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mat007

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  1. Hello, guys. I'm a 19 year old student that has a massive problem regarding the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I've been having anxiety problems since I was a little kid and since I started high school (when I was ~ 15 years old), I had several "themes" that my OCD used to approach to attack me. First, after watching some horror movies, I was scared I might be the Antichrist (which I'm now sure I am not). Then, I started believing I might be gay (despite all the proofs that I am not) - that's called HOCD (or Homosexual OCD). I also got over that thing. Now, I'm obsessing about something else, something related to my first obsession (the one with the Antichrist). In the 10th grade (16 y/o) I asked myself "what if I actually am the Antichrist and am able to solve a hard problem by asking Satan to help me with it?" and my mind was like "no, don't try it", and somehow I found the answer to that problem and solved it. My whole life was ruined from that moment, including my whole way of thinking. Whenever I solve a problem or whenever I do good at an exam, I think about that day and about the fact that it could have been the same this time. Sometimes, I just feel relieved but then I think "what if I won't be able to solve these problems anymore someday?", or I just feel guilty because I do solve them. I know this sounds irrational. They are not delusions, they're just anxiety. But that's huge anxiety that's been haunting me from 3 years on. 1 hour ago, I've had an exam and I was the first who finished solving the problem. I also impressed my teacher. Some colleague (and friend) asked me after the exam: "I think you did some deal with the devil because I'm not able to imagine how you solved that problem so fast", which, of course, triggered my OCD more than ever before I have an obsession regarding intelligence and I compare myself to the times before that moment in the 10th grade, just to somehow "check" if everything was the same back then. Of course it wasn't the same, because that was 3 years ago, I evolved in that time. I'm also scared, God might punish me for feeling bad after solving the problems, and somehow "remove" my ability of solving them. (wow, that sounds also weird to me). I was officially diagnosed with OCD, but therapy didn't seem to work, unfortunately Also, not into meds at all. What can I do? Some advice? Should I be panicked? How can I overcome these thoughts and this "habit" of associating everything with what happened on that day? Thank you.
  2. Hi, I'm back with another post, after, like, two years :)) I want to start by saying that, after two years of psychotherapy (for my anxiety), I realized I'm not schizophrenic, like some people told me on the post regarding my Scrupulosity I just had terrible anxiety because of my OCD, no voices in my head or hallucinations, and I couldn't really call them "delusions", because I was somehow, aware, it might be my anxiety disorder. So, yeah. That's good news, I guess. But the fact that many people told me I might have Schizophrenia has really made my anxiety worse. Now, I'm back with another post. You heard about the music genre called "trap". The one where everybody just sings about money and women. Trap songs don't always have a message. I'm an 18 year old teenager, and I listen to a lot of trap, but I'm also a Christian. The idea is, these songs just give me a feeling of "hype", I just feel good when I hear them. Maybe because of the instrumental used, or maybe even because of the lyrics? Also, I don't let such music influence my life. I consider that it is just music. It's still art, no matter the lyrics used. Even though they are sometims talking about drugs, or crimes, or whatever. What's your opinion? Is it safe for a Christian to "expose" himself to such forms of entertainment (music, movies, videogames), that promote things like sex and violence? I don't let myself influenced by anything here. My faith's not influenced, neither my point of view about the world.
  3. I don't believe Google uses our data for evil purposes. Ok, maybe they're evil, but I don't think they have anything to do with the end times. They just use our data for advertising. And that may also be, i don't know, evil? But we should admit the fact that their services are free to use, and they need to find some ways that could earn them profit. What about the ID tags? Will those be the mark of the beast?
