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Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian

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18 replies to this topic

#1
kool_kid_86

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My girlfriend and I started dating about two months ago. We are both 28, just graduated from college and started working in our dream careers, still living with our parents, have strong Asian values, and respect our parents a great deal. We were great friends for about a year before that. While we were friends, her parents warned her not to get close to me. Shortly after we started dating, she told her parents that we were dating and they did not like that idea at all. They lectured her saying that I am not the right person for her because of two reasons:

 

1) I am not a Christian. Ever since we have started dating, I have regularly been attending church every Sunday. In my heart, I know that I will devote myself to the church in time. Both of my parents are Christians, but are not active (they pray when needed, but do not attend church nor do they try to push religion onto me).

 

2) My past. I have had two previous that both lasted for five years but I messed up both of them. I cheated on the first girlfriend with my second girlfriend. I really cared about my second girlfriend but after six years I was feeling too guilty about cheating that I had to break it off. A year later, my current girlfriend and I started dating. Due to this past history, her parents think that I will not be a devoted boyfriend and will most likely cheat again. I know I will not cheat again as we both love each other dearly and I vowed to communicate all of my emotions to my girlfriend.

 

Whenever my girlfriend and I are out together, we tell our parents (it is a respect thing). We don't work in the same company but we often (almost every work day) pick each other up after work and take transit together to get home (we live fairly close to one another). I spend Saturday and Sunday with her too. During these times that we are together, her parents would call her cell every hour asking her when she would come home. When we talk on the phone at night, her parents would come into her room and tell her to go sleep. I have met her parents a few times when we were friends and they are very great and beautiful people. It is just that they think their daughter can find someone who is much more compatible in the sense that they grew up as a Christian and has never cheated before.

 

I don't know what to do about this. I wanted to confront my girlfriend's parents about this and have a conversation about this, but they refuse to speak to me. They even said that they will not attend the wedding! I am planning to speak with various pastors regarding this issue to get some spiritual guidance. In the back of my mind, I did think of breaking up with my girlfriend because of the amount of strain I am putting on her family, but this would be a waste as we connect extremely well together (even as casual friends people thought we were dating). I am fully committed to this girl and willing to do anything to prove to her parents that I am right for her daughter. My parents have no idea what to do, and neither do I. Can anyone offer some advice?



#2
LadyC

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it's good that you're respectful, but you also need to respect their feelings. it doesn't mean you have to be obedient to their feelings, because at 28, your girlfriend's parents have to let her make her own choices. they are right though, that she should not be dating an unbeliever. the reason is biblical, and it's not anything personal. it's quite simple.... you're far more likely to draw her away from God than she is to draw you TO Him. that is where their concern stems from.

 

your past would be irrelevant (or should be) to them if you were a christian, but you aren't. 

 

still, at her age, they can't (and shouldn't) be demanding that she follow their rules. she's an adult. they've done their job raising her, and now it's her job to either choose Christ for herself or not.



#3
FresnoJoe

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Welcome~!

~

 

Beloved, It Is Not The Church That Makes One A Christian

 

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. Revelation 3:20

 

It Is Jesus

 

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

 

For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. John 10:9-10



#4
Kenzie

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Hello!

I see that you've come to this forum to ask the Christian community about what you should do. This is a good place to come.

My first advice to you is this: her parents are only looking out for their daughter's best interest, although they might seem less than accepting. 2nd Corinthians 6:14 reads, "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" What Paul means here is that a marriage between a Christian and an unbeliever cannot be what God designed marriage for, because God established the institution of marriage to be a union between two people and Himself-- a three-way partnership with the goal of ultimately glorifying God in all aspects of a couple's life together. A major concern relating to a marriage devoid of God would be the children's spiritual welfare-- the unbelieving parent would likely influence the children adversely. This is why her parents feel the way they do on the matter.

You also said that you know you will eventually devote yourself to the church. My question is, what keeps you from taking that step of faith? Is it that you simply haven't found the faith yet? Are you afraid of the changes that will take place in your everyday life when you accept Jesus? My heart aches for you that you might think this way. Believing on the name of Jesus does not enslave a person; it sets a person free! Let's examine Ephesians 2:1-7, which reads, "And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." By turning away from our sinful nature and embracing the way of love, truth, and light, we may lose the support of the secular world, but we gain so much more through the gift Jesus gives us. We don't have to wait until we get to heaven to experience this, either: we will always carry the joy of the way Christ has liberated us in our hearts.

You may not be ready to accept Christ, which is fine, because God has his timing for all of us.

I pray that you will accept Jesus and begin your amazing journey with Him.

Edited by Kenzie, 06 July 2014 - 01:00 PM.


