Well, after reading these two reviews, I'm more convinced than ever that I do not want to give my money to this Hollywood director and company.
I’m a Christian and I think ‘Noah’ deserves a four star review
Posted on March 29, 2014
Noah is a major Hollywood blockbuster, made by an atheist director best known for his previous flick where a mentally disturbed lesbian ballerina goes insane and bleeds to death on stage. Already, a critical person might be slightly concerned about his handling of the Bible, considering what he just did to the ballet.
These concerns grew from suspicion to reality before it was even released, when the man himself came out publicly and professed Noah to be both an environmentalist propaganda piece, and the “least Biblical” Bible film ever made.
He wasn’t lying.
But he forgot to mention that it’s also a terrible film.
The way I figure it, I must now convince at least two people to skip this movie in order to cancel out the twenty dollars I just contributed to Darren Aronofosky’s and Russel Crowe’s coffers.
What better way to do that then by spoiling the entire thing?
<snip> [Click on the link below to read the outline of the story]
If the movie studio wanted to spin a yarn about mythical beasts, epic battles, homicidal sea captains, and a pagan Earth god, they could have done so. They could have called it anything. They could have told their own story. But they called it Noah because they knew that the supposed connection to the Bible would garner immediate fascination. They knew there would be controversy, and controversy sells.
They padded it with enough action movie clichés to draw interest from secular crowds, they hid the outright blasphemy well enough to please gullible Christian crowds, and they mocked Biblical theology blatantly enough to delight the critics.
They came up with a way to make millions while exploiting the various sensibilities of different audience demographics.
That was their first and primary intention, and in it they succeeded wildly.
As an adaptation or retelling of Judeo-Christian theology, it’s a blatant mockery.
But, as a money-making ploy, it’s a downright masterpiece.
Four Stars for marketing
No Stars for quality, substance, coherence, meaning, or theological accuracy.
Noah – The Emperor’s New Movie
March 27, 2014 By Barbara Nicolosi
Let me just start by saying two words which you can accept as fair warning to avoid this stupidest movie in years: Rock People.
Tragiclly, as Western Civilization continues to decay all around us, one thing remains unmuddled: everything is politics. And nowhere is that more true than in media. The same polarization that fired Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty and then got him rehired, and made Mel Gibson $600 million, and then lost him his Hollywood career, and made half the world want to canonize Roman Polanski with the other half wanting him castrated — these are the same social causes propelling the embarrassingly awful horribleness of Darren Aronofsky’s Noah, into an 76% fresh rating from the shameless, agenda-driven critics at RottenTomatoes.com, and setting so many Christian leaders and critics into shilling for the same. Please, stop the madness. It is astounding to me how Christians can be lured into a defense of the indefensible because they are so afraid of the charge of “unreasonablenes.” Trying so hard to be nice, we end up being patsies for people who have no other agenda than to make money off of us.
Here is a short list of some of the stupid story problems in Nooah: (Is it possible to spoil a rotten thing? Well, be warned anyway…)
- Some of the angels felt compassion for Adam and Eve. God was so petulant and wrathful that he turned those angels into rock people. Then, human beings killed most of the rock people somehow. So, the rock people hate humans. But they take a hankering to Noah for no reason and build the ark for him.
- We say in screenwriting that the most cliched way to try to establish sympathy for the main character is to show him or her being nice to a sick child or an animal. Well, this hawkish piece has Noah doing both. But his gentleness to the missing-link dog is undermined when he pulls the arrow out of its flank and then stabs to death three humans. His adoption of the sick girl is undermined later when he tries to stab her infant daughters.
- Noah is a completely unsympathetic character. Somewhere in the beginning of the third act when he as in a knife fight with the raw rat eating guy, I asked my friend, “Is it wrong of me to want Noah to die?” When the audience is rooting for the main character to die (so he can’t kill his infant grandchildren), the filmmaker is deep, deep in the “film as disaster” end zone.
- Noah chides his son for ending the life of a teeny wildflower. And then he cuts down an entire forest to build his ark.
To be continued at link