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  1. Sarah8

    Boy problems

    Not for years now but there were quite afew occasions in my late teens early twenties where I allowed myself to get caught up in improper situations that led to me uh taking matters into my own hands. I suppose I wouldn't have told him if I had though, I would have felt guilty about doing it in the first place. It was more a statment to point out that I'm human too and fall short of the glory of God. It's really not so much about the one act itself as it is that he does it all the time and seeks adult material online to help him reach his goal... and mostly that he's been doing it for years. That is a problem. After my encounter with him he was really open about everything and I got the impression that he felt guilty about it. I was sort of in shock at the time so I'm not sure. I'm almost ready to talk with him again and I'm just going to let him know how I feel about it and what I would expect if he wanted a future with me. Then I'll wait see how enthusiastically he works towards overcoming this.
  2. Sarah8

    Boy problems

    I can take as much time as I want to consider all the options and make the right decision. I'm playing with the idea of telling him something to the effect of I'm ending the relationship but if he wants to be with me I may give him another opportunity to court me in the future after he's gone though counseling and beaten the addiction. But he shouldn't contact me until he's given it over to god and cleared his mind of impuritie. Even though I still trust him to be honest with me I don't know anything about this and I doubt it's something easy to let go over. How would I know for sure he has overcome it?
  3. Sarah8

    Boy problems

    If I were to pruse the relationship or even if I just wanted to provide him with some Christian guidance as we part ways. Would any of that material help me go about it? Do you know of anything I should read to prepare myself for that sort of conversation? It may sound childish but im really not very comfortable talking about the subject.
  4. Sarah8

    Boy problems

    Thank you all so much for the replies! Daniel, I especially appreciate the scriptures you shared with me. It really helped me clear my head and get my emotions under control. I know God has a plan for me and he will provide everything I need. I don't know very much about this this sort of addiction and maybe researching it for a while will give me some insight as well as time to decide what I should do. I can understand why it would be difficult for him let me know he was struggling with this but early on in our relationship we had a very long talk about our vices and areas in our lives that we struggle with. It really should have came up then. It would have made me feel like he was aware it was a bad thing and that he was working on it. It would have gave me the feeling that he was really opening his heart to me and trusting me to support his efforts. Instead the way it came up just makes me feel like it's something he's accepted despite knowing it's wrong. I care for him so much and I really want to pursue this and try to help him but that kinda feels like a temptation. Something I just want for myself and not wha god wants for me. I honestly had to think about this for a couple days before I figured out exactly what about it had me so upset. This may be to my discredit but it's not so much that he had to relieve himself as much as it is that we hadn't seen eachother for a few days so it wasn't my fault. That sounds so unworthy of how I comport myself but I'd be way more sympathetic if he was thinking of me instead of online girls. The fact that it's something he's been doing for years and has resigned himself to is really the most troubling. If he stops now is he doing it just because I want him to? Do I want to start off a relationship with a man who I know dispite how much I care for him is enthralled by lust for any woman he can lay his eyes on? That doesn't sound like the man of my dreams who is strong in faith.
  5. Hello, I'm about to vent but before I do I know what the Bible says about impure and lustful thoughts. I also know that no one is perfect. However without any background information, if your goal was to find a parter who was strong in faith, would you purse a relationship with someone who's mind has been soaking up filth on the Internet for years? My whole life I've dreamed of marrying a good Christian man who's as strong in his faith as I am or stronger. I've watched all my friends get married and start raising families and at 27 years old I still haven't found Mr right. Are my expectations to high? Does he even exist? I don't know. I've shamelessly preyed about this topic since about the time I hit puberty and became interested in dating. I'm fairly sure I attract the wrong type of guys and intimidate the good ones because the majority of men I've dated were put off once they decided I was actually serious about waiting until marriage. I've been in 3 serious relationships that lasted more than a few months but they didn't work out for one reason or another. I met James on Christian mingle and I've really fallen for him. We've been dating for around 6 months and he's a joy to spend time with. We share many of the same beliefs and even though he isn't a virgin he seemd like he was pleased that I was waiting for marriage. That seems to be something alot of guys try to tolerate more than actually praise me about or encourage me to continue. He comes from a Christian family who are wonderful people everything seemed like it was perfect. I've actually been really hoping he would propose to me soon. So the other day he texted me saying he wasn't feeling well and was taking the rest of the day off work. I decided to suprise him and took the rest of the day off too. I picked up some stuff to make chicken soupe and a couple movies and headed to his apartment. To my surprise I walked in to find him on his couch thoroughly enjoying himself to Internet fantasy girls. I allowed the awkward moment to stretch out as long as possible as he made himself presentable and then we talked about it. For quite a while. It turns out he does this multiple times a week and has been for years. Now I've had weak moments myself on occasion but I can't believe he has this sort of addiction. I'm so foolish, I really just can't believe he's been filling his head with filth all this time instead of saving himself for me. I don't know if this is a sign from God that he isn't meant for me or if maybe I'm 27 years old and single and should deal with it. I'm so hurt by this and I can't even really explain why to myself its a betrayal. Maybe it's my sin of pride idk but I'm proud I haven't given in to eurges of the flesh and lord knows it hasn't been easy for me to fight the temptation all these years. Then to find out he's going off and playing with himself whenever the mood strikes him after all we said about our faith and living as god wants us too. I'm rambling I know, I've just known him as a godly man all this time and I find out he's been fantasizing about other women the whole time I've known him. It really makes me feel cheap and at the moment I'd be embarrassed to stand before the Lord with him. I'm really emotional right now and maybe I'm being crazy and overzelious but I feel like I'd be less in the eyes of God if pursued this relationship. That's my gut instinct anyways. I've grown so attached to him though and I'm so tired of being alone. There is a big part of me that's saying I should just accept it because no one is perfect or maybe even try to help him break the habit. I really wish I could talk to some of my friends about this but the embarrassment would kill me for sure. Lord please put your arms around me and sooth my heart. Help me to do your will as I walk the path.
  6. Sarah8

