Daughter of God

Strange that I found this thread today. I was just thinking of this a few hours earlier. I'm not sure of the wisdom of responding, honestly, since some of the responses seem outright callous to me, and I'm someone who flinches at that kind of attitude like people are throwing burning acid at me. It's not just PTSD/depression/social anxiety for me; my external circumstances have been nightmarish for most of my life. I've been getting increasingly desperate for years, and I just don't know how to handle my conditions anymore. Yet, I decided today that I still want to try, too. That I love myself and that I deserve better than this misery and isolation. I'm not going to give up on myself because I'm worth fighting for. And the dream of the love and happiness I've longed for all my life keeps calling me, not letting me let go. Hope that I can ever reach that dream is a terrifyingly unstable thing, though. That's why I think I need to be more careful of the kind of attitudes I expose myself to, because I'm extremely impressionable and sensitive. If I'm around black-minded, "tough-minded" people, I wither like a burnt leaf so fast... I just made these decisions today, so I'm still in the process of learning how to apply this insight... Not sure if this will help anyone else, but I thought it was a perspective worth sharing. While isolating is a terrible self-protective measure, sometimes opening yourself up to the wrong people is the worst move of all. And if you find a church, please make sure the people around you are at least reasonably healthier than you (mentally, emotionally, spiritually), especially the leaders. That's at least as important as other considerations, as many horror stories can attest, mine included.

I'm sorry for how you've suffered. I have a very similar past in many respects, though it wasn't from a sociopathic father thankfully. I have to say, the way you talk about "negative ties" sounds suspiciously New Age. If you've ever had any sort of involvement with occultic practices, please drop that kind of thinking and move as swiftly as you can in God's direction! He is omnipotent; He has already destroyed satan's power. Don't worry too much about inherited or learned traits if you're not willfully sinning: these things are based in genetics and psychology; they're not "curses," and there's nothing wrong with being who you are even if it doesn't correspond to expected/average social "norms." There is no need for you to fear the devil, only to have nothing to do with him and leave him no entrance into your life. Too much fear is definitely an entrance, as I can attest from experience. I'm sorry I can't elaborate any further without triggering myself. If you don't already have one, I strongly suggest you find an able, well-informed pastor (or therapist) to help you through these issues. I think they're more psychological than anything else. If you've chosen Christ, the devil cannot interfere with that (though of course he'll try to trouble you in his impotence because lying and scaring is all he can do). But of course that doesn't mean past abuse magically stops affecting you psychologically. Hatred and fear are not spiritual connections; it's quite natural (though unhealthy) for you to feel those emotions toward a child abuser. Letting go has to involve therapy of some kind, almost certainly. At the very least, you need to work through these things a lot more than you obviously have, with a trusted, empathetic guide who will let you air things out without judgment and without interfering with the natural, sometimes painful and unruly healing process. Lastly, you mentioned your father is a tormented man. I hesitate to say this, and I could very well be wrong, but...sociopaths generally aren't tormented about their condition. Of course, he could certainly be tormented about other things, like external circumstances that prevent him from getting exactly what he wants when he wants it (because sociopaths feel so entitled, etc.), and maybe that's what you meant. And I'm not sure what sort of abuse you're talking about here, either, so that could definitely be another big proof of sociopathy. But I assumed it was primarily emotional and physical abuse, with things being worse than average because of his extreme coldness. If this is the case, are you quite sure he is a sociopath? I know they're real; I've had the misfortune of knowing two, actually. But it's also possible that he might have some completely different problem. Even Aspies can seem extraordinarily cold to ordinary people, though they're rarely as heartless as they can come off. Just a thought...you say you love him, but if he's a real sociopath, he can't love you (because they can't experience empathy). I only say this because I've seen some people reactively label their parents out of extreme (though understandable) anger, fear, pain...sometimes inaccurately. Sociopaths get pleasure out of causing others pain - it's malice, not simply "hardness," and they can use people easily like objects, even little children, because they just feel no human connection with anyone. If they seem to, it's faked to get what they want. They also tend to be irresponsible with money, "never faithful," and self-aggrandizing. If that's him, I'm very sorry, and that would definitely be a sociopath. If that seems beyond his level, though...it may be worth some more study. God bless and guide you.

