CJAS

Thank you. I know that this situation is also serving for me to get closer to God and pray more often.

I hope I can be able to hear what God is saying and not get confused. Thanks again Kwik, I hope God blesses you in many ways.

Kwik, Thank you very much for reading and responding. I have always been a believer, there has been moments in my life I've been distant from God and the church. I know I am not as close to God as I could and should be. Actually I am very certain that even if my husband and I separate or not, God is using this situation to make me humble and to draw me closer to him. I wasn't reading the bible very often and I wasn't praying every day. I am on my way to fix that. I've known my husband since we were kids, I admit that I know that his faith and wanting to follow Jesus are true. I am only afraid that his addiction deceives him into believing that if he is doing everything else right then there's nothing wrong in watching porn. And also, that in that way, he gets more involved in church in order to make an imaginary balance that makes him feel he has the right to do both things. I admit that my husband, as I confessed myself, doesn't pray or read the scriptures as often as he should. Still, my husband never had no one as he grew up teaching him about the Lord, he's new in all this (since 2013) and I know that he is a little lost in some things. Still, I don't know who he can go to that can help him and that really shows him the man God wants him to be. I know that person cannot be me, but I don't know who he could go to. Thank you for your response, Kwik, I hope I answered your questions. I am grateful for your support and words.

I am grateful with God for guiding you to my post. I really want to be here next to my husband through this journey... I have no problem with being beside him as he overcomes this. If it wasn't for this addiction I wouldn't have anything bad to say about my husband. It is when he is relapsing that he becomes distant and it is also this that drives him to lie. Everything else about him I have nothing but to admire. My only concern is that what if I am believing that I am there helping, waiting for the blessed day this will be only part of our past and testimony, but that he knows inside that he won't get better or doesn't really want to get better. My fear is that I am willing to fight but he doesn't and just keeps on repeating the same cycle forever. I will pray for you. I hope God blesses your life in many ways. Thank you!

gdmoss, I have no words to thank you for your testimony. I am so grateful you found my post and took the time to read and respond. I also really needed to hear things from someone who has been where my husband is since I know I do not understand and it is hard to ask him because I don't know when he is lying or not, so your response is a blessing. Still, I have some questions. After I posted this I talked to him and he kept on denying for a few minutes, after that he confessed and told me it had been going on for about 4 days. Later, I find out it has been going on for a t least a month... so he lied again on top of the confession. I try to understand this is not about me, but there's no way to not feel betrayed and less and less hope with each lie. I am certain that I would be able to be beside him as a helper if he just could stop lying about it. I know he is ashamed, but the same way the lies is what brake me the most. This is about the 4th time he relapses since he confessed his addiction to me about 2 years ago after he was at a church retreat. This time he got an appointment with a psychologist specialized in addictions. I must admit this is the first time he commits to professional help for his addiction, since we do go to marriage counseling together but there the addiction is rarely addressed. Still, how do I KNOW this time is for real ? How do I know he's really committed this time and that he's not just making a fool of me again? How do I know if he REALLY wants to be delivered from this. Why does he do things that put this marriage in danger?Is it because he doesn't care if I leave him ? Should I leave of at least for a few days? Should I leave for good ? Am I helping feed hos addiction by staying each time he relapses? What if I am teaching him that he can do whatever he wants because I never leave so there's no consequences? How do I know if he truly loves me or he's just comfortable with someone who keeps on staying no matter what he does ? I am VERY CERTAIN that he takes God and his relationship with Him seriously,...but I can't help but wonder... Is my husband a good man of God that battles with an addiction .... or is my husband a sinner who loves and won't let go of his sin and goes to church only to feel better with himself ? I will appreciate very much you reply to this I need this questions answered by someone who's been on his side. Once again, thank you.

Thank you, I truly appreciate your prayers, I need them.

Hello, To make this short, I met my husband when we were both kids, starting a relationship when I was 18 ( i am 26 now) , have a son together, got married by church a year and a half ago. Mostly the problem in our relationship was that he use to flirt with other girls... that was it until he turned to Christianity in 2013 (he used to be an atheist) and now he is active and is a very admired leader at our church. When he started going to church he confessed he used to talk to other women through social media and even met and had sex with one of them. This all happened when we had been living together for a year, not yet married. He also accepted he had a porn addiction and started working against it, still not the aggressive way I would like to. He reads books and talks to people about it once in a while. I wished he would go to a specialized counselor and addiction groups... We decided he would have an accountability app in his cellphone. For a long time everything seemed to be so much better. Still, today I found out he does look at pictures and porn models profiles. The accountability app didn't tell me, I had to look through to find that. I don't know if he still does it on a regular basis and just found a way to trick the app. Its just I've had enough with lies in this relationship. Last time this happened (about 8 months ago) I said I would move to a relative's house if it happened again, because I feel it is his fault and not his addiction since he doesn't go directly to seek professional help. Still,the truth is my family is very toxic and moving there for even a few days will get me worse,of course I can't just stay home. Is this part of the process of overcoming an addiction? Or is it that I am staying in a hopeless marriage ? Of course I dont want to divorce, I love him very much and he is my best friend, but I just can't continue being deceived and lied to. I really need your words.

Thank you Thallasa. I do understand disciplehelovestoo point. I know I should forgive and I know I have to stop being the victim. Anyway I know it hurts more. But it is as you say, sometimes your own mind asks you to run... to search for peace. If only she would keep her behavior private, but she makes it public, getting my brothers involved, letting them see her with several men, misbehaving, bullying me... etc and she expects the women of the family to support her behavior, to take it as "girl power" and fun... none of the women in my family supports her behavior, conservative or not.

