heathorheather

@other one thank you that statement says it all

@shel I've never taken an actual test like that but I'm very good at relating with others in most cases. Maybe I keep myself too much even in the relationship where I thought I was sharing and expressing things, it just wasn't in the tradition sense where you can pick up on. Cause it's like jumping from a level 0 to 25 where most people when in a relationship the way the share and communication jumps from level 50 to 80 or higher. (I hope that made some sense)

@BacKaran That's another thing we have in common. I wish I could talk to her a couple weeks ago. I wish I realized this a week earlier where this could have been prevented, where me coming first and suggesting "let's talk" could restore what she was losing from me. One moment it looks fine then the next something like this happens. You're right, God must be first and everything else will follow. I'm just disappointed that I lost that focus during the way and clearly realized it when too late.

@kwikphilly First thank you for taking the time to read. I agree with what you said, me being so introverted and not sharing reflects my immaturity in that aspect where I need to change. And yes, we all the the saying actions speak louder than words. I feel that during the relationship she tried to bring out my weaknesses and allowed me to face them with her but somehow I wasn't able to express that as much as I could to her. Who wouldn't be drained and tired when they've been spelling out for you. But again it's not that I didn't try to work on my weaknesses, I just approached the entire situation differently. I shared with her yet I still did things alone things like my daily qt in the morning. I thought I was doing the right thing by sharing a little more but me just have that wait period to only made me realized I was just again..doing it alone and not with her. During the wait week, everything just became more clear and a lot if it has to do with prayer. Yes, I don't blame God. I know that God gives and takes away, taken away because right now to allow to me clearly show me that God wasn't in the center, he wasn't the foundation. I also know that anything is possible through God. That's where my hope is. I can't do anything more or less myself cause I've already talked to her about all this (that I know what exact problem is, I know what we, or rather I need to do). All I can do is pray, talk to God.

@i777 Thanks for reading. I do believe yes satan has part to do with it but also I could've done something as well. I also believe that concept as well, that if it was meant to be it'll happen and that's what happened right before hour relationship started. I just prayed and prayed and after a month or two of no talking/contact she contacted me first. And yes I didn't understand what I was suppose to do exactly and though what I was doing was the right thing. But like I've said I needed to tackle the foundation and not just build on a bad foundation

@shel Thank you for reading my story. I just turned 28 and she is 26. I believe that as well the energizing part. While there were habits and things that I didn't like it didn't bother me to the point where I was feeling drained. I didn't know she was this drained. Her telling me "let's talk" every time was a sign of her being drained and crying out, yet I was blinded to see it in that way. As with communication, yes I'm terrible at it. When she wants to talk I just answer simply. Even on the topic about our faith and the scripture, I just answer short and simple.

@BacKaran Hi and thank you for taking the time to read and replying. First, thank you for sharing your personal information about your husband. Yes, you're correct. I'm on the introverted side while she's on the extroverted side on the spectrum. Like you mentioned, she can talk and talk and I can listen and listen to her. Exactly, she wanted to have those talks as well like yourself. I think where we lost track on how our foundation was forming is because everything was going great in our relationship minus what she really wanted and what I wanted as well. Before this relationship began I prayed and wanted a relationship where it was built around Him. So when I met her and noticed how much she wanted the same thing I couldn't let her go. If I could honestly make my perfect girlfriend or see myself being with someone for a lifetime, it would be her. For other reasons it took us 6-7 months for finally start dating. We talked and saw each other once in a while but didn't start the relationship right away because she was very certain in what she wanted and wanted to make sure that I was up for that challenge. Yes it was tiring trying to convince her for months after months but after 6-7 months she decided to give me a chance and here we are 2+ years later. Also, she comes from a single parent household so she didn't want her future to end up like her current family so I can understand why she was extremely cautious. She did accept the fact that I'm not as vocal as her and don't share as much as she does. So she was being patient and waiting for me to meet her at least halfway. Like what you've experienced, a lot our peers have been recently getting married and are engaged now. And from social media and all, proposals and rings where showing up left and right among our peers. I can't answer that question with certainty about "would her life be better with or without me" cause we've fought once or twice and rarely have arguments where one has to say sorry. So everything seemed good and heading in the right direction. Regards if she would still be with if I was this and that, it was yes cause we've talk about those things, the "what if" scenarios. I don't think once a year will do and I understand why because I myself wouldn't want to talk about it once a year. I would want to routinely be in contact with her about these things. I just know how to approach it. It's not that I didn't want to do it but rather how to start and losing track of what was important cause I thought things were going so well. I think if she asked me if to lead us in prayer, I would do it but at first it would be very uncomfortable but after doing over and over it'll become more comfortable. Of course if she did it like yourself I would do it as well cause I know as the male in the relationship they should lead and be able to lead.