Porn??? What on EARTH does that have to do with any of this? UGH! I have never used that smut in my life! Mostly because it's filled with degrading, anti-human, usually misogynistic demonic themes - and these days, often sodomy, S&M, and other perversions. I know this far better than I'd like because I was involved with researching its massive HARMS for years. Wish I hadn't been, frankly. Messed me up just knowing about that kind of evil, and I don't appreciate being reminded of it this way as I was participating in it. NO, that is not what this is about, and please don't lump that filth in there with legitimate, mainstream entertainment/art. And for the record, no, that is not what all horror movies are about, either. But I'd already decided I'm better of without those for other reasons already listed, so I'm not going to let this blanket generalization change my decision. As to the rest, this really doesn't tell me anything I don't already know. I'm leaning increasingly toward the conclusion that LOTR, Harry Potter, and the like are fine, and that there are no solid reasons against them, only knee-jerk reactions against inconsequential plot elements and a lot of fear-mongering. If you'd read the first post, you'd already know that I'm well aware that discernment is the only real way to know for sure, and you'd know the purpose of this thread. I won't repeat myself anymore. Too sick and tired.

Hi, Wayne. Thanks. I completely agree about putting on the whole armor of God. I read Ephesians 6 every morning, so it's funny you mentioned that. I'm trying to figure out what's light and what's darkness here, and I guess I'm just having a really hard time understanding why some people would consider these kinds of books and movies bad. I mean, what's the reasoning behind it? The simple fact of having magic or demons in them, even though Tolkien and Rowling are Christians, and the demons in exorcism movies are never portrayed as somehow attractive? I just don't get it without knowing your reasons for rejecting these things as bad. Of course we should reject darkness, but how is this darkness? What you said about chess and distractions - yes, I think the devil uses anything to induce spiritual sloth. And I certainly struggle without, even though I want to read the Bible and pray, and I know I should. I know that's the key to becoming better with discernment and staying strong. I don't know why it's so hard to do that, but that's another story, I guess. Time for everything is hard to make in modern life, I guess. Nothing actually seems more worthwhile than God to me now that I'm turning back to Him. That's part of why I'm asking about this stuff. I haven't read those books in a long time, actually, or watched those movies in months. But I do want to know how I should behave going forward - I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize my walk with God. But I still don't understand if or why these things would. Do they lead me to wrong thoughts and wrong desires? (Definitely agree that it's important to avoid what does...REALLY hard, though, but other things tempt me more than this allegedly "dark" stuff.) Hm, it's been a long time since I watched/read...I'm not sure. I think LOTR, if anything, led me to good thoughts and desires...or at least a mix. HP...been too long, not sure. The horror movies...actually, yeah, they did scare me and made me remember images of brutality and blasphemies for days afterward, even though those things never seemed appealing. They also tended to make me think of and fear the devil more, and I guess that's not good. And they just tended to upset me...savagery freaks me out. Leaning away from horror, I guess...the rest, I'm still totally confused. I agree with the principles you've put forth - strongly. I just don't understand at all how those principles apply to these specific things in the way you seem to be implying.

Um, maybe I'm misunderstanding you somehow, but the title of the thread is literally "Horror movies, LOTR, Harry Potter-type stuff, etc." And if you read the full first post, it's clear that's what I'm asking about - how or if these things might allow demons into your life. "THEY" is the "Horror movies, LOTR, Harry Potter-type stuff, etc." Obviously, I thought. The thread starts out, verbatim, "So I'm a newbie, and I'm really confused about these things. Do they really let demons into your life?" Those signifiers reference the subjects of the thread listed in the title. I didn't keep re-writing the subjects because I thought it would be obvious to anyone who decided to click on it what I was talking about after reading the title. I guess that miscommunication must be a generational gap issue? I was asking the question, in part, because I want to watch/read these movies/books again eventually, but only if that's OK with God. And some Christians believe it isn't, and I wanted to understand that. Plus, with my background, I do struggle with superstitious thinking, and, I believe with demonic problems in the past (and maybe present). So it's definitely not something I want to mess around with. But the actual topic of this thread is its title. I'm not quite sure what happened here, but I'd like to get back to it. You don't have to if you don't want. I'm a newbie with baggage: I have TONS of questions, comments, and concerns on everything under the moon. And I tend to go off on tangents. No need to respond to them, I guess. I didn't mean to derail my own thread... Anyway, I'm sure others will chime in.

