Honesty-SJ

Hi, Ali. Let me start of by saying this, I was raised in a home where there was only mom and 5 children, other than myself, so 6 in total. It was hectic. Although I am the second oldest, I was often treated as if I were the first born, being relied on to watch children, change diapers, cook, clean, etc. I grew up knowing how to take care of children and even a home but having an environment in which one of the most important things was lacking, a father. As I got older, it lead me to begin thinking of what it would have been like if there was a father in the home. Would I have been expected to do so much? Would there have been more structure? More discipline? More respect? More than likely. It is something that is written in our hearts, to want a husband. It is a vow I made when I was around your age that I would find a husband ASAP and that I would never allow myself to be a single mother, because of witnessing the frustrations of the household from which I come. I must say that dating wasn't something that was deemed unacceptable by my mother, although she set many rules. Double dating, no sleepovers, no sitting too close, absolutely no alone time. The typical things that should be expected but what I found to be so undesirable about these couple guys I had dated for less than 2 months in my youth, was their lack of concern for marriage. Coming out of those years, 15, 16, 17 had all passed and here I was at 18, lonely, depressed, living away from home. I was sitting in a friends basement and I was asked to text a friend of theirs. I didn't have their number logged in my phone under a name so I had sent the message, assuming I entered the correct one. Upon receiving a message back, I had realized I text the wrong number. Instead of ignoring the retort, which I normally would, I responded. I can say I thank the Lord for that day. That random response was the man I am married to today. I am 21 now and that was 3 years ago. We married only 9 months after meeting. Back track a bit. When I was young, I was told time and time again by my mother that she saw me as a fiery, capable, intelligent, beautiful, talented woman. Someone who needed a challenge. She said she saw me with someone tall, strong, smart, capable and loving. She believed that was the kind of man I deserved. Looking at the selection around me, I couldn't help but laugh. I realized after a few years that what she spoke of was a Godly man. Those qualities/traits are the things my husband possesses and more. He is beyond anything I could have imagined. My mother doesn't feel the same way. She doesn't accept him at all. Trust me, it is confusing to me and anyone else that knows the kind of man he is. After just over 2 years of marriage, she still refuses for whatever reason to accept the one I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with. He loves God, takes care of me, isn't violent, he is self controlled. He is equipped with the knowledge and love for Christ that I have seen in very few people. He studies apologetics/philosophy regarding Christianity. He even runs home bible studies for family and friends. Not to mention he is extremely good looking and takes care of himself. I mean, he is a cookie cutter example of flawless. What I learned after a bit of a closer examination is that my mother was simply speaking without conviction. She herself did not believe that such a man were possible, even for her own daughter. It is something you'd think every woman would want for their children. I will not speak ill of her but regardless of the best choice I could have made in my life, to become the wife of this man, there is no approval that I can see coming from my mother, even in the near future. My mom is still not a Christian herself, despite my many attempts to send her teachings, invite her to events, sharing scripture with her, etc, so it definitely makes things harder for me. What you should know, is that God will bless this relationship. If he is the man that you want to be with and he is 100% serious about his commitment to you then I say go for it. there is nothing that I gather from this can be seen as dishonorable. We see in Genesis that when it comes to asking for permission to take ones daughter, it was a fathers choice, Genesis 34:11-12 Then Shechem said to Dinah’s father and brothers, “Let me find favor in your eyes, and I will give you whatever you ask. 12 Make the price for the bride and the gift I am to bring as great as you like, and I’ll pay whatever you ask me. Only give me the young woman as my wife.” I am not trying to say that you should disregard your mother Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. but it is definitely good to remember the hierarchy of power in the household. 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. With everything, pray for one another, pray together even. Matthew 18:20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” My husband and I always make sure we share our studies and we pray together, as well as for each other on our own time. There is nothing that is good that God will not bless.

Fantastic. Thank you for the heads up!