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Separated But Still Married

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16 replies to this topic

#1
Dawn1974

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Here is another issue that is very controversial, and very touchy for most people. I know two different friends in this situation. One of my girlfriends is separated but sill married. She has been in this relationship with this man for 3 years now. They now live together. I was told that they sleep in separate rooms and they are not having sex. What makes it even more interesting is that she is about to become an ordained minister sometime this summer.

I know the bible tells us that there must not even be a "hint of sexual immortality." Also to my understanding that any relationship outside of your marriage even if you are separated is an affair or adultry.

Then I have a male friend who is separated but still married and has been out on the dating scene as if he was never married. He not a Christian. I have often shared about how wrong that is. He just completely ignores me. He has had many relationships.

What are your convictions on this topic? I truely believe that this is not right in God's eyes.

#2
bopeep1909

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Here is another issue that is very controversial, and very touchy for most people. I know two different friends in this situation. One of my girlfriends is separated but sill married. She has been in this relationship with this man for 3 years now. They now live together. I was told that they sleep in separate rooms and they are not having sex. What makes it even more interesting is that she is about to become an ordained minister sometime this summer.

I know the bible tells us that there must not even be a "hint of sexual immortality." Also to my understanding that any relationship outside of your marriage even if you are separated is an affair or adultry.

Then I have a male friend who is separated but still married and has been out on the dating scene as if he was never married. He not a Christian. I have often shared about how wrong that is. He just completely ignores me. He has had many relationships.

What are your convictions on this topic? I truely believe that this is not right in God's eyes.


The couple are still legally married but just live together?I do not see an issue with that as long as neither of them are seeing other people.That would not be ok.I do not support women ministers but that is a whole different topic to discuss.

If you are separated you are still considered married in God's eyes.You should not date other people.This separation could be a time for God to bring this couple together.But you said that he is not a Christian so he does not care what the Bible has to say.He is not going to listen to you because he is of this world.We are not of this world just in this world because we are children of God.
You are correct sister the man in the the second senario is wrong but that is expected of a nonchristian they do care what God wants of them.Sad but true.

#3
Dawn1974

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Understand this, she is separated from her husband, and is now in a relationship of 3 years with someone else. And they lived together. They says that their not sleeping together. Then I said she is about to become an ordained minister in the mist of all this. I hope I was able to break it down better.

#4
bopeep1909

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Understand this, she is separated from her husband, and is now in a relationship of 3 years with someone else. And they lived together. They says that their not sleeping together. Then I said she is about to become an ordained minister in the mist of all this. I hope I was able to break it down better.


Oh that is not ok :o .She is not within the word of God and the fact that she is to become an ordained minister is rather scary.I am hearing more incidents of this now.Our world is falling apart morally.A man that I know told me that a couple are living together and they are youth ministers in the church. :unsure:

#5
revolutionist90

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Both of those situations are soooo not okay. Maybe you could talk to the female friend and ask her how she justifies dating while still being legally married. Maybe show her scriptures on adultery and express concern that not only is she divorced in the Lord's eyes due to her adultery but she is also living in sin according to scripture. Unless she is a liberal christian showing her the scriptures from a concerned friend might shed some light on her sins.
I don't completely know what to do with the male friend except continue to pray. This world now basically encourages people to not listen to anything about Christianity and equally encourages people to have affairs if things are a little hard in the marriage. If he will not listen then you have done all you can do...it is up to the Lord. You have already stated your willingness to help and that is really all that can be done. Your friend knows you are there for him and if he is willing to open his ears he knows you are there for him. Sometimes due the man's own arrogance we cannot simply use words to save our loved ones and help them embrace God. Sometimes this world has to spew out many of its own horrors before unbelievers will open their eyes and hearts.

#6
Omegaman

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Biblical separation:

1 Cor 7

 5Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

Is marriage and divorce, something determined by a legal document?  Or, is the document a record of a relationship? Is not a marriage, a covenant between two people and God, wherein the couple has agreed to be partners in life for life. Is it not two people joining together, being one flesh, being helpers, submitting to each other, loving each other, and being the simplest family?

