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Am confused about an issue.

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15 replies to this topic

#1
Guest_HisG_*

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I'd just like some thoughts on the subject of marrying even though the father of your children is still alive.

I'm not after heated discussions, just thoughts/opinions.

Thanks heaps.

#2
Hall7

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I think the best answer to that question would be from God. We probably each have different opinions about that subject but it really is between you and God. Whatever the Holy Spirit guides you to do, what feels right in your heart would probably be your answer.



#3
KC02

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I assume you are divorced. Jesus said it's not lawful to remarry except for fornication (Mat. 19:9). Unfortunately, Christians -- even scholars, can't form a consensus as to what fornication means. Is it simple adultery? Is it when a spouse leaves you for another? Could it mean that your lady wasn't faithful before or during the betrotment? So yes -- you will get a wide range of opinions here. I can't tell you that I have all the answers, but I can promise you I have studied this subject meticulously.

 

I am guessing that your husband has moved on and is with another woman. In that case, yes, you are free to remarry. I take the middle of the road in the interpretation. With that being said, it is not God's will to divorce and remarry. Jesus took a very conservative view on this issue. God is a God of reconciliation. Please don't rush into remarriage without much prayer and guidance from your church family elders.

 

I will warn you that if you remarry, some churches will not allow you to become a member (based upon a misunderstanding of Scripture).. If anyone happens to be in this situation, please leave and find a church that will love and support you. If you feel like God has a calling on your life you need to give this some thought. Though it may be lawful to remarry, it is not without cost. So pray, pray, pray. The only problem is that love is a powerful emotion. Sometimes we can feel "led" to do things God is not in. You really do need a strong pastor or Christian leader to help you sort this out.

 

I'm just throwing some things out there. I hope it's helpful and you don't feel like I am beating up on you. I am praying that God will give you wisdom, knowledge and clear direction in your life.



#4
other one

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I'd just like some thoughts on the subject of marrying even though the father of your children is still alive.

I'm not after heated discussions, just thoughts/opinions.

Thanks heaps.

From what I read in the New Testament my opinion would be that it would depend on why you are not still together.....   if he was unfaithful to you, you are free to do whatever....

 

Even if he was unfaithful to you I would be careful for that in itself might question your taste in men...    and I truly don't mean that as a joke.



#5
rjp34652

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I'd just like some thoughts on the subject of marrying even though the father of your children is still alive.

I'm not after heated discussions, just thoughts/opinions.

Thanks heaps.

 

Why remarry?

 

Is it for love, financial security, social position, a sense that you cannot cope with the pressures of life or to please God?

 

Many women have been divorced and never remarried.  Never went back.   And didn't do too badly on their own either.  They were stronger than they thought they were.

 

There are risks in any marriage, especially one that recaps an old tire.  I knew a woman who remarried.  The fellow was a nice man, but was never anything close to being a father.  He never spent what is referred to as 'quality time' with his new family.   On the other hand his old wife used to beat him(*) - so I suppose a different household was a relief.   I know it would be to me if I'd escaped a situation like that.

 

On the other hand I know a woman who raise two kids and never remarried.  She did rather well for herself and managed to live comfortably into her old age.  

 

Living single has risks.  This cannot be treated lightly.  But remarriage carries risks not just to the woman but to the kids.  Some would rather avoid it.

 

There is also the question as to whether remarriage would please God.   As has been stated earlier, many scholars are divided on the issue.  The same scholars are also divided in their own households (Dr. Charles Stanley of 1st Baptist Church of Atlanta, for example.  You know - the TV guy.)

 

One question that hasn't been raised is that of finding solace for one's aching lonely heart.  Such troubles afflict all humanity from time to time.   Knee jerk solutions sometimes aggravate the circumstances.  Marriage isn't the only way to remedy loneliness.   God is, after all, the ultimate source for mercy in any situation.  

 

Seek Him and His kingdom first and answers will come.  I cannot stress this point too much.

 

and that's just me, hollering from the choir loft....

(*) Nobody seems to care about physical and mental abuse suffered by men.  Men are throwaway objects in American culture.



#6
KC02

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Well not so fast. They asked Jesus if it was o.k. to put away your wife for any reason. That was the BIG debate in those days. Only some of the Jews believed that you could divorce your wife for any reason under the sun. But Jesus clearly came down on the conservative side, which disagreed with divorces for any reason. Jesus' answer was so conservative that the disciples thought it would therefore be best not to marry at all.

 

I understand the cultural context very well. There is no reason to believe that Jesus was speaking only for that time and place.

 

I admit, I know my own humanity. I fault no one for divorce. I can't promise I will never divorce; relationships can only give so much and they are not always puppy dogs and rainbows. I'm not here to bash anyone. We have a 50 percent divorce rate in the USA. Is it any better than it was 2000 years ago?



#7
Hall7

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Jesus clearly said that we can divorce for one reason and one reason only which is sexual immorality.

