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Is it okay to live together if you're both christians and sleeping

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#1
Kim Tramte Smith

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My boyfriend and I were not walking with God when we met and moved in together. We've since given our lives back to Him and our dispute these days is: Is it okay to live together if we sleep in different rooms?



#2
kwikphilly

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Blessings Kim......

     Welcome to Worthy............Praise the Lord,this will be a good thread once you have 5 posts & you can post it in the appropriate forum.....the administration would like to keep this forum  "the Welcome"forum  where you can be greeted by everyone & introduce yourself to everyone!

      Glad you are here......................to God be the Glory!

                                                                                                                                                                         With love-in Christ,Kwik



#3
MissPlaced_56

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WELCOME KIM!!

Nice to have you here!

 

Kim  in order to get you're 5 posts, just say Hi to 5 people in the welcome thread...and we'll be off and running !

 

GBU!



#4
FresnoJoe

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Welcome~!



#5
BeauJangles

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Kim, welcome to Worthy. 

God bless you,

David/BeauJangles

 


Edited by BeauJangles, 18 March 2014 - 12:22 PM.


#6
Kim Tramte Smith

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Blessings Kim......

     Welcome to Worthy............Praise the Lord,this will be a good thread once you have 5 posts & you can post it in the appropriate forum.....the administration would like to keep this forum  "the Welcome"forum  where you can be greeted by everyone & introduce yourself to everyone!

      Glad you are here......................to God be the Glory!

                                                                                                                                                                         With love-in Christ,Kwik

Thank you, trying to figure out how it works. Thanks for the Welcome!



#7
Kim Tramte Smith

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Blessings Kim......

     Welcome to Worthy............Praise the Lord,this will be a good thread once you have 5 posts & you can post it in the appropriate forum.....the administration would like to keep this forum  "the Welcome"forum  where you can be greeted by everyone & introduce yourself to everyone!

      Glad you are here......................to God be the Glory!

                                                                                                                                                                         With love-in Christ,Kwik

Thank you!



#8
Kim Tramte Smith

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Kim, welcome to Worthy. You mentioned that you and your boyfriend have given your lives back to the Lord. So both of you had a previous commitment with God, somewhere prior to your decision to live together. Now you are struggling to keep that relationship holy, by not having the intimacy you once had. Is a decision for marriage also planned in the near future? If so, your heart is in the right place, but your living arrangement is not. From experience, you are leaving yourselves open to give in to temptation. And it will  happen, believe me. You also mentioned a "dispute"? One of you is not happy with this situation... I understand. I'm sure the problem to separate until marriage, may pose a financial difficulty, or some other difficult situation. Despite all of  this, the Lord would be pleased if you make a firm stand to change your minds and choose to remain faithful unto the Lord. With all good intentions, sooner or later, you will yield to the intimacy you once shared with one another. Believe me, I know! This would bring shame and embarrassment before the Lord, your God. It's a mistake... You need a change of plans and soon. Unless you've set a very near date in holy matrimony. Still the thoughts of former intimacy will be extremely hard to resist. We are human and the flesh is weak. If returning to a holy lifestyle is a concern, are you attending church? Can you find an honest and understanding minister, to lead both of  you towards a walk pleasing to the Lord? I know this seems rather complicated, but the answer is simple... Make plans, or make choices. You don't want to live a life, feeling guilt or shame. There's not one of us, that are in haste to cast stones, because none of us are qualified to do so. May the Lord our Savior lead both of you into the pathway of righteousness.

God bless you,

David/BeauJangles

 

Marriage is on the back burner. I am feeling the conviction (that living together is wrong), he is not. As long as we're not having sex, he feels everything is okay. But something inside me can't shake that it's not enough. I agree that the flesh will give in sooner or later. He is saying that he won't move unless he hears it from God...I think it's plain in the Bible...I do love him. Unfortunately, we are arguing over the Word of God.



#9
kwikphilly

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Blessings Kim...

    Just 2 more posts(you can reply to me &or 2 others & you got it!) & then you can post your question perhaps in "Struggles " or someplace you think it shuld be (Look through the different forums)....It's easy

                                                                                                                                              With love-in Christ,Kwik



#10
FresnoJoe

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He is saying that he won't move unless he hears it from God...I think it's plain in the Bible...I do love him. Unfortunately, we are arguing over the Word of God.

