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Testimony and update and encouagement as I step out in faith!

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#1
rtodd5011

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UPDATED TEStIMONY:

I was saved at the age of 18 and filled with the Holy Spirit. I felt free and clean in my heart and mind. I had trouble during my teen years from being verbally and emotionally and mentally abused by a parent. As well meaning as that parent was, i was left feeling tormented and messed up in my mind with very little low self esteem. I left home at 19 to get away from that parent bullying me. I tried to go to college, I attempted to work, but had no success at anything. I did live and work in a motel for a year in a bad part of town. then moved into one of my relatives apartments in another city. I just did not do well when i got out on my own by myself at 24-25 years of age. I didnt not know how to pay bills, or balance a checkbook or make money for that matter, I had no skill and no college degree, and sit in the house all the time. I did not go to church, I isolated myself and started hearing voices. Voices inside and outside of my mind. I wound up having a mental breakdown. I know I was hearing voices of angels and demons, and feeling weird things and even seeing what I thought was ghosts. I remember voices yelling and screaming at me, inside and outside my mind, it was almost like i unknowing opened some kind of door into the spirit realm. Im 48 years old now and dont really remember exactly what the voices were saying or why they were so loud. All I know is I felt tormented and oppressed mentally by the devil and his demons. I should have seen a psychiatrist back then.

I went to a Christian family that helped me find someone to pray for me. I got delivered and stopped hearing the voices, and feeling and seeing things. It worked for the most part, I went on from there, got back into church, and went to a 2 year Bible college where I met my first wife. We got married in 1989, and adopted 2 babies, and I even kept a job as convenient store manager for 8 years. Even though I would get very stressed and was very moody and angry alot, we stayed married up until 2001 when I had another breakdown. I was about 38 years old.

I got offended and hurt feelings over something that happened in the church. For some reason getting my offended or my feelings hurt was a big trigger for me. I left the church I was in at that time and things went downhill again. This time the voices came back, I was working at a factory and attempting going to another church. The devil and his demon voices had me convinced that people i worked with and in the church were satanists. and that someone in their coven stood in proxy for me, and I could hear and feel and know things that were going on in their services. I thought God had given me discernment who these people were in my workplace and church we were attending and they were speaking to me by telepathy in my home and workplace. Even had me believing that these pastors were actually satanists. It was a very scarey time in my life. I feared for my life and the life of my family. My exwife called my mom because she didnt know what to do. My mom took me to the ER in another town, where they had a mental health facility, and from there I went into the hospital for 3 weeks.

I had more peace in that hospital, there was so much strife in my homelife and it was taking the toil on my marriage. I was on medicine and still very paranoid, but the doctor thought i was well enough to go back home and work. But, I struggled with working and taking my meds and went downhill again. I wound up leaving my wife and kids and coming back home where my parents lived. I didnt know anyone to go this time, so I went to the local mental health center there in that town. In 2002, I was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia and got on disability and the divorce was finalized. My exwife had had enough of me and couldnt handle my illness and me not taking my meds right.

I had another breakdown in 2005. I got off my meds again, and attempted to get involved in church and got my feelings hurt again, actually I was asked to leave the church. Heart broken, I withdrew and isolated myself and started hearing voices again. I was told by the voices that they hated me and wanted to break my will, then on the other hand I was told that they loved me and told me to stand firm and give the victory to Jesus and that He would fight for me. I can remember driving in the car and hearing the voices in the air outside my window as i drove.

The voices always tried to disquise as people i knew, but deep down i knew I was hearing the voices of angels and demons. I would fall into the delusion everytime that they were real people, This time, I thought these people were in the empty apartment next to me and I thought i could hear them whispering in the walls. I was weepy and crying out all the time and deeply depressed and oppressed during these traumatized breakdowns. Completely broken by the world and especially the church, I was a easy target for satan to try to convert me into being a satanist, but ultimately he never succeeded to break my will. I would get to a certain point i couldnt handle the mental and inner pain. I reached out for help again, this time again I went back to my psychiatrist and got back on my meds, but still lived as a outcast from society. I stayed at home and lived on the internet. That's not a way to live. I did have good friends on the net that kept me company through those lonely years, but had no friendships or relationships outside of the home. I would wait til late in the night to go buy groceries, and would rarely get out. Even though i was steady on my meds and not hearing voices since my breakdown in 2005.

Then one day in 2010 I took a big leap of faith that changed my life for the better. During a very lonely depression and desperation time, I started reaching out to people on the internet. I typed in a exgirlfriends name that I went to church camp when we were teenagers. We started facebooking, then dating and eventually got married in Oct 2010. It was a big leap of faith for me and to move to another state out of my fearful and lonely life.

