Why I believe and what he has done for me..
I spent most of my adolescent life depressed until the age of 15 when it got really severe. I attended church and everything so I would question God as to why I was so miserable. During that age, what happened to Job, happened to me. God allowed me to be afflicted physically and emotionally. I had these terrible sores that slowly began to manifest all over my body, they were agonizing and every night I would cry out to the Lord "why me?" I was drenched in puss and blood. I would wail and sob uncontrollably. I would seek his face but when he would not answer my prayers I gave up hope, I stopped going to church because I was completely covered, I disconnected myself from the world completely because my countenance was abominable to my own eyes, that at times I wanted to pluck them out. I put down the shades, turned off the lights and closed the door. My melancholia had me in bed for 3 years laying there, weeping day and night. I never left my room to go outside. I was miserable without a doubt. My face, my body filled with sores that if i were to make the slightest movement It would cause great pain. I was scarred severely that looking at myself would bring me to tears. I would always reminisce of my life before all this. When I had it all, girlfriends, friends but they were no where to be found. I would only go out late at night in search of death but i never found it, I would drink liquor to 'forget the pain' but that didn't work. I would ask God to kill me if he truly loved me. All things work for Good is what I learned. All things happen for a reason though wise words could not console me at that moment. I denied God existed and left Christianity all together. I tried Islam and Buddhism but nothing. I studied every important philosophy known to man and became rich in earthly wisdom. But in the end it was all in vain. The peace and happiness I longed for I could not find. I tried finding pleasure in porn and other things. I even got into occultism. NOTHING. I came to the point where I did not know what it was to smile nor laugh. I also had hatred towards my mother for a) bringing me into the world to suffer and b) loving another man rather than his son. I could not see her and many times I came near to killing her husband. I tried killing myself. I came very close to selling my soul for happiness even if it were for just a minute. My mother would tell me about Jesus and how he had power but it would make me angry and would say if Jesus loved me he would not allowed this to happen. I cursed God many times, the day i almost became athiest i cried unto the Lord and in a matter of hours I got unto a taxi (i left my room for the first time to go back to church not caring what i looked like) The cab lady spoke to and it was pretty much an answer to what i asked God that night. "WHY?"
I said God, if this is truly of you.. so you must also have power. If YOU HAVE POWER FREE ME of my bondage to sin. I felt the Holy spirit come over me. I left all worldly music, my bondage to sin was instantaneously broken. Porn no longer had dominion over me. I prayed fervently because i was struggling with my appearance. An evangelist prayed for me and i was truly free for the first time, I had struggles but they were completely behind at this point. In a matter of weeks I was baptized because I had finally found the meaning of Life and that is in only in Christ. GOD has healed me from my sickness. My face is no longer the same. I now have that joy and peace i yearned for. I felt the presence of God and the touch of the Holy spirit is better than any carnal pleasure. I am now a 'man'(i am 19) filled with the Holy Spirit. I remain fervent in prayer and am now fulfilling my calling which Jesus gave me as an Evangelist. ALL WORKS FOR GOOD. Proverbs 3:5