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Quasar93

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About Quasar93

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  1. A young wife

    A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25 year old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Aruba but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalized. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, “Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You’ll never need to worry about money.” “Oh, sweetheart, please don’t talk that way,” his young wife exclaimed. “You’ve been so good to me already. If you go, I’ll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please….tell me what I can do?” “Well,” the old man gasped, “you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters.” Quasar93
  2. A local bar regular had been drinking all night. This particular night he drank a little more than usual. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 3 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly.“So, you’ve been out drinking again!!” “What makes you say that?” He asks as he puts on an innocent look. “The bar called, you left your wheelchair there again.” Quasar93
  3. For the best understanding of the prophetic Scriptures, it is best to do so literally. Not by attempting to do so by allegorical or spiritualization of it. You have listed three groups in your above post. I can only provide you answers for the 24 Elders and the 4 beasts, because you have not sufficiently identified who you are referring to by "living ones." Provide the Scriptures from where you are drawing it from and I'll do my best to answer it for you; Who are the twenty four Elders around the throne of God in Rev.4:4 ? The twenty four Elders around the throne of God, represent the twenty four courses of the Levitical priesthood, with one priest for each course seated on each of the twenty four thrones. As recorded in 1 Chr.24:7-18. In Jer.33:17-18: "For this is what the Lord says: 'David will never fail to have a man to sit on the throne of Israel, NOR WILL THE PRIESTS, who are Levites ever fail to have before me continually to offer burnt offerings, to burn grain offerings and to present sacrifices.'" See also 2 Sam.7 for God's promise to David. There are many who attempt to identify them as the twelve apostles and twelve of the old testament saints, but there is nothing in the Bible to support this theory or any of the others, except the one above. The four great beasts of Daniel 7 - In Daniel's chapter 7 dream we find: Daniel 7:3 And four great beasts came up from the sea, diverse one from another. Daniel 7:4 The first [was] like a lion, and had eagle's wings...Babylon Daniel 7:5 And behold another beast, a second, like to a bear...Medo Persia Daniel 7:6 After this I beheld, and lo another, like a leopard...Greece Daniel 7:7 After this I saw in the night visions, and behold a fourth beast, dreadful and terrible, and strong exceedingly...Rome In the verse below we learn that in the figurative language of a vision or dream in prophecy, a "beast" is a kingdom or empire. With the exception of the beast out of the sea and the beast put of the earth in Rev.13, who are the Antichrist and the False Prophet. Daniel 7:23 Thus he said, The fourth beast shall be the fourth kingdom upon earth, which shall be diverse from all kingdoms, and shall devour the whole earth, and shall tread it down, and break it in pieces. BEAST = KINGDOM There is a broad agreement among Jewish and Christian scholars that the kingdoms represented by Daniel's lion, bear and leopard, are the successive ancient kingdoms of Babylon, Medo-Persia and Greece, followed by the fourth "terrible" beast, that is understood to be the Roman Empire. This conclusion is reached within the traditional continuous-historic context of prophecy. This is simply the view that bible prophecy is fulfilled steadily, as the era about which it is written gradually unfolds. This is the context in which virtually all Christians and Jews understand Old Testament prophecy. Quasar93
  4. The "seven" churches recorded in Rev.2 and 3, are one and the same body of Christ, in the various stages of the entire church age. The ELECT of Mt.24:31 are: Those the angels will gather from the four winds, is Israel. Those they will gather from one end of heaven to the other, is the church Jesus will rapture seven years before, as recorded in Jn.14:2-3, 28; 1 Thess.4:16-17 and in 2 Thess.2:3 and 7-8. The church is seen in heaven, symbolically as John, before the tribulation begins, in Rev.4:1-2, confirming 2 Thess.2:3 and 7-8. They are see later, at the marriage of the Bride/Church to the Lamb/Jesus, in Rev.19:7-8. Jesus will then return to earth WITH His Church, "...riding white horses, dressed in fine linen, whit and clean. in His armies from heaven," in verse 14. Hope that helps. Quasar93
  5. https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/deeperwalk/scenic-wonders-of-the-world-for-everyone-with-wand-t4200023.html Quasar93
  6. Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward and lay an egg on the alter. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice Quasar93
  7. A dentist ran out of anesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled. He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient's butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction. It all happened in an instant. The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth. Afterwards, the dentist asked, "Hurt much?" The patient hesitated, "Didn't hardly feel it come out. And, man, those roots were really deep!" Quasar93
  8. Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites. By the way, none of them worked. A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because he had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in an advanced state of decomposition. An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast I probably missed them." A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all." "I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late, they're going to enforce the bench warrant." When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you been? It's 65 now." Tne speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't ask." An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?" Quasar93
  9. Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better even though I have it!! Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. Age Associated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, And notice that the can is full. So I decide to put the bills back on the table & take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox When I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, And see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, So I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, But first I need to push the Pepsi aside So that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Pepsi is getting warm. I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, A vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye. They need water. I put the Pepsi on the counter and Discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, But first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote Someone had left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs.. But first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers. Quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, Get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: The car isn't washed The bills aren't paid There is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter The flowers don't have enough water, There is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, And I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, And I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, And I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail..... Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!! A.A.A.D.D. - Do you have it??? Quasar93
  10. A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is hit and killed by an ambulance. She arrives in front of God and complains: "I thought you said I had another 30 years!! God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you." Quasar93
  11. A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?" The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers . So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I yanked on the nose ring in his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!" "I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?" "About two minutes ago," came the reply. Quasar93
  12. Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in London. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is living it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!" Quasar93
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