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My Journey as an Atheist

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#1
kool_kid_86

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About 3 months ago, I was dating my very good friend and everything was pure bliss. About a month ago, she broke up with me. One of the reasons was because she was a Christian and I was an Atheist. Even though I went to church with her and read the bible, she felt uncertain that I was able to convert to Christianity and become a fully devoted Christian like herself. Furthermore, her parents thought that I was going to church just to please their daughter and I will stop going to church once my girlfriend and me become steady. I tried my very best to reassure her that I know I would become a very devoted Christian but I guess she didn't have enough faith in me. I also told them that my parents are baptized, are casual Christians and that I did grow up in a Christian household, but that did not seem to change their opinion about me.

 

After we broke up, I told my ex that I would stop reading the bible and going to church because doing so would hurt me very much as Christianity reminded me of her. After two weeks of our break-up, I was having an emotional and physical breakdown and was unable to function as a normal person in society. I decided to break my promise to my ex and to myself and started reading the bible, praying, and attending church.

 

It has been just about a month since I've started trying to gain a deeper understanding of Christianity and I must say it has been very rewarding. I've talked to a pastor about my journey and he has given me some guidance, advice, and answered some of my fundamental questions about Christianity and the bible. I've even felt that Holy Spirit tug at my heart a few times, and it feels wonderful. In a way, I am thankful that my ex broke up with me as it forced me to get to know God as I know that if we continued dating, she would never let me hurt as much as I did when we broke up (she has the ability to make me feel better about any situation). However, I know that if we did stay together, I would have eventually gotten to know Christ just as well as I do now. It just would have taken longer.

 

Sometime in the future, I will attempt to get back together with my ex. I've replayed the scenario many times in my head, and I feel that she most likely would not want to get back into a relationship with me. Sad to say, but if we don't get back together, I feel like that I need to stop pursuing my path of being a Christian all together. Even though my brief journey towards Christianity has been nothing less then an eye opener of wonderful-ness, I somehow feel that it is not correct for me to pursue this religion without my ex.

 

I've always wonder if these events were God's doing. About half a year ago, I told my ex that I had a crush on her but she told me she will only ever see me as a friend. Fast forward several months and we both realize we both had a crush on each other and started dating and she was surprised that I still had a crush on her. Then we broke up and I really started going to Church. I feel like God has been working his magic into my life in a very odd way to get me to try to know him. However, he must realize that once I loose my ex again, it will be very difficult for me to become a Christian. I don't mean to make it sound like blackmail, but without my ex I really don't think I will have very much strength to have faith in Christianity.

 

I don't like to ask people for help about such personal issues in my life, but I ask if you can pray for me. I ask if you can pray for God to give me strength to guide me through life, and also to give my ex the strength to have faith and trust in me.



#2
MorningGlory

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My honest opinion? If you can't 'become a Christian' unless you're in a relationship with that woman then you aren't serious in your attempt to become a believer.  It shouldn't matter whether she is with you or not, (and her family's opinions DEFINITELY don't matter) if you are sincerely seeking God you should be doing it because you want to be saved and for no other reason.



#3
a-seeker

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Hi KK,

 

I appreciate your very honest and open story.  And certainly, people here will pray for you.

 

You did not ask for more than prayer, but, when you join a forum primarily geared towards discussion, you are bound to get more than you asked for.  And so my two cents:

 

First cent: I understand the need for a partner in life in general, and much more for one on the narrow path that is the Christian walk.  As of now, it seems that only one person can provide that support, your ex.  But that is your emotions speaking, not your head.  If not your ex, then who knows that God has someone else in mind for you down the road.  Till then it will feel like a hundred years; but once you find her, looking back, it will feel like no time has passed at all.  Indeed, you will look back and see how necessary that period of solititude was, not just for you, but for her.  And do not think I am patronizing you here; I am in the same boat.  But I hold dearly the testimony of others.