 

Praying~!



#11
Kim Tramte Smith

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Blessings Kim...

    Just 2 more posts(you can reply to me &or 2 others & you got it!) & then you can post your question perhaps in "Struggles " or someplace you think it shuld be (Look through the different forums)....It's easy

                                                                                                                                              With love-in Christ,Kwik

Okay, I think I'm getting it!



#12
Kim Tramte Smith

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Blessings Kim......

     Welcome to Worthy............Praise the Lord,this will be a good thread once you have 5 posts & you can post it in the appropriate forum.....the administration would like to keep this forum  "the Welcome"forum  where you can be greeted by everyone & introduce yourself to everyone!

      Glad you are here......................to God be the Glory!

                                                                                                                                                                         With love-in Christ,Kwik

Thank you.



#13
Steve_S

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Kim, welcome to Worthy. You mentioned that you and your boyfriend have given your lives back to the Lord. So both of you had a previous commitment with God, somewhere prior to your decision to live together. Now you are struggling to keep that relationship holy, by not having the intimacy you once had. Is a decision for marriage also planned in the near future? If so, your heart is in the right place, but your living arrangement is not. From experience, you are leaving yourselves open to give in to temptation. And it will  happen, believe me. You also mentioned a "dispute"? One of you is not happy with this situation... I understand. I'm sure the problem to separate until marriage, may pose a financial difficulty, or some other difficult situation. Despite all of  this, the Lord would be pleased if you make a firm stand to change your minds and choose to remain faithful unto the Lord. With all good intentions, sooner or later, you will yield to the intimacy you once shared with one another. Believe me, I know! This would bring shame and embarrassment before the Lord, your God. It's a mistake... You need a change of plans and soon. Unless you've set a very near date in holy matrimony. Still the thoughts of former intimacy will be extremely hard to resist. We are human and the flesh is weak. If returning to a holy lifestyle is a concern, are you attending church? Can you find an honest and understanding minister, to lead both of  you towards a walk pleasing to the Lord? I know this seems rather complicated, but the answer is simple... Make plans, or make choices. You don't want to live a life, feeling guilt or shame. There's not one of us, that are in haste to cast stones, because none of us are qualified to do so. May the Lord our Savior lead both of you into the pathway of righteousness.

God bless you,

David/BeauJangles

 

Marriage is on the back burner. I am feeling the conviction (that living together is wrong), he is not. As long as we're not having sex, he feels everything is okay. But something inside me can't shake that it's not enough. I agree that the flesh will give in sooner or later. He is saying that he won't move unless he hears it from God...I think it's plain in the Bible...I do love him. Unfortunately, we are arguing over the Word of God.

 

 

Regardless of all of the theological arguments that you may see for or against living together (without fornicating) and whether or not that is a sin, if you are feeling spiritual conviction over it, you should go.

 

Also, why is marriage out of the question (feel free not to answer if this is too personal)? Just from a practical point of view, that speaks a lot about commitment to another person. If you've been together for a long enough time that you moved in together and aren't considering marriage I would probably start asking myself some tough questions about the relationship anyway.



#14
OakWood

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Hi Kim and welcome to Worthy.  We are glad to have  you here.

 

No I don't believe it is OK to stay in the same house even though you are sleeping in different bedrooms. The Bible says to abstain from all appearances of evil.  You may be in different bedrooms but that is not what it looks like to others to others.  We as believers have to be careful as to  how the world sees us. Let me ask you something.  If Jesus were in your house would you   be in  the same house   with your boyfriend with the explanation that you sleep in different rooms?   I know I couldn't.  I would worry about that says to the world because that is what we are trying to change and we can't do that when what we do looks like the world.  So I would say no it is not OK.  Sorry.  Keep it above suspicion and you will never have to worry.     Praise the Lord!  

 

 

 Because He Lives,!  Rustyangel                                                      

 

I'm not sure if I would agree with you that this is an appearance of evil. They have separate rooms. If anybody inquires they can be shown that. What does it matter what other people think? Anybody who doesn't know them would probably think they are married anyway.

