Ariel8

Thats the thing, most of this is stuff i have told myself before. its been three years, ive told myself everything, ive heard everything. but no one has stuck around in my heart this long. i don't even want a relationship. i just want my friend back. How am i supposed to give up on someone when everytime i try i get berated by memories and dreams telling me i shouldn't. It is against every fiber of my being to give up on any kind of love. Because that is essentially what God is. love. its because i gave up that im in this situation. i had a chance to talk to him before he left but i never did. i thought id be fine after a while...

I've probably written this about 50 times because i don't want to sound pathetic, but i live to love people. That is why i even exist, there is no point to my life if i don't have someone, a real person, to love and to love me. And i found someone, actually it is more like God gave me him (for that moment in time) so i could be happy, and forget all the reasons why my life is falling apart. but around december of the same year i met this man, he had to leave and we fell out of speaking terms. I haven't seen him since, regardless i have had countless dreams about him and i cant stop thinking about him. It has been three years. Everytime i think about never seeing him again i physically hurt. I don't need advice on how to move on or how to get someone back, i need to know that God's promises, that his gifts are permanent. I need this man to be happy. i can live without him, but that life will be half of what it could be. I can get a job and focus on my career and money and all that (annoying) taxes and bills. but it will be without purpose and reason because in those three years i have not met one person who means as much or more than this person did to me. so please all i need is yes or no. Thanks for your time.