bornagain2011

I personally don't believe that Ezekiel saw a UFO, but I will definitely have to ask him about it when I meet him one day lol. It's good that some higher up in the government are realizing that they are demons. I wonder what this could mean in the coming future. I believe it could create chaos. Think about it, people would rather believe that there are benevolent or even not benevolent beings out in our universe rather than demonic forces that the world has no way of fighting back against. They would lose hope. There was a scientist on YouTube that was discussing why he believes they are demons based on science, one of the reasons is that these objects fly at 5,000-10,000 mph and there is no sonic boom. They defy the laws of physics completely. An object in universe should not be able to physically do the things they are able to do, they would be destroyed. And they tend to blip in and out of our dimension. It's crazy.

I think about these things a lot too Dennis, I always wonder what things will be like, what will our bodies be like? Will we feel pain? Eat for our health? I believe we will have work to do, what will the currency system be like? So many questions!

The Bible says that after the 1,000 year reign everything will be made new, new heavens, new earth, and at that time New Jerusalem will come down as a bride adorned for her husband. So it will be on the new earth, it will be in the dimensions of a cube, the width will be the same as the height, at least the wall will be as high as the length and width, not sure about the height of the city structures. It will take up over the length of the US,but the US won't exist of course, but that gives you an idea of it's vastness. More than enough space for all of us, plus there will be nations outside of the great city where believers will live too.

https://relevantmagazine.com/current/world/christian-pentagon-officials-halted-ufo-research-over-fear-that-aliens-are-demons/ From the article, A UFO researcher is claiming that Pentagon commanders are trying to put the brakes on extraterrestrial studies due to their Christian beliefs. Ron James, director of media relations for the UFO research group MUFON, has shared that US government officials are concerned aliens might actually be demons in disguise. James said that the government-sanctioned Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program faced opposition from “a very large contingent of people” within the Pentagon who believe the Unidentified Aerial Phenomena reported by US military sources were potentially piloted by creatures from Hell. James went on to share that Luis Elizondo, the head of AATIP, struggled to get proper funding because of this group of individuals. Elizondo allegedly said it “was not just a little voice in The Pentagon…but a huge group of people thought the phenomenon that was being witnessed was demons.” Despite religious leaders, including Pope Francis, acknowledging that there is likely life on other planets, this group of officials are wary. In fact, Jones mentioned his conversation with Christian U.S. Congressman Tim Burchett. “I sat down and interviewed him,” Jones said. “His feeling was that if you look in the Bible and you look at Ezekiel building the wheel there’s a lot of people that think that that was a spaceship.” Jones clarified on Julian Dorsey’s podcast he does not think aliens are demons, but simply beings from a different universe Could this be part of the future deception? Do you think they should reveal their concerns to the public? How do you think the public would react?

First let me start by saying this is not about me, but my good friend who I will call Karen. So Karen has been with her husband for maybe 16 years, they have two boys ages 10 and 12. Their relationship has always been very rocky. She tells me that he lacks empathy, stays up really late on his phone and wont come to bed, has a temper and lashes out, and whines and guilts her into being intimate. She on the other hand can not apologize, is proud and wont admit her wrongs, she also has a temper. I have seen him parked around town texting, and he was let go from a few teaching jobs because of being inappropriate with teenage girls. I have been friends with her for probably 10 years, I have seen them going around in circles. Things get really bad to the point she almost leaves, and then they do counseling with couples from church, or she makes the same guy from church talk to him to try and change him. Things go.. ok for a little bit, but they both wont change. He does all the christian things, they even led a marriage bible study together. Recently they got into a big fight waiting for their boys to get out of Awana, and he just got out of the car and walked away in the dark, her and her boys drove around looking for him for a long long time, she had to call for help to find him, which they finally did. Her boys were crying and now afraid he will do that again. This past week she told me she wanted to leave, but she financially cant because she is a stay at home mom, and he wont let her take the boys because she is "abusive", apparently he was yelling and calling her names. She left to stay at her parent's home for a few days. She is setting up a meeting between the guy from church to talk some sense into him. And so the cycle continues. I have a coffee date with her on Saturday. My question is at what point does she separate? How do you know if they will never change? Her mental and physical health is failing because of the stress. How do I advise her? How many chances does she give him? Does she stay for the next 50 years with him never changing and her becoming a shell of a person? Thank you

Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad that you guys made it through, your story gives me hope. My husband and I do get some time alone together each week because our kids go to school and my husband works a shift where he gets a few days off during the week. I have read both of those books you mentioned, they are very good, and some of the best that I've read regarding that topic. I like how they are very practical.

