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family sadness

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11 replies to this topic

#1
turtletwo

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Usually i don't post in this forum. And in the past, my topics never really took off... for some reason. So i am really, REALLY hoping that this time will be different and i will get responses. Let's please discuss this, ok?

 

Here's the deal. My heart is aching over the way that my family has fallen apart. ( Those of you who have closeknit, loving and supportive families have no idea how very blessed you are! I long so much for this. )

 

Here's my history: My family has been dysfunctional for as long as I can remember. Even so, there were happy times and sweet memories along the way. Both in the family I grew up in and the married ( longtime now divorced ) ones.

 

However, each year all family members are drifting farther and farther apart. It is like an avalanche! There seems no way to stop it... Can anyone out there share their own experiences with this family disconnect and how to cope?

 

I am weary of daily crying and questioning why I was born into such a self absorbed, distant and even mean family. I've tried reaching out to them in caring ways. But nothing works.. :noidea:

 

I hate feeling unloved every day. :sad030:Satan even tells me this is a reason to end my life...and how nobody would miss me anyhow. Seriously, sometimes that sounds so very believable, you know?

 

Any compassionate :consoling2:  uplifting discussion on this senstive subject of family rejection would be much appreciated. Thanks.



#2
Butero

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I do have a very close family, but I know people that don't.  It is very difficult for them.  The only thing I can tell you is that there is a reason for the family you have.  God doesn't make mistakes.  The experiences we have make us into the people we are.  God's Word says that all things work together for good to those that love God.  That means you.  God can take those bad experiences and use them for your good.  Seek God and ask him for answers.  Ask him how he is trying to use your circumstance for your good, and put all your trust in him to see you through.  Try not to worry about those things you cannot change.  That is not easy.  I find myself wanting things to be a certain way, and when they aren't, I get frustrated and try to find a way to make them as I wish.  That will only drive you batty.  Instead, focus on what you can do, and place the things you can't control in God's hands.  I am sorry you haven't had a lot of replies to your topics, but we can only reply to what we can relate to, and sometimes people, including me, will post things others don't care to talk about.  I wouldn't take that personally. 



#3
kwikphilly

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Blessings Turtle

    Hey sis,it is great to see you here & Butero has said it well,people reply as they can relate or if it is something they want or like to talk about....hey,some people simply comment because they like to argue & are always contrary to everything said..................People are just people Turtlle & they cannot always be how or what we would like them to be and especially our families............

     I was raised in a very loving,close knit,huge,Italian family .....over the years many of us moved out of state,most of them are dead & the ones that are around are so caught up in their own lives that they seemed to have forgotten the few of us that are left.............what can ya do?Such is life....my own son is mad at me for who knows what reason & I won't even get a Happy Mothers Day....should I be depressed over it?Absolutely not!I am only accountable for my own actions & what anyone else says or does is beyond my control,,,,,

    I do not think we are meant to be all alone but circumstance may have it where we wind up alone....well,better have a good relationship with the Lord or you can be caught w4ith no armor on & be highly vulnerable to those fiery darts of the enemy,,,,sadness,depression,loniness,insecurity,regrets and so on......all lies

    Every single day above ground is the Day the Lord has made & we should rejoice & be glad in it!!!!!!!Oh ,I have gotten sad(I am human) but quickly I will find the Joy of the Lord & His Peace,,,,,,,because these kind of thoughts & emotions signal a red flag.......we are not walking in spirit & in truth ,,,,we need a refreshed indwelling of the Holy Spirit to get back on track,Pray,Praise,seek the Lord,read His Word & ask for His HELP!!!!

     Turtle,you are not responsible for living in a dysfunctional Family & must move forward.......but the family of God is Highly functional,do you have Christian friends to talk with,a church?These things can help,even fellowshipping here with us.....................I hope I can encourage you to not dwell on the family issues but focus on God,we can choose our friends but we cannot choose our families

                                                                                                     With love-in Christ,Kwik

 

Btw,I do miss you not hardly seeing you here,so you would be missed by me!!



#4
fire-heart

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Dear turtle I know your pain my family is the same way save my close sisters mia and kaylee. My whole family loves to gossip about each other and about me there is disfunction on all sides and I am the only christian and my family has many bad ppl in it and they steal mooch off others lie do drugs so i know where you are coming from.

But even though I cant go to my family for help or have a loving family I can always go to Jesus. This reminds me of a dream I had early in my faith see I have a broken family and was feeling down about it and I had a dream where I saw a family talking laughing and loved each other very much. I asked a man if I could join there family because I longed for what the have but he said to me{ You have to make your family like this)  and hugged me  his hug felt so warm and full of love.

 

To this day I wonder who this person was and how in the world I am supposed to bring my family together like the family I saw. i miss having a good family and I wish there was something I can do but at least I have God my father and jesus.



#5
OakWood

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My parents were divorced when I was nine-years old. It disrupts your life and I don't know what else to say, because it was such a long time ago. I also have two sisters who are divorced. I think these experiences affected me and made me the person I am. I believe that these experiences turned me into a worse person, somebody who also has had many frivolous relationships. In fact, I've never been married myself and this may have been one of the reasons why.



#6
FresnoJoe

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Any compassionate :consoling2:  uplifting discussion on this senstive subject of family rejection would be much appreciated. Thanks.

 

:emot-heartbeat:



#7
2Joyful

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Well shared Butero...

 

Prayers TT



#8
Organic Medicine

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You know the song "one day at a time dear Jesus"......... I feel that if we look at ourselves and change just one tiny thing about how we look at life etc
Kwik is correct,we can only change ourselves,and allow ourselves to be happy even if others do not behave the way we want them too. We should also ty to stop making excuses for ourselves because things were bad in the past Just one tiny change ,letting go of hate ,fear ,anger etc can help .An of course prayer to our dear saviour and patience while God tends to your prayer.

