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readytogiveup

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  1. hello... Actually its VERY disrespectful and is a betrayal for him to have done that especially since he lived with her in the past. There was a conversation about if they got back together,and in my opinion, that conversation should NEVER have taken place,considering hes a married man! Bible says that if you sin in your heart its like you actually committed adultery. He has talked to other women and presents himself as single... Instead of working hard to fix and try to mend, he prefers to fall farther away and"explore", with the excuse that I kicked him out. Things have definitely not gotten better..and offering him opportunity to move back in is scratching at impossible at this point. He has shown NO effort to even want to earn his family back. But I am at peace with it. I for months cried myself to sleep.. But God has slowly been healing me...I am now 7 months pregnant and focused on my kids and coming baby
  2. Thank you so much for your advice time and opinion.... Things took a turn for the worst... I actually HAD adviced he take time to work on himself. To collect himself,pray,and work on his temper. And honestly,when I have asked him to leave,its always been with the hope and faith that the time away would be medicine. But he is a very proud, angry person, and in the past has instead used his "freedom" to talk to other women! I thought this time it would be different. Since before we weren't legally married and we were younger. But I came to find out its not so. He was talking to an ex girlfriend and when I asked him about it, he claimed it was to talk to her about God! I'm now almost 7 months pregnant and he left when I was a less than a month along. Hasn't given a dime of support and hardly has seen the kids...Yet has traveled to Baja,California,and WHO KNOWS WHERE ELSE. I'm so tired. So exhausted physically and emotionally. Tired of hoping,tired of waiting. Tired of being on this wicked planet,where the bad is abundant,and the lies and injustice seem to provail ? I know this place isn't our home. I just so desperately want to hear those trumpets blown as our savior comes to just end it all
  3. The head bob started when I got tired of him hurting my wrist from how hard he was holding me. Then it progressed to bear holds,to where I felt completely trapped. Cleaning after me wasn't so much what was harmful. What affected me was how irritated he seemed, and actually told me a few times that my mother didn't teach me how to clean. That he had to do everything so it was done right. Made me feel worthless ? He couldn't really ever hold a job down. He would get in fights with the boss. Or decide he didn't like being told how to do his job. Then he finally got approved by SSI. And just got comfortable with that for years. Until he discovered Uber...Tried that for a while and actually was VERY good at it. One of the top drivers in our area! But the car we had got to be past the allowed age. So he became the stay at home parent,while I went out to work. But then THAT got to him,being home all the time,routine. Long story short, I ended up helping him get the car for him to Uber. After 3 weeks of having the car,when I asked him about if he was now going to help with bills,he exploded and started being very rude! It got so bad, I had no choice but to ask him to leave. So now he lives elsewhere and pays close to nothing in rent,has no bills(other than car payment,which he's behind 2 payments on)He comes and goes as he pleases announcing himself as single,without a worry at the least about his kids. Uses the bible to suit and fit his convenience, and ignores the rest! Idk WHAT to do anymore
  4. Hi. Well, he is very o.c.d. I would clean and he would always come behind me and re clean his way. So after a while of playing that game, i just agreed to let him do it.As far as arrangement, never really was an actual arrangement. Just kinda happened. He claimed he couldn't work so he took it upon himself to attend to the home instead. He kept saying it was the least he could do. That it kept his mind busy. I ran a in home business, so it did help. And I always did let him know that I appreciated his help. I didn't only handle the finances, I paid all bills. I in numerous occasions did tell him it would be good for him to search for maybe a part time. -just so he can get out for a bit. Would make him feel better,since he struggled with depression. He would get upset and felt pressured. when he would start to work up anger, and start being mean, I would try to go for a walk, to get away from the situation,since my suggestion he do so, fell on deaf ears. He would imprison me and physically hold me down! In my attempt to get loose,I at times did head bop him,but only to have him hold me tighter. Things did get out of hand. I don't deny my wrong in that. But I considered that in a way self defense. Though it WAS fighting fire with fire. Verbal wasn't all he did. I can't tell you how many times he destroyed the walls,punching through the sheetrock. How many things he broke.