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Divorce -- my impending divorce!


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I do not see a divorce section here. Have I simply overlooked it? In any case, I am in a situation where divorce is inevidible.

 

I was married for nearly two decades and for the past two years, wife was determined to distroy it. And she did. Cheating is a deal breaker at some point. You may get past it the first time, but at some point you can no longer deal with it.

 

I never thought my marriage would end this way. I assumed that we would terrorize an old folk's home together. Now I feel the 'ol "darn if I do and darn of I dont." In some circles, I will be rejected for my divorce. If I remarry, I would be rejected in other circles.

 

What has been some of you divorceesed experiences? Please share.

 

I can say that has been the most painful experience of my life. We do need a section that deals with this sbject and offers support

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The majority of the Christian church allows for divorce and re-marriage if your spouse cheated.  There are some who don't allow for divorce and re-marriage under any circumstance, but they are the minority.  I am sorry to hear you are going through this, but you clearly have Biblical grounds for divorce. 

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Sorry to hear that you are going through this. 

 

Instead of fretting over what others think, spend the time with the Lord and see what He thinks. Get the support system in place of a pastor, brothers in Christ etc. Focus on the Lord to help you through this trial and seek His will in everything.

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We serve a BIG God, and you will have no judgement from me. I feel for you in ways you won't understand.

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Praying

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Praying~!

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Terrorizing an old folks home together is a neat way to express your future hopes.  I am sorry that it may not turn out that way for you.  At least not with your present spouse.  Don't let that dream die off.  The Lord has a solution for you. 

 

And as you may know but have not allowed it to come to the surface yet, wondering what others may rate your situation will soon fade if the divorce turns out to be a nasty one.  You may wish for the days like today.  GBU and I will pray for wisdom to be granted to you. 

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KCO2,

I'm so sorry that you're facing this very painful circumstance in you're life!

Judge you?? NOT FOR A HOT MISSISSIPPI MINUTE!!!

 

KCO2 you are loved here brother!

 

As far as advice goes.....What Sheba alluded to is your best course of action....

You need to be still and let GOD LOVE YOU thru this very painful time in your life.

 

Any time you need to talk ,Please feel free to PM any member of the "Worthy Ministry Team"

 

GBU ALWAYS Brother!

