened between me and the lady had nothing to do with her. I told her it didn't mean that just because I had issues with her, it would be the same for my friend. So it was really her choice. BUT, I made it very clear what my stand about this lady was. Eventually, my close friend chose to stay away from the lady as well because she had issues with her too.

Another close friend of mine has a husband whose ex-gf comes to visit them every now and again because the husband helps her with her non-profit organization involving women abuse or something like that. The ex is not married but is in a relationship. I asked my friend if it didn't affect her in any way, and she said no. She knows her husband and she trusts him and that it was her that he married. And then, she adds jokingly that it's his loss anyway if he ever cheats on her. :)

I guess it's important to be secure in yourself.

Blessings...South

#14
pammie

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My husband dated this girl back in high school and they were pretty serious. Just recently my sister-in-law added this girl as a friend on facebook. And I found out that this weekend she drove to meet and hang out with her. How would you react? I'm feeling very hurt by this. I mean, how would she react if I befriended her exboyfriend?



Ignore their connection - unless she brings this person into your home or to a family function where you and your husband will be present. But if I were you, I woudl minimize contact with the sister-in-law. She doesn't seem to care about your feelings.




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