Thank you. He definitely has gaslighted me before. He changes his story about some of the details about him and the 19 year old, as if the original story wasn't BURNED into my mind forever! He told me today that his supervisor from that job was out to get him fired, and that's why there was an investigation done on him and that woman, even though there was something else that came out right before which was going to get him fired and they needed to pull footage for. I told him that it doesn't make sense I said "if your boss had evidence that would cause you to be fired, why would he need to pull footage of you and her, and falsify documents to try and get you fired? Why would he risk his OWN job to falsify documents, when he already had evidence about something else to get you fired?" my husband's response was "he wanted to make extra sure I got fired". This whole comversation came up because I asked him again about how on the report it said him and the woman disappeared off camera for a few hours, and that at another time the footage showed him sticking his head out of a room really quick while they were in the room together (as if to check if someone was coming), and NOW the answer he gives me is different, NOW he says his boss actually lied on the report and made stuff up. I don't believe that at all. And I was very offended that my husband thought I was such an idiot. His boss had to send the report AND footage off to headquarters to be looked at, now why in the world would he send a falsified report with video footage that would show the contrary? It makes no sense at all. Some other things he did with her, he gave her a massage (he went to school to be a massage therapist), he gave her a ride home at least once, he texted her all hours and deleted them, after he was fired he had to meet with her one last time to give her something that needed to be taken back to work, he talked to her about our marriage, he told her if her boyfriend doesn't want them talking that there are other ways they could talk, one of the last texts between them he said "I will miss you... all". He can not give a reason or motive for any of this. He swears to God he had no impure intentions and that nothing happened. So either he is telling the truth, and this is one of several times that I just have to say "well, it doesn't look good, but I guess he is innocent", or he really is some sort of sociopath, which is hard to believe as well because he has shown remorse a few times. We "made up" earlier, we cried, hugged each other, and said sorry. We don't stay mad very long. But I don't want to just pretend that everything is fine. I want to be married to someone I trust. Sorry for the long rant, it feels good to let it out. Thank you for your response, I didn't realize that emotional/mental abuse could look like that. But I think pretty much everyone would be divorced if they decided they were done with their spouses passive aggressiveness, their anger, etc. No one would be married because we all have a sin nature. I would say that I have the tendency to be selfish, manipulative, verbally abusive at times to my husband (not super bad, but calling him a liar and accusing him). I just think about how much better my husband is than my exes. Maybe that's naive or foolish, but I have a hard time knowing that the truth is and what to do. According to worldly standards I should've left my husband a long time ago, but by God's standards you are not supposed to divorce.

I asked him today if he wanted to separate, he said it seems like that is what I want because I have been argumentative etc. I told him it seems that is what HE wants because HE keeps bringing it up. He said he doesn't. I told him I don't either because I don't want to destroy our son's life if our marriage isn't that horrible. And also, I can't afford to live in the house with the three kids, we would have to get an apartment, I would have to go back into the workforce, which I don't want to do because I want to be home with my kids. So a divorce would completely turn everything upside down. We have no choice but to stay together. As far as intimacy goes, he rarely initiates, he wants me to initiate. And I don't really think about sex unless I am thinking "it's been a few days, he would probably need it". I have some hang ups around it because of my past, so it takes a lot of effort for me to be vulnerable to him. And when he is caught watching things... oh boy... that REALLY shuts me down, and only confirms what my past abuse has taught me- I AM JUST A PEICE OF MEAT, put on this earth for men's pleasure. I have shared all of these thoughts with my husband before. I have told him that I feel like just another piece of meat, that if I don't do what he wants as often as he wants, he will just get his need met with a different piece of meat. We are intimate often enough, few times a week usually. His excuse for watching porn? "I'm sorry, I was dumb". When he was having an emotional relationship with the 19 year old woman (and watching porn), I had just given birth to our son, so I had a c-section I was recovering from, plus post partum depression, and then I had to go back in 8 weeks later for another operation, so I was in very bad shape, plus a bit heavier than I was before by 30 lbs (which supposedly has never bothered him). His excuse that time was that I was distant from him, and this other woman enjoyed talking to him and was fun. He was up texting her at night when he was supposed to be watching our son. He swears up and down, and on his son's life that nothing physically happened between them, just lots of flirting. I think he was on his way to committing adultery before he got fired. You see, when we were dating we were BOTH watching porn. BUT, I got saved and became convicted and stopped, whereas he was already a Christian and should've known better. We were also intimate (not living together though) before I was saved, and one of the major reasons we got married was because I - NOT HIM, felt convicted about it. I felt too weak to stop, and he had no desire to stop. So many red flags.... flirty FB messages between him a other females he knew etc. But I only saw the good things, he didn't have a temper, he adored his mama, he treated me like a queen, we just got along so so good, we were best friends. I still consider us really good friends, our personalities seem to work so well together. Thank you for your comment, my reply was probably much more than you needed to hear. I haven't talked to anyone in real life about our problems recently. My husband says marriages should be private.