 

~~~MISS~~~

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after being married for 44 years, I can't help but find this subject almost terrifying....

 

I can only imagine the hurt and loss.  The closest I've been to this experience was when we had done the MRI tests on my wife and discovered she had MS....   if it hadn't been MS, it would have been a tumor that would have killed her within three months.....

 

Facing that even 20 + years ago hasn't faded from my mind.

 

My prayers go out to you.....   I think only God himself can heal that kind of hurt so my prayers are for his help for you.  i do believe he's the only one who can fix it.

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I do not see a divorce section here. Have I simply overlooked it? In any case, I am in a situation where divorce is inevidible.

 

I was married for nearly two decades and for the past two years, wife was determined to distroy it. And she did. Cheating is a deal breaker at some point. You may get past it the first time, but at some point you can no longer deal with it.

 

I never thought my marriage would end this way. I assumed that we would terrorize an old folk's home together. Now I feel the 'ol "darn if I do and darn of I dont." In some circles, I will be rejected for my divorce. If I remarry, I would be rejected in other circles.

 

What has been some of you divorceesed experiences? Please share.

 

I can say that has been the most painful experience of my life. We do need a section that deals with this sbject and offers support

So sorry to hear this brother.

My sister went through a divorce last year. Reaching out to family and her church really helped her during the hard days. Also she began going to Celebrate Recovery for codependency, etc.

 

 

What is Celebrate Recovery?
Celebrate Recovery is a ministry designed to help hurting people. It is made up of regular folks like you and me, who are on a journey toward wholeness; seeking recovery from and celebrating God's healing of life's hurts, habits and hang-ups. Trained leaders provide safe, confidential, Christ-centered groups where people can grow. They offer their stories as fellow travelers on the journey to healing.
At Celebrate Recovery we believe that change is possible by the power of Jesus through this Biblical program.

You can also see if your local church offers Divorce Care.

We're not here to judge you brother. Let us know how we can better pray for you.

Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Will pray for you and your family.

God bless,

GE

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Thanks for the thoughtful replies and suggestions. They have meant a lot.

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You kinda need to fix your blog. I got a bunch of code when I clicked the link.

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KC,

 

I've also been through divorce (thankfully, it was just as simple as sending him the paperwork to sign and mail off ... no court involvement necessary).

 

I will confess I royally messed up with that first marriage. I was young and wasn't thinking at all. He ruined my credit (from A1 to bankruptcy) in just 5 short months. Among other things, the last straw was finding conversations between him and a girl online ... about how he wanted to be with her etc etc. I considered that cheating on me. I left. Due to factors I won't go into, it was 11 years before I was able to get a divorce. For 10 of those years, I was with another man ... with whom we both considered ourselves married (we are now officially married).

 

Funny thing ... just a few days ago, I got down on my knees and asked God's forgiveness for how I handled my first marriage (from beginning to end). My current husband and I have been through "heck and back" over the now 13 years we have been together ... and we have stayed true, faithful, and supportive of one another. I consider this my first marriage (for the actual first one was a 5 month farce in my book). Although, I think God sees that differently! LOL Hence why I was asking for his forgiveness for my idiocy. =)

 

I didn't mean to hijack your thread, KC ... but just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone when it comes to divorce and wanting to please our God.

 

HUGS from a fellow NC-er. =)

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Praying for you.

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ADisciple,

 

thanks for your candid conversation about your first marriage -- a true disaster. I have kicked myself a few times for even posting about my marriage. Yeah it's totally humbling and thoroughly embarrassing. Especially for me. Before, I had no empathy for people who were divorced or any idea of the pain it could cause.

 

You didn't "hijack" the thread. You taught me something... thank you. I am too idealistic. One never knows what is around the corner. God bless you. I pray your marriage only grows stronger. FWI- I have already prayed that prayer. As a man, I take 100 percent responsibility for this notwithstanding the facts of the matter. Hey, if nobody else wants to go to heaven, I still want to go! :)

 

Sheba: thank you. I believe I fixed the blog.

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Praying KC02.

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not ignoring ya KC.... i just hadn't seen this thread til now. of course, when you posted it i was still under the fog of medication from my surgery. in any case, i've been praying for your situation for a long time, and i know you didn't need me to post here to acknowledge it, but since we've been friends for a thousand years (ok, 15, close enough), i couldn't just NOT post here.

 

never give up on God. He is more than able to heal the broken heart, and if He has someone else in mind for you to terrorize old folks homes with, He'll bring her into your life at just the right time!

