Hello there, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my post.
A little bit of my testimony to better connect with my current issue...
When I was a child, I was abused. When we moved to away from the abuser we found ourselves in a very racist area. I'm Native American Indian, Black and White. At the time I was in 5th grade and began to believe that I was less (and possibly in danger) because I was not 100% white. This lead to me being suicidal and hospitalized at age 11. They put me on so much medication that I got high before I knew what getting high was. After that we moved up North where I further got into intentionally getting high, cutting, and burning myself. I was severely depressed and going in and out of hospitals and such helped connect me with other addicts. Attempting to pull me away from "the wrong crowd" my mom enrolled me in a private school, which is also a Christian school. After some crazy weeks, God had brought me to the point of hearing Him speak directly to me, through His Word being shared, and the words and actions of certain believers around me. He saved me the night of September 27, 2007.
Immediately I was filled with the Holy Spirit and was freed from most of my addictions! My life radically changed from that night and I was given such peace and joy that only God could give!
God has been so good to me, but I have let different things take my attention off of God. I believe from time to time I get this intense desire for pleasure. Before, that manifested itself in an eating disorder, but God has brought me so far from where I was! God has given me the clarity to see that the root of these intense desires is selfishness. But when the feeling comes on, my thoughts seem to keep wanting to think about it. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, and doing one task for too long can seem very difficult at times. However this feeling has spilled over into when I read the Bible (I find myself reading words instead of absorbing God's truth) prayer, and in other situations where I know what would be the preferred thing (working on homework/cleaning) but it feels like so much of me greatly desires something exciting.
I know life is not one excitement to the next. I feel like God warned me that if I'm always trying to chase that excitement, I'm going to miss opportunities He wants me to take. Somewhere along the line I took my focus off of Him, to chase certain immediate excitements (the excitements in and of themselves not sinful, just perhaps not what I needed to be doing at the time). I'm sorry and I really want to keep God as first in my life. I've noticed my heart has been hardened a bit. Would you mind praying that my heart is softened and that I live each day with God first? While the feelings to do something more exciting than what I am supposed to do may come on strong, I believe God is greater. I want to glorify God in every action I take.
Thank you, and sorry for the length.