In 2012 we started going to a Assembly of God church. I still see a psychiatrist and in a outpatient mental health support group now for over a year. I havent felt this good in a very long time. I feel like God has really healed my mind and my heart since i came out of isolation. I feel compelled by God to share this testimony of healing in the church where I am attending. I am even thinking of going back to school and getting into the mental health field or Christian counseling. I will be 49 years old in a matter of weeks so this is another big transition and a chance to take a leap of faith. I have a great desire in my heart to help other people as i have been helped, and to be a part in their recovery and healing.

The Lord has given me a vision of me sharing my testimony in church and afterwards praying for people. I feel strongly compelled by God that this is the right place and time. Thanks for taking the time to read this testimony. If you want to comment on this, feel free to do that. I welcome all encouragement that I can get. This is a huge step of faith for me to even share this, and even bigger step talking to my pastor, and sharing this testimony.

I am constantly re-editing this and correcting grammar and adding stuff If you want to read the currrently, here is a link where the edited version is

Please see my profile for the URL to my site.

Richard

Edited by OneLight, 17 December 2012 - 07:49 PM.
... placed URL in profile


#2
FresnoJoe

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Hallelujah~!

Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is. Jeremiah 17:7

#3
Jayyycuuup

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Hello Rich, Nice to meet you ! :)

I do reasonably understand what you went through as my aunt underwent the same measures as you had, only difference is she is yet to be pulled out of her mid-life crisis. She is told constantly that she can make it without her meds (by the devil/demons) and of course she believes them, then goes off the deepened. So my first words of advice is that even though we may feel or think we can make it on our own, seek God's counsel first then take that step. Even if you never come to it, the meds serve a purpose and soon when your welcomed to the gates of Heaven you won't have to worry about them, but until then. . .and I am sure you know this, meds are to stabilize you, not as a crutch. . . for the Lord is your foundation, your built upon Him :)

Oh, and thank you for sharing this Rich, and nice to meet you :)

Heavenly Father we ask that you guide Rich and bring glory to your name through Him. Bestow your spirit upon Him and guide Him in your truth, make His paths straight and bless Him so that He may bless others. Give him courage, strength and truth. Lord we also ask that you build upon Rich a barrier, both of mind and of spirit guiding Him so that no wicked thing will reign nor curse him, breath your Holy Mercy upon his body In the Name of Jesus, Amen.

John 14:13 "And whatsoever you shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son."

#4
NeedYouLord

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rtodd...I surely can see how God is working in your life...How He Has Brought Us and Is Still Bringing Us Out of The Darkness Into His Marvelous Light...Oh God We Give You The Glory...I agree wholeheartedly that if medication and counseling helps us and we have that resource available...We should stay the course...Whatever God has already provided for you in the way of help...Stay the course...It will be in God's time and timing if and when He so chooses to relieve you of this malody...We can Trust Him In That!!! I have been relieved of alot of things...and still waiting on some others...Oh God You Are Good...and Your Mercy Endures Forever...

I am so grateful that His Word is True and Your Life Is A Witness...That When We Seek God and His Righteousness...All these things will be added...

Take heart...Paul said I asked for God to take this thorn and God said...My grace is sufficient...So we can walk with whatever God so chooses us to walk with...Provided we hold His Hand Through it All...

May God's Grace Surround You and Keep You...As You Walk In The Promise That We Have Been Given a Sound Mind, No Fear and Power to Live The Christian Life and Walk Out His Will For Our Lives Upon The Earth...In The Name of Jesus...I Pray...Love you In Him, Kathy

#5
rtodd5011

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Thank you all for your encouraging words. I am waiting to talk to the pastor directly, he is out of town will be back in a couple of weeks. This is a huge step for me in sharing my testimony and now talking to my pastor. Pray that I dont get cold feet. I deal alot with fear, but know that there is more healing as i push past that fear and do what God has called me to do.


Richard

Edited by rtodd5011, 17 December 2012 - 01:17 PM.


#6
GoldenEagle

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Great testimony Richard! Praise God for what He is doing in your life. May I ask who is Jesus Christ to you?

God bless,
GE

#7
rtodd5011

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my eyes are worn from reading the updates in this. Even after i posted it this afternoon, I edited and rewrote some things. Jesus is my everything Jon, I wouldnt be alive without Him, The enemy would have loved to snuffed out my life, but Jesus is even burning brighter in my life, with a even greater witness and testimony of his undying mercy and enduring grace upon my life. To God be the glory.

#8
OneLight

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Shalom Brother,

I placed your URL for your site in your profile where more people will see it.

Welcome to Worthy!

#9
rtodd5011

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ok thanks!




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