Mea kakau

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About Mea kakau

  • Birthday July 6

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    Washington State
  • Interests
    Jesus. I love to write. God used (uses) it to help me heal. I want to get back to color pencil drawing. Love baking with whole wheat.
  1. Thank you Abby-Joy! Yesterday was better than Thursday. My husband and I finally figured out why this loss is so difficult. Bailey had been with us in our home almost from the beginning. Everything we did since we purchased our home in 2007 revolved around a new Leonberger puppy (Bailey) coming into our lives even though he didn't arrive until November 5, 2008. We bought Leonberger friendly furniture, purchased a kennel for him, etc. well in advance. We had had a Leonberger before him, our first, and he died in 2005 of cancer. So everything we touch or do Bailey was involved in some way. Even the foods we eat. That's why this loss is so difficult. A connection to him with every single action. We just can't stop doing all those things. It's our life too. Sigh.
  2. Bailey's breed, Leonberger, comes from breeding a Saint Bernard to a Landseer Newfoundland and then to a Great Pyrenees. Bailey had a deep bark. When someone would come to the house he'd warn us with about three to five woofs and that was it. He knew the mail worker, the UPS driver, the Fed-Ex driver, and many more people, and accepted them all because he was well socialized. Yet he'd always warn us that they had arrived. Love your story Willa about the Saint Bernard called Petunia. It got a laugh from by my husband and me. Thank you! My husband told me last night that if I wasn't here, he wouldn't come home. He picked up Bailey's ashes today. I tried to set them up next to a rescue Leonberger who died around the same of year in 2014. I couldn't stop crying and had to just hold the urn in my arms. Today was an especially difficult day for both of us. Leonberger's are known to scold their owners by wooing at them. Bailey used to do that when my husband came home from working or an errand. At the same time he scolded him, he wagged his tail in a circle. A sight to see. I miss the woo-woo-wooing. I miss getting scolded for being "bad" in Bailey's definition, whatever that may be; dinner too late, a door closed and he couldn't enter a room, not going to bed with him on time (He slept at the foot of our bed in gigantic dog bed he dearly loved.), or me getting upset at the kitchen sink. I had a difficult time just putting his dog bowls into the dishwasher.
  3. Hi KPaulG, We've taken Bailey to the crematorium, the place we've taken all of our pets who've passed on. My husband and I are crying off and on and also talking about our memories of Bailey.
  4. Well, Bailey lived well beyond the time he should've. It made it 6 months with osteosarcoma. On Sunday afternoon, 7 May 2017, we decided it was Bailey's time to go. The mobile vet came to our home and euthanized him. Bailey went down hill fast in two days. His good back leg gave out on him from carrying the extra weight of the swollen left leg. He had started to cough here and there as well: A symptom that it had gone to his lungs. I'm missing him so much. Bailey was my husband's heart dog. He was both of our therapy dogs; my husband's for his infusions every 5 weeks and me for my PTSD. He knew how to calm me down within seconds. An amazing Leonberger with so many abilities I can't begin to write about them right now. To say he was a super fast learner is putting it lightly. He learned my medication routine. If I failed to take it by 10AM he awakened me with a bark, or came over and ever so gently nosed me. He learned fast that pushy nosing caused problems with my PTSD. Awesome dog. My PTSD got greatly healed during the time I had Bailey, and I'll be forever grateful for all he did for me. Here's a picture of him with our granddaughter, who was four, when we first brought Bailey home from the breeder.
  5. The first photo of the distorted face is called Forcing the Hand and represents how I felt after my father broke my left forearm when I was 10. The second one depicts an out-of-the-body experience I had at age three when I witnessed two murders. It's called Mind Altering Experience II. I drew both in 2000 to 2001, before I had the actual, full memories of those experiences. It took 10 years before I had full knowledge of what had happened. I slightly altered the two drawings in Photoshop to intensify the colors for websites as the colored pencil drawings were too light except for the metallic colors. I never heard of Createspace before. I'm checking it out later today. Do you have to pay to get published? I read years ago that paying to get published shouldn't happen for writers. The novel I finished was started in 2003 and changed genres many times. I finally settled on a thriller. When I started to put together my abuse in 2011 and finally understood what happened to me, I started writing novels to express the emotions within me. From 2011 through 2017, I wrote close to one million words (This doesn't include my novel for publication which went through several rewrites and revisions. With it I could add another 500,000 words for all the times I've rewrote it).
  6. Here's a couple more pieces I drew:
  7. Hi Shel, I'm editing my novel which I want to publish either on Amazon or a publisher. I've photographed some of my work already. My avatar is one of them I drew for Palm Sunday years ago. Here it is in full size:
  8. Thank you Abby-Joy. Forgot to add to my post to KPaulG. During my shower, where insights come to me about writing my novels and about what happened to me, I realized the very first chapter of my novel wasn't quite how I wanted it. I needed two points of view; my antagonist, already written, and my protagonist, previously unwritten. Well, now the protagonist view point is being developed. And I see that throughout the novel it will be a duel back and forth between these two characters through chapters and scenes. Eventually there will be a confrontation between them. I never saw this scenario before while writing my novel. I'm in the editing/revision process. Up until this point, it's been frustrating because I didn't know where I was going with the whole novel. I do now. It's quite clear.
