I recently Accepted Jesus as my lord and savoir . I reconnected with my church and reestablished my faith after years of agnostic atheism. The problem im having is i don't really feel as if im completely forgiven for my past sins. sometimes i fall into a downward spiral thinking about the bad things i have done, and feel as if im not forgiven. My past is very dark. during my teens i dealt with major depressive disorder and started losing hope in every aspect of my life (including god). i felt as if nobody cared about me and the thought of god existing was far-fetched and silly. The depression was horrible at times, sometimes even suicidal . As i went on i went down a pretty bad path .Feeling as bad as i did with no faith i turned to drugs alcohol and risky behavior . i experimented with tons of drugs got addicted to a few and was stealing like crazy . i also would spew blasphemy jokingly many times. The things i feel worst about was my addiction, stealing OTC drugs on a daily basis, having sex with a prostitute and experimenting sexually with another male. at the time i felt that there was no god and no consequences to my actions . Anyways im doing much better now . I reached a breaking point where i felt like if i continued the way i was going i would end up dead. I prayed for the first time since i was 15 and asked that if there was a god i would like to know him , and that im truly sorry for all my terrible action. immediately after praying i felt a presence of something. i cant explain it but i felt like god was there the whole time i was just ignoring him. i felt unconditionally loved for the first time. The first time i went back to the Methodist church i grew up in i burst into tears during the hymnals. i prayed as hard as i could and accepted that Jesus was my savoir and died for my sins on the cross. This was about 2 months ago and im clean and feeling much better. i have structure back in my life for the first time . im currently in a rehab program and going to the gym every day to keep busy . i Also am studying the bible every night and praying multiple times a day. Im trying to look at a bright future but sometimes i cant help but dwell on the past. The thoughts of the things iv'e done bring me to the point of anxiety attacks and crying spells, and the depression creeps in .sometimes I cant help but feel as if iv'e worn out gods grace and that im such a bad person i cant be forgiven.
Does anyone have any advice or insight to how i can get over my past. Am i Forgiven ? Are my sins washed away like the bible states?
please dont be judgmental towards my past actions i just want to be a better person
I recently Accepted Jesus as my lord and savoir . I reconnected with my church and reestablished my faith after years of agnostic atheism. The problem im having is i don't really feel as if im completely forgiven for my past sins. sometimes i fall into a downward spiral thinking about the bad things i have done, and feel as if im not forgiven. My past is very dark. during my teens i dealt with major depressive disorder and started losing hope in every aspect of my life (including god). i felt as if nobody cared about me and the thought of god existing was far-fetched and silly. The depression was horrible at times, sometimes even suicidal . As i went on i went down a pretty bad path .Feeling as bad as i did with no faith i turned to drugs alcohol and risky behavior . i experimented with tons of drugs got addicted to a few and was stealing like crazy . i also would spew blasphemy jokingly many times. The things i feel worst about was my addiction, stealing OTC drugs on a daily basis, having sex with a prostitute and experimenting sexually with another male. at the time i felt that there was no god and no consequences to my actions . Anyways im doing much better now . I reached a breaking point where i felt like if i continued the way i was going i would end up dead. I prayed for the first time since i was 15 and asked that if there was a god i would like to know him , and that im truly sorry for all my terrible action. immediately after praying i felt a presence of something. i cant explain it but i felt like god was there the whole time i was just ignoring him. i felt unconditionally loved for the first time. The first time i went back to the Methodist church i grew up in i burst into tears during the hymnals. i prayed as hard as i could and accepted that Jesus was my savoir and died for my sins on the cross. This was about 2 months ago and im clean and feeling much better. i have structure back in my life for the first time . im currently in a rehab program and going to the gym every day to keep busy . i Also am studying the bible every night and praying multiple times a day. Im trying to look at a bright future but sometimes i cant help but dwell on the past. The thoughts of the things iv'e done bring me to the point of anxiety attacks and crying spells, and the depression creeps in .sometimes I cant help but feel as if iv'e worn out gods grace and that im such a bad person i cant be forgiven. Does anyone have any advice or insight to how i can get over my past. Am i Forgiven ? Are my sins washed away like the bible states? please dont be judgmental towards my past actions i just want to be a better person