 

Second penny: to abandon Christianity because of sudden singleness is like rejecting the multiplication table because you are in financial debt.  Either Christianity is true, or it is false.  If it is true, then believe me, only Christianity will get you through the trials of this life, whether they be singleness, or a life with someone (for we singles often have extremely idealized visions of marriage--they offer their own bag of problems).  IF (as I believe it is) it is true, now is the time to embrace it even more.  Your ex has taken a different compartment of the ship; but throwing yourself overboard will not bring comfort.  Just wait.

 

clb



#4
Rustyangel

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Hi Kool,

 

I thoroughly  agree with my  sister Morning Glory in saying that unless your girlfriend is with you that you most likely won't peruse your path to knowing Jesus.

 

You said that you have felt the Holy Spirit tug at your heart but if you keep turning away from that just because you don't have your girl, the Bible says your heart will harden and then you won't be able to make any attempt to seek Christ.  It also says God's Spirit will not always strive with man.  My suggestion to you is run don't walk to Christ while there is still a tenderness in your heart.  Your eternity will depend on it.  I pray you make the right decision.

 

Because He Lives!! Rustyangel 



#5
Hobbes

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kool_kid_86,

 

Matthew 6:32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

 

Don't let her be the reason you seek God in your life.  Seek God first and then,  who knows?  Maybe God will lead you to another, but get to know Him first.

 

If you have trouble believing, then take heart because Jesus can help you believe if you ask Him.

 

Mark 9:23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. 24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief. 

 

Matthew 11:25 At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes. 26 Even so, Father: for so it seemed good in thy sight. 27 All things are delivered unto me of my Father: and no man knoweth the Son, but the Father; neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him. 28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

 

It is a christian instruction to not be unequally yoked; however, to those that have already been married to an unbeliever or was an unbeliever before he or she had become a believer, and thus their spouse is still an unbeliever, there is this hope.

 

1 Corinthians 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? 17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

 

This is Paul speaking on his own volition and not from the Lord, but even though you are not married yet to the girl in question, if the blessed event should come about by the Lord's hand and some doubt your sincerity as a believer, you can always point to those verses so they too can give their fears and concerns to the Lord by faith.


Edited by Hobbes, 22 August 2014 - 01:48 PM.


#6
kool_kid_86

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My honest opinion? If you can't 'become a Christian' unless you're in a relationship with that woman then you aren't serious in your attempt to become a believer.  It shouldn't matter whether she is with you or not, (and her family's opinions DEFINITELY don't matter) if you are sincerely seeking God you should be doing it because you want to be saved and for no other reason.

 

I actually don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. Suffering - I've been though it, and it doesn't bother me. It hurts, alot, but I've survived it. What I care about with Christianity are the values, principles, and guidelines that Christians live by. They are pretty much what I define as being 'nice' and doing the 'right thing'. In addition, I still want to be with my ex eternally which from my understanding can be achieved through Heaven.



#7
walla299

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My honest opinion? If you can't 'become a Christian' unless you're in a relationship with that woman then you aren't serious in your attempt to become a believer.  It shouldn't matter whether she is with you or not, (and her family's opinions DEFINITELY don't matter) if you are sincerely seeking God you should be doing it because you want to be saved and for no other reason.

 

I actually don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. Suffering - I've been though it, and it doesn't bother me. It hurts, alot, but I've survived it. What I care about with Christianity are the values, principles, and guidelines that Christians live by. They are pretty much what I define as being 'nice' and doing the 'right thing'. In addition, I still want to be with my ex eternally which from my understanding can be achieved through Heaven.

 

 

Problem is Christianity is not a religion. Its a relationship with the Son of God, and its not about what we want (personal desires) its about what Jesus want for us and that may be very different from what our personal desires may be. It might mean being single for the rest of your life. Jesus said we should count the cost . . . and that we have to be willing to give up everything to follow Him. There are no half way measures.



#8
other one

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My honest opinion? If you can't 'become a Christian' unless you're in a relationship with that woman then you aren't serious in your attempt to become a believer.  It shouldn't matter whether she is with you or not, (and her family's opinions DEFINITELY don't matter) if you are sincerely seeking God you should be doing it because you want to be saved and for no other reason.

