... I somewhat dislike my Pastor. I never knew I will say this after being ministered and became my mentor since 2007. Please be warned that this might be a long post and I hope I will not bore you out but help me and provide a proper advice,
I met my pastor way back in year 2003 I think when my I was still dating my wife (to cut the explanation.. yes, he is my bro-in-law) Things are going well, we even stayed in their home when we migrated to a different country and after our marriage. He was not yet a pastor at that time but seems to have the 'calling' , there's a Saturday evening fellowship back then. Prior to migrating, I was a staunch Catholic (I was a Youth leader since 1994) before I met my wife who's most of the family are Christians. I was blessed that my wife was the one who debated with me .. pounded my head to attend a Christian service I initially was just attending because I love the opening worship band but, it eventually paved way for me becoming a Lead guitarists in a local Chinese Christian church in 2008 when I migrated since I really love music especially the guitar. After he became a pastor, I left the Chinese church and decided to help him out with music team of our local small Church with roughly 100 members.
Now, the problem is that... I don;t know how to talk to my bro-in-law anymore. It feels that after he became a part time Pastor in 2010 he became very distant, boastful and lost that big brother vibe I used to know. I will be honest that there are somethings that we are disagreeing i.e. Church logo (I'm the lead designer of the site), how my music team is being handled, some personal family matters such as how he is not giving any money to his parents every month, etc...I think this is the downside if you know the real character of your Pastor in which our other members is not aware at all.
Sometimes I feel like, just going back to the local Chinese church but I was thinking, will I just be doing that for the sake of being with their 5K members or just my dislike to him? Our church now is a family type environment, it would be very awkward if some will know that I will be attending other Church. Just a month ago, me and my wife was just laughing when me and my pastor was alone in a taxi since we had to drop off our family member who's flying back... we were not talking at all. That 15 mins drive was dreadful, it's like I'm a stranger... it feels very hard now to sometimes discuss my plans to him with music team since I FEEL THAT HE THINKS THAT I WILL NOT LEAVE the church because we are a family.
Our members are now dwindling... some has already left because on another side, his wife is also not very easy to get a long. You know that there's just that negative vibe going on ... that's how she is. She questions a lot of our actions and ever since, she is very useless to me and my wife. She's the type that will not even go to my Child's party no SMS or what... very hard to get along with.
Help.... I know you might ask, "why do you just man up and speak to your pastor..." I actually don't know to be honest... I think he knows that me and wife dislike him and we still respect him for who he is and even if we know his 'real' character. Even his other sister who's also Pastor's telling the same thing... it seems that there is an insecurity inside his heart that I cannot understand.
enough with my rambling... this is a long post, there's still a lot to post but, words cannot express my frustrations at times. Have you felt that feeling when 'you are crying silently inside'? ... Most of the time, I feel that... whenever he is saying something in the pulpit, there's a struggle in my heart saying 'really?... " oh for pete's sake, he is just copying his preaching on the Internet! How did I know? I google some of the words in the slides...and low in behold, exact same bullets in SermonCentral!!
Thanks for reading!