Thank you for responding. I understand your point because I think about that side of things too. It's just that every time I decide to forgive my mom this happens again. Of course it must be also because I expect things to change every time I try to start over with her... and in the beginning she ALWAYS acts like she changed and even speaks about how bad she feels when she remembers the things she did... but then she does it all over again. And it all comes at the same time, the men she sees, the partying, the neglecting of my brothers, her behavior turns immature (she is a professional in a field where behavior and image play a big role and she brings all this to her job) Our relationship has turned into this cycle... I really wish I could do as you say, I hope I can soon, but i KNOW no matter what I'll get hurt by her again and see my brothers living all this I went through.

Esther 4:14 Thank you very much for your supportive words. I hadn't think about it that way. I guess that there's still always at least a little hope. I've needed my mom lots of times,to have that daughter/mother relationship that seems to be so beautiful.

Thallasa thank you very much for your words. I really need the support.

Hello, First of all I want to say hi I am new at the forum. I really need advice and help from other Christians in a situation that's been a problem for me since I was a little girl. I'll try to make this post as short as possible. I've always had problems with my mom. She has always been very immature and irresponsible. I remember being 5 years old and thinking about how immature she was when she had tantrums against my grandmother, who practically raised me. My parents were both teenagers, but my dad has always been more responsible. My mom wanted to "live life" and enjoy youth so it was my dad and mostly my grandma who took care of me. During this time my mom was very irresponsible and had a lot of boyfriends..one of this relationships resulting in a pregnancy and we never saw the dad again, we live in a small town, so it was scandalous. My mom and I lived with my grandmother until I was 5 when my mom remarried and my stepdad took my brother as his. I was physically hurt by both my mom and stepfather, my stepdad used to hurt me a lot emotionally I still struggle with those things. Until my teenage years I was an excellent student, I earned a lot of awards and my mom was never there, she became addicted to her job, she left the house before 6am and got home after 10pm. During all this time I was very active at church and even a leader at teenager spiritual retreats. What I mean is, that instead of going rebel I became model child. This didn't stop my mom beating me for me getting a B or just being mad and me thinking it was unfair. I went back to live with my grandma. During all this time my mom kept on having more children... none of which she made the time for. She has never been maternal,still she kept on having more and more kids. For all my life I've always been closer to boys than girls. A therapist told me it was because of my relationship with my mother I didn't trust women. I saw women being promiscuous and emotionally hurting my male cousins and it gave me emotional breakdowns, I wondered if I was the only woman on Earth to not be a bad person or use my body and sex to manipulate others. It still gets me nervous to see girls showing skin on social network. At age 20 I moved with my boyfriend who had also been one of my closest friends since I was 14. We weren't married since he was an atheist and I stopped going to church. We had a lot of problems and he didn't want to go to couple counseling or anything else. We also had a son during this time. Thank God, in 2013 and my then boyfriend now husband accepted Jesus as his savior and is now an amazing man and leader at our Church. He loves to serve God and other through our Church. We got married. I have been blessed. Still... my husband's conversion to Christianity came along with the confession of things I didn't yet know that he did through our relationship. Like him talking to other women on social media during years... one of which he had sex with. Even though my husband has done everything a woman could ask to rebuilt the relationship, I know I will never fully heal, and this made my feelings against promiscuous women a lot worse. Do not get me wrong, I know it was my husband who failed me, but since I had the repulsion for seek attention, promiscuous women... and then seeing the woman... that was it. As I said, I just cant stand the look of a woman showing her bodyon social media , offering themselves and trying to get married men, etc. It was my mom all over again. I now link these women to that woman my husband had an affair with and my mom. About 5 years ago my mom and I seemed to fix our relationship. My stepdad and my mom were going to Church and both were leaders there also. Late last year my stepdad and mom separated. And ever since my mom is back into her old ways. So far she's been with at least 4 men that we know of and is neglecting my brothers. She even asked for my approval for this behavior !!!! I replied with an extense and loving letter telling her to do things right, and telling her how much her behavior had hurt me to this day and that I don;t want my brothers to suffer the same... she never even replied. Not even "ok". She just kept on doing it. My brothers are hurting and are starting to hate her. She comments on my social media pictures saying that i look ugly or that i look like a man.... she makes fun of me all the time about EVERYTHING.... just like an immature teenager. I have nightmares all the time and spend all my evenings crying over my husband's shoulder. So recent as this morning she showed me pictures of yet another guy who my grandma know to be a married man. I had a breakdown today and I talked very nasty against my mom. Not to her directly but other people.I said the most terrible things about her and finally said out loud that I hated her.... I don't know what to do. I know I am not being a good Christian and that I am supposed to honor my mother and father.... but then.... does this mean that my mom can do all kinds of sins and then just ask for forgiveness and God will take her back... but God will not take me because of the terrible things I feel against my mom??? Will I not be saved because of the hurt other people has caused me ?? I've had therapy, they do help, but nothing heals. I KNOW it will never heal. I wish it wasn't so, but is reality I just know myself. I am afraid for my relationship with my mom... I know it wont belong until i have a breakdown every time I see her, it is as if this whole situation activated the way I felt with her when I was very young. I am afraid for my relationship with God... I know God is not proud of my words thoughts and feelings against her. What do I do !? Please help. Thank you.