@heyvavhey Thanks for reading but I think you misunderstood everything. She was very honest and straightforward from the start. She's not using any excuses like that as a jail-free card. She wasn't controlling me in anyway, it was something that I wanted for myself as well, to become better. Also as the male in the in relationship I should've been able to lead us cause all her suggestions and wants were something I agreed as well and that by doing those things our relationship with God will be stronger.

@da_man1974 Thank you first for taking the time to read my story. Yes I agree that with what you said about intimate connection cause that's exactly what she's been wanting and what she's been telling me. I'm not saying I didn't know all these things or just ignored her, I just approached the situation the wrong way. I focused more on me trying to this and that more when I should have looked at our foundation. Everything was being squeezed out of me when they should be natural. I just needed time for these things to come out of me and from the first conversation I've been asking her to be patient because I've never shared these things with other people or prayed for/with someone. I mean of course I've done them at retreats and at church but it wasn't by my own choice, not because I "wanted" to but rather a leader was overseeing us or it was part of the program (I apologize if this sounds confusing). And yes she has been patient, 2+ years. But when I'm thinking I'm making slow changes it's just not fast/quick enough for her, cause we're at the age where marriage is a serious thing and not long in the future. I was progressing my was by sharing my thoughts more, sending her my qt each morning but never tackled those other things that she mentioned like praying together, like being more intimate together, like hey lets do this and that cause it'll be good for us. I completely agree with her suggestions but I was doing more of the other things, right things but not the things she mentioned. She was basically feeding me answers and I was too blinded and busy trying to improve this a that more that I missed all that until now. Not that I don't listen to her because I did, but I keep asking myself did I really? Like I was I was too quick to speak and slow to listen when it should have been the other way around. I also thought my actions were showing more of me but again not the way she needs to see it. I completely agree with you about praying with her. Of course I prayed for her when I prayed but we've never prayed together and what you're saying is something that she was eagerly waiting for. When I pray I feel very uncomfortable praying out loud and it's something I tend to avoid if I can pray to myself quietly. I just want to make this right cause all of those things she want is in me. I'm not just saying this because of my situation right now but it was just always there. I just had a difficult time expressing them and showing them to her. I understand why she is drained and I know that it's selfish to ask her for another chance but I just don't want to end it like this when I can see clearly and where I can honestly give 100%.