When he kicked her it wasn't hard. After some of my shock wore off I went to check her out and see if she was ok. She didn't cry or anything. I think she was mostly just freaked out. I couldn't really process at the time what to do, I kind of froze and went dumb. This was the first time that I have seen him act this way towards our cats. She has been attacking our new kitten that we got last month, he isn't really little, but about 6 months old. I think my husband had just had enough. She was going to attack him while he was using the litter box.

About the cat, so we got a new kitten last month, he isn't like an itty bitty kitten, but about 6 months old. Well, our older cat hasn't warmed up to him yet, she has gotten better, but sometimes she will hiss or bat at him. Our new kitten was using the litter box and our older cat quickly went over like she was going to attack, that's when my husband leaped up from the kitchen table where we were sitting, and ran over there and kicked her (not hard) about 2 or 3 times. She didn't hit the back wall, but he was kicking her back towards the wall. She didn't cry out, but she was trying to get away from him. It was very hard to witness. My husband is reluctant to see the Pastor for marital counseling because he wants someone who is older and wiser, and counsels for a living. Pastor is only 34 and has only pastored for a year. And my husband doesn't want him knowing personal details about me or the marriage. My husband did send Pastor a text this morning asking for a recommendation for a good marriage counselor, Pastor said he couldn't think of one but he would like to help, to which my husband thanked him but said they will talk more later. The only internet access we have at our house is my old smart phone, which I have a parental control app on it, our old tablet- which I don't think he would use because it is glitchy, and this laptop I am using right now- that I changed the login password to last night. My husband has internet access at work in the computer room which is sometimes empty, and he told me that he can hear when people are about to come in. That is the computer he was watching "youtube videos" on. But I am suspicious that he was actually accessing real porn sites through it, and/or dating sites, because he started getting a lot of spam from those sites sent to his phone. And I don't think you get spam from watching videos on Youtube. But that is another thing he swears up and down about, that it was youtube videos of women dancing, not porn sites. I even made him swear on my life (yeah I know that's immature). I kind of feel angry about even having to put locks on devices, I feel like if he really loved me he just wouldn't look at those things. How can a man love his wife if he wants other women? If he loves me he wouldn't be tempted to want to be with other women.

He now says he wouldn't watch porn or do anything sinful if we separated, but I have doubts about that. I don't have solid proof that he physically cheated, just emotionally cheated, and mentally cheated. We had a long talk/argument today where we were both honest with each other, I hope he was honest with me. It was emotional. He swears up and down he has never physically cheated on me. He is not usually an angry person. I have been in physically abusive relationships before, and this isn't one. He loses his temper, but it's pretty rare. He usually just holds his thoughts and emotions in, and expresses it through passive aggressive actions, sarcastic remarks, or silent treatment. He tells me he doesn't know how to communicate his feelings when he is angry without blowing up, so he shoves it down. Our argument today was basically me venting to him about why I don't trust him, all of the things he has done in the past, all of the holes in his stories etc. He just sat there taking it (like usual), and in the end I just feel like I pretty much verbally abused him, especially when I remember the scripture that says Satan is the accuser of the brethren. Which is basically what I did.

Thank you for your response. I was not offended at all My husband told me today that he is trying to change, he doesn't talk to any women at work at all, and doesn't feel tempted to watch anything online. I hope that it's the Lord changing him and not him trying to change himself. I like that analogy about dieting, it is really helpful because I can relate to that. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. You have to "earn" permanent weight loss by BECOMING a different person inside, you can't just crash diet your way to slim and expect to stay that way because you didn't really change. I guess I can't expect my marriage to be perfect, it's going to take work because we aren't perfect. It takes work and consistency, like weight loss. I am really sorry you grew up in that kind of environment. I can't imagine going through that. My parents had problems too, I guess my dad was a drinker, and did drugs etc, but my parents always argued behind closed doors. My mom was not a christian, but she drug us to catholic church while my dad stayed home to watch Nascar. If I were to be honest, I would say I need a wake up call as well, God needs to soften my heart as well. I want to want to try, if that makes sense.

