Jump to content

Meg82

Members
  • Posts

    2
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Meg82

  1. I used to be filled with the joy of God so much when I was younger in my 20's people would say they could feel it with me just complete strangers I was so happy but in my 30's I don't feel it anymore. Things have just gotten worse and worse until all I feel is sad and angry. I live in Australia and most people are athiest here but I have believed before I even had words to describe God. I just always knew he was there loving me and that made me feel special and happy but I spent most of my life with undiagnosed ADHD so from the point I was about school age the only feedback I have had from people in my life is that I am lazy, can do better, what I could achieve wasn't good enough and I am a terrible mother and person. Until I finally got diagnosed but by then it was too late I was damaged somehow. I lost my joy and it was replaced with sadness and anger. It feels like all the nastiness people throw at me about my weight and about me as a person just build up in me like a black bile and it comes out of me as nastiness and anger. I am literally sabotaging myself. Everyday I am fighting thoughts of suicide and its never been this bad. I suffer from ptsd and the anxiety has me so crippled and exhausted I don't make it to church or out of the house to do anything. The light that used to fill me is gone I have just suffered so much hurt and disappointment I can't find it and I am with a man who doesn't believe or trust God will provide so everything in our lives is just we can't do that we don't have money! I used to make the plans and the money would turn up whether its by picking up unexpected shifts or someone paying back money owed or I would literally find anywhere up to $50 notes around the house and I knew God was bringing me abundance so to be with someone who can't trust that and live like that it hurts me. I feel like I need help I need to find that again I have made a lot of mistakes that have gotten me here the top one being moving in with someone before marriage quickly followed by sex before marriage. When you are older its actually easier to fall prey to that and regret it later. Now my partner takes that gift for granted and only sees marriage as a piece of paper. I want to move out over it but the thought terrifies me :'( . I am more ready to advise not having sex before marriage than when I was younger that's for sure!
  2. I am wondering if all you are having is bad luck and things in your life aren't abundant do you think that is a sign from God you are taking the wrong path? I feel like I am making choices that the bible says we should but I seem to be the queen of getting kicked when I am down. I am sick of doing everything right and still getting nowhere in life. I have to say at this stage it is turning me very bitter, exhausted and resentful. I am left just praying Jesus will walk by my side and help me carry the load because I am so unhappy and I don't have anymore strength left. I am tired of battling and I am wondering if I am just getting a big message from God I am going the wrong way even though my choices would be what the bible asks us to do. I know I am not entitled to have what I want but at this stage I have worked hard enough and been hurt emotionally enough to deserve it no matter what. I have given up everything for everyone else and I am not getting anything back as far as a life that is barable goes. Jesus might have been able to deal with that but I can't! I am done with not having work no matter how hard I try or what qualifications I get and I am done with being taken for granted and overlooked no matter how much I give! I at this stage can only think it has to be a sign I made the wrong choices and I am on the wrong path. If so do you also think God would hold it against me forever if I gave him the finger for being a pain or would he eventually forgive me?lol (Not really with the last sentence just a joke to lighten the mood from a very depressing question no offence meant, I have no desire to test whether God is in a smiting mood)
×
×
  • Create New...