Hello. I came across these forums as I searched and searched around, looking for somewhere to get something out there in the open to hopefully find someone who can actually help. Okay, so that sounds a bit vague... I know...
I will try to explain without actually putting it out there just what is really going on...
I have been trying to find a specialist of some sort who could address an issue and not continue to fuel the fire that's already burning. I am not the one with an actual issue myself... Yet, maybe it is at the same time. As I'm writing this, I do realize I sound no so intelligent and like I'm just all over the place. The thing is... I just took a break from writing a letter to my sister's psychiatrist. She's not crazy or anything. I just needed to take a break from writing it to clear my head a bit.
It's really difficult to explain what's going on... At the same time, I'm not even sure I want to keep telling people exactly what's going on. It's a difficult situation to be put into... I'm just going to basically bullet the issues...
- My sister claims she is a gay boy.
- My sister was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia. (She is not schizophrenic-- I can explain why they diagnosed her if I actually went into details)
- My parents are struggling to find someone who will STOP fueling the fire and actually help my little sister.
Here is the letter so far... (It's not finished! And I have not read over it yet to fix any mistakes/typos.)
I am not quite sure where to begin writing this letter. I just want to make it clear and known about my dear little sister and what she had gone through after moving from California to Oregon in the summer of 2005. I want to state what I know had happened to her and what I do believe is the actual reason she has changed from this sweet little girl to who she is trying to get people to believe is the real her as of now.
I do want to make it clear that her family is not against her in any way. She may think we are all against her because, as she claims, she is a boy and not a girl. The only reason the family is not accepting her as a boy is because we know the truth. We know that she doesn't truly believe this as she is telling everyone. We know that she is only trying to mask herself.
For as long as she has been trying to get everyone to believe that she is a boy and not a girl, I have been trying to piece it all together. I am probably the only person who really could piece it together since I had a part in all of this from the start.
At the start of the summer of 2005, we up and moved to Oregon from California. This whole moving process didn't take us more than a couple of weeks. I was excited, my parents were excited, but my siblings all had mixed emotions. I was ready to start over... I wanted to make new friends, make new memories, and just be somewhere other than the place I knew my whole life. My sister wasn't too thrilled about moving... I don't think she wanted to leave her friends behind.
School began early that fall... I think we were all excited to start school so that we could meet new people and make new friendships. Unfortunately for me, I had a very difficult time doing so because one girl whom was the Queen Bee of the school made my life a living nightmare. I'm trying not to get into too much detail here because I want to make this about my sister and not myself... What I had gone through was over a year worth of name calling, being physically pushed around, and treated like I was dirt. It wasn't just the students involved either. It did seem like the school staff was against me, and the ones who weren't against me didn't appear to believe my story. I had never felt so alone in my life. It was hard being the new girl in town when I was so used to being the popular one in school.
My parents were the only ones on my side. They tried and tried to help me through it, to clear it all up. They tried to get the school involved to put these kids to a stop... But nothing worked. My parents witnessed firsthand the bad words aimed towards me come from out of the Queen Bee's mouth while we were out at the local Dairy Queen. She was the one taking our order... I couldn't even trust her enough to not spit in my ice cream, so I refused to eat it.
I went through a huge depression with all of this going on. I tried to mask it all. I went to the internet to find and make friends. I played a game called Ragnarok Online. This was all I knew anymore. I had no face-to-face friendships, just the internet with my online game full of an online community which I basically felt was more like home than anything else. It really did become all I knew. It was the only place I felt like I belonged since I had moved to Oregon.
While all of this was going on with me, my little sister was facing similar experiences. This one particular girl around her grade level was the popular one and treated her like she was trash. She made sure no one befriended her... She made sure that anyone who would befriend her knew that she would make their life a living nightmare as well. My sister was not allowed to express herself because of this one girl. My sister became depressed too. I'm not sure who all noticed this. Everyone was too busy trying to help with my problems.
By this time, I had already introduced my sister to the Ragnarok Online community. She met some strange people on there whom she quickly realized were never judged for being gay, fat, ugly, transgender, etc... She realized that because you're behind a computer screen, people cannot really judge you and they accept you for who you claim to be.
