Greetings and God bless, all who read my message.
I thank my blessings everyday that i have the life it do.
Over my life i've struggled with faith issues. I am a man of science, and find solice, excitement and joy in studying the natural world, mathematics, and understanding how things work. Many in the scientifc communinty are strong aethiests as they so no need for a God as we seem to explain everything without the need for a creator. I'm a little more humble and see a million things we can never explain, understand through science, and i do believe in God.
I've always had a little trouble with the 'preachy' side of faith. As a child going to church, i would be so bored, never understand what was been said, and always thought i was been mildly chastised for my sinfull ways. I still feel the same now. Authority figures in general trouble me and i believe we can live life in our own ways, doing good without having to consult a rule book. When i've read any religious statements, i find myself picking them apart in a very scientifc way, analysing finding either contradications, other meanings, or find they are putting me down in some way that turns me off from traditional christian texts.
Just over a year ago, my life took a troublesome turn and through sadness and desparation i turned to God, and prayed for help. I was terrifed and scared and told God that if things more resolved, I would never forget and always be grateful. To my amazement and joy my prayers were answered, it was truely a miracle, new life was breathed into me, and i started praying regularly. I can never explain to God how grateful and I for what happened, but I've found myself searching for a sign of how to proceed with my life. My gratitude and love are now unbounded.
I've never read the bible, or gone to church as an adult, and I cant see that happening, as i explained above, but i do have a ralationship with God i want it to grow. I've asked him for a sign of how to proceed in my life, but nothing yet. I know i have to be patient.
Do my thoughts strike a chord with any of you? Sounds cheesy, but I want to do good in the world, and help people in some way. I struggle to find my way to do this, partly because I am very much a loner, have few friends and work and live alone. But i'm happy with that, i guess we dont all have to be extraverts.
I guess to sumarize all this my question is: How to i stay patient, and will god give me a sign for how i can show gratitude for the wonderful gift that i've been given? I am scared that i'll lose my new found faith and feel God is not listening to me anymore.
Some people seem to treat God as a kind of magic genie or something. You ask for something and you get it. This is obviously not right, and a foolish myth. I know a father figure is a much more understandable analegy, but still I struggle to understand the dynamics of the reationship.
Possibly even posting this message is part of the process. thanks for reading.