#5
Littlelambseativy

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I could not say it much better than Joe. Church makes you a church goer but unless you come to Jesus and ask Him for forgiveness and accept Him as your Saviour - One who died for your sins you will not be a Christian and your heart will tend to bend with the 'winds' so to speak. Walking with Jesus makes life steady in a world that is in turmoil.

#6
kool_kid_86

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Thank you for the responses. I understand how important it is for my girlfriend to be dating a Christian. I am slowly working hard at becoming a Christian. At the moment, I am regularly attending church every Sunday. I am not sure what the next steps should be though.

 

 

I have never wanted to accept Jesus because I never had any reasons to live eternally. To be honest, an eternal life would have been torture for me (I have a very long story for this that I will save for another day). In addition, I felt that Christianity was made up (no offense). However, when I met my girlfriend, my views have changed. I want to spend the rest of my time with my girlfriend. And if God and Heaven did exist, I would be unhappy knowing that she would be spending her afterlife without me. As a result, I figured I have nothing to loose if I give Christianity a try.

 

 

I was wondering if there is a way to accelerate my relationship with God other then just regularly attending church? I would like to read the bible with my girlfriend, but as my girlfriend and I do not have much time together, I honestly rather spend that time doing other things with her and read the bible on my own time.



#7
other one

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If you are driving to and from work together get the bible on cd or mp3 and listen to it with her....   start with John,  then the whole new testament.  It only takes 19 hours.

 

Second, I hate to break the news to you, but you are going to live forever no matter what.......   the question is where will you be in eternity.

 

You can pick to let Jesus be the lord of your life and follow his teachings and be with him throughout eternity, or you can reject him and be tormented forever with the devil.     May not seem like a fair deal, but the decision is really up to you.



#8
Kenzie

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Thank you for the responses. I understand how important it is for my girlfriend to be dating a Christian. I am slowly working hard at becoming a Christian. At the moment, I am regularly attending church every Sunday. I am not sure what the next steps should be though.


I have never wanted to accept Jesus because I never had any reasons to live eternally. To be honest, an eternal life would have been torture for me (I have a very long story for this that I will save for another day). In addition, I felt that Christianity was made up (no offense). However, when I met my girlfriend, my views have changed. I want to spend the rest of my time with my girlfriend. And if God and Heaven did exist, I would be unhappy knowing that she would be spending her afterlife without me. As a result, I figured I have nothing to loose if I give Christianity a try.


I was wondering if there is a way to accelerate my relationship with God other then just regularly attending church? I would like to read the bible with my girlfriend, but as my girlfriend and I do not have much time together, I honestly rather spend that time doing other things with her and read the bible on my own time.


I'm glad you've decided to give Jesus a try! I recommend talking with a member of the pastoral staff of the church you have been attending about how to take that next step and begin walking with God in your daily life. You should spend time in prayer, just talking to God and telling him how you are seeking Him out, because the Bible says that those who seek will find. It's important to spend independent time in Bible study and in prayer, but fellowship is also crucial in the development of our faith. Make some friends within the church and talk to some other people about the way you are seeking Jesus so that they can stand by you all the way. Christian friends are a great blessing when tough times come, and as support in our daily life-- my church friends mean the world to me. Ask your girlfriend to make special time to spend in the word of God with you-- your relationship with both God and her will blossom.

I wish you the best, and I will pray for you. God bless, and feel free to message me anytime if you'd like to have a one-on-one.

#9
Cletus

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Confess with your mouth Jesus Christ is Lord. Repent of your sins(turn away from them) and ask Jesus to come into your heart. Do this as a prayer. You will be so glad you did, if you do.

#10
Wildstar

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Well good luck.  Jesus took away your sin so you should really learn about him.  I am pretty knowledgeable about God if you ever need to speak to someone privately.  

 

1 John 2:2 "He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world."



#11
LadyC

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have you considered talking to your girlfriend (or better yet, her parents) about what christianity is all about? i ask this for several reasons... you seem to have a lot of misconceptions about God and eternity, and what it "takes" to become a christian (really, it doesn't matter how many times you attend church, that will never get ya there! but believing Jesus is who He says He is in your heart, and confessing it with your mouth, is the way to Christ). who better to learn from than those christians you would like to make a part of your family? it would strengthen your relationship with her (if you are sincerely seeking God) and would build a relationship with her parents.

 

and like other one said... you are going to 'live' forever. you WILL spend eternity somewhere. you say you fear eternal life will be torture for you. newsflash, without Christ, that's exactly what it will be. eternal torture.

 

now go see if you can talk to her father and ask him if he can help you to understand what eternal life WITH Christ will be like.