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Though I have not bee through anything like a divorce it must Be equivalent to a death except you may still see the one you loved.

Our Father helps us when one dies and He will help you with this, just call on Him and ask Him for support and guidance though friends and family, including church may abandon you - God will be your strength and guide. The shepherd who leads you to the quiet waters to sooth your broken heart and green pastures to refresh you. Just ask Him!

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I was married for nearly two decades and for the past two years, wife was determined to distroy it. And she did. Cheating is a deal breaker at some point. You may get past it the first time, but at some point you can no longer deal with it.

 

Kind of the same thing God went with through with the "house of Israel" she continually cheated on him.

 

However God redeemed her.

 

Perhaps you should find a way in which you can redeem your wife?

 

Remember Marriage is also about sickness and in health and what your wife seems to have is spiritual sickness and you need to understand it and how to treat it.

 

What I do know funny enough is the law of attraction.....Ive slept with **Edited** a lot of woman before i changed my life and I understand how to attract them...you need to get your wife's attention back and keep it...there is something that she is finding attractive with the men she is sleeping with and you actually know what it is because you wooed her and she ended up marrying you, re-explore your wife and woo her again.

Edited by ncn
Language content edited
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I can't really say anything negative about promoting forgiveness for transgressions, even cheating, but at the same time, you are asking a lot of someone who is with a repeat offender, and you are almost coming across as though the husband is responsible.  The victim becomes the one on trial in that if he had only been a better husband, his wife may not have cheated.  I don't buy that.  She is responsible for her sins, not him.  If he wants to give her another chance that's wonderful, but he certainly doesn't have to.  Fornication comes from a Greek word that includes adultery, and it is grounds for divorce. 

 

One other thing that a person has to consider is the health risk.  People who cheat repeatedly will often contract STDs, including fatal ones like AIDS.  I am very much in favor of saving any marriage that can be saved, but there are circumstances like this, where even Jesus allows for divorce. 

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InChrist:

 

I think your position is a high ideal about redeeming a spouse from sin. I did, in fact, try this the last time with the condition that it [cheating] would never happen again. It was very hard afterward; I'm not certain we ever felt the same way towards each other again, but we were giving it a go.

 

I wanted to take a second here to tell any married person that is contemplating a fling to forget it. It will destroy your marriage and your family.

 

Like Butero pointed out, this high ideal is not always practical. Maybe feasible and prudent are better words. A cheater is going to cheat the same way an alcoholic is going to drink. There should be no surprise when it happens again.

 

My personal definition of fornication is when one simply can't deal with a cheating spouse any longer as opposed to simple adultery. I don't take marriage, vows, or divorce lightly. I've done everything I can. The key is to know when it is over and beyond repair.

 

I am moving on. I pray that you never get closer to the issue than just a theological position. Until you are here, you can never completely see the big picture. I hope you never see the big picture, but nonetheless develop some empathy for those facing such life-changing events without contempt or negative presuppositions.

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KC,

I have not been divorced, but I was a divorce lawyer for about ten years. I assume your wife is also a believer, but just went wayward on this one. Almost all of my clients were believers who were being divorced by other believers and like your case, one party was always deeply grieved it turned out this way. So, you are definitely not alone. The spirit of the world is very strong: the lust of the flesh and of the eyes, even to believers, is a hard force to say no to.

I feel for you bro.

Having said that, may I share a personal thought here that may or may not help you. You decide that.

If my wife did choose to leave me believing the grass was greener on the other side, yes, it would sting, but only for a while. I think I would recover quickly because I really don't want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me and doesn't have mad love for me as I for her.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this- being alone in a home may be better than being unloved in a home, and who knows? Maybe God has someone out there who REALLY does have mad love for you and is praying right now as we speak for you to come in her path. Like I said, this may not help you because I know I do not think like everyone else, but maybe it will.

Anyhow, as you can see by this thread, many here share your burden and sadness. Be strong in His power, not yours, my brother.

Spock out

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never give up on God. He is more than able to heal the broken heart, and if He has someone else in mind for you to terrorize old folks homes with, He'll bring her into your life at just the right time!

Amen! :thumbsup:

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I do not see a divorce section here. Have I simply overlooked it? In any case, I am in a situation where divorce is inevidible.

 

I was married for nearly two decades and for the past two years, wife was determined to distroy it. And she did. Cheating is a deal breaker at some point. You may get past it the first time, but at some point you can no longer deal with it.

 

