Sharin

Thank you all for your encouragement. I have started a class based on the book "Search for significance", I feel that it is just what I need. If I can just manage to finish without shutting down emotionally, I think I might just start to heal. I so frequently default to numb as it is what feels comfortable to me, but is definitely not what's best for me. I guess I just have a hard time accepting forgiveness, instead of accepting his gift I try to take the cross next to him. Once again thank you for your input.

I have struggled with faith most of my life, I feel as though I just can't "get it right". My question is, how does one internalize grace? I feel as if it doesn't apply to me, as if I'm too far gone. I accept the fact that I am the one afraid to be loved, afraid to trust God, but feel powerless to change it. I sometimes wish I did not have this overwhelming pull on my life, when my heart starts to melt it feels so foreign and I run from it. At the same time I am absolutely desperate for him. I have prayed that if my pride keeps me standing, break my legs, it's better than losing my soul. I have isolated myself to the point I have no one to seek counsel from. Any insight would be appreciated.