Well, I was hoping that when he would see how absolutely crushed I was each time I found out he would feel awful and never do it again, he would SEEM to feel awful, but it would happen again. The last time it happened I told him I would leave him if it happened again, and when I found out this last time and reminded him of what I said he said "I forgot you had said that" how convenient. Him flirting with women and watching porn makes me feel like they are what he really wants and he just has to be with me because we are married, but I am not what he REALLY wants. When I found out the last time it was because his phone kept getting spam, and he kept changing his story over and over again and doing the whole "trickle truth" so I don't even know now what the truth is. I just sat there, not screaming or crying, just so over it. And then I found out some other stuff that night, like a female co worker had tried to entice him to go to the bathroom with him, and he had been talking to her, and somehow knows where she lives. This was about 5 months ago. I almost separated from him that night, but my friend convinced me to stay with him and join a marriage group (which was a flop) and do a mentoring program. I don't know how I could stick with him emotionally and not alienate him when he is being unfaithful. I would feel like I was rewarding bad behavior. And I feel like I can't keep submitting and touching that hot stove to keep getting burnt over and over again. We apologized a little while ago. Not like we will ever resolve the issue because he still doesn't think he did anything wrong even though he said he DID kick her, but he won't admit it was wrong. Yet I must forgive him. So you think I should be closer to him and loving etc? But what happens if he either drops his guard and confesses MORE stuff, or he sees me being so nice and decides to take advantage of that and sneak around because he gets the best of both worlds? Him and I both know that we married for the wrong reasons. I was feeling very convicted about being intimate without being married, and I knew we couldn't stay away from each other, and I didn't want anyone else to have him, and also I loved how he made me feel. He married me I guess because he loved me? He thought marriage would be fun and it should be pretty easy. Yes, he told me these things. And he likes things easy with the least amount of effort possible. Projects get half done around the house, and left for a long time before I mention things and he does them in a big huff. So that's the kind of energy he puts in to working on our marriage as well. He doesn't want to talk about hard stuff. That's why he would talk to other women at work and flirt with them because they were fun etc. This is what he told me. I just feel like I am not good enough, never good enough. If God convicts true believers, then how come I always have to PRY the truth out of my husband??! He will take his lies to his grave, he doesn't act convicted AT ALL. He acts completely normal while he is caught up in sin. It's so scary. Yet, when I talk too long to pastor, or comment on a guy's fb post I feel awful and tell my husband all about it. I tell him everything. Maybe too much. But I hate feeling convicted, it eats me up inside. When I have sinned in the past by being emotionally entangled with a man at our old church, I would feel so so convicted about every single text, even though they were seldom and usually always about ministry, I would have to tell my husband right away because I felt awful. I couldn't eat or sleep, it affected my mood. But my husband... acts the same. This is why we need counseling. Now I feel like it is all my fault again, like I am crazy and over reacting. I don't think I could divorce, I have been through a previous divorce and it affected my 2 girls even though they were young, so I couldn't do that to our little boy. But sometimes I daydream about being free, free of fighting and arguments, free of worry and paranoia. I just want to be happy. I want to either be alone and happy, or with someone who loves me enough to be truthful with me and loyal to me. One thing I know for certain though, if something were to happen and I ended up alone again I will stay that way. Marriage is too much work and too much pain. I envy single people sometimes because they don't have to deal with an unfaithful spouse, or all the disagreements all the time.

Thank you for your advice. My husband is in his 40's and I am in my 30's, like our Pastor who is actually a few years younger. I think it would be a good idea to get counseling from an older person. I need to also ask God to soften my heart as well because I am fairly bitter and resentful about a lot of things from the past. I need help with forgiveness and moving on.

He says he can do it, but he doesn't have a degree etc so he would use the bible. He doesn't have experience YET with marriage counseling. He has offered to counsel us, but my husband doesn't want to make things weird between them. Even pastor's wife said it might make coming to church weird for us. I talked to my husband some more before I took the kids out for a few hours. That's when he admitted that he was kicking her. He asked if I wanted to separate. I don't think so, but it hurts that he doesn't seem to care. Maybe I am over reacting, if I just let things go and overlook character flaws, things go a lot smoother and we seem happier. I think maybe the enemy is trying to separate us. I don't want to make a mistake and throw away my marriage if there is nothing majorly wrong. My husband doesn't seem to care much and brings up divorce and separation a lot. Maybe I will ask pastor if he knows anyone that could counsel us.

no, I had to show him what he did, and he admitted he kicked her, it wasn't hard (which I guess is how he defines kicking), but he kicked her. He likes to act like he doesn't know what things mean sometimes. Like "flirting", he has double standards about things.

