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Relationship advice

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42 replies to this topic

#1
anon1234567

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Hi Guys,

I wouldn't normally seek advice on a forum but this issue is bugging me and I really need some help, advice, prayer so I appreciate your time and opinions.

I have been married for several years now and I love my wife but there is a girl at work who I have developed feelings for. We talk a lot and are quite close but it is obvious we are both attracted to each other. I must admit I enjoy the attention and enjoy making her laugh and smile. I am naturally quite cheeky and friendly. Nothing has physically happened between us but the underlying tone is there and I struggle to hide my emotions and feelings. I try to ignore her sometimes but it is so very difficult when she is always right there everyday. I don't think anything will happen between us but I just feel confused and am struggling to acknowledge her in my mind and heart as just a friend. I know this is a massive test and I've already been humbled by the whole situation and how vulnerable I am. Like I said above I love my wife and she loves me but this is something I need to address and put right.

I look forward to any words or scriptures or advice any of u have on this. I would also appreciate our prayers. God bless.

#2
worshiper70

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Hi Guys,

I wouldn't normally seek advice on a forum but this issue is bugging me and I really need some help, advice, prayer so I appreciate your time and opinions.

I have been married for several years now and I love my wife but there is a girl at work who I have developed feelings for. We talk a lot and are quite close but it is obvious we are both attracted to each other. I must admit I enjoy the attention and enjoy making her laugh and smile. I am naturally quite cheeky and friendly. Nothing has physically happened between us but the underlying tone is there and I struggle to hide my emotions and feelings. I try to ignore her sometimes but it is so very difficult when she is always right there everyday. I don't think anything will happen between us but I just feel confused and am struggling to acknowledge her in my mind and heart as just a friend. I know this is a massive test and I've already been humbled by the whole situation and how vulnerable I am. Like I said above I love my wife and she loves me but this is something I need to address and put right.

I look forward to any words or scriptures or advice any of u have on this. I would also appreciate our prayers. God bless.

Just going to be forward and not sugar coat it. I can tell by your writing that you know you are on shaky ground. Here is what the Word says.
Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Mat 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
Mat 5:30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

I am just letting you know, it can lead to danger so fast that you can't hardly escape! I would advise putting on the brakes and don't look back. It will ruin your marriage weather or not you actually do anything with this woman or not. Pray about what I am saying, and see if God leads you to the same. God bless you!

#3
GoldenEagle

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Hi Guys,

I wouldn't normally seek advice on a forum but this issue is bugging me and I really need some help, advice, prayer so I appreciate your time and opinions.

I have been married for several years now and I love my wife but there is a girl at work who I have developed feelings for . We talk a lot and are quite close but it is obvious we are both attracted to each other . I must admit I enjoy the attention and enjoy making her laugh and smile. I am naturally quite cheeky and friendly. Nothing has physically happened between us but the underlying tone is there and I struggle to hide my emotions and feelings. I try to ignore her sometimes but it is so very difficult when she is always right there everyday. I don't think anything will happen between us but I just feel confused and am struggling to acknowledge her in my mind and heart as just a friend. I know this is a massive test and I've already been humbled by the whole situation and how vulnerable I am. Like I said above I love my wife and she loves me but this is something I need to address and put right.

I look forward to any words or scriptures or advice any of u have on this. I would also appreciate our prayers. God bless.


Welcome again to the forums! :thumbsup:

I have some Scripture to share with you brother. However, before I do so I'd like to ask some questions if I may?

Are you a follower of Jesus Christ (aka Christian)?

Is your wife a follower of Jesus Christ (aka Christian)?

Do you believe the current situation with your co-worker is acceptable?

God bless you,
GE

#4
He giveth more grace

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Acknowledging you have a problem is the first step and you've got that under your belt.

The Psalmist said, Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee.

How much of the word do you read and meditate on every morning before work.

Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

If your heart is filled with the word of God, Satan's darts (temptations) just fall off.

#5
joi

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Have you considered you have already committed emotional adultery and what a thing of this nature will do to your wife?
Put the shoe on the other foot and think what you would feel/think if you knew she was in this situation. Would it hurt you,
not to mention that you are hurting our Lord.

Isaiah 26:3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Keep your mind on Him.

#6
anon1234567

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Me and my wife are both Christians. I don't believe it is acceptable. It started off just friendly banter but it is really quite addictive and I think we need boundaries unless this gets worse. I just want to be friends with her but not vying for attention.

#7
anon1234567

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I also want to get her out of my head/heart and just be normal with her instead of flirting and cheeky. I am naturally quite a joker and most of the time that is all it is.

#8
Fez

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How often are you in her company at work? Is it unavoidable that you see her all the time?

You will get no judgement from me, but just advice that I think in your heart you know yourself. Run from this as fast as you can. It is addictive, and with any addiction it starts small but grows so fast.

It is the reason why we are told that even committing adultery in our heads, is the real thing. Jesus knew what He was talking about, and your situation is a classic example. Jesus said don't even think it, and Paul instructs us to run from temptation.

Run brother, run from this temptation now.

What you will find yourself doing is trying to justify the fact that what you are doing is a bit of harmless fun.

#9
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Hi Guys,

I wouldn't normally seek advice on a forum but this issue is bugging me and I really need some help, advice, prayer so I appreciate your time and opinions.