-including my cell phone once cause he thought I was texting with a man.. How many threats he threw at me. The more frequent one cps, saying they would take our kids,split them up in foster homes. My kids would cry when they heard that. These were the moments that made me ask him to leave. Not to get even. Not to humiliate him, not cause I felt like the boss. Just to remove the problem. The evil that was affecting my children... Yes. He kept his money. Kept saying it was to buy his car. But he never did. He would spend a little on ice cream for kids, taking them to the 2dollar theatre. And I didn't really question,since every man is entitled to feel human, and treat their kids a day out every once in a while. -have a little spending money in his wallet... But I figured he had to be putting most of it away... Well when I asked him if he was close to his goal for car,he said he had nothing saved! This is a portion of why this last time I asked him to leave. Everything just had collected and piled. His financial irresponsibility,his not being greatful or appreciative of anything,his rude and hurtful comments,high irritability towards kids. Overly disciplined them. And when he said something was to be done certain way, I respected it. But when I said something, he stepped on my toes. And he could reverse his decisions, change his mind about whatever as far as kids. But if I did it, or showed signs of wanting to, it would bother him. Just to much to write. To many years,to many tears and heartache I know the bible says a wife must be humble and submissive. But it also says a husband has to lead with love and patience,and Gods guidance. If the husband does not know how to lead, how can a wife follow. If the husband talks about the Lord one day, and the next day acts like he's been possessed by multiple demons, which do you believe? I prayed hard,and chose to believe in Gods miracles. But in the process, was allowing my kids to be damaged ?
  5. Hi! Actually, no I didn't know. He didn't act the way he does now.not even close! It was til after we had a couple of kids,that he started to really just have extreme episodes. And even then,we both thought it was ptsd and anxiety. I started to do research and alot of his behavior spelled out borderline.. But I stuck with him regardless, with FOREVER set in my heart and mind. The times I did kick him out,I did it to allow cooling off and to instantly stop the ragefull attacks going on at that moment.-always thinking of the kids.. But I prayed and asked God to take control EACH time,and that's usually when he would show up. So I took it as a sign that God didn't want me to walk away. Things would be good for a while,but then again-explotion.. I never expected perfect. I actually never demanded much.just respect that's it! Seems like the one thing I wanted was the one thing he couldn't give.
  6. Hello! Thanks much for your reply.. He does work. On top of that he collects SSI! Has 3 sources of income.. I wouldn't be contemplating filing, if he didn't. Wouldn't kick him while he is down. -though he has to me. But the Lord gave me such a weak heart.-alot of the reason why I would let him back in. But precisely because I don't want my kids further scared, is why I haven't let him back anymore though he did ask. No point in going in same circles and expecting results. Did that for way to long. I tried the humble wife approach. But seems like that just gave him wind to be more jerk,and he would literally bring me to the ground in tears. He is VERY verbally and emotionally abusive. This is why I have had to ask him to leave,in a desperate attempt to remove the hate my kids were hearing. But there has been no change and he won't do meds,and says counseling is not for him. What gets me,is,I have two friends that are bipolar. And NEVER have I seen them act the way he does. They respect their spouse,and love their children! So I'm thinking its more of a personality thing.. Or Satan plays with his head. He claims to be Christian.Reads his bible EVERY day. Talks about God to everyone. Yet at home acts like the devil himself! And I would tell him that the love for God starts in your own home. Can't talk the talk and not walk the walk.. Yes. Those vows are exactly what played in my head everytime he would start attack. But you can only take so much. When you beg someone to stop being so mean and plea they stop because kids are listening,and they just keep going and saying horrid things,you have no choice. kinda like when there's a drunk that is offensive,and being a problem, he is asked to leave.(bad comparison, but true) have prayed alot. Cried alot.. I have tried to encourage he see the kids. Because regardless of if he helps financially, his kids are still his kids.-no matter what the relationship between him and I. But 9 out of 10 xs when I text him, I get insulted or interrogated or accused.. He questions me if I'm seeing someone. Yet sits there and says what ever he does is no longer my business cause I kicked him out. Then has showed up unannounced and let himself in and parade through my home inspecting every room! Very controlling and manipulative. I'm so tired. Sometimes I want to get a restraining order. But I think of my kids and how they would miss out on seeing their dad.though they've seen him only twice in the 4 months he's been gone. Just praying for a solution