How did you know I have compulsive tendencies? Yeah, I know what that's from, definitely very earthly stuff. The demonic thinking - that's from cult involvement. As well as, probably, the (extreme) superstitiousness of the paganism I was raised in. But it had nothing to do with SRA...definitely no periods of time I can't account for. Wow, so sorry if you went through anything like that. No, my abuse was extremely severe, but not in the physical ways that can cause anything on the level of what you're talking about. The fallout for me was more bodily illness (from malnutrition and stress, and later, drugs...yes, they provided them), emotional/psychological issues, destructive habits, isolation. Never had a blackout, and I'm fairly certain I don't have repressed memories. I was hit, but the really severe stuff was the neglect and the psychological/emotional/verbal abuse. One of my abusers was diagnosed as a psychopath when I was 23. (Wish I'd known earlier! Than I would've realized what she was doing and not felt so crazy as a child!) I strongly suspect one of her underlings is a psychopath, too, or at least a narcissist. So it was mostly that they were trying to mess with my head and hurt me, but not in ways that I could easily show others -- because I did try, hard, even from an extremely young age. I was a firebrand. Despite being so painfully sensitive and shy. Perhaps it was itself a result of the abuse - that's what happens when you make someone that emotional feel that injured and angry. But I seem to be getting off topic, and I really need answers here. Though I understand if you don't feel you can provide them. Didn't mean to lock you into this thread. I just happen to be confined to bed right now and trying to distract myself.

That last part - do you mean religious help? I've often worried about being possessed, or demons being "attached" to me somehow. If so, I think it's because of pagans who abused me as a child (not SRA or molestation; and it was Eastern paganism, not witchcraft and the like). Not because of things I've read...although as a teenager I did start dabbling in faddish New Age stuff, so maybe that, too. Mostly the pagans, though. I've thought I need some sort of exorcism. I've been turned away when I went to priests, though. One did give me certain blessings, and do what seemed like very superficial stuff when I persisted...but things got worse, not better, afterward. I fell into apostasy for a while, actually. Which made me think at the time that whatever it was, wasn't enough. Like idiots who only respond to an abused wife begging for help by calling up the abuser and telling him "you shouldn't do that, ya know pal?" But that's all the response I've ever had when I asked for that kind of help, so maybe the devil really is preventing me from reaching the right people...but how is he preventing me? I mean, what is it that would enable him to do that? If it's the past, what can I do to change that now? And as far as I know, I don't have any objects in my possession now, or participate in any activities now, that would cause "chinks in my armor" in that way. As to the rest - I don't interface with anyone who's into that stuff. I definitely think they're led by the devil, or crazy, even if they're not evil-intentioned. I pray for them, but I don't want to have anything to do with them. That stuff scares me in real life. In books - at least those books - it just seems to be a joke, good fun. I don't see why demons would be able to attach themselves to things like that. Books with vile worldviews, maybe, but even then, only if they're portraying supernatural evil in a good light somehow... What do you mean by thinking about them as more than fictional characters? You mean, thinking "magic" is really possible? I know that any "power" in that stuff comes from enlisting the aid of demons, for which they will necessarily demand payment in the form of your soul. What do you mean by the occult getting more involved with you the more you study it? Unless you're using it, I don't understand why this would be the case...except maybe by making you more and more fearful of its "power," thereby lessening your faith in God's power. I can see that, and I've experienced it. But mostly in that cult I mentioned, and with certain superstitious Christians who live in fear of the devil rather than on the Rock of Truth. Anyway, I don't want to learn about the occult. At least, rarely, and when I do start studying that stuff I quickly realize it's the wrong path, mostly because of what I mentioned above. As you seem to be saying, we are supposed to focus on God, not the devil, and I realize that. It's just a matter of entertainment, art, fun. I definitely don't want to learn more about "magic." But I do want to know for sure something's OK now that I'm trying to give my life to God.