I have talked to him about his actions before and how much they damage our marriage, but not with the same words you have used. I have doubted his salvation at times because of how flippant he can be about his sin, how I have to PRY it out of him, how he can sit and read his Bible each morning, read marriage books, but then I find out he has been talking to a female co worker and watching stuff on the computer, it's like he is two different people. Most of the time 90% of the time, he is a great husband and father, so selfless, the type of husband who would come home from nightshift, but let ME take a nap before he goes to bed (this was when our son was a baby), he makes coffee for me each day, he lets me talk and talk, and is so forgiving of MY sins. But then, every few months like clockwork, I will find out he has done something else to break our trust. I feel like I don't know who he is, he is so quiet and private, he doesn't share his thoughts and feelings very often. Every time I have asked him if he was struggling he would always say no, and that he pushes sinful thoughts out of his head. He said the temptations catch him off guard because he pushes the thoughts out of his head so much. That didn't make much sense to me. I would rather him tell me "yes, I was really struggling and gave in, it was wrong, I am sorry", but he just says "I don't know why I watched it, I honestly wasn't even tempted". And I had threatened after the last time that I would leave him if he watched porn again. And now for the last few months he keeps getting porn/dating spam to his phone, even after changing his number, but he swears he hasn't looked at anything. We don't use smart phones, just flip phones. I feel like I am incapable of trusting him, every time he fails he swears up and down that he won't do it again, I have told him how much it hurts me, he has even cried etc. How can someone just have no conscience unless they are caught? About 5 years ago I had discovered deleted texts between him and a 19 year old co worker, he still says he deleted them to avoid the inevitable argument we would have, but that they were innocent texts. His last text he sent her after he was fired said "I will miss you.... all"... and he STILL says he meant nothing by it and can't figure out his own motive for sending it. I told him what it would mean if I sent that to someone. But of course, he is innocent. Before he was fired there was an investigation done on the two of them, all of the paperwork was sent home and I went through it, there was some suspicious things like them playing tag, or disappearing for hours, which he denies by saying they would go into the lunch room with other people in there and there were no cameras in there. He worked nightshift security at a data center, so imagine a very large vacant building, a man and a woman having to sit in a small room together all night long, one of them is supposed to go on patrol at a time, but my husband and this 19 year old woman would go together. This was just one of a few instances that have called his honesty into question. Now, I am not perfect by any means, but I confess my mistakes, and I am very open with my husband about my struggles. At our last church I became emotionally entangled with another man, I decided we needed to leave, I removed myself from that situation and from all situations that would call me to stumble. But either my husband doesn't know himself deep down inside and doesn't realize he struggles, or he is some kind of prideful sociopath. But I have no other choice but to forgive. I went out a bit today to bring some paperwork to my kid's school, it helped me to calm down. I feel like I can forgive my husband even if he doesn't say he is sorry. I just want to have a good day. Sorry for this long post. I know we need counseling, I just don't even know where to start.

There is a lot to the story, but we were doing a marriage mentoring program which I finished and he still has a week left. I though we were getting closer and things were doing a lot better, but sometimes I don't know. My husband doesn't really have accountability, he doesn't tell people about his struggles (he doesn't have any supposedly), he has talked to Pastor about some of the sins he has committed, like the pornography, only because I blabbed about it to Pastor when I was upset once. Also, I don't think Pastor would be the best person to counsel us, I wrote about him in a previous post in here. Pastor is only 34, this is the first church he has pastored, and has only been doing so since last December, and he doesn't have any accreditation for doing marriage counseling. I kind of feel trapped. I don't have enough of a reason to divorce, plus it isn't THAT bad, but I feel like he will never change and I can never trust him. So my only option is to just suck it up and work on it. Sometimes I just wish the rapture would happen or God would just take me home. I also feel manipulated into staying with him because he said if we ever separated he would just watch porn whenever he wanted then. I don't want our son to be around that, or around any female he decided to bring home. I feel like my husband only "behaves" because we are married and I say certain things are not ok. I hate airing my dirty laundry on here, but I don't know what else to do. I want to talk to my friend (pastor's wife) so badly about this, but I don't want to burden her with all of this or seem like a drama queen.

