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romans828

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  1. It's been interesting reading the responses. I don't believe it's a matter of trusting or not trusting one's spouse. It's a matter of being aware of our flesh tendencies and the flesh tendencies of others, and being careful not to grant sin an opportunity to take hold. Sometimes you may not have feelings for your friend, but can you guarantee your friend won't develop feelings for you? I trust my husband, and the chance that he'd ever cheat on me is extremely slim because of the boundaries he has in place ... boundaries he has there for himself as well as for the other women who come into his life and want to be his "friend." The thing is, we don't always know how another person's marriage is really doing. I'd hate to befriend someone else's husband and then have him develop feelings for me because his marriage is having issues (or even if it was solid - I've seen spouses fall into affairs even with good marriages) - I'd hate for his wife to have to deal with that! Out of respect for my sisters in Christ, I stay away from their husbands. I have plenty of female friends for companionship and fellowship outside of marriage. There is no need for male friendships, in my opinion.
  2. Thank you all for your great advice. I agree 100% that she should not have discussed spiritual matters with my husband. As far as fruit ... I don't know if the quality of hers is good or not. What I believe is that she's in a difficult marriage, and she is opening herself up to further problems by befriending someone else's husband. I think she likely lonely for male attention, and because my husband is a kind and friendly man, she latched on to him. I don't know if she is going to other women for advice ... she may very well be. I do not know any of her female friends other than the one mutual one I mentioned earlier. I have heard she is a part of a Bible study, or that she used to be anyway. Anyway, it's a good thing she no longer sees him at work on a daily basis, and it's great that the communication via phone and social media has been cut off by my husband. All we contend with now is her presence at church, and if she continues to try to converse with him there, I will step in. Thanks for the justification about my feelings - I honestly felt I was wrong for feeling the way I do about her. I don't hate her, but I do get very negative vibes around her that bother me. I'm glad to know these are OK to have and may even serve as a warning for me.
  3. I had one male friend that I remained friends with after I married my husband, but only after introducing him to my husband and making sure they were friends. However, I never did anything alone with this man - we would just spend time with him and his wife as a couple. I just think having those kind of boundaries are wise. I don't want to invite trouble into my marriage.
  4. I appreciate the prayers! I really do hope I can talk with her at some point so maybe I can have some closure and not feel so negative whenever I see her at church. I feel like if I have the opportunity to share with her my feelings of betrayal then she'd have the opportunity to apologize and make things right ... perhaps even learn that it's NOT OK to pursue the kind of relationship I believe she was trying to have with my husband.
  5. Thanks! I've had similar experiences in my Christian life of people who ended up being wolves in sheep's clothing, and it's sad how rampant they are in church. You are totally correct about the gut thing! My gut was exactly what God used to draw my attention to the attraction in the first place, so I do listen very carefully when it speaks up! I also agree that Satan is very alive and active in our churches ... the thought has crossed my mind numerous times that this woman may not be as Godly as I have been lead to believe, and I certainly will stand for my marriage if I sense that is what God is telling me to do. Right now, though, I feel God is telling me to stand down and wait for the right opportunity. In the meantime, I'm still figuring out what to do with the negative feelings I have toward her. I just can't understand why a supposed sister in Christ would feel it's OK to befriend my husband as she did and send him texts and private messages outside of work. I would NEVER do that to another Christian woman, so I guess I feel betrayed by her for doing it to me.
  6. Thank you, Ed. I work with people of the opposite sex, too, and I do stick with just surface information just to be on the safe side!
  7. Hi! I did not ask how to get her to back down ... no offense! I was mostly asking how to deal with the negative feelings I have toward this woman. I don't like harboring bad thoughts about people - especially those who claim Christ. That's what I need help with. I do know how to stand up for myself and my marriage, and I will do so when the Spirit opens the door. I don't want to act rashly. I have prayed, and I trust that God will let me know when I need to be a little more forceful with her. As for my husband, of course God only knows his true thoughts toward her, but I trust him when he says he doesn't have feelings for her and that he isn't attracted to her. When he does get "stuck" talking with her, he tells me he keeps things to one or two word answers, and he tries to exit the conversation as politely as possible.