Hi I'm David,Earlier this week my girlfriend of 2+ years asked to talk to me and called it quits. I don't know how to feel right now cause our relationship was/is great. Our compatibility up there on top of the chart, we have fun, love each other and individually our relationship with God is on the right track. We rarely fight or argue but during the two year span, we've had or rather she would ask to talk once every few months about our relationship. I'm the type of person who does a lot of things alone (qt/praying/many other things) and don't speak much, the quiet type. So during those talks she was not happy and upset that as two people who are in a serious relationship and both who are thinking about the future towards marriage we don't talk about our faith and lack communication in that area. She's been wanting to do marriage counseling from our church leaders and pastor, not in the tradition sense but so that we can communicate and share more openly about our faith. At first I didn't want to but evenly our young adults pastor felt compelled cause he saw us and knew that we felt serious and strongly about this relationship so he asked to marriage counseling before we even said anything to anyone. The most important thing that she values from her partner is where his faith is, how spiritual he is and how well he is in tune with God. I knew this from the start and I was confident enough to start this relationship with her so that both of us can grow stronger and more intimate with God. When she mentioned these things I would just always say "hey I'll do better, I'll communicate better and share more that's on my mine" to assure her that it will change. This same "let's talk" would arise once every couple/few months not because I wasn't sharing at all or just not owning up to my word but because it seemed like the bare minimum to her and because I'm not giving it a 100%. Don't get me wrong, I was doing more. Each time we talk there were little improvements but looking back now I can't say that I did give a 100% when I should have. I thought what I was doing and how I was approaching the situation was enough. Two years she waited and was patient with me, I understand how frustrating that can be. But I'm someone who never shares unless I'm force to, even in group settings, whether it's in small groups at church, I'm just not very good at sharing and don't prefer sharing my thoughts. So I was a little upset that she didn't take the small changes in my with that in mind. Then another one of these "let's talk" came about and she said let's talk in a week (since i was away from her half the time and she wanted give me some time to think and pray as well). Initially, you know waiting a week to tackle the problem seemed ridiculous and unfair to me because I was curious what she wanted to talk about this time cause things were going well (in my mind). During the "wait week", when texting each other she just didn't seem like herself (mind that we spoke and kept in touch 24/7 and just text whenever even if we had absolutely nothing to talk about), she just seemed like a shell of herself. So half the "wait week" we did talk but I knew something was wrong cause she's never been like this to the point where she couldn't even talk to normally, it just seemed like she was forcing herself to talk to me. So me going crazy wanted to know what was going on through text/phone but she insisted that we just talk in person when I'm back and when we're both free to talk in person. Which leads back to earlier this week when she wanted to part ways. I had time to pray and think about our relationship and through praying I was convinced that our source was the foundation on which we built/start this relationship. We both wanted to build a relationship centered around God yet we lost track of that and became caught up in the worldly/culture aspect in the relationship. So during during the other times when I said "hey things will get better cause I'll try harder to express myself and show my faith more," I wasn't lying but just taking the wrong approach and just tried to build on the wrong foundation. So on the day of the talk she just said that she's just tired and is drained of this relationship because the one thing (level of faith and the spiritual aspect) she needs she doesn't really see and change and tells me that she can't really see herself with me as a potential spouse. Of course I was devastated cause I was a point where I could really see myself with this person and to ask her to be my life partner was right here/there (I was looking at rings/houses and ready to speak to her parents' permission for marriage). I explained to her that during the "wait week" where I prayed and really thought about our relationship I believed that our foundation was the problem and she explains that yes that's true and that she's been saying let's do something about it this entire time for the past 2 years yet nothing's really been done about it. I told her that okay I get it clearly now so let's try to work this out and build a renewed foundation centered around what we wanted from the beginning cause even broken things can be a blessing if mended by God but she just said no and that she's be draining and that she is completely drained now to give me another chance. I understood her and didn't understand her because I wanted her give me another chance where the things she wanted didn't have to be squeezed/forced out of me and that they comes out naturally if our foundation is rebuilt but she said it's too late and it's been 2 years at that she can't do this anymore or have the desire to do this with me. She also mentioned that her color of faith is different from mine. She explained that her desire in this relationship was dissolving quickly and the only thing was keeping it was to think back to the beginning of the relationship and how she felt for me. I've asked multiple times and asked to let's try this again cause she is the person for me in every way and I just blew it. I asked to talk the following day and asked again and again to give me one last chance to make this relationship work so that but she said she doesn't want to and doesn't have any desire to be in a relationship with me. It's never that I didn't listen to her, it just took over and over several times for me to clearly take the right approach to this situation....but now it's too late.I don't know what to do. I know it's my fault that it lead to this point. I couldn't see that she was so drained, that she was on her last straw. I was too slow to listen and too quick to talk and become angry when it should have been the other way around. I blame myself for losing the girl of my dreams right now. I know that God made this relationship possible from the start (that another story in itself) and that God has a reason for all these things but I don't know what to do. I can't blame anyone but myself cause I didn't give a 100%. It was too late when I, myself saw the clear picture. I don't want to lose her. I didn't know being too quiet/not sharing a lot can show my faith/spiritual level, I thought it was more character based and maybe that what she means when she says "we have a different color of faith." I don't want this to be the end of our story cause I can't see my future without her in it. She's very certain on her decision, that she doesn't want a relationship with me. Is there anything I can do? What should I do? What can I do to possibly spark that fire between us again and for her to give it shot again, one last time? I want this relationship and want to make it work, where I know the problem and where I can give all I have.Thank you for reading my current situation and I'm apologize if it was hard to understand what I just wrote. Please let me know if I can clarify anything for you. Thank you again.

amen

amen

amen