 

If so, in what sense are these people married? Even if it is the slip of paper, as long as that slip of paper exists, and is not undone by a legal divorce, are they not obligated to live as married?

 

When we marry, we have agreed to "as long as you both shall live", not as long as you both shall love, in fact, we have agreed to love as long as we live. Love here meaning, seeking the well being of the other, even if it means self sacrifice, maybe especially so. If we are not willing to do so, then we are guilty of self love only, and are not obedient servants of our Lord.

 

It is difficult to judge others in these situations, but when Christians fail to live the life they are called to, and are not willing to judge themselves and be honest and admit that they are making sinful choices, they are being hypocrites and inviting criticism.



#7
Willamina

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You are told to not have anything to do with a person who calls themselves a Christian and continues to live in sexual sin. This would be especially true if she claims to be going into the ministry. The Scriptures say that people who make adultry their life style are not going to be going to heaven. We don't judge her. God's word judges her. It does not matter if she was abused in that relationship or if he committed adultry first, or any other excuse. She needs to go back to her husband if he is a Christian and would take her; or divorse him if scripture permits (if he had not been a Christian and had not chosen to live with her); then she should marry her boyfriend (if Scripture permits him to do the same). Otherwise, she should remain celebate.
Titus 1:15-16 To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled. They profess to know God but in their works they deny Him, being abominable, disobedient, and disqualified for every good work.". God's Word does not permit her to enter the ministry.

A person who is not saved will behave like a heathen. He should be led to the Lord and let God clean him up.

#8
Dawn1974

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This has been on my heart for a long time. It just really alarms me that the friend who claims to be a Christian and is entering the ministry don't see anything wrong with this. And the fact that no one in that ministry/church that she belongs to never challanged her and her boyfriend on this. There is no real accountabilty. Sometimes I wonder does her church even know the whole situation.



#9
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Well I have very different views on this issue.

 

I don't think God is fooled by a piece of paper.

 

I know plenty of people who are legally married but live apart, hate each other, have no commitment to each other, and are not united. I don't think that is godly marriage. It might be secular marriage, but God is not fooled by mere paperwork. Marriage is not merely paperwork, in the same way that a civil marriage certificate for homosexuals doesn't mean they are married in God's eyes.



#10
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Well I have very different views on this issue.

 

I don't think God is fooled by a piece of paper.

 

I know plenty of people who are legally married but live apart, hate each other, have no commitment to each other, and are not united. I don't think that is godly marriage. It might be secular marriage, but God is not fooled by mere paperwork. Marriage is not merely paperwork, in the same way that a civil marriage certificate for homosexuals doesn't mean they are married in God's eyes.

=====================================================================================================================

 

I agree.

 

God searches the heart. He doesn't look at what we do, He looks at our motives for doing it.



#11
bopeep1909

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Well I have very different views on this issue.

 

I don't think God is fooled by a piece of paper.

 

I know plenty of people who are legally married but live apart, hate each other, have no commitment to each other, and are not united. I don't think that is godly marriage. It might be secular marriage, but God is not fooled by mere paperwork. Marriage is not merely paperwork, in the same way that a civil marriage certificate for homosexuals doesn't mean they are married in God's eyes.

=====================================================================================================================

 

I agree.

 

God searches the heart. He doesn't look at what we do, He looks at our motives for doing it.

 

Very true. :emot-nod:



#12
Butero

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Here is another issue that is very controversial, and very touchy for most people. I know two different friends in this situation. One of my girlfriends is separated but sill married. She has been in this relationship with this man for 3 years now. They now live together. I was told that they sleep in separate rooms and they are not having sex. What makes it even more interesting is that she is about to become an ordained minister sometime this summer.

I know the bible tells us that there must not even be a "hint of sexual immortality." Also to my understanding that any relationship outside of your marriage even if you are separated is an affair or adultry.

