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Serious topic about my relationship

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18 replies to this topic

#1
Seekingguidance0023

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I need help. I've been very distraught today. Yesterday my father called me and begged me to end my relationship with my current boyfriend, who has been with men before and got HIV. He's currently on medication and makes it less likely that I get it. I love him. I've known him since 2010 and he makes me really happy. Should I listen to my parents? We are both 23. I'm sure my parents are praying about it and asking the church to pray. I just feel like they never let me do anything I want. I think it was wrong for my father to tell me to end the relationship. I feel so confused.

Edited by Seekingguidance0023, 07 April 2014 - 01:08 PM.


#2
OakWood

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Firstly, I'd like to welcome you to Worthy.

You've got to remember that as Christians we can't condone any sexual relationship out of marriage but I can see that you have a serious issue here.

No, you don't have to end your relationship, at least not as a friendship anyway, but you have to stop the physical /sexual side of things - not least because you are at risk of catching HIV yourself.

I think that your father is right about this, but I can't say whether he is right for him to expect you to cut your boyfriend out of your life altogether. Maybe it's time to review this relationship.

What are your feelings about this? You say that parents are praying about it. Are you a believer yourself?



#3
other one

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With just this little amount of information it would be very hard to make any real assessment of things.......   however your father probably has the information that I would want to know and I assume he loves you very much or he would not chance pushing you away......

 

Listen to your father...... 



#4
Seekingguidance0023

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I am a believer. It's hard because there's always been a special place in my heart for my boyfriend. Since the day I met him, I just wanted to be in his life. So I became his best friend, we get a long very well, we go out hike and do fun activities outdoors. His parents love me and think we are great together as a couple. I'm in love with him and that's why it's so hard for me. I can see myself marrying him and having his children and he's told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Back in 2010, I. Would ask my mother to have her bible group pray for him and I would ask for prayer at my church for him as well. Does that mean God put me in his life so I could pray for him only or maybe my boyfriend is going through all this so he could change his lifestyle and please God now. I love my family and it bothers me so much that they feel so strongly against my relationship.

#5
Littlelambseativy

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Welcome to Worthy!!
You make an interesting statement - maybe my boyfriend is going through all this so he could change his lifestyle and please God. God is not pleased with that lifestyle - so I ask you -has he completely forsaken the lifestyle he was leading and given his heart fully to Jesus?
If you are a Christian ask yourself - If I came face to face with Jesus today and He asked me to account for my own time with my friend how would I answer it. Do you talk about Jesus? Do you read the Bible together, even the part that says God will not let homosexuals into heaven? I pray that you are honest with yourself and if he is a friend tell him that you care for him but you could not ever love him as much as Jesus loves him.

#6
other one

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have you discussed with a medical professional how difficult it is to be the wife of a hiv positive person without contacting the virus yourself......   or how difficult it is to get pregnant without you becoming hiv positive or worse your children...

 

You need to understand all the ramifications of this along with the expense involved....

 

If your boyfriend isn't a born again believer I personally would be very against you marring him as would most people here, HIV or not.  There is a lot more at stake than HIV though that would always be a major problem in your life.



#7
Seekingguidance0023

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That's very true Other One, we go to church together. I don't think he's a born again believer. I should read the Bible with him.

I've spoken to his doctor and she said we could have kids and I could take medicine so the baby wouldn't get HIV at birth.

I feel like everything keeps saying, no, don't be with him :(

#8
P_W

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Welcome to Worthy!

 

Praying for you,

PrairWarur



#9
Seekingguidance0023

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Thank you PrayWarur, I really appreciate it

#10
OakWood

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Marriage therefore may be an option, but of course there are so many other things to take into consideration, not least the difficulties of HIV. Does he have a job, for example?



#11
Seekingguidance0023

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He does, he's an accountant. He owns a house and has his own car.

#12
bopeep1909

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First of all welcome to Worthy :mgcheerful: .Are you a Christian?Is your boyfriend a Christian?If you are a Christian have you given this to God and prayed about it?Is it possible that your boyfriend would go back to a homosexual relationship?That is very possible.Yes,it might make it less likely that you would get HIV but you could still get it.Have you done some research on what it is like to have HIV?There have been couples who have married even though one or both are dealing with the consequences of past sin and were not believers in Jesus Christ.These couples have since given their lives to God and have committed themselves to a  monogamous relationship with God #1 in their lives and marriage.Are you prepared for that?As a Christian we are not to have sexual relationships outside of marriage.It sounds like your father loves you very much and wants you to be safe.I am older and my children are grown.There have been many times I have looked back at the past and wished I would have listened to my parents.At the time I was young and thought I knew it all.I knew nothing.If something inside of you is saying "no" I would take a real hard look at that.I did the same thing.I ignored my conscience.I have regretted it ever since. I will pray for you  :th_praying: .



#13
walla299

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That's very true Other One, we go to church together. I don't think he's a born again believer. I should read the Bible with him.

I've spoken to his doctor and she said we could have kids and I could take medicine so the baby wouldn't get HIV at birth.

I feel like everything keeps saying, no, don't be with him :(

 

First, welcome to Worthy.

