Vanessa04

I'm a christian, I believe in God but have trouble getting close and praising Jesus. Almost as if I keep forgetting about Him. As bad as that sounds and yes I'm ashamed to call myself a christian for that matter..I just need a good start on how to know Jesus and building a relationship with him?

This is a popular question, Does God already have the people going to heaven chosen? If so how is this a just and loving God? What about the people he didn't choose? How is that fair to them? Others say it's based upon our actions and our heart and of course God already knows this because he foresees our future

I went to Colombia to see family and to get a breast enhancement. All my life I was insecure about my appearance and all my life I have been the awkward one in my family. The middle one. The relationship that changed my life for the worse was with my sons father. I was a catholic when I met him and didn't even know God much, he was a christian to helped open my eyes but the wrong way.. basically I stopped eating pork, he made it seem like if I didn't listen to christian music I would be condemned, My whole life the way I lived it before just did a 180 on me. He was very manipulating and used Gods word for his convience. He also introduced violence..even living in my house with my parents. I was silent about the stuff we would do for too long, 3 years at that and I never got the full presence of God in my heart instead I got fear and lack of support. A year after that I started dating again and before I went to Colombia I met a marine in California, Surely enough I fell for him but it was long distant and I'm not used to having that. So maybe, having the surgery, new man, being in another country, not being able to move to for 3 weeks caused me to overthink and that's how it started. It's more like a self image thing, I ask myself what have I become? I'm not who I was..I came back home different, and now I feel detached from what used to be so close to me.

No..not at all, I went through a surgery though, don't know if that shook my reality state of mind and also past things in my life all just hit me at once, but I've gone so far gone that I just feel like an empty soul, even when I pray I still have this doubt and emptiness in my heart and mind telling me I'm never going to get better but how I wish would..I wish my faith stronger.

I don't even know how to explain what I feel anymore. My life has changed much since last December. I went to Colombia for 3 weeks and I've always been a questioner about life but this time is was to the extreme. I questioned my own existence and couldn't shake from it..I couldn't recognize my surroundings nor my family.. I thought once I came back home(Tampa) I would snap out of it and be back to normal but it got worse! Now it's been following me 9 months and stronger than ever..I feel as though I'm looking through life in a third person, like I'm someone else but still in my old body? I remember my childhood but it's so hard to accept that it was me..I know my family by memory and my son but it's all surreal to me now..I feel numb and everyday my mind just wonders non stop, why this, why that, is God this, is Jesus that..I can't remember the last time I had a normal happy day..I try to pray but I can't seem to find my happiness, it's like I got used to being like this that it became my normal..but I'm going crazy it seems, I just want to live my life normal, love God, love myself, love my family, my son and enjoy life.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5).

I understand you, but that opens my question that always nags at me..if we got our body by the reproductive system, then how we did we get our spirit? The thing that separates you from me, that's what I was trying to ask. I know God has to be involved one way or another. ( I'm sorry, I ask vague questions) lol

Makes a lot of sense..but God is still responsible for our souls right? He is the reason why we are who we are?

I talked to my boss and he's a christian, but very strong minded in the science field. We talked about how he would never have blue eyes because of his parents genes, I told him no, it's because God didn't want him to have blue eye and he laughed and said oh really? I'm not strong in my faith so I started doubting,..can anyone help out? Is God responsible for every person? How they look like? Their life?