 

If a female neighbour of mine pops round for a cup of tea, do I turn her away in case people think we're having an affair?

I'm an unmarried man. Is that an appearance of evil? Some people think because I'm unmarried I must be sleeping with every woman in the street, or they think I'm bringing girls home every week. In their minds that is what they would do, therefore I must be doing it. Because I've been celibate for some time, I even been accused of being gay. What am I supposed to do, wear a t-shirt saying "yes I'm single but I'm celibate and I'm not homosexual."?

 

Appearances of evil are probably more extreme than that. Two people sharing a place together with separate rooms has nothing to do with anybody else.



#15
Fez

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Kim, welcome to Worthy. You mentioned that you and your boyfriend have given your lives back to the Lord. So both of you had a previous commitment with God, somewhere prior to your decision to live together. Now you are struggling to keep that relationship holy, by not having the intimacy you once had. Is a decision for marriage also planned in the near future? If so, your heart is in the right place, but your living arrangement is not. From experience, you are leaving yourselves open to give in to temptation. And it will  happen, believe me. You also mentioned a "dispute"? One of you is not happy with this situation... I understand. I'm sure the problem to separate until marriage, may pose a financial difficulty, or some other difficult situation. Despite all of  this, the Lord would be pleased if you make a firm stand to change your minds and choose to remain faithful unto the Lord. With all good intentions, sooner or later, you will yield to the intimacy you once shared with one another. Believe me, I know! This would bring shame and embarrassment before the Lord, your God. It's a mistake... You need a change of plans and soon. Unless you've set a very near date in holy matrimony. Still the thoughts of former intimacy will be extremely hard to resist. We are human and the flesh is weak. If returning to a holy lifestyle is a concern, are you attending church? Can you find an honest and understanding minister, to lead both of  you towards a walk pleasing to the Lord? I know this seems rather complicated, but the answer is simple... Make plans, or make choices. You don't want to live a life, feeling guilt or shame. There's not one of us, that are in haste to cast stones, because none of us are qualified to do so. May the Lord our Savior lead both of you into the pathway of righteousness.

God bless you,

David/BeauJangles

 

Marriage is on the back burner. I am feeling the conviction (that living together is wrong), he is not. As long as we're not having sex, he feels everything is okay. But something inside me can't shake that it's not enough. I agree that the flesh will give in sooner or later. He is saying that he won't move unless he hears it from God...I think it's plain in the Bible...I do love him. Unfortunately, we are arguing over the Word of God.

 

Marriage is on the back burner

I am feeling the conviction (that living together is wrong)

something inside me can't shake that it's not

I agree that the flesh will give in sooner or later

 

How many more messages do you need to hear?

 

Temptation usually wins out in the end, and that is why I think your situation may be unwise. If it were someone from my church I would advise them to live separately for a while and do some serious soul searching. I would never advise anyone from my church to live under the same roof if they were involved with each other.

 

But I don't know your full situation, or that of your partner's, so I can only tell you what I would advise a member of our congregation.

 

Only you can make the decision you will have to live with, no one else.



#16
kwikphilly

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Blessings Kim,

      Hi again Sweetheart,Since everyone else is answering on this thread,I might as well put my two cents in but it isn't any different than Rusty Angels or Steve......Obviously you are being convicted of this or you wouldn't be asking the question, right?And honestly,I feel strongly about the message ,we as followers of Christ send out to the rest of the world..........We are supposed to be ambassadors for Jesus,His representatives & believe me......as Christians we are viewed through a magnifying glass and our every action is under scrutiny.........What does that say to the unbeliever,the ones that don't know you but know you are an unmarried couple that sleep under the same roof,call yourselves Christian & the One you call"Lord"says that fornicators will not enter into His Kingdom?

    Are you living in sin,no but it would be the same as my Pastor always says........as Pastor of our church,he dare  not make a champagne toast at a wedding.......is there anything wrong with toasting the bride & groom,absolutely not .....but just imagine this,a guest at the wedding takes a picture of him laughing with his champagne glass held high and then twitters it all over the internet & the caption simply reads"Bishop Pelt of Radiant Living....cheers!"

    We may be the only thing that a non-believer ever sees to speak "Christianity"....Gods Children,His called out to be Holy.....

