Amanda Carroll

Jac thank you so much for your long, deep, and very intelligent response. A lot of good stuff there. Thank you. That said...I never wanted to talk about or bring up the past...he is the one that brought it up. I agree fully with what you said about being completely new in Christ. And the love my husband and I have being a fresh brand new start. That's why it was so flooring to me when that conversation happened. I never expected him to ask me that. I thought him knowing that I am a completely different was all he needed. Because I see the day that I asked Jesus to take over my life, and the day I was baptized at my church, the beginning of my life. Not February 16th 1990. But the day I was baptized in His name...so that is why this has been so hard. Again, I really thank you for that response. That took some effort. Thank you so much for taking the time.

That's all it could possibly be...

I feel guilty that someone would die for me.

So yes Jac. The sacrifice lol. It's a big pill to swallow.

That is the scandal.

He died on the cross for us. As undeserving as we are.

Thank you for your kind words...

Yes. He was raised a Christian...

I appreciate all of your inputs. I guess I forgot to add that the truth came out and he knew everything before we married. Because of that I feel like he is holding on a little too strongly. If it was too much I feel he shouldn't have asked me to marry him. But here we are...

So since becoming a Christian, I have found one of my main struggles to be accepting the scandal of what Jesus did for us. I find guilt a very constant thing in my life. We don't deserve a clean slate but with the blood of Jesus, that is what we get. And that is the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around. What are ways you all have gotten a better grasp of the scandal of Jesus Christ?

So long story short, my husband of a little over a year cannot get over what my life was before I make a Christian(aka the many sexual partners I had). At he beginning I lied about the number because I was terrified of him leaving me, but eventually the truth came out. It hurts. He says he will never leave me but will never be able to forget it. I don't want to live my entire life knowing that. My entire life feeling dirty. I don't know what to do.