  4. Should I be scared of all those conspiracy theories regarding COVID-19, or the vaccine? Read some posts (I think I also found one here) regarding the fact that the vaccine may contain a chip, and that chip will be the mark of the beast. Also read about the ID2020 Alliance, and the fact that they want to implant microchips into their vaccines, to keep track of everyone that was vaccinated. I use to code a lot, and I am a tech enthusiast, but am 100% against RFID's. 1.) because they may compromise our privacy 2.) because they may be harmful, physically 3.) because of all those theories regarding the mark of the beast. I am also a fan of Bill Gates, and pretty much appreciate him for what he did, mostly because he founded Microsoft. Is he an evil person? Does he have anything to do with COVID-19? I also want to admit that I'm a Pure-O, mostly the scrupulous type.
  5. I remember giving the first signs of obsessive-compulsive thinking when I was 6. I have spent most of my childhood and teenage years overrelying on imagination. I could handle every obsessive thought, it didn't quite affect my life. Till the previous year. It was summer and I had to face intrusive thoughts about me being the antichrist (allthough I have convinced myself later that I'm not). Six months ago, I was in the chemistry class and the teacher asked us a question. At first it seemed to be pretty difficult, that's why she wanted to reward the one that answers correctly with a mark. Some seconds after she asked the question, a thought came into my head: "What if I really am the antichrist and have some 'powers'?". Then (and that was the greatest mistake I have made) I just thought about it more and more and somehow "tried" to "activate" them, seeing if I really am the antichrist. Found the answer to my teacher's question. I didn't quite find an explanation to what happened to me, allthough I am pretty good at school (I love maths, programming and physics) and I was even before those thoughts came. "Maybe it was a coincidence" - that was my first thought. But some days later, I tried it again and found the answer to another question. It's like... I was thinking more critical. I have excelated in maths (more than before), physics and programming. Written algorithms I never knew I am able to write. (Ok, teachers appreciated me even before that. But now it is different. I am not trying to sound arrogant. Sorry if I do) For the last 6 months I remained in a constant state of anxiety because of this, fearing that Satan could have given me powers or more intelligence than I had before. I was scared I could have made an "invitation" for him, by trying to see if those "powers" worked. Since the last year, so, before the "incident", I begin seing the number "666" in comments, as a number of likes at posts I scroll to, or followers. Even when I sometimes turn my phone on my battery level is either 66% or 34% (100-34=66). I don't think that's a coincidence. Now, my whole thinking is, somehow, damaged. I can't find peace of mind. I am always anxious and can't have feelings. I am constantly depressed and can't feel love. Praying to God didn't quite help (I prayed for deliverance, for forgiveness, and nothing happened). I am always anxious and can't enjoy the happy moments in my life (because of the intrusive thoughts, accompaniated by the fear that only "mediocre" people enjoy life - not arrogant, still an OCD thing). Am I possessed? Should I fear possession? I didn't take part in any occult activities and always tried to stay close to God. The only thing that I worry about was the one with the "powers". Or did I just begin using my critical thinking, "thanks" to my OCD? (not really thanks, I could have activated it using another way). And if it is just something mental, how can I change my thinking, saying that all those things come from God (avoiding compulsions?) Please, reply.
  6. You could aswell tell them that they should respect your decisions and that you didn't really turn back to Christianity because of/thanks to them. Tell them the reasons that determined you making those decisions (becoming an atheist and then getting back to Christianity). Try convincing them you're mature enough to make choices for your own and that you don't need to depend on them when it comes to such things.
  7. It's not too late. Thanks for the advice. I think, though, that it might be something more related to psychology than to spirituality. I have compulsively asked God for "deliverance" and still had those thoughts and the anxiety.
  8. Could I have made an invitation by "experimenting" if I have some powers? Please, feeling terrible right now. I'm so depressed.
  9. Believing in the existence of God isn't the only thing that will get you saved. Satan believes in the existence of God, too. He has even talked to Him. You need to accept Jesus in your heart if you want to be saved. That's what a Christian is.
  10. So, there’s no way Satan could actually give me some powers just to opress me and to take me away from God?
  11. I'm pretty sure I don't have any "powers" because I have asked God several times to take everything that's not from Him away from me. And I'm pretty sure He would have done that.
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