  7. so good to see someone who understands.. Alot of times I have been questioned about not belonging to a church. We have a personal relationship with the Lord,and that is the important thing. I refuse to go to a church because I'm in need! Would that not be convenience? Therefore would I be attending for the right reasons? Thank you again for your reply
  8. Indeed! The Lord is what sustains us... That is a beautiful Psalm. Very appreciative you sent it to me. God bless
  9. hi there! Bk1110, Thank you for your reply? ABSOLUTELY... My faith is what has me still standing. I do not belong to a church. We are non denominational bible based. The Lord has given me strength through the toughest times,and provided for me and my kids numerous times. I don't doubt he will get me through this as well. I just wanted so much to do it in a Christian manner. I never asked for or demanded my kids dads help before. But I think enough is enough and he needs to know that . I REALLY DO NEED HELP. And he should be helping. I am trying to be patient and am feeling bad taking him to court,but at the same time feel like he's taken advantage of my compassion and non desire to burden anybody... So I am trying to get opinions and advice
  10. Hello all, I'm very new here..looking for support/advice from fellow Christians! I was with him for 16 years. During this time we "seperated" numerous times. I would admit him back after seeing his struggles. It would hurt my soul to see him hurting. Even though when he said the most monstrous things to me,didn't hurt HIS soul one bit ? I wanted to fight for my marriage,since he was and always will be the love of my life. But unfortunately he is Bipolar and let Satan use this far to often. I tried to be understanding but the cuts just got deeper with time. He got so mean and so verbally and emotionally abusive,it started to affect our children. Fast forward to 2 years ago...I let him move back in because he promised me a list of things... Everything was very good for a while.. But when he would get very upset,he'd aim to kill with his words. Each of us had our roles at home. I carried all expenses pertaining to the family...rent,car,utilities,toiletries,cell phones-EVERYTHING. He handled household needs like cleaning,cooking,laundry. It worked for everyone,but when he would have an episode,he'd throw it in my face!( the I do everything and you do nothing card). Towards the end, I went and got a loan for a car he said he needed in order to work for Uber. Handed him 4500 for down payment from a savings account we weren't supposed to touch.. He promised he would pay it back and never screw me over with failed payments.(since he had with prior car I put myself on the line for). Long story short, he's very behind on payments,they called me saying they're ready to repossess! He left almost 4 months ago and not a dime for child/spousal support. Found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after he left. -which I love my kids but we both promised we were DONE. I was blessed with 4 b, 4 g so it was a perfect even team. I had plans to travel out of state to do a summer gig that was financially beneficial to our family. That was out the window soon as I saw a positive test due to how ill I got. Our last child was only 3 months old! I got very depressed. And to make matters worse,he'd text me with interrogating,accusing,assuming remarks. Most of the time very rude and abusive. He hates me and accuses me of his failures and tells me I'm on my own now since I kicked him out ☹ What was I supposed to do, if even after I got him the vehicle he refused to be"pressured" to work! After I brought up the conversation and reminded him he had promised to help,he exploded in such a way,I had no other option but to ask him to leave. Throughout the years,every time he left, I NEVER asked him for financial support. Even let him take our only vehicle,leaving me and children on foot. But I'm kinda tired of taking the fall. And since I am presently unable to work,due to pregnancy(nobody will hire me) and due to what it would cost for childcare, I feel he should finally step up! So, I need advice. This a very hard and painful process for me. I don't believe in divorce but my heart can't take any more injury. Any advice greatly appreciated..especially from anyone who knows the steps behind the legal process. Thank you kindly for reading. God bless
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