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~A little about me~

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#1
Jayyycuuup

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After being here for a long while, I figured it was about time I got around to writing about my testimony- in hopes of blessing others and of course glorifying God for how much He has done for me, so lets get started!

I have been blessed enough to have grown up in a 'good' Christian home. I grew up reading the bible, but it really just seemed like a book that I read before bed, I did put some thoughts into it, but outside of that I did not really understand nor seek to find what and why I believed, I pretty much just did. This was about the first, ehh 11 or 12 years of my life. Age 13 came around, the bible started to become a bit more to me than just a book, but I was still yet to grasp the meaning of its identity. Around this time I was baptized, again, just another thing to do. Age 14 was an interesting time, I read more and got more revealed to me, but sadly it just "wasn't enough," what I had just didn't seem enough, and I had alot of questions about God, His existence etc. I knew what the bible said, I read a lot, prayed a lot. . .but nothing really seemed to "work." Apart of this insecurity was the fact of why, why did God love me, why, out of all the people who are in need, would He take the time to want me, to love me. . to know me.

I continued this stretch in search of God, and I use that word loosely, I practically just followed the book, and what I felt like I had discovered of faith. At the most, the bible was just interesting. I was saved, at least professed to be so, but put little thought about "sin" in all honesty, I didn't even think I did sin, I thought I was a pretty good person, and thought I didn't need anything to be forgiven, little did I know of my ignorance and self righteousness, they say ignorance is bliss, well, look at the dictionary, age 14, my picture was right beside it.

At age 15 I just began to "get it" but yet to grasp the meaning of forgiveness. By this time I did read more often, pray more often and ask more questions, but instead of God, I asked those around me, instead of searching the bible, I searched the internet- go figure, a lot of which is on the internet is not true! lol Time progressed, and by age 16 I became more fit in my faith, came across a few bridges, which made me stronger and I was feeling pretty good. At the beginning of this age, I was still yet to grasp the meaning of forgiveness, but still read and prayed. By this time I read more, prayed more, asked God more, and searched more (in the bible) at the summer of 2012 I broke down and realized my foolishness and rededicated my life to Jesus Christ, I gave my life and will over to Him and life seemed great! Up until a few months ago that is (4 months or so)

Now you have the history of me, time for the history of my life.
My dad has been a follower and believer of Jesus Christ for about 20 years or so, but at this level my mom struggled, not only with faith, but with being a sinner. She had a thirst of lust and alcohol, from the lust she had an emptiness, and a darkness that could not be filled, so instead she filled the despair with booze and alcohol, she was what you would call a "pathological luster" (I think I just made this term up, but bear with me) cast into the bondage of her past, she had a hole in her heart. . .nothing to fix it, so she relied on a "comfort sin" for lack of a better word. Not a year went by that she was not cheating. By the late age of 15, did the drinking come into my parents life. My mom drank to fill her brokenness, and my dad drank too, but not on the level of a want. . I guess a good beer is nice every now and then. . . wouldn't know because I don't drink, so if your older (+21) and you drink you likely know what that is referring to, not I lol. But anyways, the lying continued, as did the cheating and the progression of alcohol in my moms life. Physically she had always been there, by spiritually and emotionally, she was far from me and my family. My dad knew of her adultery, but for the sake of me and my sisters he protected her self image the best he could, and covered any trace of the past- he bore this for +16 years of their marriage praying GOD would fix her, that GOD would make amends so that he would no longer have to pretend to us that everything was okay, when truly things were little by little falling apart. This soon bore into online dating, a new born sin to fill the heart that was broken. My sisters found out about it soon after it started. We tried countless times, to tell my dad of what was going on (by this time we did not know he already knew, nor did we know of the past) but we failed in every aspect. This continued for a good 7 months, the drinking by now became an addiction as did the lust.

My sister had written a note to my dad, but none of us had the heart to tell him, so it was left in the end table, not to be messed with for a while. . .a month or so later- I was in the living room, looking in the drawer, pulled out the letter- remembered what it was, and went to put it back in the drawer. That is when my dad noticed it and asked what it was. I didn't say anything, but was immobile, I could not move, let alone talk. I soon walked over and handed the letter to him. Contained in the letter was everything we knew. . .which was a lot.