I never thought my marriage would end this way. I assumed that we would terrorize an old folk's home together. Now I feel the 'ol "darn if I do and darn of I dont." In some circles, I will be rejected for my divorce. If I remarry, I would be rejected in other circles.

 

What has been some of you divorceesed experiences? Please share.

 

I can say that has been the most painful experience of my life. We do need a section that deals with this sbject and offers support

Hi

I know I'm only new here to these forums but I have been through this as well as other stuff at the same time. Just thought I would mention a few things that helped me.

Made sure I had people I could call on anytime. I do mean anytime. Sometimes it would be 1am and i needed someone to talk to so I would be safe. I was very lucky I had a friend I could call on.

Don't be afraid to seek counselling. I avoided counselling because I saw it as acknowledging failure and thought that would be the end of me if I admitted that. Rather silly when I look back on it but of course we don't always think rationally in those situations.

Very carefully consider the people in your life right now and who can be relied upon to give you support and encouragement. For example my brother started telling me I was being unfair by considering moving interstate away from my wife. While I understand that she did not want me to move interstate with our child I needed to so I could be close to support in family and friends. While I'm sure my brother meant the best I had just been hit with three lots of bad news in a couple of weeks including my wife moving out. I needed support and kind words at that point in time. I didn't need to feel as if I had to defend myself and justify my decisions especially when they were the best thing for me which then by default helped me be the best parent I could in that time.

 

I have written my story down with the focus being on what helped me and therefore might help others as well as how to help someone with depression. Hopefully in the future I will be comfortable enough to share that in the testimony section but if you would like to read it I am willing to send you a copy. Without knowing the message situation here if it is like most forums it will take three or four private messages to send the whole story. I am happy to email it but of course understand if you don't want to share your email with a stranger.

 

I pray for strength and comfort and healing.

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Blessings KCO2

     Gee,I am truly sorry for what you are going through,,,,,,sounds like you are a good guy  that took those marriage vows before God very seriously & reverently....really,I am so sorry.I almost wanted to cry when you said you wanted to terrorize the ole folks home together :consoling2:

       Please don't worry about what anyone thinks & shame on anyone who would reject you......we are to seek God's approval,not man.You are an innocent,you are a victim of adultery & it must really be a heartache but thank God that our Father promises us that He will rush to the side of the broken hearted........I get a sense that you may have a glimmer of hope yet?You said there is a point when you can no longer deal with the cheating,you do not have to deal with it at all & that is God's Word.I don't know where you both are at this point,in the process of divorce,she wants it,you want it,both?In any event,if there is a glimmer of hope & you both want to give it another go ,perhaps you can go to some type of Christian counselor?And I assure you that God is able to repair,restore ,renew.......of course,both parties must place it in His Hands & put forth a lot of effort.

      I would never reject you,I won't even get into it but I was as bad as 'the woman at the well"-    Jesus does not reject anyone who comes to Him.I'm not one to give anyone advice on marriage but I know a lot about divorce-lol    It is not easy,usually your married friends that you both knew dwindle away & you can feel like you are thrown back out there into a "singles" envoirnment that is a very unfamiliar & often times ,uncomfortable  place.....even more the reasons to draw very close to the Lord,I can assure you that He will hold your hand every step of the way and even though you are suddenly alone ,you do not ever have to feel lonely,not for a minute.

     I encourage you to enter into God's rest,,,,,,His Loving Arms are open wide to embrace you,just fall into Them with all your faith & trust.....the Holy Spirit will Comfort you and you will be at Peace.......a big part of healing & starting fresh is to pray for forgiveness,,,,,,even though she will no longer be your wife,pray for her,forgive her,forsake any bitterness or resentment you may harbor and a pure heart mends easily.......this is difficult for anyone except Jesus...ask for the Heart & Mind of Christ ......& that Gods Will be done

      When I left my husband(the day before)I asked ever so earnestly,with every ounce of my being,that my Fathers Will be done & to help me to go & to do whatever He said....I asked for the Heart & Mind of Christ(I had not one reservation ,completely committed).KC,in all honesty,I forgave,I never looked back,I had peace,I had strength,joy,comfort,hope ........Christ in me did it because my one focus was to let God & let go....LOL,I felt "born again" again     Trust God ,you are going to be okay....and you have us,too(we are your support !)   And you thought we did not have a divorce section-lol   the Lord is Jehovah Jireh    

      God Bless you,my Brother,you are in my prayers....   You are loved,we are here for you & the LOrd will never leave or forsake you!

                                                                                                                                      With love-in Christ,Kwik

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