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I'm thinking of leaving my father's church

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#1
DrummaBoyFB

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Hello everyone. I'm new here and I'm not able to post in other sub-forums yet so I decided to post this question here. I know it's a long post but please read because I've been struggling with this for a while and I'd like some advice. 

 

I'm 21 years old and I've been attending my father's church since I was born. He started the church 23 years ago and obviously you start small and eventually grow. I became the drummer for the church when I was 4 and I've been the drummer ever since. It's fun to play the drum and stuff but now I'm completely tired of church. I'm tired of the way my church in particular is run. 

 

Our church used for have 150+ regular attendees every Sunday and now we're down to 50+ simply because of the way the church is being run. Everything in my church is so disorganized that it takes away from the focus which is God. 

 

Just to name a few problems: 

 

1. The singers can't sing

2. The singers never know what they're going to sing until they get on stage on Sunday morning

3. We(the musicians) are never in sync with the singers because we don't practice and the singers aren't motivated to come out to practice

4. The children's church teachers can't teach

5. The moderator prolongs the service by taking non-stop for 25+ minutes. It's like the moderator loves to hear his own voice

6. The person reading the daily scripture doesn't know they're reading on Sunday. The moderator randomly selects someone from the congregation to read and sometimes they pick someone who can't read well which is embarrassing

7. Sometimes the worship team doesn't sing a song right or some members don't know the words to the song

8. All the songs we sing are old songs and as a result the young people are bored to tears

 

Those are just to name a few problems. The ONLY good thing I can say about my church is the preaching. I do believe my dad is a talented preacher. 

 

Anyways. I've talked to countless people in the church and a lot of them are getting sick and tired of the way it's being run as well. They're tired of the lack of organization and professionalism. 

So I decided to do a bunch of research on how to make the church grow and how to make it ultimately better. I've written pages and pages of documents on how to help improve the church and I've brought them to my dad and guess what??

He shut down EVERY SINGLE one of my points! 

 

I've told him how we need to be more organized and how we need to have teacher evaluations and how we need to set standards in the church that people have to meet so it becomes a better overall service but he keeps shutting me down. He keeps telling me now to worry about the church and focus on the youth (I'm going to be the new youth leader soon). I keep telling him that I want to empower the youth but I don't want to just make church good one Sunday a month, I want it to be good every Sunday. I told him that we should grow together as a church instead of growing separately. No matter what I say he doesn't want to hear it. He wants it run his way and he doesn't want any advice from anyone and I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of seeing less and less people every Sunday and the SAME mistakes being made every single week. I'm tired of my dad not taking action to improve the church. I'm tired of my church members not taking church seriously . I'm tired of going to a lousy service every single week. I'm tired of members thinking that they can do w.e they want because they know that their Pastor won't do anything to prevent it. I'm tired of the LAZINESS. 

 

I've gotten to the point where I feel like going to my girlfriend's church. They're not perfect but they're light years ahead of my church. When I go there, I feel the anointing even when I'm not playing an instrument. I feel like I've made a good decision by going to church. 

 

It just hurts me to know that I can't invite people to my church and I can't even enjoy church because of all the reoccurring problems that have been happening for years and I feel like my dad is so scared to make changes because he's scared of upsetting people and losing members but by sitting down and doing nothing we are losing members. 

 

My dad is just such an ignorant and hard headed person and I can't get through to him. I've tried every method possible and I just can't get through to him. So I don't know if I should just leave or endure the pain of going to church and just hope for the best. 

 

Thanks for reading my excruciatingly long post. 



#2
FresnoJoe

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Welcome~!

 

~

 

Praying~!



#3
ayin jade

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Welcome to worthy. 

 

First may I suggest praying about this situation. 

 

It sounds like you have done what you needed to do, that is in discussing this with your father. Since church is no longer helping you grow in your faith and the leader is not listening to what you have to say, perhaps it is time to shake the dust off and make your girlfriend;s church your new church home. 



#4
DrummaBoyFB

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I've been praying about this a lot but Idk I just haven't heard anything. I remember in January I got a message from God telling me that I needed to be the one to help get my church off the ground but I'm not being given the opportunity. It's so stressful because I want to see the church thrive but the way my dad is going about things is completely wrong. We have so much talent and ability in my church but the people with talent and ability aren't the ones being used for the ministry. I guess I may leave for a while and come back when my father wants to listen but I figure that once I leave my dad's not going to want to talk me anymore and may not accept me back in the church again. *sigh* I hate this dilemma. 



#5
jmlusa2000

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Praying for you in your situation.



#6
OakWood

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The things is, bad singing, poor readers and hapless musicians are not going to affect your walk with God.

Stick it out, at least some of the time, you can still go the other church as well. Try alternating every other week. There may come an opportunity for you to make some changes. Just because you can't now doesn't mean that you won't be able to later.