#12
kool_kid_86

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Thank you again for the advice. I have been doing some thinking and have another question.

 

I know the only reason I am going to church is so I can spend eternity with my girlfriend. If my girlfriend's parents become the road block and am preventing or making it difficult for my girlfriend and myself to be together, would this be considered God's doing (ie - God doesn't want my girlfriend and myself to be together)? In that case, that would mean I would not go to church anymore therefore I will not believe in God. I don't mean to take an aggressive stance,  but I am trying to understand the intentions of why my girlfriend's parents do not want us to be together.



#13
Hall7

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Thank you again for the advice. I have been doing some thinking and have another question.
 
I know the only reason I am going to church is so I can spend eternity with my girlfriend. If my girlfriend's parents become the road block and am preventing or making it difficult for my girlfriend and myself to be together, would this be considered God's doing (ie - God doesn't want my girlfriend and myself to be together)? In that case, that would mean I would not go to church anymore therefore I will not believe in God. I don't mean to take an aggressive stance,  but I am trying to understand the intentions of why my girlfriend's parents do not want us to be together.

Going to church will not result in you spending eternity with your girlfriend, Accepting Jesus in your heart will (If you both end up truly living according to the word of God). Although you shouldn't do it for her, do it if God tells your spirit to do so. I wouldn't worry about her parents right now, I'd be more focused on what is best for the destiny of my soul and way of living while still on Earth.

#14
Diatheosis

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Consider your feelings for your girlfriend: you even go to church partly for her sake. Now, multiple these feelings times a few billions, and that's the direction from where God is coming; He loves you all the way to be forever with you. The good news is, His spirit indwells you already. You are His church and He is attending every single day, every single moment of your life.

 

If you start to attend with Him, I am pretty sure your relationship is getting built on the right foundation, family issues will settle down.

 

You come here for some advice, and it's wise to ask. Realize you have the Spirit of the Eternal Creator living inside of you, and He can answer every single question you will ever come up with. In the way He see is suitable. Patience and humility are required when walking with God.

 

That's my two cents. Peace with you.



#15
Kenzie

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Consider your feelings for your girlfriend: you even go to church partly for her sake. Now, multiple these feelings times a few billions, and that's the direction from where God is coming; He loves you all the way to be forever with you. The good news is, His spirit indwells you already. You are His church and He is attending every single day, every single moment of your life.

 

If you start to attend with Him, I am pretty sure your relationship is getting built on the right foundation, family issues will settle down.

 

You come here for some advice, and it's wise to ask. Realize you have the Spirit of the Eternal Creator living inside of you, and He can answer every single question you will ever come up with. In the way He see is suitable. Patience and humility are required when walking with God.

 

That's my two cents. Peace with you.

I agree with you one hundred percent, Diatheosis.

 

If you just focus on getting to know God better, the family issues will dissipate and your relationship will blossom.  Dont focus on the problem; focus on the solution.

 

I believe that God's will is worked in all sorts of ways, and that He knows the way things will ultimately pan out, but I wouldn't interpret her parents' actions to mean that God doesn't want you two together.  I think God is using their oposition as a means to draw you to Him.  After all, you want to be acceptable to your girlfriend's family and you want to be the best match possible for her.  God uses hard situations in our lives to draw us closer to Him.



#16
kwikphilly

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Blessings kool_kid

     Welcome to Worthy  .......It is very difficult to form any opinions about this situation,about your girl,her parents or anything based on what you say & not knowing personally,it is just not fair..........I can't even say her parents reasons for the way they feel other than make assumptions.....so,I will try to encourage you the best I can ....

      

 

In that case, that would mean I would not go to church anymore therefore I will not believe in God.                                        kool_kid_86

     I can only go by the things you say  to offer any advice that would be of any benefit to you.......the simple statement you made just shows me,in my opinion,that you have no reverence for God Almighty & do not have the first clue about Who God is & what He has done for you because He loves you so very much...........I do not mean this disrespectfully,my friend ,,,,,,just in all sincerity........You are not spiting God or anyone else by what you call your "aggressive stance".......it does not change anything about your present condition,your present condition is not a very good one my friend,,,,,,,as other one has already informed you .you will go on for all eternity(whether you want to or not) but it is up to you where you will spend it......without Jesus(Lord & Savior)no one can come to God the Father & spend eternity in His Presence........so whether you go to church,don't go to church ,believe in God or not does not change anything for you.........perhaps these are the things you should give great consideration to rather than worrying about your girlfriends parents opinion of you,seek God approval........only He can change your fate.Do you & your girlfriend not have these conversations?