Yes, we go to a local church. I was thinking about texting pastor's wife because we are good friends. My husband doesn't want pastor counseling us because he wants pastor to remain as a friend. My husband unlocked the bedroom door and came in while I was in here. He said he didn't kick the cat he was "pushing her back with his foot", I said pushing or scooting something back is when your leg or foot already had contact, whereas his leg didn't have contact at first. Then he said "no a kick is with all your might!!" I said no, there are different levels of force to kicking. I told him that I didn't want to talk to him because of his arrogance and pride. He only wanted to talk to defend himself and make me see his way. I won't let him gaslight me into believing I saw wrong. He did finally admit to kicking her because she needed to learn. But he still defended his actions. I don't want to make a big deal about this. He didn't kick her hard, but with some effort. She was scared and trying to get away. And my husband doesn't seem to care how traumatizing it is. Why do I keep thinking about divorce all the time? I don't want to live like this. I can't even trust him. After ten years I feel like he will never change.

I feel numb and scared right now. One of our cats was about to pounce on our younger cat and instead of my husband picking her up and removing her he started to kick her against the wall, he kicked her 3 times I think. Not with all of his strength but she was freaked out and so was I. Right afterwards my husband came over to me and didn't say anything, but was calm. I said "really?!" And he said "she was going to attack him" I said "you could've picked her up and moved her" and hesaid "she won't do it again" . Our 3 kids were in the living room so they didn't see, but one of them said "what?" and I said "nothing" and went into the bedroom to try and process what I saw and what to do. I came out to go into the bathroom and my husband was like "what's wrong?" As if nothing had happened, and I said "really?" And he said "you think I kicked her?", I just said wow. So already he is going to try and deny and gaslight. Here is the thing about my husband. He is a "nice guy", also passive aggressive. When he gets caught watching porn he always swears he will never do it again and says he is disgusted by it. When I found out a few months ago that he was watching things on his work computer he was like "I wasn't even tempted I don't know why I did it", he tries to act like he never struggles with sin, that he is perfect and just struggles with a bit of anger. I have caught him in lies that he would keep denying for so so long. I honestly don't know what to do right now. What sucks is that he is the typical "nice guy", he can be very loving, and reads his bible daily, but I get a peak sometimes at the condition of his heart (deceitful, lying, prideful) and it seriously makes me want to divorce him and be single. What should I do? Can't afford counseling.

Walk Away. Be polite and respectful but wrap up the conversation and walk away or change the topic. Your goal isn't simply to identify poor boundaries but to replace them with healthy alternatives. Okay, I can do this. Thank you for this advice. I won't feel rude, I will just politely cut it short and walk away. Boundaries must be firm but flexible. Boundaries that are rigid keep the problems within us and provide little freedom, truth, or healing. This makes sense and explains why even when I have had very strict boundaries I would still struggle with rebellion, because my HEART wasn't changed, I had stopped doing the bad stuff without replacing it with the good stuff I needed to be doing like reading my bible daily, praying frequently, turning my heart back towards my spouse etc. So those strict boundaries were just a band aid. Even just creating lots of distraction and busyness in my life was still just a band aid effect and not addressing the root of the issue, which is my heart. Why do I crave male attention and get bored easily?? I know it has something to do with my past, I had a lot of childhood abuse, and I didn't bond with a mother figure. It's a long story. I know only God can fill that void. If I don't change my heart I will keep making the same mistakes and sins over and over again. Boundaries form our identity. I know who I am and where I begin and where I end. I am not you and you am not me. I do not need to think the same way you think, feel the same way you feel or act the same way you act and I am not less because any difference and you are not less because of any difference. Being like everyone else in all ways is a good way to lose the self God gave you. I have noticed that with this Pastor it seems that sometimes he thinks his way of thinking about something is the correct way, but at other times he seems humble and open to answers from others, for example he likes to talk to my husband about prophecy and ask my husband lots of questions like he really appreciates his wisdom on the topic. But, like I said before, sometimes he acts a little prideful about things. He also encourages unity within the church, which is good, but it seems like he wants us to be very open and vulnerable. We finished reading a book called Sticky Church, which talks about creating strong friendships and bonding within the church by having small groups composed of congregants with similar ages and similar seasons in life. In the groups we would discuss the sermon from Sunday and do a study about it, but over time our groups are supposed to bond and open up and share. Our groups would be together for years, and our children would grow up together. It would be a commitment, and it is supposed to create a strong unified church. But I have told Pastor that I don't think men should be sharing with women and visa versa, that some things are private. I'm not sure how much sharing he is wanting us to do. From what I have read about in the book these people in their groups discuss very personal things, like about their marriages to some degree. My husband and I don't necessarily believe it is time for us to leave this church. I have been keeping a distance from Pastor, and if I keep doing this he will figure it out and follow suit, unless he really is pursuing or in his pride he says to himself "no one is going to tell me I can't talk to one of my congregants". If that is the case I will have to tell him something. I don't really sense the "fire" because like I've said before; sometimes we talk and say Hi, and sometimes he completely ignores me and shows no interest beyond looking at me across the room. And my husband and I think this is a learning experience for Pastor, and if he is a good godly man he will do the right thing. My husband didn't really confront him about him being attracted to me or our casual conversations we had, he just said something about our long 2 hour talk was inappropriate, and that he wouldn't just go up to women and talk to them all the time, he doesn't talk to women. But I don't know what else was really said to Pastor in regards to how he acted with me or his intentions with me. My husband told me some of their conversation is private. My husband didn't outright tell Pastor to stop talking to me so much, or watch himself. So that's probably why after they came back from their trip Pastor still came up to me and showed me all the pictures and videos on his smartphone of their trip (to my husband's surprise). We might have to be more direct in the future. But I don't see anything wrong with a short conversation where he just asks me how my week was or things like that. I don't see that as crossing boundaries. If we are not even allowed to talk to each other at all we might as well go to another church. I know you aren't saying we can't talk to each other at all, but what I mean is if it comes to that. I better get going for now. Thank you again for your replies. I downloaded that book Not Just Friends, so I will start reading that ASAP.