#8
Butero

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It is not a question of the Father of your children being alive.  It is about the reason for the divorce.  Was it because your husband cheated on you?  The only Biblical grounds for divorce and re-marriage is adultery and abandonment in some cases. 



#9
Hall7

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2.Matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.



#10
kingdomwitness

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I think the best answer to that question would be from God. We probably each have different opinions about that subject but it really is between you and God. Whatever the Holy Spirit guides you to do, what feels right in your heart would probably be your answer.

Yeah! great answer Hall. It's mainly between you and God.

#11
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Thank you everyone for your responses.

I appreciate them all.

#12
shiloh357

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Well not so fast. They asked Jesus if it was o.k. to put away your wife for any reason. That was the BIG debate in those days. Only some of the Jews believed that you could divorce your wife for any reason under the sun. But Jesus clearly came down on the conservative side, which disagreed with divorces for any reason. Jesus' answer was so conservative that the disciples thought it would therefore be best not to marry at all.

 

I understand the cultural context very well. There is no reason to believe that Jesus was speaking only for that time and place.

 

I admit, I know my own humanity. I fault no one for divorce. I can't promise I will never divorce; relationships can only give so much and they are not always puppy dogs and rainbows. I'm not here to bash anyone. We have a 50 percent divorce rate in the USA. Is it any better than it was 2000 years ago?

 

HI KCO2, the above quote doesn't apply to this thread or the situation mentioned by the OP.  I was addressing a different context and a different issue and my comments were correct when applied to the context of that discussion. 


Edited by OneLight, 24 February 2014 - 04:02 PM.
Removed quote


#13
Qnts2

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Several have mentioned divorce and remarriage in the case of a spouse cheating, but I'll add one more.

 

1 Cor 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

 

I was married to a man who was a Rabbi, and did not believe in Jesus when I was saved. My new belief in Jesus caused tremendous issues. My ex had no such belief, and no interest in Jesus at all. He tried to talk me out of my belief. My belief was risking his job and mine, so, he wanted a divorce. I was the principal of the synagogue Hebrew/religious school. I was fired. He left and found another congregation.   



#14
shiloh357

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Well not so fast. They asked Jesus if it was o.k. to put away your wife for any reason. That was the BIG debate in those days. Only some of the Jews believed that you could divorce your wife for any reason under the sun. But Jesus clearly came down on the conservative side, which disagreed with divorces for any reason. Jesus' answer was so conservative that the disciples thought it would therefore be best not to marry at all.

 

I understand the cultural context very well. There is no reason to believe that Jesus was speaking only for that time and place.

 

I admit, I know my own humanity. I fault no one for divorce. I can't promise I will never divorce; relationships can only give so much and they are not always puppy dogs and rainbows. I'm not here to bash anyone. We have a 50 percent divorce rate in the USA. Is it any better than it was 2000 years ago?

 

Not so fast, KCO2...    Matt. 5:32 is not the discussion about divorcing one's wife for any reason.   Matt. 5:32 was from the Sermon on the Mount.  Jesus was addressing rabbnic accesses in that sermon and frivolous divorces were part of those excesses.  



#15
Willa

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It is very difficult for a man to raise the children of another man when the biological father remains around the children. The wife may never really consider her new husband to be in charge of her children and allow him to be the authority figure he is meant to be in the home. Women must be protective, but should support him and present a united front to the kids or the kids will divide and conquer, becomming manipulative. They do that in normal homes but are much worse in "broken" homes. They play on the guilt. The kids should not have the option of running to the other parent if they don't like the rules of their home.

These are some of the many practical reasons it is best not to date or remarry, especially when there are children. Kids from 12 up will rarely accept a new parent and will try to break up a marriage so the bio parents can reunite. After the youngest is gone from the home the situation might be better for remarriage. Some will never accept a new spouse.

I am just speaking from the situations I have seen over the years. My husband was from a home where each parent adopted the other parent's children. It occurred when they were 4-7 years old but the oldest sibling kept the home divided.. My best friend had the teen age girls drive her out of the home when she married a man with children. They went through years of counseling but he refused to discipline his daughters or protect his wife from their abuse. Our son allowed an "open adoption" of his first child and she also divided the home. The only case where this worked was when the child never learned she had been adopted by her dad when a toddler till after she was 60 and her dad had died.

There must be homes where this has worked out well, but I am not aware of them. It is best to obey God.

#16
Hall7

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Several have mentioned divorce and remarriage in the case of a spouse cheating, but I'll add one more.
 
1 Cor 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
 
I was married to a man who was a Rabbi, and did not believe in Jesus when I was saved. My new belief in Jesus caused tremendous issues. My ex had no such belief, and no interest in Jesus at all. He tried to talk me out of my belief. My belief was risking his job and mine, so, he wanted a divorce. I was the principal of the synagogue Hebrew/religious school. I was fired. He left and found another congregation.

:thumbsup: I agree.
 






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