                                                                                                                                                            With love -in Christ,Kwik

Though we do not seek the approval of men I still think it is very important to lead by example......



#17
shiloh357

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Hi Kim and welcome to Worthy.  We are glad to have  you here.

 

No I don't believe it is OK to stay in the same house even though you are sleeping in different bedrooms. The Bible says to abstain from all appearances of evil.  You may be in different bedrooms but that is not what it looks like to others to others.  We as believers have to be careful as to  how the world sees us. Let me ask you something.  If Jesus were in your house would you   be in  the same house   with your boyfriend with the explanation that you sleep in different rooms?   I know I couldn't.  I would worry about that says to the world because that is what we are trying to change and we can't do that when what we do looks like the world.  So I would say no it is not OK.  Sorry.  Keep it above suspicion and you will never have to worry.     Praise the Lord!  

 

 

 Because He Lives,!  Rustyangel                                                      

 

I'm not sure if I would agree with you that this is an appearance of evil. They have separate rooms. If anybody inquires they can be shown that. What does it matter what other people think? Anybody who doesn't know them would probably think they are married anyway.

 

If a female neighbour of mine pops round for a cup of tea, do I turn her away in case people think we're having an affair?

I'm an unmarried man. Is that an appearance of evil? Some people think because I'm unmarried I must be sleeping with every woman in the street, or they think I'm bringing girls home every week. In their minds that is what they would do, therefore I must be doing it. Because I've been celibate for some time, I even been accused of being gay. What am I supposed to do, wear a t-shirt saying "yes I'm single but I'm celibate and I'm not homosexual."?

 

Appearances of evil are probably more extreme than that. Two people sharing a place together with separate rooms has nothing to do with anybody else.

 

If two people of the opposite sex are living together, they can deny sexual acitivity till their blue in the face, but no one will believe them.  There will aways be suspicion.  Just because two people are sleeping in separate rooms doesn't mean they are not having sex, so no matter what they say publicly people are going to assume things about them.

 

Yes it is does constitute an appearance of evil because of what it appears to other people.  There should be nothing in our conduct that raises any kind of suspicions about our moral/ethical conduct.    Even if we are completely innocent, we need to think about how some people will perceive our actions.  The Bible makes that clear.

 

As a single man, myself, I am never alone in a house or an apartment or any private place with a woman I am not married to, whether she is married or not. 



#18
OakWood

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Blessings Kim,

      Hi again Sweetheart,Since everyone else is answering on this thread,I might as well put my two cents in but it isn't any different than Rusty Angels or Steve......Obviously you are being convicted of this or you wouldn't be asking the question, right?And honestly,I feel strongly about the message ,we as followers of Christ send out to the rest of the world..........We are supposed to be ambassadors for Jesus,His representatives & believe me......as Christians we are viewed through a magnifying glass and our every action is under scrutiny.........What does that say to the unbeliever,the ones that don't know you but know you are an unmarried couple that sleep under the same roof,call yourselves Christian & the One you call"Lord"says that fornicators will not enter into His Kingdom?

    Are you living in sin,no but it would be the same as my Pastor always says........as Pastor of our church,he dare  not make a champagne toast at a wedding.......is there anything wrong with toasting the bride & groom,absolutely not .....but just imagine this,a guest at the wedding takes a picture of him laughing with his champagne glass held high and then twitters it all over the internet & the caption simply reads"Bishop Pelt of Radiant Living....cheers!"

    We may be the only thing that a non-believer ever sees to speak "Christianity"....Gods Children,His called out to be Holy.....

                                                                                                                                                            With love -in Christ,Kwik

Though we do not seek the approval of men I still think it is very important to lead by example......

 

Kwik. That is not the same thing.

 

When unmarried couples live together in sin, they are mimicking what married couples do, so they are committing evil but giving out the appearance of good.

When a pastor raises  his glass to the bride, he is doing good but looks like a drunkard and is therefore giving out the appearance of evil.

 

Couples have always lived together. It's called marriage! Does that mean that every married couple with families have to display their marriage certificates in the window of their houses, just so that people know that they are married? After all, they don't want to give the wrong impression do they? People may think they are living in sin.