      I am a parent of an adult child,he is now happily married ,& I wanted him to find a nice Christian girl that they could serve the Lord together & have a Blessed life walking in Gods Favor ..........parents only want the best for their children......the Best being Gods Will & His Ways........I do not understand why they will not speak with you but your actions will speak much lowder than words anyway..........you speak a lot of what her parennts think but w4hat does your girlfriend think,why does she want to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever?Perhaps this is what is of the greatest concern of her parents?

Praying God draws you unto Himself & you will seek Him,not church,not religion......but the SAvior,Jesus!

                                                                                                                                       With love-in Christ,Kwik



#17
Jerry1023

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Hello and welcome to worthy!

But without faith it is impossible to please God:for he that cometh to God must believe that He is,and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.
Hebrews 11:6"

Sometimes God use our situation to draw us nearer,
He want the best for us,He loves us more than we love Him,
He is a good God,
slow to anger and plenteous in mercy, God is a respecter of nobody,
If you draw near to Him,He wil. draw near to you,
your intention for your girlfriend is a good one,
the bible said"
Whosoever that findeth a wife,findeth a good thing,and also obtaineth favour from God.
Proverbs 18:22"


Two can not walk together except they agree.
Amos 3:3"
The foundation of the agreement is from your girlfriend parent,
Two of you need there blessing,
to live peacefully,
I would have advice you to give your life to Christ,and commit your plans into His hand,
Jesus said without me you can do nothing,
John 15:5"

Since you said that two of you live very close to each other,
why not attending this same church with them,
above all just give your life to Jesus Christ,
He will grant you,your heart desire in a platter of gold,
every good and perfect gift come from above,

Delight thyself also in the Lord;and He shall give you,the desires of thine heart.
commit thy way unto the Lord;trust also in Him;and He shall bring it to pass.
Psalm 37:4-5"

My brother the ball is in your court,
what is your girlfriend opinion on this matter,
she ought to help you,in your quest to become a christian,
I think if you really love her,you can do any good thing to prove your love for her,
like Jacob did for Rachel,
Genesis 29:15-30"

get a copy of bible if you don't have,
pray often,visit the house of God often,and read your bible often,
share your feelings with your pastor,
The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much,
James 5:16"
Jesus Is The Answer.

#18
LovelyJoni

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Hi,
You sound like you have had a painful life and their rejection of you is probably causing further pain. Your heart is probably very hardened as mine once was. The best thing you can do for yourself is to ask Jesus into your heart and study your Bible everyday. He will change you from the inside out and give you a new heart. You will be in dwelled with the Holy Spirit which is the greatest feeling I've ever felt. Don't think on her parents, just do what you need to do to become a better person and that is to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You will be adopted into God's family and how sweet it is to know that even on our worst days we have an eternity in Heaven with Jesus awaiting us. Heaven will be pure joy, none like we've every known nor could even imagine. Sooo.....what are you waiting for?? Join the family, Jesus is our father, helper, teacher and all of us here at worthy are brothers and sisters in Christ. We look forward to having you in the family!!!

#19
LadyC

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to throw in my two cents again, your rejection of God is complete in and of itself and has nothing to do with your girlfriend. do you really think you can fool God by attending church? God sees right through you.

 

you think that you can play this game of "if He won't let me be with her, then i won't accept Him". that's backwards thinking. the reality is, you are already rejecting him! you have no interest in HIM, you have only an interest in getting the girl... and you'll "play christian" if it means you get her. and maybe it would work where she and her parents are concerned, but here's the thing. in your heart, you've still rejected Him, and trust me, He KNOWS it's all an act. which means that even if you get the girl, you don't get eternity... not with her, and not with God. and believe it or not, that's the biggest loss, because you WILL get an eternity. it's just that if you don't decide in your heart to make that eternity with Jesus, then you are making a conscious choice to spend eternity in agony, with wailing and gnashing of teeth in a lake of such intense fire and heat worse than being soaked in jet fuel and lit with a match.

 

plus, the whole reason God says believers shouldn't be yoked with unbelievers is because you will put her spiritual health in jeopardy. you may not believe in God, but she does, and you're risking her happiness by playing this selfish game. and it is selfish! you want what you want, and are not interested in what is in her best interest. pulling her away from God will be much easier than luring her away from her parents, but it's going to be much more costly for her in the long run. that's what this "playing church to get the girl" game is going to result in. and she won't be happy. you'll never be able to complete her if you don't submit yourself to God. and that means your relationship with her will ultimately fail, and you'll both be scarred from it.

 

anyway, there's my two cents. i fully expect you to leave it rather than keep it, but i've spent it on you anyway. 






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