Out-of-tune singing will not affect yours or anybody elses salvation. You can always bring earplugs.



#7
DrummaBoyFB

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@jmlusa2000 thank you for your prayers

 

@OakWood I'm a musician and I've always been. I believe that people get an anointing in different ways and for me to get into the presence of the Lord I do so through music. Just by sitting at home and listening to Fred Hammond, Kirk Franklin, etc. I can feel the holy spirit moving inside of me and I just don't get that at my church. I know that church isn't going to please everyone but I do believe that we should strive for perfection. We should want to do our best for the lord.



#8
ayin jade

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It may be that you leaving will be the catalyst that sparks change in the church. When even the pastor's son leaves, perhaps that will be what ignites the church or gets your dad to see what needs to be done.



#9
OakWood

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@jmlusa2000 thank you for your prayers

 

@OakWood I'm a musician and I've always been. I believe that people get an anointing in different ways and for me to get into the presence of the Lord I do so through music. Just by sitting at home and listening to Fred Hammond, Kirk Franklin, etc. I can feel the holy spirit moving inside of me and I just don't get that at my church. I know that church isn't going to please everyone but I do believe that we should strive for perfection. We should want to do our best for the lord.

 

I can see your point. Maybe you should leave then, but if you have a gift for music then your church could need you. If you leave for a while and see what happens then maybe they may require your services at a later date.



#10
countingsheep

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Welcome DrummaBoyFB Always Put Your Trust in The Lord He and He alone will fill your Church and be lead by the Spirit. The  moment we stop listening to Him and go  following the Flesh we are heading for Trouble, and a hard learnt lesson will follow which could be Years of tribulations...While waiting for your answer sometimes head back to the basics such as Honour thy father and thy mother.

Glory to God



#11
DrummaBoyFB

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@sheba That's what I was thinking. 

 

@OakWood My church does need me for my musical talent. That's why I'm still there till this day. I don't want to let them down by leaving but I can't stand when a church doesn't want to progress. What's the point?

 

@countingsheep It just feels like there's no anointing in my church whatsoever. It's just filled with old unlively people, singing old songs and hymns. It just makes it so hard to concentrate on the Lord because the disorganization is distracting. I do understand what you're saying though and those are very wise words. I will continue to trust in the lord and I'll continue praying. I just hope I get an answer soon.



#12
AnythingIsPossible

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Hello everyone. I'm new here and I'm not able to post in other sub-forums yet so I decided to post this question here. I know it's a long post but please read because I've been struggling with this for a while and I'd like some advice. 

 

I'm 21 years old and I've been attending my father's church since I was born. He started the church 23 years ago and obviously you start small and eventually grow. I became the drummer for the church when I was 4 and I've been the drummer ever since. It's fun to play the drum and stuff but now I'm completely tired of church. I'm tired of the way my church in particular is run. 

 

Our church used for have 150+ regular attendees every Sunday and now we're down to 50+ simply because of the way the church is being run. Everything in my church is so disorganized that it takes away from the focus which is God. 

 

Just to name a few problems: 

 

1. The singers can't sing

2. The singers never know what they're going to sing until they get on stage on Sunday morning

3. We(the musicians) are never in sync with the singers because we don't practice and the singers aren't motivated to come out to practice

4. The children's church teachers can't teach

5. The moderator prolongs the service by taking non-stop for 25+ minutes. It's like the moderator loves to hear his own voice

6. The person reading the daily scripture doesn't know they're reading on Sunday. The moderator randomly selects someone from the congregation to read and sometimes they pick someone who can't read well which is embarrassing

7. Sometimes the worship team doesn't sing a song right or some members don't know the words to the song

8. All the songs we sing are old songs and as a result the young people are bored to tears

 

Those are just to name a few problems. The ONLY good thing I can say about my church is the preaching. I do believe my dad is a talented preacher. 

 

Anyways. I've talked to countless people in the church and a lot of them are getting sick and tired of the way it's being run as well. They're tired of the lack of organization and professionalism. 

So I decided to do a bunch of research on how to make the church grow and how to make it ultimately better. I've written pages and pages of documents on how to help improve the church and I've brought them to my dad and guess what??

He shut down EVERY SINGLE one of my points! 

 

I've told him how we need to be more organized and how we need to have teacher evaluations and how we need to set standards in the church that people have to meet so it becomes a better overall service but he keeps shutting me down. He keeps telling me now to worry about the church and focus on the youth (I'm going to be the new youth leader soon). I keep telling him that I want to empower the youth but I don't want to just make church good one Sunday a month, I want it to be good every Sunday. I told him that we should grow together as a church instead of growing separately. No matter what I say he doesn't want to hear it. He wants it run his way and he doesn't want any advice from anyone and I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of seeing less and less people every Sunday and the SAME mistakes being made every single week. I'm tired of my dad not taking action to improve the church. I'm tired of my church members not taking church seriously . I'm tired of going to a lousy service every single week. I'm tired of members thinking that they can do w.e they want because they know that their Pastor won't do anything to prevent it. I'm tired of the LAZINESS. 