I have been married for several years now and I love my wife but there is a girl at work who I have developed feelings for. We talk a lot and are quite close but it is obvious we are both attracted to each other. I must admit I enjoy the attention and enjoy making her laugh and smile. I am naturally quite cheeky and friendly. Nothing has physically happened between us but the underlying tone is there and I struggle to hide my emotions and feelings. I try to ignore her sometimes but it is so very difficult when she is always right there everyday. I don't think anything will happen between us but I just feel confused and am struggling to acknowledge her in my mind and heart as just a friend. I know this is a massive test and I've already been humbled by the whole situation and how vulnerable I am. Like I said above I love my wife and she loves me but this is something I need to address and put right.

I look forward to any words or scriptures or advice any of u have on this. I would also appreciate our prayers. God bless.



You need to stop interacting with that woman in a "cheeky and friendly" way.

#10
worshiper70

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How often are you in her company at work? Is it unavoidable that you see her all the time?

You will get no judgement from me, but just advice that I think in your heart you know yourself. Run from this as fast as you can. It is addictive, and with any addiction it starts small but grows so fast.

It is the reason why we are told that even committing adultery in our heads, is the real thing. Jesus knew what He was talking about, and your situation is a classic example. Jesus said don't even think it, and Paul instructs us to run from temptation.

Run brother, run from this temptation now.

What you will find yourself doing is trying to justify the fact that what you are doing is a bit of harmless fun.

Amen. And please, call me out if I sounded judgmental? I surely do not condemn you at all. I just am very concerned for you and the ones involved. God bless.

#11
GoldenEagle

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Wonder what happened to my post in this topic?!?


There seems to be two threads on the same topic Joi.

I have merged the two topics and left a link in General Discussion to this merged topic.

God bless,
GE

#12
GoldenEagle

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Me and my wife are both Christians. I don't believe it is acceptable. It started off just friendly banter but it is really quite addictive and I think we need boundaries unless this gets worse. I just want to be friends with her but not vying for attention.


Okay so you understand this is not acceptable and you're trying to figure out what to do? If this is the case then you are trying to get back on the right track. :thumbsup:

Fez's questions are important. How often are you in her company at work and is this unavoidable (you work on/with the same projects, accounts, customers)?

How often are you in her company at work? Is it unavoidable that you see her all the time?

You will get no judgement from me, but just advice that I think in your heart you know yourself. Run from this as fast as you can. It is addictive, and with any addiction it starts small but grows so fast.

It is the reason why we are told that even committing adultery in our heads, is the real thing. Jesus knew what He was talking about, and your situation is a classic example. Jesus said don't even think it, and Paul instructs us to run from temptation.

Run brother, run from this temptation now.

What you will find yourself doing is trying to justify the fact that what you are doing is a bit of harmless fun.



#13
anon1234567

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I really appreciate ur feedback. I understand that this is serious and I need to combat it.

I sit right next to this lady. I mean literally when either of is moves we are in direct view. This is what makes it so painfully hard.

#14
anon1234567

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We work on the same projects but not directly together.

#15
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I sit right next to this lady. I mean literally when either of is moves we are in direct view. This is what makes it so painfully hard.



It obviously makes it hard when the woman in question knows you are married but thinks little of that.


That tells a lot about her.



As for you, regardless of whether she sits right next to you or the other side of the room, you are married and honestly speaking, you don't have the right to be flirting with another woman - (I don't mean to be harsh, but I need to be direct).


Prov 31 v 11:Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. (flip this verse, and could your wife say that of you?)


How destroyed you will feel if you take the next step with your workmate.


1 Cor 6 v 16: Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."


You can replace the word prostitute and put anyones name there, however, the truth of the verse remains the same.


Becoming one in flesh is reserved only for your wife. Mark 10 6 - 10: " But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female


For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother [and be joined to his wife],





and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.



Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”...Jesus



Hope this helps.


#16
anon1234567

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The lady in question does know I'm married and we've talked about it and both realised what we are doing is wrong. So it would be unfair to say that she doesn't care that I'm married. We both know it is wrong but because we got carried away its hard to back track now and establish a normal friendship. There is nothing wrong with a male and female being friends and I think that is what we both want.

#17
joi

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When we want to please God more than self, then we do what we should.

We have not because we ask not. Ask Him to guide in making a correct decision.

You know the end result if you should go with your emotions, and you will not like it,
nor what it does to your family.

Also consider the state of your co-worker. Is she married? If she is and would go this far with you,
would she not do the same with another? This is a fleeting thing and I pray that you not give in to it.

#18
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The lady in question does know I'm married and we've talked about it and both realised what we are doing is wrong. So it would be unfair to say that she doesn't care that I'm married. We both know it is wrong but because we got carried away its hard to back track now and establish a normal friendship. There is nothing wrong with a male and female being friends and I think that is what we both want.



Ok, sorry for being harsh in regards to your friend.

But....


You have to stop nurturing this situation

It's impossible to stop being attractive to the opposite sex unless you wear a hessian bag over your head, but you can stop what is happening.


You simply have to end the flirting.

Honour your wife and marriage - honour God.

#19
anon1234567

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No, its OK, u are only going on what I told u. I can't blame her solely for this as it did start out completely innocently and we both just got carried away with it. Its mostly just the distraction of it and the fact that we became used to talking to each other and mostly just about normal things. Only every now and then the tone would get a bit too playful. I just need to keep my guard up and make sure it doesn't happen again and be wary of what the enemy is trying to get me to do.

#20
anon1234567

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It would be impossible to block her out completely.




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