This soon led to their separation. I lived with my dad, and my mom left to live with her dad. My mom still carried with her the hole, but along with this she put a hole in some new people, my dad, my sisters and I. My dad was depressed after finding out we knew, no longer could he hide it- the mask was pulled back- everything he had done so tediously to hide- was bare and out in the open. He told me it was hard enough for him to know about it, but for his children to know, it broke his heart,. And this soon lead to his depressive state, not only did he lose his wife of +16 years, but the family was devastated and he knew that there was nothing he could personally do for us besides be there. This soon led to heavy drinking and he soon relied back on smoking. (cigarettes) My sisters relied on each-other for support, and I was left with no one. (at least so I thought) The devastation left my dad shaken. He would ask if we were all alright, and of course I said yes, because he had enough to worry about.

I became a "Jesus freak" and a "bible thumper," God was the only help I relied on. I had no one to love, and all I wanted was to feel loved. I longed for the embrace of something to want me, to love me. . and I dug into the word each day, suicide was on my mind continually. I was so very close to puling the trigger but God had different plans for me. I can recall one instance in particular, I cried out to God, to help me, to save me. . I felt so alone, abandoned, unloved, forsaken. I told Him, show yourself, or I am going to die. . I was an instant away from pulling the trigger, but I just laid there, and cried myself to sleep praying and asking God why He was so far from me, and why He wasn't listening to my cries. Many nights I laid there crying, but this instance was the worse, but the event following it is the most indescribable I have had in my life.

I believed what the devil had sold me, that even though I was a believer, God did not need me, nor did he love me. And this question is what drove me into prayer. I was home alone that night, thus why it was so easy to take my life. . .but. .. .God had other plans. The night in particular, I fell asleep (praying and crying) but awoke to God speaking to me, and I heard a still small voice in my right ear ask me "What is wrong?" I do not remember what I was praying about in particular, but it is evident it had something to do with that. . Any ways, I cannot really explain the experience but I was filled with the Holy Spirit, and felt God's love, this had me endure the rest of the trials between my mom and by dad.

Fast forwarding a bit further, I always listened to the song "Praise you in this Storm" By Casting Crowns, and this was my strength in God, along with the bible, I would always listen to this song during praise and worship. This song not only gave me strength, but was the first step into my moms recovery. God showed her the hurt she had inflicted and at the end of herself (bothy physically- death, and psychologically- could not deal with herself) she received Jesus Christ as her LORD and savior through CR (Celebrate Recovery) and as of right now, my parents are back together by the grace of God, she has been clean for a little over 2 months now and has been sober every since! I thank God for this and I still cry every time I hear the song "Praise you in this Storm" it still holds near and dear to my heart, that is why I firmly claim that God is healer, Almighty, Awesome and powerful, higher than any other, Because this love, this power is the cause of my life continuing, and the cause of my moms Salvation and I am forever grateful to God. God is great and I love Him, He is faithful <3

(Please note, I typed this and it is a bit late so will fine tune it and explain some things I have not-so please bear with me!)

God bless and love to you all. :heart:
I am not only assured but convicted by the power of Christ.
My Father, my faithful and merciful Provider.
I have been asked about why I believe and how it is odd to see such a young and strong believer, well my answer is simple, I do not hold onto God, He holds onto me, my strong fortress is He! My grip would let go, but His is eternal.

#2
godproof

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That was powerful, I will pray for you and your family. I worked in a 'street church' for 8 years and have seen the extremes of 'addiction' (slavery to __?_). It's a long road and your family will need patient strong believers to walk with you, pray with you. May God provide the following for you and your family: Eph 1:17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit[f] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, 20 which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come." THANK YOU FOR YOUR TESTIMONY! Praise the Lord!

Edited by godproof, 21 February 2013 - 02:47 AM.


#3
FresnoJoe

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God bless and love to you all. :heart:
I am not only assured but convicted by the power of Christ.
My Father, my faithful and merciful Provider.
I have been asked about why I believe and how it is odd to see such a young and strong believer, well my answer is simple, I do not hold onto God, He holds onto me, my strong fortress is He! My grip would let go, but His is eternal.....


Hallelujah~!