 

Now I'm not saying that the OP should continue living like this. It may be better that her and her partner live separately. All I am saying is that this is not an appearance of evil.

 

An appearance of evil would be if a former Satanist finds Jesus but still insists on keeping Satanic symbols around his house and still dresses like a Satanist for nostalgia's sake.

An appearance of evil would be a gay man who finds Jesus, becomes celibate, but still insists on walking down the street holding hands with his ex-boyfriend.

 

Two people of opposite sex living together could be any number of possible and likely scenarios.

 

1/ They could be single but having sex with each other. Everybody knows this.

2/ They could be single but having a sexual relationship. Everybody thinks they are married.

3/ They could be single and celibate.

4/ They could be married and having a fulfilling sexual relationship.

5/ They could be married but not had sex in years because they hate each other, but stay together to keep up appearances. One of them is having an affair.

6/ They could be a gay man and a lesbian who live together as friends.

7/ They could be brother and sister.

 

Men and women living together is normal. They are supposed to (especially in marriage). Men and women living together gives out no message other than the message of tradition.

 

Grown men walking down the street holding hands (no matter how harmless) only gives out one message (in our culture), and that is a message of evil.

 

Now if the OP separates from her partner and moves out, people may think "oh look, they've split up. I wonder why. Perhaps he was cheating on her and she found out."

 

Messages of evil can't come from behind closed doors. What goes on behind closed doors is private!



#19
OakWood

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Hi Kim and welcome to Worthy.  We are glad to have  you here.

 

No I don't believe it is OK to stay in the same house even though you are sleeping in different bedrooms. The Bible says to abstain from all appearances of evil.  You may be in different bedrooms but that is not what it looks like to others to others.  We as believers have to be careful as to  how the world sees us. Let me ask you something.  If Jesus were in your house would you   be in  the same house   with your boyfriend with the explanation that you sleep in different rooms?   I know I couldn't.  I would worry about that says to the world because that is what we are trying to change and we can't do that when what we do looks like the world.  So I would say no it is not OK.  Sorry.  Keep it above suspicion and you will never have to worry.     Praise the Lord!  

 

 

 Because He Lives,!  Rustyangel                                                      

 

I'm not sure if I would agree with you that this is an appearance of evil. They have separate rooms. If anybody inquires they can be shown that. What does it matter what other people think? Anybody who doesn't know them would probably think they are married anyway.

 

If a female neighbour of mine pops round for a cup of tea, do I turn her away in case people think we're having an affair?

I'm an unmarried man. Is that an appearance of evil? Some people think because I'm unmarried I must be sleeping with every woman in the street, or they think I'm bringing girls home every week. In their minds that is what they would do, therefore I must be doing it. Because I've been celibate for some time, I even been accused of being gay. What am I supposed to do, wear a t-shirt saying "yes I'm single but I'm celibate and I'm not homosexual."?

 

Appearances of evil are probably more extreme than that. Two people sharing a place together with separate rooms has nothing to do with anybody else.

 

If two people of the opposite sex are living together, they can deny sexual acitivity till their blue in the face, but no one will believe them.  There will aways be suspicion.  Just because two people are sleeping in separate rooms doesn't mean they are not having sex, so no matter what they say publicly people are going to assume things about them.

 

Yes it is does constitute an appearance of evil because of what it appears to other people.  There should be nothing in our conduct that raises any kind of suspicions about our moral/ethical conduct.    Even if we are completely innocent, we need to think about how some people will perceive our actions.  The Bible makes that clear.

 

As a single man, myself, I am never alone in a house or an apartment or any private place with a woman I am not married to, whether she is married or not. 

 

 

Then don't invite any male friends round either. People might think you are gay.



#20
Openly Curious

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If marriage is not an option pronto then it's time to seperate and follow the conviction of your heart.  God has called us to peace.  Fighting just seems to be a manifestation of resisting the truth of doing what is right and holy in God's eyes.  The appearance of evil is what the Word of God tells and counsels us to do we are to shun even the appearance of evil 1Thessalonians 5:22; Romans 12:21).  Your Christian testimony and witness for the Lord will be marred and not taken serious by others around you.  Praying you will follow the Spirit trusting the Lord with your whole life and heart. blessings






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