 

I've gotten to the point where I feel like going to my girlfriend's church. They're not perfect but they're light years ahead of my church. When I go there, I feel the anointing even when I'm not playing an instrument. I feel like I've made a good decision by going to church. 

 

It just hurts me to know that I can't invite people to my church and I can't even enjoy church because of all the reoccurring problems that have been happening for years and I feel like my dad is so scared to make changes because he's scared of upsetting people and losing members but by sitting down and doing nothing we are losing members. 

 

My dad is just such an ignorant and hard headed person and I can't get through to him. I've tried every method possible and I just can't get through to him. So I don't know if I should just leave or endure the pain of going to church and just hope for the best. 

 

Thanks for reading my excruciatingly long post. 

 

HIya there

 

I think it's always good to move away from the Church of your birth, you need to mature as a person in Christ in your own right without everyone pointing and saying ''that's the child/son/daughter of...'' only then will you be taken and respected as an adult.  As a parent I would hope your father would respect this.

 

Bless you in your endeavours before the Lord

Andy



#13
countingsheep

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@sheba That's what I was thinking. 

 

@OakWood My church does need me for my musical talent. That's why I'm still there till this day. I don't want to let them down by leaving but I can't stand when a church doesn't want to progress. What's the point?

 

@countingsheep It just feels like there's no anointing in my church whatsoever. It's just filled with old unlively people, singing old songs and hymns. It just makes it so hard to concentrate on the Lord because the disorganization is distracting. I do understand what you're saying though and those are very wise words. I will continue to trust in the lord and I'll continue praying. I just hope I get an answer soon.

You seem very well brought up..your Father (Flesh) and God has done a wonderful job. Just please be careful when wondering away from home stay focused on God The Devil is looking for for whom he can devour and things can get out of hand. I speak from experience

Love in Christ



#14
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Wow, what a story. I'm exhausted just thinking about this "tension" you are experiencing.

Yes, it is a dilemma. Your dad's inability to receive wise counsel is disturbing and is not a good trait, which I'm sure you already know.

I'm not going to tell you what to do because that really is your call, but I will add this- I do not believe there is a wrong choice here, either way you go, so don't beat yourself up trying to find THE answer.

I believe you can support either decision. God has given you the free will to decide which path and based on what I read, I have no doubt he will use you and your gifts/talents for his glory either way.

Be at peace my brother,
Spock out

#15
Littlelambseativy

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Welcome to Worthy! Have you tried to step in and call the singers to meet with the musicians on a Thursday eg and practice ? Sit your father down and tell hime what you have told us here?? Take some charge yourself?

#16
Openly Curious

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He keeps telling me now to worry about the church and focus on the youth (I'm going to be the new youth leader soon). I keep telling him that I want to empower the youth but I don't want to just make church good one Sunday a month, I want it to be good every Sunday.

 

Hi DrummaBoyFB,  I feel for your situation.  Disorganization can be chaotic for sure not to mention extremely stressful and dyfunctional. 

 

It sounds like the church is lacking in mature Christians in the Lord and therefore they are not equipped and ready to take on leadership roles in the church to do the work of the mininstry. 

 

Perhaps your father's advice and wisdom has merit within it in telling you to focus on the youth.  The youth in a church is the next generation of leaders in the church.  It seems like an open door is about to open before you to make a difference and raise up the youth that your father is wanting to entrust to your care. 

 

Take your own ideas visions and dreams and uplift and build up the youth in your church that will shortly be under your authority and power to train and empower.  Sometimes the younger people can light a fire and inspire the old as the old inspires the young the young also inspire the old it has always been that way. 

 

Perhaps it is your girlfriend who will be a helpmeet in your endeavor when you step in place to become the new youth leader in your church. 

 

We personally can change the things that God has put us over in this life, and make a difference though it may take a little time for the seeds to be sown and the harvest to come. 

 

But I wouldn't walk away from the church when it seems you are on the verge of promotion over the youth because scripture says that "promotion is of the Lord". 

 

You should also take comfort in the apostle Paul's words to young Timothy in the ministry as he told him to "let no man despise thy youth" but for him to be an example to the flock (congregation).  

 

Timothy was a young pastor in whom Paul mentored and he was and became a faithful worker in the ministry as a pastor. 

 

Take what is inside of you from the Lord and make it your own and use it to train up the youth to be mighty in the kingdom of God. 