#4
patticats

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Jacob thanks for sharing this so openly! Truly God's Amazing Grace!!! Touched my heart :emot-heartbeat: Your such an awesome encourager and I thank God for putting that in your heart to do! Gbu always

#5
RedMomma

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Jacob,finally Reds met someone here that literally made her cry lil man you are LOVED and cherished by us all,youre our kid here and we so thank God for you for you are a gift and I praised God for pulling your family together and tell your momma we all are rooting for her and may God bless you all hugs my lil man

#6
Jayyycuuup

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Jacob,finally Reds met someone here that literally made her cry lil man you are LOVED and cherished by us all,youre our kid here and we so thank God for you for you are a gift and I praised God for pulling your family together and tell your momma we all are rooting for her and may God bless you all hugs my lil man


:bighug2:

#7
Jayyycuuup

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Jacob thanks for sharing this so openly! Truly God's Amazing Grace!!! Touched my heart :emot-heartbeat: Your such an awesome encourager and I thank God for putting that in your heart to do! Gbu always


:bighug2:

#8
Jayyycuuup

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That was powerful, I will pray for you and your family. I worked in a 'street church' for 8 years and have seen the extremes of 'addiction' (slavery to __?_). It's a long road and your family will need patient strong believers to walk with you, pray with you. May God provide the following for you and your family: Eph 1:17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit[f] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, 20 which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come." THANK YOU FOR YOUR TESTIMONY! Praise the Lord!


:bighug2:

#9
Jayyycuuup

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God bless and love to you all. :heart:
I am not only assured but convicted by the power of Christ.
My Father, my faithful and merciful Provider.
I have been asked about why I believe and how it is odd to see such a young and strong believer, well my answer is simple, I do not hold onto God, He holds onto me, my strong fortress is He! My grip would let go, but His is eternal.....


Hallelujah~!


:bighug2:

#10
Fez

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Jacob, well done, an amazing testimony which does what testimonies are supposed to do, uplift the body of believers, and act as an example to others.

It feels good to get stuff like this out does it not? I know it felt that way with mine.

God Bless and stand on His foundation always.

#11
Jayyycuuup

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Jacob, well done, an amazing testimony which does what testimonies are supposed to do, uplift the body of believers, and act as an example to others.

It feels good to get stuff like this out does it not? I know it felt that way with mine.

God Bless and stand on His foundation always.

Not my testimony to give in all honesty, is a testament to the greatness of our Lord and Savior, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Him- and for that I am grateful. But the outreach like I said in the OP- is that there truly is no pit no hole- that Gods love does not run deeper. We serve not only a caring but a ever so merciful God. My encouragement to everyone here is to not give up- to keep on fighting and to keep on seeking His face- because I have no doubt in my mind nor in my heart that you will not find Him.

And i it absolutely does feel great to alleviate what has been on my mind. I heard the song on the radio again and felt lead to share it, a bit of that is hard though, makes you feel vulnerable- but oddly enough it is a good kind of vulnerable if that makes sense.

And can I ask that you post a link to yours? I would love to read it.

And I will! My life, is in His hands, He is my rock, my founding Salvation and eternal God!

God bless you!
Love to you in Him!

#12
Jayyycuuup

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this has blessed me tremendously this morning... thanks for sharing j god bless you and your family!


Praise God :)

God bless you :)

#13
sheya joie

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*tears* I don't know how I missed seeing this till now. What a wonderful testimony! Well, you know -- the road was hard and dark, but the Shepherd was with you. I'm so glad you didn't pull the trigger. I'm glad for your folks as well, for the incredible changes the Lord has made.

Onward, little brother! The Lord is holding your hand.

#14
Jayyycuuup

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*tears* I don't know how I missed seeing this till now. What a wonderful testimony! Well, you know -- the road was hard and dark, but the Shepherd was with you. I'm so glad you didn't pull the trigger. I'm glad for your folks as well, for the incredible changes the Lord has made.

Onward, little brother! The Lord is holding your hand.


Yes and Amen!

Onward in His name, to serve Him- for this life is His :)

God bless you
Love to you in Him

#15
chloe_fantastic

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#16
roxx

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WOW!!!! I can say how much this has blessed me and lifted me up. there were so many things in your testimonies that i saw my self in. I am not a crier and it brought tears to my eyes and had i not been working i would have right out and bawled like a baby.... God bless you and your family.

Edited by roxx, 02 March 2013 - 04:18 PM.


#17
UnderMyFigTree

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Thank you so much for sharing, Jacob =)

#18
2Joyful

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What a powerful sharing of...Gods' greatness and His humbled vessel.
I pray that favor will cover your life. As you continue on this journey...may your lifestyle and love for the Lord... become the bible...that unbelievers can read. May it also become a bridge that will help those who have drifted reconnect back to the Lord.

#19
desi2007

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Your amazing young man, God is doing a wonderful work in you, you are so compassionate and caring. You are a inspiration.
God Bless You... (h)
Desi

#20
Jayyycuuup

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