    Just stopping by to get some advice

    Thanks Jean I will. I promise I'm not a robot. =)
  7. Sarah8

    Just stopping by to get some advice

    Thanks for the warm welcome!
  8. Others have provided much better answers to your question I'm sure but my advice is to just trust in God to take care of everything. It sounds like a simple answer but it's one that can guide you through your whole life no matter what difficulties you face. I'm not sure where you are on your journey but if you literally dedicate your life to serving Jesus Christ in all your actions it will change your prospective. By being a servant to God's will and making it your highest priority all the worries you have can be laid at his feet and washed away. Use his word as your shield and when you feel the need to flip the lights on and off 16 times before you enter a room or open and shut the door 12 times take out the bible and read a while. It will build up your knowledge and help guide you on your path. Eventually you may come to realize that you no longer need to do any of those things because God has filled your heart and his will is your will.
  9. Hello, I believe I need to make a few post before I can get access to the area of the forums that I'm interested in. I need some guidance on a topic that's so embarrassing I'm hesitant to bring it up with my church family. I guess I'll share a little about myself. I'm 27 years old and still unmarried. I come from a Christian family and spend most of my free time at church events. I do my best to always put god first and make all my decisions based on what I think would honor his word. Over the last year I met a gentleman who has won my heart and it's been very challenging I guess. I'm not sure how to describe it really. I was very lonely and had only been in a few short relationships prior to meeting him. You might say I'm worried I'll become an old maid if let him go and I really don't want to. It's just that he isn't as religious as I am. He's very laid back about it or makes lite of things that I feel strongly about. Its clear that he isn't as strong in his faith as I am and I feel like I may be choosing him because I want to instead of because God wants me to. He is 28 and isn't a virgin but at this stage in my life I've resigned myself to the fact that unless I meet a monk I'm not going to find a guy who is. I've turned away so many guys over my life because I didn't feel like they were godly enough but this time i became really attached to him before I realized he had a few problems one of which would normally be a deal breaker for me but I don't know. Most of my friends tell me my expectations are to high but I have a close relationship with God and I'm confident in my ability to determine if something isn't godly or not. I think my faith is just wavering because of how desperately I want to be in a relationship. Anyways enough about that here. I'll actually get around to my questions once I'm allowed access to the forum.