 

Let the Lord fill you with wisdom and understanding in the work he sets before you and concetrate on that. 

 

Leaving the church before your work begins would be just another loss to the church.  Examples in the work of the Lord is a powerful thing and the youth need godly guidance and empowerment from God.  You can be that person that makes the difference in the future of the church if you choose to move in that direction.

 

Remember it is the Lord that adds to the church such as would be saved and not we ourselves.  We as believers just have to be faithful in doing the work of the ministry training those who will come after us.  I wish you well in your ministry.  blessings 



#17
DrummaBoyFB

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@countingsheep I understand that the Devil is lurking. I won't give him an opportunity to strike. 

 

@Spock Thanks for the post and that's what worries me about my free will. I'm the type of person that likes to look ahead and evaluate the consequences. The consequences of leaving seem to be overpowering what I would gain from leaving the church. I've been enduring the mediocre services all my life. I just feel like I'm at a point in life where I need to grow as a Christian but going to church doesn't help with that. Maybe I will just join a youth group at another church and keep playing at my church 

 

@Littlelambseativt Thanks :). I've gone to the worship team and told them about the changes we should make to make them better as a whole. They were so unenthusiastic about it; They don't want change at all. I went to my dad and told him that the worship team doesn't seem to be cooperating and I was asking him his advice on how to get through to them and he just told me to forget about them and focus on the youth. I'm just tired of hearing that because the youth have 1 Sunday to run the show a month and the adults run the other 3 Sunday's of the month. So basically what he's saying is "Have 1 good Sunday a month and let the rest of them remain mediocre".

 

@Openly Curious I understand that the promotion is an empowering role and that the youth should help bring about change. The problem is that for many years the youth in my church have been undervalued and so they have no motivation; They have nothing to look forward too. Also I have no confidence that I will be able to run the youth program the way I see fit because everything has to be approved by my dad. With him it's either his way or no way and I'm just fed up because he's a nearly impossible person to work with. I'm tired of spending many sleepless nights conjuring up ideas and plans for execution just to get them all shut down. I have some great plans and a great vision for the youth ministry and how we can contribute to the ministry on a whole but I don't want to be spending all my free time on something that will not prosper. 



#18
FresnoJoe

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I understand that the promotion is an empowering role and that the youth should help bring about change.

 

The problem is that for many years the youth in my church have been undervalued and so they have no motivation;

 

They have nothing to look forward too.

 

Also I have no confidence that I will be able to run the youth program the way I see fit because everything has to be approved by my dad.

 

With him it's either his way or no way and I'm just fed up because he's a nearly impossible person to work with.

 

I'm tired of spending many sleepless nights conjuring up ideas and plans for execution just to get them all shut down.

 

I have some great plans and a great vision for the youth ministry

 

and how we can contribute to the ministry on a whole

 

but I don't want to be spending all my free time on something that will not prosper. 

 

:emot-heartbeat:

 

Beloved

 

Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts. Zechariah 4:6

 

Fire~!

 

John answered, saying unto them all, I indeed baptize you with water; but one mightier than I cometh, the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to unloose: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with fire: Luke 3:16

 

And Beloved, It Starts With Prayer

 

Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest. Luke 10:2



#19
walla299

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@sheba That's what I was thinking. 

 

@OakWood My church does need me for my musical talent. That's why I'm still there till this day. I don't want to let them down by leaving but I can't stand when a church doesn't want to progress. What's the point?

 

@countingsheep It just feels like there's no anointing in my church whatsoever. It's just filled with old unlively people, singing old songs and hymns. It just makes it so hard to concentrate on the Lord because the disorganization is distracting. I do understand what you're saying though and those are very wise words. I will continue to trust in the lord and I'll continue praying. I just hope I get an answer soon.

 

The bolded parts stood out to me. Along with what others have said, please make sure you are basing decisions on faith and not "feelings." The enemy loves to sow division by getting us distracted with feelings. Also, please make sure that you have the right ideas about church "progress." The Lord may have other plans for the church - that's something we just don't know for certain on this side of eternity. I'd rather be in a small church with people who love God than some huge "auditorium" full of Sunday Social Club folks. Perhaps the Lord is leading you elsewhere, and it might not be a bad idea to try your girlfriend's or another church for awhile. It sounds like you've done what you can for now and if the leadership isn't interested then perhaps you need to go elsewhere.

 

I had a similar problem when a church I attended decided to go "seeker friendly" and water down the gospel. I brought it up and went through the process - and was told they had made their decision and like the "numbers" that resulted. They got their numbers all right . . . but the Spirit left. So I left, and it took about a year and a half to find a new church but it was worth it.



#20
other one

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Tell your father that you don't want to be the youth director, but the music director.....  if you can swing that you can change things drastically...






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