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Marriage advise

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8 replies to this topic

#1
LittleFish

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I have been married for 2.5 years now. I love my wife but I do t feel love from her. I know she had a bad relationship before she met me and I feel as though she takes everything out on me from that relationship. Nothing I do is pleas I g to her even though almost everything g I do is for her. She is very quick to anger with me and very slow to rejoice. I am called a liar when I have not lied and her solution to every problem is for me to leave. I've rarely heard her say anything good about me to anyone. I treat her like a queen but when she says anything about me its always picking apart my flaws and never rejoicing in all the good I do for her. I'm getting really sick of the way she treats me and am afraid that one day when she tells me to leave again I will not come back. If divorce does happen under these circumstances, I guess my question is can I be forgiven? Will I have to live a life of solitude so that I won't live in sin as an adulterer? Um sorry this seems so choppy but I'm typing on my phone at work.

#2
Littlelambseativy

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Welcome to Worthy! I am so sorry that you are encountering such problems in your marriage. Did you not see some of these potential issues before you married your wife? You do no stay whether she is a Christian or not. If she is, she needs to do some soul searching on her part as a Christian. If she is not a Christian, that is why the Bible tell us not to marry none believers yet the unbeliever is sanctified by the believing spouse. This is of no comfort to you however. Have you suggested counselling or is this outside her realm? Does she not see that by putting you down she is putting herself down in the eyes of others? With what judgement she judges you she also judges herself?

She needs a great deal of prayer and self reevaluation but only God can open her eyes and let her see herself as a camera would show. Take it all to a minister who you trust and ask his advise and take it to God and see what God does.



#3
GoldenEagle

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I have been married for 2.5 years now. I love my wife but I do t feel love from her. I know she had a bad relationship before she met me and I feel as though she takes everything out on me from that relationship. Nothing I do is pleas I g to her even though almost everything g I do is for her. She is very quick to anger with me and very slow to rejoice. I am called a liar when I have not lied and her solution to every problem is for me to leave. I've rarely heard her say anything good about me to anyone. I treat her like a queen but when she says anything about me its always picking apart my flaws and never rejoicing in all the good I do for her. I'm getting really sick of the way she treats me and am afraid that one day when she tells me to leave again I will not come back. If divorce does happen under these circumstances, I guess my question is can I be forgiven? Will I have to live a life of solitude so that I won't live in sin as an adulterer? Um sorry this seems so choppy but I'm typing on my phone at work.

 

Why are you called a liar? Have you lied to her in the past? Why do you obey her and leave?

What are the issues you guys are facing?

Sorry you are going through this. We are here to help. Praying for you and your wife. Welcome to the forums. :)

God bless,

GE



#4
FresnoJoe

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Welcome~!



#5
P_W

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Praying for you, Little Fish!  Is your wife saved?  Not that we don't act out even when we are saved, because we do.  No one is perfect, not even the saved.

 

I will give you a few Scriptures on marriage that I think will help.  Lesson one begins in 1 Corinthians 7.  Also, Ephesians 5 teaches us about relationships in the family.  When I study I use the cross references to take me to other Scriptures that give me better understanding.  Online I use biblegateway.com.  

 

As with all things, our example is what leads others to Christ.  I have been married 35 years and it has often been difficult, but we made a pledge to one another and to God.  There were times when our children were ill and it put stress on the marriage, and times when our parents aged, became ill, and passed away.  Again, it strained our resources, our time, and was difficult to console and comfort each other when we were in so much pain.

 

What I do know is that when we put Jesus Christ before all things, and at the center of our marriage, put each other first, commit ourselves to prayer each day, and study the Bible together it strengthens us, and our children.  God must be first in our lives!

 

When we face difficulties, or have a disagreement, we stop to pray.  I suggest you also try this.  One cannot argue and pray at the same time.  You might also ask yourself and your wife if these actions and attitudes you have described give God glory?  But, remember this, it is never helpful to blame each other and will probably cause more problems if you do fall into the "blame game".

 

I am also in favor of seeking help when life seems out of control.  Our preacher has been a great listener and adviser.  There are also those who are trained in marriage counseling, or just personal counseling, as I think your wife may need counseling.  I sense she needs someone to help her heal.

 

Praying for you both and I hope you will keep us updated on your progress.  It is God's will that your marriage be healed.

 

Peace to you and yours and may God continue to bless you abundantly!

 

Always in His care,

PrairWarur



#6
crossFX77

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Little Fish, I can relate to you more than you know!!  I am going through the same exact things.  My wife is not saved.  As a husband I know that I have failed on several occasions to not listen to what my wife wanted or felt.  We guys can sometimes do that even though we don't want to admit it.  My wife has been saying the same thing today as in "it is over" "there is no us" "I don't want to be your wife" "I don't care if you die" 

we have only been married 4 months.  She has also had a very traumatizing past, so have I.  I know it seems like she is quick to anger and so is my wife, today it is because I said goodbye to my daughter before school (I said I was going to ignore her for lying to try to teach her a lesson) So when I said goodbye she saw it as me not being consistent (which I have had trouble with in punishment) 

Bro all I can say is to take this to God everyday and spend as much time as you can praying.  I don't know if my marriage will make it past next week and I know you feel the same but I will continue to pray to God to change things that I lack in my life as a husband and father.  Sometimes we have to look deeper and change who we are first so that God can use that to change our relationships.  I know it is hard, TRUST ME I KNOW!!  Even though she has been calling me every name in the book and and constantly says things to make me feel like I am worthless, I know that in God's eyes I am NOT worthless and the things she is hurling at me is due to anger and hurt AND you have to realize that Satan HATES marriage as it is ordained by GOD.  He will use her in any way he can to attack you so that you give up. 

 

My prayers are with you, don't give up!



#7
MorningGlory

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No one should have to suffer either physical or emotional abuse just to stay married.  I realize that the prevailing opinion is to 'work it out' and pray about it but I just don't see being anyone's punching bag.....for any reason.  Just my opinion. 



#8
nebula

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Hi, LittleFish -

 

My heart hurts with you. My parents had a painful relationship, so in that regard I can relate.

 

Your wife has a very wounded soul and is acting and reacting out of that wounding. I don't know what you can do for her other than pray for the Lord to minister to her and to heal her.

 

Change can come, but she needs to be able to admit she needs healing, and she needs to want to change. So you can seek the Lord to work such in her heart with His love.

 

I pray the Lord minister to your heart today. I know how much this hurts. :(



#9
Jennifer Wall

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I am feeling very sad after knowing about your marriage. Marriage is a relationships of two hearts. If you can't win the heart of your partner and she always treat you badly then it's better to leave the relationships and move ahead. Relationship is all about understanding each other and caring. So, I advice you to move ahead.






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