Joy and love

Suicide does not condemn a soul to hell, only not believing 'on' Christ. I've read that it does, because you are taking away God's will for your life and not trusting in him. Don't want to get into a theological debate, so going to leave this here.

I always was told suicide gets you to hell immediately. You won't be saved. I think that's really sad. I know full well what those dark moments are like and you want God there but he isn't. I tried to take my own life once, but was afraid of the outcome so didn't carry it out properly. All I got was nasty side effects. Still feel mad at God over this inside, but he loves me I guess...so I shut the anger out. Maybe the fear to kill myself 'properly' was him, I don't know. I really really hope he was saved. Everyone deserves to be saved. He was a nice man and I believe he spoke of Jesus once. Such a joyful happy person could hide so much pain inside. It's really sad.

I'm sorry if I was mean to anyone. I felt accused and victimised. I don't want to reveal my age because of privacy issues. I feel like people only want it to prove something to themselves which does hurt me. I haven't been receiving much kindness from Christians and it makes me feel like it isn't so great after all. Not so much here, but elsewhere. The prayers are the nicest I've received, so thank you to those who did so. My mum has been ok since this topic. It has to be prayers from those who prayed. Thank you so much! Just wish I could be listened to, I don't feel in the same wave length as other Christians and not in the 'clique' with God

Scriptures in Psalms that tell us of the wisdom of waiting (on the Lord): 25:3,21, 27:14, 37:7,9,34, 52:9, 59:9, 62:3,6, 123:2, 130:5. Thank you to the blue letter bible search engine. And of course it doesn't say anywhere that we should do nothing while we are waiting. I think that one principle here is that timing is important. But how do we know when to act?

All I want is to be with my mum and The Lord and never feel sad or pain ever again. I would love to have my soft toys there with me, come alive because they mean a lot to me. They are like friends to me, but if it's not God's will to do that, that's ok.

Can you guide me to any particular verse? I'm not familiar with verses for certain occasions

I hope I can enjoy chocolate there lol. I hope I'm one of the lucky few to go to heaven

Sounds like me... Why would God allow that? I don't even know why he allows the demons to get to us :/

You can't leave everything to God, otherwise you won't be doing anything! He gives us free will to make choices and I think he wants us to learn from our mistakes. I feel like the faith is like driving on a road with no directions. Just hoping nothing comes in your way, but being careful as well. I don't really agree on 'waiting' because how do we know that is what he wants? Waiting doesn't give me a 'yes' or 'no' answer so I just do whatever is right and pray beforehand. I think that 'sixth sense' feeling when something 'doesn't feel right' is him.

As nice as that may sound to say, it is not so. God is not a father to those who are in flagrant disobedience to His word and have not become His children through faith in Christ Jesus His Son. Jesus does not, never has and would not condone sin. Homosexuality is sin. How is it loving to support a sinful lifestyle? The Bible does not support a homosexual lifestyle; rather, homosexuals who desire to continue in sin, improvise scritpure that they twist to support their sin and ignore scripture that decries their practices. Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galatians 6:7 God may not like the life he lived or be happy about the sin, but he loves us regardless of our sin. Loves us regardless of not having yet 'found him' yet and he will always be everyone's heavenly father. I do believe most people are born gay for some reason (I think it came about after Adam and Eve sinned personally), so it's up to The Lord to free of us of that if he chooses to. We do not know if the gay man had not tried to come to Christ and stop the sin. Maybe he wasn't successful and had died before being free of that sin. It's not our place to judge other people

I am deeply sorry if I hurt you. No not you, someone else making accusations at me...

Well, that is quite an accusation. Jesus had died for you because He loves you and God has accepted you as His child if you believe in His Son. So, the conclusion would be that you are the one causing the problem...that, is also true of ALL of us. We are responsible for what we know about the Bible and we are responsible for taking a hold of God....He has already done all that we need to be accepted by Him and to be able to live for Him on this earth. Problems arise when someone has expectations that are either unrealistic or even sinful and that will always cause disappointment and often people will blame God for their own shortcomings or sinful behavior. You mentionned high school at one point and refer to yourself as an adult. As an adult, what have you done to begin a life as an adult? Are you going to college or working? Do you attend a church where you can meet people and make friends and learn about what it means to be a Christian? You say your situation has gone on year after year...why do you allow that? You can change that. God did not create your situtation...your own family created the situation and you contributed to it. God does not force us to behave in certain ways. We learn behavior by our world around us and the only way we can change how we behave is to have our minds renewed by the word of God. Nothing will ever change as long as you stew, gripe, complain and blame God . I think it would really help for you to focus outside of your home and begin the process of having a life apart from the new life your mother has made for herself. I don't mean to 'allow' it, it just is my 'reality'. I can't really explain it..but there is not much I can do when I've tried letters and everything I have listed. I can't fight her because she has her swords and armour in form of her husband. She can outsmart me and leave me dumbfounded by her nastiness. She can be wicked when she wants to. Like all of us. And yes I've been like that to her myself out of pain. I can't stand up for myself because she 'punishes' me in form of ignoring me or laughing with her husband. I am mentally weak as a person and being all alone leaves me terrified. Having a mental illness and a genetic weakness makes any little thing terrifying for me. And yes, I've tried the counselling route and am on medication. Would anyone WANT to hire a school drop out and who can't handle stress? I wouldn't hire myself! I'm extremely STUPID as well and can't do basic math. I don't get along with other people. People just don't like ME. Is it my fault? No, they just don't like the non party-goer quiet types. Especially the Christian type. I can't stand being around other people. I just feel sick. Please do not assume the problem is all me when I've tried. I know honesty always hurts, but I get annoyed when people just don't 'get it' and I'm constantly victimised as some sort of bully. All my life I've been labelled as some sort of bully when others are hurting me and I stick up for myself. I'm happy to admit when it's my fault, and yes, staying is making it worse and it's my fault with that, but it wouldn't make her treat me any different. She would still ostracise me from her love she can give.

And shaking it about Come on and do he hokey pokey with God! You gotta swing ya hips now lol

I have social phobia and my mother runs things in the house. I have mental weakness which makes everything hard. Gee why is everything always blamed on me? I've tried with her and I've tried with a God but he doesn't listen. I don't think I 'own' her goodness sakes....

Pawning is such a scam. Not even going to go there with my family's experiences. Think something bought only a few years ago, getting thrown $2 for it! How about ebay or something like storenvy? Storenvy has no fees. I know you don't want to sell anything, I know how hard it is. Been there with my family. We had to sell jewellery to buy bread and milk... Spent many years of my life on food parcels and selling things to just buy simple necessities. We went hungry so often it wasn't funny. Don't give up in your faith! Praying for you right now.