Hello, Worthy Christian Forums. I believe in Jesus Christ, that His gift of salvation is free, and who the Lord sets free is free indeed. However, it doesn't change the fact that I have sin in my heart, like everyone else does, though sometimes, in my darker hours, I want to believe that my sins are worse than anyone else on this forum, that I am beyond forgiveness, that I only deserve to be crushed and scorned and rejected by God, that I have no place in heaven, that I deserve to suffer a cursed life on earth and the dammnation of hell for the sin of who I am as a person, that God could never love me. I just shake my head in confusion, that God could somehow love and forgive such a wretched person as me. I'm afraid my struggles are far too unacceptable and explicit for me to disucss here... maybe anywhere. So, I'll just do what I always do, and simply ignore and never bring up my concerns, so that I can keep posting and interacting with peace, rather than discord, which I have no desire to create. I would love to find a Christian group, someday, where I may express my thoughts, my concerns, my struggles, without rejection or hatred, and more importantly, where I do not offend anyone; a place where it doesn't matter who I am, what matters is that God has a plan for my life, and that He wants to lead me, and guide me. I know that this is not the right place, and after hours of searching, I believe that there is not one website on the internet for that hollow dream. Soon, I plan to move to a larger city, and I hope to find a group there where I can belong, just as who I really am, and not as the strawman, this masquerade, this pseudo-persona, that I present of normalcy while, in truth, I deviate from the norm and therefore would be hated by most people I know if they knew the truth.
The above is what I dwell with each day of my life, a miserable forced silence I am slowly accepting. If I did not share my feelings here, all you would see from me is a generic usual comment:
Hello everyone, I look forward to some good times here at Worthy Christian Forums. Thanks be to Jesus for salvation, hope, and guidance towards righteousness, and I pray that His name be blessed in all the world.