#9
Cletus

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Turtletwo, this subject is heavy on the heart but one that I am very familar with. Every since I was little I have had a broken home and I have felt so alone and sad because of it. What I am going to tell you is out of the bible. In a way its not very comforting but in another way it is. When you think about how awesome God is. This scripture didnt help me to feel comfort but rather it helped me to accept it and move on with my life. I hope it will do the same for you. And as a side not this passage is really, as I understand it about the true cost of disciple ship.

I am come to send fire on the earth, and what will I if it be already kindled? But I have a baptisim to be baptized with: and how am I straightened till it be accomplished! Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on the earth? I tell you, nay. But rather division. For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother, the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against the mother in law.
Luke 12: 49-53
Jesus told us it would be like this. Just do what you can to honor and live for God. Thats all you can do. And pray for them too.

#10
Love is alive

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I too grew up in a dysfunctional family. Even though we still lived close and talked to each other it was none the less dysfunctional. My dad divorced my mom for another woman when i was in the first grade. He stayed away most of my life, except to drop in every 10 years or so for a few mins. Our family used to have a hard time even getting together on holidays because we were so dysfunctional that people would end up in arguments and mad over the stupidest, pettiest things that you wouldn't even believe.

When i married life wasn't much better, although i was determined not to get divorced, i had a husband who became an abusive alcholic who liked other women much better than his family life, not to mention the drugs. So as badly as i hated to I too ended up divorced.

Since I was a child I believed in God, so when I was at my lowest point, Jesus reached down and grabbed my hand and pulled me back up. I got rebaptized and now attend church regularly, I try my best to stay focused on Christ, and work for the glory of God through mission projects. I too at one point felt that no one would miss me and felt terribly unloved. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have everlasing life. John 3:16

God loves us soooo much that He does not any of us to perish, no not one, He wants all of us to come back to Him. God does not want you to take your life. He wants you to come back to Him and use your life to glorify Him and further His kingdom.

 

My unsolicitated advice to you is to find a church and build a good life with a good church family. Do something for someone else, that always makes us feel better. Collect clothes for the needy, do a food drive for the less fortunate that cannot afford both utilities and food. Get involved in mission work, even if it is just giving a testimony or helping someone with a bible study.

 

The best advice I ever recieved from my grandma was this. When you think you have it bad, look around, there is always someone out there who has it much worse. And it is entirely true!! Your earthly family may be dysfunctional but your Heavenly Father is perfect and loves you so much that He gave his only son to die for us. When satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future. Get up, get moving, be the body of Christ.  God wants you to take your place in his church and do your job (telling others about Him), otherwise you would not be on here looking for answers and exposing your feelings. We all love and care about each other here and I will be praying for you, pray talk to your Father and help others learn of Jesus. You will be soooo surprised at the joy and peace that will replace the loneliness and unloved feelings.

 

Now I am remarried and have the peace, love and joy that I searched for in all the wrong places. I finally searched for them in the right place and found them in Jesus.  I pray you too will find the peace, love, joy and acceptance that you search for, the bible and prayer is the place to find it. Look to Jesus!!



#11
tigger398

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Ok now I can share my story turtle maybe it will help you to understand that lots have this problem and we over come it. Ok let me start, are you ready cause this a long one. my mom was a drunk, Lets see Christmas and birthdays and anything important I got a drunk on the couch, no graduation cause who wants a drunk there. It's not like you can call up mom and say hey drunk lets go out. Oh it gets worse. Because my brother has unforgiveness issues. I haven't talk to him in over 10 yrs. most likely never will. So back in my story. My other brother has issues to and will not talk to me either. My sister sometimes, but hardly. It's been that way for yrs. I learned to accept it. The thing is to stop fixing what you can't fix. Thats God's job. When you can't fix it, leave it. Now here is another story. This is recent. I was working at a baking company for 20 yrs. We had this manger for maybe 10 yrs or more, anyway she abused me, Oh did I say I was sexually abused yet, Cause I was also, Back to my work story. My manager hated if something good happened to me. She lied and accused me of things. She held my job over my head to getr what she want for example (I had to work 7 days a week or I had to find another job) My hours were cut to two hours a week to where I was driven out of work. Even though she made more money then me  She hated that I got raises. I used to get up for work and say it's time for my daily abuse. I think I found out that I lost my job cause I don't think God wanted me there. The hard part was not me loosing my job, It was letting go, cause I hate change. No one like changes. I was sooooooooooo deppressed. The hard part was praising God during my storm. When things get good you praise him. Who feels like praising during storms. When I started to thank God and when I started to change my additude and to understand that I can't fix this, and allowed God to do his work. Things changed. I got another job. I don't make as much money as I used to. but hey I'm working again.  ;)   I could have never done this without God. Now forgive me if I sound harsh, God needs you to work with him, the additude has to change, and to focus on positive additude. YOU CAN DO IT !!! 



#12
coheir

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I noticed organic medicine posted a song; here is another one " Mercy came down" by Del Way. hear it on youtube

I too miss the family ties and companionship.

And it would be very long if I posted my abusive past. 

My family also is much like your description. We have grown apart over the years. Some moved some dont follow Jesus.

 

You say satan even tells you its reason to end your life; Well according to your interest you know NOT to Believe satan.

So I say put that out of the picture, Now.

Also do not let your mind rest of the bad family developments, I too wonder why I was place into my particular family as I seem to

 not fit in. We must trust that at the right time we will know why we endure earthly heartache. 

I think we all have had close deep feeling for someone and realize their feelings are not held as close or as deep.

God will see us through and then the pain will be gone.






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