  9. I'm not having any ill effects from remembering this other than it's difficult to write my novel right now because of these memories coming to me. For me, it means that my father traveled to more states than I remember which would make sense. He would travel to the easiest to get to states rather than ones further away. This occurred in 1950s and 1960s where travel was more difficult to remote areas. The insight this gives me about father will bring more memories. I'm ready for them...again. I must remember this part of healing never ends until I'm home with Jesus.
  10. My husband still hasn't talked to me about forgiveness. Though we were busy dealing with Bailey and his swollen leg. Now things are easier and I'll talk to him again about it.
  11. Hi KPaulG, Bailey is using his affected leg more today. Before it was more like huge weight he was dragging around with him. Thank you for your prayers.
  12. Hi shel, Not recently. I write quite a bit and that's my number one priority along with designing websites. I'm doing one for my son who's starting a new business. My artwork is still in its carrying case. Just the other day I asked my husband if we could get it photographed and then printed on canvas to hang around our home. His and my son's sign business have the capability of printing on canvas in full color. Now I just have to decide which sizes to use for the artwork.
  13. I have had two connections about something which had never made sense to me. I know this is from reporting the crimes to the police because the detective asked me if my father went across this bay. I said something about him taking a ferry while I talked to my husband. I had said this previously and never thought about it until the other day. It turns out the ferry across that bay stopped service before I was born. So I thought that must've been my imagination. I've always been nervous while on ferries. I live in a state where there's a huge ferry fleet for many islands. Well, about a week ago I found a history buff's website where he describes other ferries in the state and adjacent state where my father lives/d. The ferry service for one particular area stayed in service until 1964. My memory is about 1963. So it's not my imagination.
  14. Sorry to hear you went through this with your Great Pyrenees mix Abby-Joy. They are part of a Leonberger's lineage; Great Pyrenees, Saint Bernard, and Newfoundland is how they got the breed. Almost from the start we had Bailey on an herb called Artemisinin. We used 100mg a day and noticed a change in him. But then Bailey's leg swelled up huge and got very hard and hot. He could barely walk it was so big, weighed twice as much as before, and placed pressure on his good rear leg. I went back and researched further on Artemisinin, reading the studies done with both humans and canines. (Artemisinin was originally used for malaria.) That's when I came upon some interesting information on dosage; it's never the same from person to person nor canine to canine. It depends on the sex, the age, severity of the cancer, and more. And that there were two derivatives besides the Artemisinin. After all the reading and research I did, we increased the herb to 200mg. His first dose 0f 200mg was a week ago Wednesday, 12 April. Within three days the swelling was cut by a third and Bailey's pain level had decreased as well. Instead of giving him pain killers every 8 hours, we gave it to him every 10 hours. I ordered one of the other derivatives, Artemether, because it's longer acting in the blood stream. The articles recommended a combination of herbs. I called our vet and talked to him about Bailey's condition. Our vet was extremely interested in the Artemisinin. I sent him an email with links and info on the herb. At the same time, I sent the man, who owed me the money and paid me, the info because his wife has stage IV breast cancer. There's been success with "curing" stage IV breast cancer with Artemisinin. I read an anecdotal story about a man with the most aggressive form of leukemia being told by his doctors that there was nothing more they could do after treatment failed. He went home and started doing some research and discovered the benefits of Artemisinin. He started giving his Golden Retriever some because it had been diagnosed with osteosarcoma and he took it too. After three months his leukemia went into remission and hasn't returned as long as he's stayed on the dose he found worked for him. He's lived seven years beyond the terminal diagnosis. On my Leonberger list, another person's dog got diagnosed with osteosarcoma. They couldn't amputate the affected leg. Her vet told her the dog wouldn't live beyond a month (just like our vet told us.) So she opted for Artemisinin. The tumor started out huge and shrunk down to the size of a quarter in a matter of months. Her Leonberger lived another 5 years and 7 months. Anyway, we are hopeful as Bailey continues to improve each day. He hadn't been getting up to tell us when he's hungry in the morning. All that changed yesterday morning. We both got awakened by a very demanding dog who insisted we both get up right now. He's got an obnoxious yippy bark which sounds more like it belongs to a dog about half his size or smaller. He uses it when he wants us to do something for him...NOW! My husband had just been commenting about how he missed his daily morning wake up calls from Bailey. Be careful what you say and pray for because Bailey's even more demanding than before as Artemisinin increases the appetite like the CBD does. Today the swelling in Bailey's left leg has decreased further. It is no longer hard. The skin is soft and moveable. His limp is less noticeable. And he's bossing us around with his yippy bark and we're thankful for it all. Hi SisterActs2 I also found an article on Artemisinin having a positive effect on increasing the release of insulin from pancreatic cells.
  15. Yesterday I asked my husband if had forgiven his ex-wife. He bristled at the question. And then I explained what forgiveness is about and that it releases us from the person and our past. I told him he didn't have to forget what she did. My husband said he could possibly forgive her. However he doesn't believe he could ever forgive the man she had an affair with. I shocked him by telling him I forgave my father, a pedophile and a serial killer, and all the horrible things he did to me. Then I told him I forgave my mother and older brother, both narcissists, for their abuse. Thank you again for your prayers. I'm praying for God to soften my husband's heart and that he forgives his ex-wife.