 

Second: If your boyfriend isn't a believer, the Bible is very clear that believers should not marry unbelievers. Sex outside the marriage relationship is off limits for believers as well. So you are correct in that there is a message there in that bolded sentence that you wrote.

 

I get it that your situation is tough, but that is part of being a believer. Sometimes we have some very tough decisions to make -- and they should be God honoring ones. Go with God's way of doing things, as that's always the better choice even if it doesn't "feel" good. Remember that we walk by faith and not by sight or feelings.



#14
FresnoJoe

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Welcome~!

~

Praying~!



#15
alien224

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Welcome! Praying for you. I really do not believe you can take medications to keep you or your children from getting aids/hiv. If this were possible there would be A cure. If it seems to you everyone and everything is telling you not to be with this man, LISTEN. Your family loves you very much.God loves you (and your boyfriend) more. I can't give advice. But I can pray.



#16
kwikphilly

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Blessings seeking

    Welcome to Worthy,,,I am so happy that God has lead you here to be with us & for very good reasons,Praise the Lord.I think you already know the answers to the questions you are asking & perhaps you just need support & encouragement to follow through?

     Your dad loves you & wants what is best for you,no father would want there child to be exposed to anything that could harm them,let alone lose their life....our Father in Heaven wants the very best for us also(even more so)& so He warns us of the dangers of being unequally yoked.............you made a statement that was very odd to me,you said you don't THINK your boyfriend is a born again believer,I don't understand how you can say he is your best friend & yet not know where he stands with God & what he believes?

      The issue of HIV can be overcome & lived with as many married couples often do,first & foremost is the sex outside of marriage & the issue that he may or may not be an unbeliever(what is he?)     you are clearly & willfully disobeying God,I do believe you must get your own house in order before even considering any relationships...............go to your Father & go to your father,they are both there for you & love you(so are we)

                                                                                                                                                  With love-in Christ,Kwik



#17
Seekingguidance0023

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He is my best friend. He is not a born again believer. Although he attends church, which I'm sure means nothing to anyone on here. I think I might have a conversation with him about it, see if he'll agree to attend church regularly and become a born again believer, if not I will end the relationship. He has agreed that we be monogamous and he said he would never be with a man again. It hurts, I'm in so much pain, so lost. I have prayed about it. I am a Christian. I just want to cry and wish I never had dated him. But I want to be with him. I can't see my life without him. This is so stressful. I don't know what to do and I'm starting to feel sad and depressed. I only have myself to blame. Seems like I like drama and complicating my life. How does one love themself? Maybe I don't love myself. I don't want to be alone. But I feel more alone now than ever.

#18
walla299

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Those feelings you described are real, so I'd reccommend giving all that to the Lord in prayer, and spend some more time with Him in the Bible. No. Its not easy. Jesus said in this world we would have tribulation (trouble) but that He has overcome the world.

 

I'm a guy, so I'm going to tell you beware of setting conditions - he may "play" Christian to keep you happy and maintain the relationship. Before you get mad: I'm not attacking the man's character. I'm stating a fact of life that the lost can be very good play actors when they feel it necessary to get or maintain something they want. We're all fallen creatures, and all of us are selfish by nature, which is why we need to be saved. (Yes, I include myself in that too.)

 

One reason God doesn't want believers marrying unbelievers is that their direction of life is opposite of one another. Unbelievers are headed for destruction and believers toward everlasting life, and those two will never mix -- and will lead only to more misery in marriage. There are many who have made that mistake, including some here on this board. I've met a few myself over the years and its not a picture I'd want anything to do with.



#19
GlidingWings

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I think your father did this mostly because he cares about you and your life. Your father loves you as you also love this person. But he is not willing to risk your life whoever this person may be. Study the word love. It has different meanings depending on who or what is being loved. But agape is to be the highest love which is that of God himself and our love towards God. Th Bible says no greater love than he Jesus who laid his life down for his friends. Imagine how your father would feel if you had died of HIV or any other serious disease. Even just to be infected by it.

 

Personally I would not take that risk. . because in life I have already taken too many risks sleeping with women from one relationship to the next. I could have always contracted something. It is not a sin however to choose to want to be with this person if God meant it to be for the better for both of you. But know though of the high risks you would be taking.

 

While the bible teaches do not be unequally yoked or be with someone who is not of the faith does not mean a couple has to divorce. So long as they still can work in the marriage. One was converted and the other was not. But personally I would get out if this spouse hated Jesus or church. I believe God would understand my reason for getting out. Other wise I would try to work it out. .

 

I can’t tell you for sure what to do or not to do. It's still your life to make these choices. Think about all the pros and cons about this situation. Will you benefit more or have more problems to deal with? In my case as much as it would hurt I would have to find someone else. This person after all made some really bad choices. . I would wonder if this person would ever again to be tempted to sleep with a same sex partner again. But if you decide that you do want to be with this person then I hope that God would help the both of you to manage through all these things. If this be Gods will and his plan for your life and his. . I can’t place a decision but rather just option to choose from. . lean unto God to his understanding. Whatever you choose I hope all things will work well. .






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