After awhile, she started talking to people who claimed they were girls when in the real world they were actually boys. Upon discovering that these people weren't really the gender they claimed to be, she realized that she too could be something she is not. It wasn't too long before she started telling lies to people of the Ragnarok Online community. They were harmful lies... Lies about little things. Things such as instruments she could play, or things she has done in the past, or things she always does, etc... Completely harmful. Who hasn't told a little lie like that on the internet? Those little lies can make a depressed person feel a lot better just by someone accepting them alone. When someone does more than just accept them, and they actually are interested in the lies as if they are the truth, these friendships form on the lies. These lies become part of who you are once the friendships begin to form. After that, the only thing you can do is keep up with the lies.
I was actually the popular one in this gaming community. Everyone either knew me or knew of me. They knew that (whatever name my sister was using) was my sister. People liked me, they 'cared' about me, and some of them kept me informed about my sister if I would ask them certain questions. She wasn't doing anything wrong. All she was doing was trying to gain acceptance for who she was. Once she realized that more people liked the fake her versus the real her, she kept going with her lies, and she began to tell people that she was something she wasn't. First, she tried to be bi-sexual. This was a huge deal for her because she knew that the small town we lived in was against homosexuality in any way and society doesn't accept it... This being a big deal, she wanted to see if people online would accept her if she were bi-sexual. They did! After that, it was like clearing the runway for a plane to take off. She decided she was going to be a boy. She stopped playing female characters and got right into playing male characters. She played the part. People accepted whatever she would tell them... How could they not believe her anyway? They didn't have any proof that she wasn't who she claimed to be. They didn't care if she was a boy, a girl, bi-sexual, gay, black or white... They didn't care who she really was at all. Most of the people who were on the game on a daily basis never really had anything better to do with their lives anyway. Online gaming communities are not judgmental towards peoples' REAL LIFE selves; they really only care about how you play the game and act when you're around them in game. They didn't join the game to learn the truth about someone... and they certainly don't play detective once you tell them you're bi-sexual or a boy or girl. They take what you say as the truth. When they don't take what you say as the truth... They just play along and pretend to care; they act like they believe you. Why should it matter to them anyway?
I do believe that my little sister has decided she is a boy and not a girl because of the acceptance she received from other human beings in an online gaming community. Ragnarok Online became the only thing she knew. It became her life. It was her world. It was her home. She had friends and family in an online gaming community--- what more could she ask for? They accepted everything she told them, even if some of the things she spoke of were lies.
My sister claims that she knew she was really meant to be a boy. She claims that she knew this ever since she was really little. It's just more lies she adds on so that people would accept her... when she knows in her heart that people don't like to accept such a sudden and drastic change.
She tells people that she never liked girly toys, and that she never played with girly toys. It's all another lie... I remember hunting down this Littlest Pet Shop set that she wanted so badly. She cried over it. She wanted it so badly that she kept asking and begging for it. My father and I went out one day to quite a few different stores just to find it. When we finally found it, it was a huge relief. It was the very last one... and we had found it. When she opened it up on Christmas morning, she was so ecstatic. She always loved her little toys... And she had so many. She would even beg my little brother to play with her because she wanted someone to play with, and he was the only one who would.
There's a lot more still to say...
Basically, we are just struggling as we try to find someone who could be of any help. My mom is even struggling to find a Christian who won't just sit there and tell her to accept her child for who she/he may be... At this point, it has absolutely nothing to do with my sister claiming she's gay (as a boy!!). It's about my sister really masking who she is by claiming she's a gay boy. She is building her 'new life' based on nothing but lies. She's hiding her true self because she wants to be accepted no matter what... And by pretending and forcing yourself to believe you are something that society wouldn't normally accept, she's just giving herself comfort that way... because society isn't rejecting her true self, society is rejecting her pretend self...
I'm just looking for anyone who could actually be of help... I don't want to keep hearing that we should accept her for who she is. We are not rejecting her. We even go along with calling her by the male name which she has chosen. We want to figure out how to get her to open up to the truth and help her to accept her real self and not this made up person she's claiming to be.
We need help from someone who will stop fueling the fire...