 

I actually don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. Suffering - I've been though it, and it doesn't bother me. It hurts, alot, but I've survived it. What I care about with Christianity are the values, principles, and guidelines that Christians live by. They are pretty much what I define as being 'nice' and doing the 'right thing'. In addition, I still want to be with my ex eternally which from my understanding can be achieved through Heaven.

 

what you are describing is not Christianity.   as others have stated it is a relationship with our creator.....    actually a close personal relationship. 

 

Who told you you could "be with" your ex in heaven for eternity.



#9
FungalPsychosis

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My honest opinion? If you can't 'become a Christian' unless you're in a relationship with that woman then you aren't serious in your attempt to become a believer.  It shouldn't matter whether she is with you or not, (and her family's opinions DEFINITELY don't matter) if you are sincerely seeking God you should be doing it because you want to be saved and for no other reason.

 

I actually don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. Suffering - I've been though it, and it doesn't bother me. It hurts, alot, but I've survived it. What I care about with Christianity are the values, principles, and guidelines that Christians live by. They are pretty much what I define as being 'nice' and doing the 'right thing'. In addition, I still want to be with my ex eternally which from my understanding can be achieved through Heaven.

 

Friend, from what I've read, it really seems that you are only interested in Christianity because of your ex. Christianity isn't about the morals and principles (although we do have them), it's about having an intimate relationship with our Creator.
 

Matthew 7:21-23
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

What's interesting is that the word knew, interrpreted from the greek as ginṓskō (the word in hebrew is יָדַע or yada) is often used in the bible moreso as to know intimatley. ie:

Luke 1:34
And Mary said to the angel, "How will this be since I do not know
a man?"

Genesis 4:1
And Adam knew Eve his wife, and she concieved and Cain, and said, "I have gained a man from YHWH."


My point is this: If you become Christian, you need to do it to truley seek a relationship with the God, not as an ends to a means to see your ex. Also, you said, "In addition, I still want to be with my ex eternally which from my understanding can be achieved through Heaven."

While you will be able to see her again, your relationship with her won't be how you are thinking If I grasped what you said correctly.

Matthew 22:30
“At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven"

Our relationships in heaven will be more platonic than romantic. Although you would see her again, I don't think it's the reunion you're hoping for.

You said you don't care if you go to Heaven or Hell. You might not care now but I don't understand why you would reject a relationship with your Creator. I apologize if my words seem harsh but this is honestly what I felt when reading your post. You said you felt the Holy Spirit touch you a feel times in your original post. Why reject Him because of a breakup?

I will pray for you and have you in my thoughts. Shalom



#10
Diatheosis

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I can't say I know how you feel, but having gone through a similar kind of scenario, I know it hurts, and it hurts a lot. And it may even take awhile to get back on your feet again. I even started having suicidial thoughts after my relationship with first true love broke down many years ago. I moved from one side of the country to the other after her. Many things match your situation; her family resisting, ideological conflicts etc.

 

In the long run of course, I'm deeply grateful for having moved forward; God has always so much more and so much better in storage, even when we don't want to believe that because of the emotional attachment and upheaval. Today I walk with God by my wife with whom I've so much more in common. It was not easy to the point before I met her, I reckon. But as you said yourself, without what happened you would not have put yourself over your limits to find God.

 

Please, don't abandon the only relationship that will for sure cover you in every way through your life; that with God and Christ Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Having described the process, it seems God has a very real respect for your efforts of getting to know Him. Years ago when my ex left me, I felt God so deeply as my father who was with me in a very physical sense.

 

But it's your choice, in time the hurt will pass. Would you know God's love for you, it will get healed sooner.

 

Relationships are always multifaceted. They give and take. Having one with Jesus is one endless adventure with that supernatural power He will bestow upon His children.

 

Be blessed in His holy name.



#11
a-seeker

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My honest opinion? If you can't 'become a Christian' unless you're in a relationship with that woman then you aren't serious in your attempt to become a believer.  It shouldn't matter whether she is with you or not, (and her family's opinions DEFINITELY don't matter) if you are sincerely seeking God you should be doing it because you want to be saved and for no other reason.