I don't know how to create separate quotes yet, so I will try to respond to each paragraph the best that I can. "No one said you couldn't speak to a man (pastor or otherwise). Why are you trying to find caveats for the replies to this op? You asked us - everyone in the entire forum - what to do about your infidelity and Who me provided a very correct, very concise and succinct answer." I wasn't trying to look for caveats or trying to be sneaky, I am honestly trying to learn and ask about different situations and scenarios. I am sorry if it came across differently. "Boundaries are reciprocal. If he is too familiar with a parishioner..... he is not covering or loving his wife. One person with unhealthy boundaries doesn't have problems with another person with similar boundaries lapses. Those two people thrive on one another. One person with unhealthy boundaries gets checked by healthy-boundary people. " I understand that. People with unhealthy boundaries are drawn towards others with unhealthy boundaries. This is why my boundaries are more solid now. But at the same time, I wasn't always talking to Pastor, sometimes we would talk (because he came up to me) and sometimes we wouldn't talk at all. It was mostly before/after the nightly prayer meetings where we would laugh and be more relaxed as a group. That's MOSTLY when he would act way more casual, but I still wouldn't categorize it as flirty. I guess I am feeling a little defensive and I apologize, it feels like you see me as some flirty woman who hangs on the Pastor and bats her eyelashes at him, when it is not that way at all. My facial expressions and body language are very normal and not flirty at all, maybe when I used to laugh and joke with him it came across that way. I have studied body language so I know how to alter it. 1) pick up the books "Boundaries" and "Boundaries in Marriage" both by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and read them. Also get the book, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and read it. Willard Harley has also written on the prevention of infidelity. Red these books with your husband. Build shared values, shared purpose, hared goals, shared boundaries with the man you presumably love. I have read Boundaries in Marriage years ago, and if I remember right they only devoted like 1 chapter to boundaries with opposite sex. I do enjoy the books Hedges, Every Man's Battle (and every woman's battle), and The Meaning Of Marriage. I will look into Not Just Friends. Thank you for the suggestions. My husband and I have gotten a lot closer lately. And I have been more loving towards him. He has been reading all of these and knows everything I write. I don't hide anything from him. If there is something you want to say to him as well he will read it too. Healthy boundaries begin with the ability to say, "No." The number one obstacle to applying boundaries is the fear of consequences. Do it any way. You are not free if you cannot say, "No." I need to keep working on this. I am always afraid of offending people and coming across as rude. I know this probably comes from my history of abuse and neglect, probably all of my hangups do. I have gotten a little better with it lately though. Stop over-spiritualizing and take responsibility for yourself. The more likely explanation is your flesh, not satan. Satan is a minion. What you're suggesting is satan is infecting and affecting that local body of Christ.... ....all because you've got some porous boundaries. Stop blaming satan for your choices. Get your flesh in order and satan won't have fodder for temptation. I believe demons try to tempt us by whispering into our ears and trying to put thoughts into our heads, they know our weaknesses, but it is still OUR choice how we respond. I know when I am under demonic oppression because I start to have demonic nightmares and random dark thoughts plus depression, and my kids start to have nightmares as well. I used to be pretty deep into the occult before I became a believer, so I know that demons are very active in our lives. But the scripture does say that if we resist them they will leave. So when I am walking in the Light and having a closer relationship with God they leave me alone because I keep telling my thoughts no. In all likelihood folks have already begun to wonder about you. In all likelihood you do not want to be the object of gossip nor the person they'll make you out to be. You are not the only one with boundary lapses in that body of believers. That's not a likelihood; that's a fact. I know (can sense) that at least two of the older men have wondered about me and have probably talked to Pastor about me. They are both men that Pastor confides in and they mentor him. They have watched us talk in the past. One of them is Pastor's father in law. I have a good relationship with his mother and father in law, but they are probably still keeping their eyes open. I don't want to be seen as that kind of woman. There is another woman at church that I don't talk with very much anymore because she was acting very flirty with Pastor in an obvious way, and I don't want her setting her sights on my husband. I think someone has told her to calm herself because I don't see her and Pastor talk much anymore. I appreciate your honesty in your response. When you mentioned that some things were light and inconsequential and some were more serious, that's where I have a hard time, I personally can not tell what is serious and what isn't. At our previous church I tried several times over 5 years to talk to the Pastor's wife about the way a certain man was acting but she kept saying things like "oh that's probably nothing, don't over think things, he does that with everyone", EVEN when he once said in front of his wife "honey when you die I want a wife like her!" referring to me. EVERYTHING was downplayed, so I have a hard time believing what's real, I always tell myself that I am over analyzing and over thinking things because I am crazy. I can't grasp the concept that a man could be attracted to me or actually like me. I do appreciate your post, and I am not upset or offended by it at all. I know I am also responsible for how things are because if I would've acted like I had a strong marriage and strong boundaries Pastor wouldn't have felt so comfortable to let his hair down with me. But I also don't like hiding my personality and being boring (I am not saying I want to be flirty), but I guess if I save all of that for female conversations I can still be myself. My husband works a rotating nightshift schedule, so he can only go with my to church every other Wednesday and every other Sunday. I have thought about only going when he can come with me, but I also don't want to miss out on the sermons or fellowship.

