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Confused but wish to learn.
Posted 10 September 2013 - 11:26 AM
So I will try and make this short and sweet. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and for the most part things go well, aside from an issue here and there like all couples. He was raised strict Christian, while I, was raised with a complete absence of religion. Until him and I started dating, I really had almost no knowledge of Christianity. Since then however I have developed an increasing interest and I attend church, study the bible, and do research on my own. With that being said, I'm still new to it all and have a long way to go, but in finding much comfort in it all so far.
Here's where the problem comes in. Him and I have been sexually active for a while. Our relationship is not based around sex, but we would engage in sexual acts occasionally - almost always initiated by me. Recently he has told me that he wants to become abstinent until marriage. This, while somewhat foreign to me, is something I respect. I've always admired those who can stick with this practice. However, I'm dealing with some personal feelings of how I should make this transition. Part of me feels suddenly undesired although I know this has to do with his faith and not me. Also, since I am exploring Christianity, I would love to learn about the benefits of abstinence and the positive effects it brings in a relationship - so I won't feel so confused.
Part of me is also somewhat scared of the transition. If we both suddenly make this transition, what about sexual outlet? Is it possible to remain completely abstinent without engaging in other deviant forms of sexual behavior (pornography, etc?)
Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I need to understand him for the well being of our relationship.
Posted 10 September 2013 - 03:20 PM
Hi Jennifer welcome I really think the best thing to do is live in separate households if you aren't already until your married , this is just leaving a door open to temptation , God has provided a way out , 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Posted 11 September 2013 - 11:19 PM
Posted 13 September 2013 - 04:52 PM
I can tell one thing: marriage is one of the greatest blessings in life. It will help you to stick together over the hard times, at least I can tell that from personal experience. but of course, the best thing is that everything that used to be good pre-marriage and so, has God's blessing on it when married. As for the issue you addressed, there's nothing better to it than the husband and the wife sharing the intimacy God meant them to have, when once united in front of God.
So I testify of the power of marriage. I am sure God will lead you through towards having it His way so that you may have the life and have it abundantly. He sure did that for me. I have not heard too many times God audibly advising me, but He told me to marry my wife so I picked up the phone and made the arrangements and then later on proposed. She said yes and the deal was done. Of course committing to someone for the rest of your life will bring certain responsibilities, not to mention that stuff inside we try hide from ourselves and that significant other sure is made to expose it for us But in essence, from the point of view of our personal relationship with God, it will greatly benefit too from being married, taking that the marriage is based on sharing God's provision in life together or so.
Some more praying will clarify that which is not clear yet. Be happy to have someone who's got such faith. It will carry you over many desperate moments, since life is never too easy and those moments probably will come too in any shape and shade. But God will bring you over them, and deepen the connection with your partner, or dare I say, future husband
God bless, live long and multiply. God has created man and woman for each other, not just for physical pleasure, but to partake Creation's amazing joy.
Posted 17 September 2013 - 03:22 AM
Pornography and masturbation is not the way to go as it is not pleasing to God at all as we are called to be Holy (1 Peter 1:15).
Checkout Setting Captives Free for The Way Of Purity (http://www.settingca...of-purity/day1/).
Also pornography is ugly business which you do not want to support (http://porn-free-min...-in-common.html).
Posted 18 September 2013 - 11:00 AM
Hi Jennifer. I can relate to where you are and the questions that you have. Learning to follow Christ and how we are have our personal relationships can be difficult and confusing. Not having been raised a Christian myself I been through the questions. I am glad that you can respect where your boyfriend is coming from. I am not saying that abstinence is an easy course especially if you have already engaged with him, but in reality and to have a real relationship with him and God it is the best. Being new in Christ doesn't help but take time to sit down and really seek God and what he can guide you through.
Edited by Steve_S, 18 September 2013 - 10:06 PM.
Removed external link and explanation.
Posted 28 September 2013 - 02:04 PM
Read 1 Corinthians 13. It tells you about God's type of love.
Even though you are good together, best friends and all, a marriage will be extremely difficult if it does not revolve around Jesus. My husband and I pray together every day, and that has formed the deepest kind of relationship in which we are truly one, agreeing with each others prayers. God has even told believers to not marry unbelievers for this reason. When both don't want Jesus to be the third person in your marriage, you will be pulling in 2 different directions and it will pull you apart. When you do want Jesus to be in the center of your marriage it will bind the two of you together more than you ever thought possible. It is more than being soul mates. It is being Spiritual mates since the Holy Spirit will be in both of you. And God never will leave you.
Should your boyfriend die, you will never be alone. The Holy Spirit will always be in you to comfort you and strengthen you. And you will have the hope of seeing him again someday in heaven, should you repent and ask God to live in you and be a part of your life. It is such a wonderful thing that you won't miss not having sex as much, and it also will support your boyfriend in his effort to abstain, which will mean so much to him. As I said, you will be pulling in the same direction. You will both want the same things in life.
Posted 17 October 2013 - 08:46 AM
I believe in a way or the other, we all have struggles what we do with it, how open we are before the Lord concerning it is what matters.
When you have the same feeling again, ask yourself;
What will Jesus do if He were in my shoes?
What does His word say about what is going on in my mind? and finally
if the trumpet sounds now will He gladly say welldone faithfull servant join me in the sky lets go?
The Lord help us all... "For by grace are ye saved and not by works lest anyman should boast"
God bless you...
Posted 17 October 2013 - 03:27 PM
Welcome to Worthy.I am so glad you are here with us,it is good to fellowship with other members of the Body of Christ and to have a place where you can speak freely...and be loved.I have read the many replies ,so far .to all your questions and what I hope most off all is that you do not get any more confused than you say you are already!
Being new to Christ can be a time of many mixed emotions because it is the time we do not fully understand how the flesh & our spirits can be two such separate things........try not to think about it too much because it is not something that you do but something that Jesus does for you...I am not sure how old you are but for your entire life you have been living in the flesh and never knew there could be any other way .....now by accepting Jesus as Lord & Savior,a whole new way of living will begin to take place but He will make those changes by your surrendering to Him.......without Jesus to renew & transform our minds we are all too weak to resist the temptations of the flesh....your boyfriend has made a good decision and I am sure he was lead by the Holy Spirit to do so...maybe this is hard for you to understand because you have not yet experienced these things...you will,for now seek God,take time to know Jesus & in the Scriptures He will be found
The benefits of not engaging in sex before marriage is to get to know one another on a spiritual level....the flesh is lust & desire...the spirit is love & devotion......your boyfriend asking this of you tells me that he loves you on a spiritual level & wants your relationship to be accepted & blessed by God.....you should feel honored that he truly wants you to be his wife & for your unity to be sanctified.......
All I want to let you know is that Jesus loves you & He will be happy to take all your cares & concerns if you ask Him too,it is true that we are FREE in Christ Jesus...free from the bondage of flesh & sin....I am sure you want to take your relationship higher,trust God to do that.....the more Jennifer decreases the more Christ will increase in Jennifer & putting aside the desires of the flesh is a very good starting place but He knows you need His help with it...ask,you will receive....you asked about other outlets for your fleshly desires,you won.t have these desires as you start to focus more on wanting a more intimate relationship with Christ,He will give you His Holy Spirit to Comfort you & Counsel you....which will lead you into Wisdom & Understanding.....
I encourage you to keep doing what you are doing & to wholeheartedly ask Jesus to be Lord & Savior of your life
With love,in Christ-Kwik
It may help you to know I was once a very flesh driven person(a fornicator & everything else)it is so far removed from my life now that it is hard to even remember myself being that way,,,and I am more fulfilled now than I ever imagined were possible(by Christ)