 

I actually don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. Suffering - I've been though it, and it doesn't bother me. It hurts, alot, but I've survived it. What I care about with Christianity are the values, principles, and guidelines that Christians live by. They are pretty much what I define as being 'nice' and doing the 'right thing'. In addition, I still want to be with my ex eternally which from my understanding can be achieved through Heaven.

 

 

I think you don't quite understand what heaven and hell are.  Perhaps it would help if you described them as you understand them.  To say you don't care if you go to heaven is tantamount to saying you don't care if you ever get back with your ex.  If you don't understand what I mean by that, then ask and I will explain.

 

I also want to ask a question which I am not sure is allowed by the board members here and might be offensive to you; but I will ask and you can answer if you want to.  How old are you?  To be honest, you sound like someone rather young with (it is common amongst the youth; heck, I suffer from it) rather naive notions of human love. Please don't feel belittled.  I am a bachelor who desires marriage. I have very naive notions of marriage as well.

 

clb



#12
faith pleases God

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My honest opinion? If you can't 'become a Christian' unless you're in a relationship with that woman then you aren't serious in your attempt to become a believer.  It shouldn't matter whether she is with you or not, (and her family's opinions DEFINITELY don't matter) if you are sincerely seeking God you should be doing it because you want to be saved and for no other reason.

 

I actually don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. Suffering - I've been though it, and it doesn't bother me. It hurts, alot, but I've survived it. What I care about with Christianity are the values, principles, and guidelines that Christians live by. They are pretty much what I define as being 'nice' and doing the 'right thing'. In addition, I still want to be with my ex eternally which from my understanding can be achieved through Heaven.

 

The lake of fire is real . Rethink this one seriously! There is no way,if one is in their right mind, that anyone does not care if they go to Heaven or Hell. This Earth is nothing in comparison as far as pain, suffering, evil, loneliness, hatred and the like. Your salvation matters!! The son of God would not have suffered and died a gruesome and humble death; taunted, mocked, and expelled by His creation if it were not so. It is more than being nice. You must repent and follow Him with all of your heart and soul. 



#13
FresnoJoe

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I actually don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. 

 

~

 

Beloved,

 

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

 

Actually God Cares

 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16



#14
kool_kid_86

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Thank you for your responses. I guess I have gone through a lot of events in my life, and I've always survived without Christianity. It isn't until recently do I realize the real potential that Christianity is real (no offence) as I feel like I have felt the Holy Spirit.

 

 

 

 

My honest opinion? If you can't 'become a Christian' unless you're in a relationship with that woman then you aren't serious in your attempt to become a believer.  It shouldn't matter whether she is with you or not, (and her family's opinions DEFINITELY don't matter) if you are sincerely seeking God you should be doing it because you want to be saved and for no other reason.

 

I actually don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. Suffering - I've been though it, and it doesn't bother me. It hurts, alot, but I've survived it. What I care about with Christianity are the values, principles, and guidelines that Christians live by. They are pretty much what I define as being 'nice' and doing the 'right thing'. In addition, I still want to be with my ex eternally which from my understanding can be achieved through Heaven.

 

 

I think you don't quite understand what heaven and hell are.  Perhaps it would help if you described them as you understand them.  To say you don't care if you go to heaven is tantamount to saying you don't care if you ever get back with your ex.  If you don't understand what I mean by that, then ask and I will explain.

 

I also want to ask a question which I am not sure is allowed by the board members here and might be offensive to you; but I will ask and you can answer if you want to.  How old are you?  To be honest, you sound like someone rather young with (it is common amongst the youth; heck, I suffer from it) rather naive notions of human love. Please don't feel belittled.  I am a bachelor who desires marriage. I have very naive notions of marriage as well.

 

clb

 

 

I am actually 28. I never expected to fall for a Christian girl as I've spent the last 12 years of my life being anti religious and anti Christian. There is just something about her that stands out and keeps drawing me closer to her.






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