Thanks, @other one. Wow, first of all, I'm really sorry about your experience...but I'm not sure what you mean? Would you mind sharing a little bit about what, specifically, you believe allowed these demons into your life that way? I feel I've had similar problems, but I think it was from pagans possibly cursing me. (Yes, I'm serious. I've known some, and they had it in for me...) I'm not asking for details of the actual ordeal, just what you think allowed the actual demonic presence. Not that book, or your studies, but actual practice? OK, that makes sense about leading some people into dangerous things if they get attracted by the "powers" of the characters. Though that "magical" aspect isn't even attractive to me; ordinarily, I don't really go in for fantasy. I like the stories, the style and humor, the adventure, and the sort of "feel" of them. You're always wondering what happens next. I'm not sure about the delving into reality part...I think my beliefs now as far as ontology goes is fairly solidly orthodox Christian, from what I know. But I've certainly done a ton of research into "reality," other religions, philosophy, etc. I was raised in paganism, and immediately drawn to Christianity from age 2-3 (as soon as I became aware of). I always hated, passionately, violently hated, the muck of paganism. I won't go into detail, either. But "searching" was part and parcel of growing up for me. I do feel like God's trying to snatch me out of the fowler's snare, so I can remember who I am in Him again. I'm not sure about the exposing to bad things part...I don't feel like I have an attraction to sorcery, spells, and the like. If anything, it scares me, especially these last years since my unfortunate entanglement with that cult. It may be vaguely triggering at times, even. What I do think might tempt me in these novels is some of the attitudes expressed - in fine, worldliness. But that's an ever-present spectre for me. I'm trying hard to leave behind my attraction to it. But that's everywhere around me, too, and the danger there is sin, not the demonic. I have this fear, which might or might not be superstition, that these things have a power in themselves...like occult object, maybe...to give demons some sort of influence over your life. I don't really feel that way with the horror movie stuff. Though I'm very sensitive and impressionable, so I do get freaked out whenever I watch even really violent movies - jumping at loud noises, getting scared at night. I guess that's not a desirable outcome regardless of demonic dangers. Though it's probably my PTSD and not anything supernatural. Why do you say that about learning about demonic activity? Though these stories aren't "learning," anyway; they're just entertainment. Why is that stuff dangerous for entertainment? Even if I don't watch it anymore, and I guess I shouldn't, it would still help me to know so I can be informed when I come across it other places. As a child, part of the reason I was drawn to these stories was that they offered glimpses of the Christianity I loved, but couldn't access as I wanted (or believed at the time I couldn't access). Thanks for your reply.

@missmuffet... Um, you've given zero reasons, which was kind of the point of my post. I'm not sure I understand the first part of your message. I wouldn't embrace you to ask?...why someone would "allow" dark things into their life?...because they are unhealthy as a Christian? Um, what? I've just (re)converted, so I'm not sure how healthy I could be expected to be as a Christian...if that's what you meant....and not being "healthy enough" to see these things clearly is kind of the reason I'm asking here... The above sounds to me like you think I'm doing this lightly, wantonly, and that I deserve whatever I get. And if you don't feel like you're the right person to answer my questions, why do it? Also, if "a Christian should focus only on God," no Christian would be able to be productive in life, except maybe as a preacher. No more business people, engineers, architects, artists, scientists...no, thank you. I'm sure that's not God's design at all. ***Please, I started this thread in good faith because I sincerely want to understand. Please don't reply unless you're going to contribute substantially, with reasoned answers. I already know the opinions of those who adamantly reject these things - re-stating them here will do nothing to change my heart, mind, or behavior. I hope I don't sound rude here, but keep in mind I am very sick (as stated in the original post), and... Well, I deleted that last bit because I realized it sounded reactive and potentially rude. I'm not here to be judged and preached at. I want to understand, as I'm trying to learn how to live as a good Christian. Preaching at me just makes me feel bad about myself, which does nothing to inspire me to improve, and only makes me still more vulnerable to the devil's temptations to despair, to give up, to think I'm hopeless, etc. Please don't be an instrument for the devil here. I already know God wants me to do what's right; I'm sincerely trying to figure out what that is, so I can do it. If you can't help me understand, then please don't reply, as it will only serve (the devil) to upset and further weaken me. Thank you.

Sorry for resurrecting an old thread, but, well, I'm getting a puppy soon. I've already decided on a rescue dog, and they cost ~$150-250 with all shots included, everywhere I've looked. What I'm worried about is the supplies and housebreaking. I do intend to buy a large crate, bed, etc. I guess harnesses will have to be upgraded. Beyond this, toys, leash, collar, treats... I'm thinking the only monthly expense should be food, which I think is $30-40? Maybe cheaper if you subscribe somewhere online? As to housebreaking...I've heard you can calculate by months of age: 1 month=walk every 1 hour, 2 months=2 hours, etc. So if I need to sleep through the night, I can't get a pup younger than 8-9 months?! (No yard) And if I expect to be gainfully employed, off-line, I may need to spring for doggy daycare...?