Then I have a male friend who is separated but still married and has been out on the dating scene as if he was never married. He not a Christian. I have often shared about how wrong that is. He just completely ignores me. He has had many relationships.

What are your convictions on this topic? I truely believe that this is not right in God's eyes.

In the first case, there is a clear appearance of evil, whether adultery is taking place or not?  If the divorce is not for Biblical reasons, then you have another can of worms to deal with. 

 

In the second example you gave, you are dealing with a sinner, so the first concern is that the person get saved.  Of course he is committing adultery. 



#13
Butero

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This has been on my heart for a long time. It just really alarms me that the friend who claims to be a Christian and is entering the ministry don't see anything wrong with this. And the fact that no one in that ministry/church that she belongs to never challanged her and her boyfriend on this. There is no real accountabilty. Sometimes I wonder does her church even know the whole situation.

 

There are churches that allow all types of immoral things to go on.  There is a church about 30 minutes from me, where the Pastor is so homo-marriage, he won't perform any weddings until gay marriage is legalized.  I just wouldn't attend such a church. 

 

Your friend is in a strange situation.  Why does she feel the need to live with a guy she isn't married to, even if no sex is involved?  What if things don't work out?  Will they just go their separate ways?  Something doesn't look right here?  Technically, if she is being honest, and they are not having sex, I suppose there is no adultery, but there is a clear appearance of evil, and you know that most people won't believe she is telling the truth about the sleeping arrangements?  Why give occassion to the devil? 



#14
Butero

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Well I have very different views on this issue.

 

I don't think God is fooled by a piece of paper.

 

I know plenty of people who are legally married but live apart, hate each other, have no commitment to each other, and are not united. I don't think that is godly marriage. It might be secular marriage, but God is not fooled by mere paperwork. Marriage is not merely paperwork, in the same way that a civil marriage certificate for homosexuals doesn't mean they are married in God's eyes.

=====================================================================================================================

 

I agree.

 

God searches the heart. He doesn't look at what we do, He looks at our motives for doing it.

 

 

I understand your point, but at some time in their life, these two individuals made a commitment between themselves and God to live together till death do they part in a marriage.  If over time, they come to despise each other, and can't be at peace with one another, they still made marriage vows.  The piece of paper a recognition of the original committment.  It is not that God is fooled by the paper.  He recognizes that a marriage took place.  They will remain married in the eyes of God unless there is adultery involved, and they get a legal divorce.  The two may not be following God's teachings on marriage, but they are still married. 



#15
bopeep1909

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Well I have very different views on this issue.

 

I don't think God is fooled by a piece of paper.

 

I know plenty of people who are legally married but live apart, hate each other, have no commitment to each other, and are not united. I don't think that is godly marriage. It might be secular marriage, but God is not fooled by mere paperwork. Marriage is not merely paperwork, in the same way that a civil marriage certificate for homosexuals doesn't mean they are married in God's eyes.

Yes,it is just a piece of paper but it is very important to marry someone who we know is a Christian.To wait for God to put that special person in our life who He wants us to be with .We are not to be unevenly yoked in marriage.The couple who prays together will stay together.



#16
~candice~

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Butero,

I understand your concern. I am not suggesting there was no covenant. I am saying that the covenant is broken in the heart long before the divorce paperwork goes through (if it ever goes through). No one gets off the hook when they have separated in all ways except the paperwork, I think God still sees that as a violation of the marital covenant.

Does that make my position more clear?

#17
Butero

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Butero,

I understand your concern. I am not suggesting there was no covenant. I am saying that the covenant is broken in the heart long before the divorce paperwork goes through (if it ever goes through). No one gets off the hook when they have separated in all ways except the paperwork, I think God still sees that as a violation of the marital covenant.

Does that make my position more clear?

========================================================================================================

 

Yes it does.  Thanks for the clarification.  Usually, sin does begin in the heart before someone actually acts it out.






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