oliverruthie92

Thank you very much for all of your kind words! you have made it all so much clearer as to what I need to do! May God bless you and all of your families.

Hi, My name is Oliver and I am from London. I decided to put my faith in God and accept Jesus Christ as my personal savoir a few years ago. If I'm honest, I've been a bit up and down and I have a past with drugs and drinking, womanising ect. I am now a new father to a 4 month old beautiful little boy and I am engaged to be married to my fiance (I done it the wrong way round but I determined to be married to make things right with God). I have had a past just like everyone else and I am scared because I am a father now and I am going to be a husband. I suffer with mental health problems and my anxiety is really bad at the moment. I haven't got anywhere to live as my fiance and my son are living in a hostal away from me. I feel like my life shouldn't be like this, I have put my trust is God, litterally every ounce of trust I have, I have given him my life to God for him to do whatever he wishes. I am driving myself mad trying to find an answer as to how to change my life for the greater good like I have been doing and how to stop feeling like this. I just want to be happy and live with my family, I want to have peace inside of me I want to be able to stop being worried and paranoid. I want anything bad I have done in my past to just be destroyed. I am not the person I used to be! I love God, my son and my fiancé unconditionally. But I'm scared, people keep popping up from my past, odd things keep happening. I have thought about taking my own life every day for the past 3 weeks which is not good because I have a beautiful little boy who is depending on me and a fiancé. I feel like I'm going crazy. I spend hours on the internet daily trying to find out how God can protect me and my family, how he will destroy my past and make sure it doesn't come into the future, how he will allow me to make something of my life, I pray every single day about 3 times a day if not more, I read my bible, I go to church, I have missed a couple of Sundays but I go to church, I am persecuted for my faith in God but I will never, ever turn my back on God. There are so many mixed views from Christians on the internet about God's protection and unfailing love and how he can make my life great again. It confuses me, some of the things I have read hasn't really made me feel good. I am back on my medication again to help my anxiety. If I am honest, I would like help, I need to know if God has made sure the things I have done in my past are gone a buried and will he protect me and my family and allow me to make something of my life? Please help me to understand this? Thank you very much Your loving brother Oliver