So I'm a newbie, and I'm really confused about these things. Do they really let demons into your life? How/why? And how can you tell what's bad from what's OK? (Discernment, I know, but I'm sick and in a terrible mental fog as a result, so it'll be a while until I can be clear-headed enough to pray effectively about this...and I've been increasingly besieged with temptations, etc...I think the devil is trying to get me to make a hasty move in order to shake me and weaken my rooting in God...and eventually lead me astray...which is why I'm resolved not to make any moves now at all until I'm well again, but eventually, at least, I am going to need clear, solid answers to these questions.) I don't really like "dark" stuff - vampires & gross stuff (though I was raised with that and worse, and I noticed life "lightened" more when I left that behind as I got older, to pursue my own tastes. But I am drawn to stories about demons, exorcisms, that sort of thing. Actually, I like the Christian elements, and it's not like they're portraying the devil in a good light, is it? Is that still dangerous? And how does that let demons have any sort of power to harm you (I mean, to what extent and in what way, so I can see if these things have happened)? The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter are old favorites, which I still like to read again. LOTR is painfully beautiful, though I do find certain elements offensive. It was an inspiration to me as a writer (the style, not the content). So there's a sentimental attachment there. HP was just a fun romp, great for laughs and light adventure. Both were written by Christians, and I really never understood the opposition to them. It seemed crazy to me, to be honest. None of them portray God in a poor light; actually, they're pro-faith and pro-God, although not explicitly Christian. What about about Terry Pratchett and others like Douglas Adams? Halloween? I don't even like most fantasy, actually; more and more, it tends to have extremely vile philosophical underpinnings - and that's what I react against. I tend to have a strong aversion to things that are unnatural/unholy in their philosophies, rather than superficial external elements. So that's what I tend to go by - the spirit in things, not their "props," which can just be meaningless/symbolic, etc. And I just don't see that in the spirit and philosophy of LOTR, or even HP. Not sure about Discworld, but that's not as much a favorite re-read. Is it OK to read the other two again (eventually, not now when I'm weak) just to discern and get a clear understanding about it one way or the other? Then I could finally put it to rest... Still, I lurched into a cult as a young girl after a life of abuse, so I'm pretty superstitious, and I get freaked out about all kinds of things. I can't tell if this is a real danger or another vestige of cult thinking. Part of me is afraid of even having them in my possession (I haven't, for years, haven't even accessed them online for ages). Would that in itself be dangerous? Or do you think it's only in the way they influence your heart and mind that they're dangerous? I'm trying to understanding the logic of people who do hold such views (and those who don't) so I can understand the reasoning and discern properly. It might help to make me more determined to avoid them while I am sick, at the least, if I here some reasoning behind it. Well, thanks for reading and for any advice. I know this is long, and sorry if it's not fully coherent. Neither am I at the moment. I might have a fever and no medicine, so...

I've basically been told I'm a shoe-in for a job that sounds like an easy fit, with great paid training, and decent pay...but it's in a city that I want to leave in my past, and that was a site of years of horror. I couldn't get out of there fast enough, and swore I'd never go back. But I'm terrified I won't get a better job. I've been in school for so many years now, and I've had a mild phobia of job hunting ever since a horrible experience when I was 19. After finally beginning the dreaded job search just a couple weeks ago, I have growing but still shaky confidence in my skills and abilities. I know the field and position I really want to get into, but I have little direct experience (but lots of training) in it, and I'm very apprehensive about applying. Yes, I haven't actually applied to those positions. I want to, but the cover letter is screwing me up; I have a pathological aversion to self-promotion. I'm the "work hard, follow the rules" type. Today's culture of "SELL! Enthusiasm! Smile!" completely freaks me out. I don't know what to say. The job itself doesn't require that sort of thing, thank God, but the interview process...terrifies me. I'm OK if I know what to do about something, but if I don't know how it's done, I freeze up or procrastinate. Especially when it comes to social somethings. The job mentioned above is in a different field, a different position entirely, though it might offer some transferable technological training. I know it's God's plan in the end, and He's telling me to chase my dream. Any thoughts or advice for a newbie (re)convert?