About 3 months ago, I was dating my very good friend and everything was pure bliss. About a month ago, she broke up with me. One of the reasons was because she was a Christian and I was an Atheist. Even though I went to church with her and read the bible, she felt uncertain that I was able to convert to Christianity and become a fully devoted Christian like herself. Furthermore, her parents thought that I was going to church just to please their daughter and I will stop going to church once my girlfriend and me become steady. I tried my very best to reassure her that I know I would become a very devoted Christian but I guess she didn't have enough faith in me. I also told them that my parents are baptized, are casual Christians and that I did grow up in a Christian household, but that did not seem to change their opinion about me.
After we broke up, I told my ex that I would stop reading the bible and going to church because doing so would hurt me very much as Christianity reminded me of her. After two weeks of our break-up, I was having an emotional and physical breakdown and was unable to function as a normal person in society. I decided to break my promise to my ex and to myself and started reading the bible, praying, and attending church.
It has been just about a month since I've started trying to gain a deeper understanding of Christianity and I must say it has been very rewarding. I've talked to a pastor about my journey and he has given me some guidance, advice, and answered some of my fundamental questions about Christianity and the bible. I've even felt that Holy Spirit tug at my heart a few times, and it feels wonderful. In a way, I am thankful that my ex broke up with me as it forced me to get to know God as I know that if we continued dating, she would never let me hurt as much as I did when we broke up (she has the ability to make me feel better about any situation). However, I know that if we did stay together, I would have eventually gotten to know Christ just as well as I do now. It just would have taken longer.
Sometime in the future, I will attempt to get back together with my ex. I've replayed the scenario many times in my head, and I feel that she most likely would not want to get back into a relationship with me. Sad to say, but if we don't get back together, I feel like that I need to stop pursuing my path of being a Christian all together. Even though my brief journey towards Christianity has been nothing less then an eye opener of wonderful-ness, I somehow feel that it is not correct for me to pursue this religion without my ex.
I've always wonder if these events were God's doing. About half a year ago, I told my ex that I had a crush on her but she told me she will only ever see me as a friend. Fast forward several months and we both realize we both had a crush on each other and started dating and she was surprised that I still had a crush on her. Then we broke up and I really started going to Church. I feel like God has been working his magic into my life in a very odd way to get me to try to know him. However, he must realize that once I loose my ex again, it will be very difficult for me to become a Christian. I don't mean to make it sound like blackmail, but without my ex I really don't think I will have very much strength to have faith in Christianity.
I don't like to ask people for help about such personal issues in my life, but I ask if you can pray for me. I ask if you can pray for God to give me strength to guide me through life, and also to give my ex the strength to have faith and trust in me.