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Do u guys remember this?

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10 replies to this topic

#1
fire-heart

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Do u remember those times when ur parents say to do something that u didnt understand why u had to and when u question them about it they use the parents ace in a hole-because i said so. as a kid i studied my parents actions and words and reactions and i had a very bad abusive and cruel family. so i learned how to be a good parent by seeing what not to do and doing the opposite.
i learned ppl say because i said so because they either couldnt give u a good reason or they didnt want to honest with u.

theres also the terrifying moment when u either want to talk with them or ask them for something but ur terrified of either their answer or if they flipp out on u. now i am not a parent but if i ever become one i wont be using because i said so and i want my kids to be able to talk to me without that terror because i remember well how it feels.

honestey is vital in any relationship especially with ur kids.

#2
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Honest approachable parenting is a good foundation for children :)


There's nothing worse than feeling scared of the parent/s and feeling their unapproahfulness or unwillingness. Honesty does not thrive in those situations.

Been there too - not good.

#3
kwikphilly

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Blessings fire-heart..

     I really don't think I ever heard those words from either of my parents because in my generation you did not question your parents,you simply did what you were told,or else,,,,,,,they demanded respect(& gave it also).......I must of experienced enough."or else's" so I was an obedient child.I raised my own child pretty much the same way and my authority was never questioned either.There was a lot of love in my house growing up ,so I always understood that whatever my parents told me to do was for my good....................I think the only fear I felt was that  my parents would be disappointed in me if I did not do what I was supposed to do & I wanted to make them happy & proud of me....there was an equal balance of punishment & reward,There was not anything that I could not turn to my parents with.........................I truly had a great childhood and two wonderful ,loving parents

        It is certainly a different time,parents are afraid to slap a behind because they may be reported to CPS,all I see is disrespect & parents that don't seem to see or hear what their children are doing..............it has gone from the sublime to the ridiculous(other way around)........True,most parents used to say"because I said so" & it has gone from when a disobedient child could not sit down for 3 days to parents rationalizing & giving explanations to 2 year olds?.Every time I took my grandbaby to the park I was amazed at the lack of discipline by these young mothers.......I think perhaps"because I said so" was a much better approach(when they are too young to understand).......These moms would actually stand there explaining to a toddler that they have to leave the park because they don't want to get caught in rush hour traffic on I95 & blah blah blah while the kid is taking a tantrum!!!!!Cookoo!

                                                                                                                                                              With love-in Christ,Kwik



#4
chloe_fantastic

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Becoming a parent was extremely humbling for me.

 

There were several things I said I'd never do with my kids. Yet I caught myself doing those very things in moments of frustration and stress. Looking back, it was so easy to say what I would or wouldn't do in certain situations. It made me view my own parents in such a different light, a much more gracious light.  



#5
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There were several things I said I'd never do with my kids. Yet I caught myself doing those very things in moments of frustration and stress. Looking back, it was so easy to say what I would or wouldn't do in certain situations.

How true! I can relate.

#6
LookingForAnswers

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Sometimes "because I said so" is the right answer.   Why did Abraham prepare to sacrifice Issac?  Because God said so, that was good enough for Abraham, it should at times be good enough for children.



#7
LadyKay

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Okay. But just wait till the ask you why 20 times just because you want them to put their shose on.

#8
other one

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I don't think I ever heard my mom or dad say because I said so....   They always shared any reason even if it was just because they thought it best, and there was always a reason they thought it best.  Very early in life I learned to appreciate my parents experience......   and even today at 67 I am amazed at the time they took with us when we were young to make sure we understood things.



#9
clean

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Fire-hart I think it is fantastic that you are committed to being a great parent someday. I'm not sure why your parents said "I said so" so many times, maybe it was because they lacked the communication skills to get their point across.Though I don't know if that is the case.  My parents were sometimes abusive, my dad was violent,  and my mom was at times very reactive and verbally abusive. My dad was never a Christian as far as I know (he died when I was little), and my mom was not a Christian during my childhood. I forgave my parents a long time ago for the abuse. The Holy Bible lets us know that we are supposed to forgive. Maybe you already did forgive your parents, but if you haven't yet, it is a good idea to do so.  


Edited by clean, 13 April 2014 - 01:01 AM.


#10
gamnot

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Last Saturday evening I baked a cake, Sunday morning I got up walked into the kitchen and my two grandkids were standing there with the cake opened up on the table, half the cake was gone and the rest was crumbled up. Their ages are five and six. I just said now when you boys get through with the cake be sure to put the lid back on the cake dish and snap it shut. I figured that I could eat some of the cake later and just scoop it up with a spoon. It would taste just as good anyway. Then I got to thinking that it might be a good idea that when I finished baking a cake that I should cut it up into slices and put them into smaller containers. ..... Actually I believe that any person especially those in the young maturing stage of life should be subjected to as little abuse, pampering, and indifference as possible. Many people don't realize that pampering or indicating to others that that behavior is ok when it is not is just as much a factor in corruption as abuse.



#11
bopeep1909

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I am not an advocate of parents giving the answer " Because I told you so".It is haughty.This is what you are teaching your children.If you love your children you would give them a respectful answer of why you are doing what you are doing.






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