  8. Also, I do my best to try to intercept her when I see her coming, and I think that works very well since I'm the one in charge of the conversation and eye contact. The last time, however, she got to him before I could intercept, and she ended up conversing with him for several minutes. I'm just waiting for that opportunity for her to ask why there is tension ... I get the feeling she senses it, and I've told God if she asks, that's my signal to move forward with a discussion.
  9. Thank you! I agree there is something wrong with her. I feel badly for her because I know she is starved for a Godly man due to her marital issues. I just think she needs to get help for her own marriage rather than seeking attention in a dangerous manner. I certainly hope a restraining order wouldn't be necessary - I'm not sure if her behavior is what would qualify as stalking at this point as she is only trying to speak with him at church. (Initially, after she quit working at the same place he works, she did drop by there, but he ignored her when she showed up, and she hasn't shown up at his workplace since.)
  10. Thank you! I am not upset with my husband - I trust him completely. I just don't like it when she comes around him and gives him a certain smile or looks at him a certain way or tries to engage him in a lengthy conversation. I just think she should stop initiating contact with him because she is not friends with me, and I don't believe married Christian women should pursue friendship with married Christian men ... it's too easy for the devil to sneak in and stir up problems. I have been praying for an opportunity to do what you suggested and speak with her about things, so I appreciate the confirmation of that!
  11. I recently read a Focus on the Family article about husbands and wives not becoming close friends with members of the opposite sex. This is kind of related to a question I posted recently on another thread, but I was wondering what Christians' opinions were about this. My husband is my closest friend (behind Jesus, of course!), and I have several very dear ladies who are my friends and accountability partners, and next to my husband and children, I spend time alone with them. I am also friends with their husbands, but I never spend time alone with their husbands - everything I do with them is alongside my spouse and their spouse. I just think Satan uses those kinds of things as opportunities to destroy marriages, and I've seen it happen numerous times ... especially in church. However, I'm learning not everyone feels as I do, and I'm curious if it truly is possible to have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex while you are married without trouble creeping in. So, what do you think? Is it being too careful for a married person to avoid developing a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex?
  12. Hi. First of all, good for you for walking away from this man. You are showing a lot of self-respect and respect for the sanctity of marriage. I do believe God will bless you for this. If I were the man's wife, I'd want to know. Chances are, she probably already suspects something is up. She needs to know his heart has wandered so they can work on what to do about it. Just my two cents!
  13. Hi! I will get straight to the point. I need to know what to do about a woman at my church who has a crush on my husband. She used to work with him, and got to know him well through their job. I would not call myself a friend of hers - we are more like acquaintances. However, I do know enough about her to know she is having problems in her marriage and that she thinks highly of my husband. (She confessed this to a mutual friend of ours, and of course the friend got suspicious and told me.) Also, she was getting personal with him at work - sending him text messages, emails, and private messages ... stuff like that. Nothing sexual, but her communication was playful and flirtatious in nature. Also, she was going to my husband for spiritual guidance. My husband has no feelings of attraction for her (she is not his type), but he did admit that she gave him an ego boost. When I told him I thought she was interested in him, he immediately distanced himself from her and cut off all personal communication with her. She was not happy about this, and basically told him she didn't understand why he no longer felt comfortable being her friend since they were both Christians and attended the same church. Thankfully, she moved to a different job, and she no longer sees him every day. My problem is, we still have to deal with her at church. She will come up to my husband to speak with him whether I'm present or not. While I don't know her personally very well, others have told me she is Godly, and I really don't think she would purpose to try and make her own life better by leaving her husband to pursue mine. I do think, however, that she is happy to continue to make her presence known in my husband's life in the hope that she will be the one "next in line" for him if something were to happen to me. Here's my question - what do I do with my negative feelings toward her?
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