Thank you for quoting all of those things I said, it helps me see it all at once. I talked to my husband some more yesterday about what they had discussed on their trip, apparently Pastor wouldn't admit to any struggles except pride and anger, but the way Pastor was acting on their trip and has acted around me was what made my husband want to put more distance between us. Pastor wasn't acting sinful on their trip, but he was acting dodgy with questions, and acting prideful. My husband opened up to him a little bit, so he was hoping Pastor would open up, but I told my husband maybe Pastor doesn't struggle as much as we think? My husband thinks it's the opposite, that pastor struggles more than most. I accept responsibility for my actions, I acted careless and didn't have that proper wall up because I was not attracted to him, and I thought the boundaries could be a little looser because he is a Pastor. I kind of see the situation as this; we both acted careless, and now I have put distance between us so going forward in the future there won't be awkwardness or inappropriateness, and his wife and my husband won't have to worry about the state of the marriages. His wife and I are good friends, but I won't be good friends with the Pastor. I'm not friends with men. Yesterday I texted with his wife a little bit just to let her know that my 3 kids and I had to go get covid tested because we are all sick, and they found that my 6 year old son has pneumonia. So unfortunately we weren't able to go to Wednesday evening youth group/adult bible study. Then at 9:30 last night Pastor called my husband to check up on me, I could hear them on the phone and my husband told me everything. Pastor didn't ask about our kids, or our son with pneumonia, he just asked questions about me and talked about me. After the phone call, my husband had to process it. It left him confused. But I suggested maybe Pastor was just checking in as a pastor worried about a congregant, sort of just making the rounds. My husband was a little upset that Pastor didn't ask about our children, but kept talking about me. I thought it was odd too, but I don't want to over think it because he was probably just trying to be a good Pastor. Our son is doing a bit better, he has to do a breathing treatment which seems to help a lot.

Okay thank you for clarifying. My husband and I have been reading and talking about all of these responses. Thank you for your wisdom and insight, we really appreciate it.

Thank you for your advice. The Pastor and I are both married and both in our 30's. He will not be counseling us at all. My husband and I agreed that if we ever need marriage counseling it will be with a marriage counselor. I like how you compared Pastors to school teachers, that will help my brain to comprehend Pastor- member relationships better.