johny111

Hello everybody, I am suffering from OCD - obsessive compulsive disorder. I have unwanted, dreadful sometimes blasphemous thoughts. I do not want them, but they are still coming. My typical obsession is that something bad will happen to other people because of my thoughts or to me or that i will do some sin. My compulsion is repeatedly saying phrases or appealing what i have said. The main reason why i write here is because i am looking for help. Today i was in the gym and i met there my friend. We started to work out. We saw a guy who was workouting and he was doing loud noises. It was funny so we started laughing. I felt bad for the guy that we were laughing. I said to myself that i wont laugh any more and if do i will be blind. That was my intrusive thought that i will be blind if i will laugh again. God is watching us and he hear us also what we say and what are our thoughts. It was so funny that my friend kept laughing and i did a bit too. Now i am so afraid and anxious because i kept laughing when i shouldnt. What do you think about this? Can i really be punished like this because what i have done. I know that it is not so big sin to laugh at someone but i told myself that i wont do it and even tho i told it myself i still was laughing. I am afraid that i have failed in front God and that he will punish me like this how i said to myself. Why would he punish me so hard for this small sin? Will God forgive me this sin? I am so afraid that i will be blind. What should i do now? Please help me! Thank you all so much!

Thank you for your opinions on my questions. God bless you!

I will be honest with you. I am suffering from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and i have thoughts that something can happen to me or to other people because of my bad thoughts. For example i had a thought that if i read your response you will die. I said that is just a thought and continue in my work. Than i had a thought that i will break my neck if i write the sentence in certain way. I wrote it in that certain way. What do you think about this? I am visiting psychotherapy so i am working on my sickness.

Sorry i dont understand what have you written here. Can you please say it another way? English is not my main language. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for your response! I have one more question for you. I said myself that so it means also in front of God that i wont watch pornography anymore. That day i was watching movie and there was a sex scene. Does it mean that i can not watch any movie with sex scene anymore? It makes me anxious a lot when i realize that i broke a commitment. How should i deal with this? Can i somehow withdraw what i have said? Thank you so much again!

My one more example from OCD scrupulosity. I refuse myself to watch pornography. Than i saw a movie were was an action, where people were doing sex. This also stressed me out a bit. I dont really know what to do. Is this really OCD scrupulosity and i am anxious unnecessarily or it is normal to be anxious from this. Please help me also with this. Thank you all so much!

Hello everybody, I am suffering from OCD magical thinking. I have intrusive, dreadful thoughts that something bad is going to happen to me or to other people. Also i suffer a bit from OCD scrupulosity. For example in last days i dont feel comfortable after listening to secular music. Today i was listening to some hip hop song and a thought jumped in my head (one of my typical OCD thoughts) that i will break my neck. I started being anxious. My sick way how to neutralize the anxiety is to do the compulsion, behavior or ritual. I said a mental compulsion. It can happen only on certain places and on other certain places it can not happen. And the rest of the world is according to Gods plan. Than I continue listening to music and i clicked on top 50 songs and the first was Gods plan. I started being anxious because i connected it to that situation that i can break neck. Now I am so afraid that this could be my destiny. Why would God do this to me? I have unwanted bad thoughts, but it is because of my medical condition called OCD. So should i by punished so badly? I think that i am good person. Could this be evidence that my destiny is going to be bad. I am so scared, anxious, please help me! Thank you all so much!

Thank you so much for you response! I appreciate it! You really helped me to calm down!

Hello everybody, I really need help. In last forum i am writing that i suffer from OCD. But i dont know if this situation was just an obsession or reality... I was in tram and i noticed one guy. I had an obsession that i can look at him only once or something bad will happen today. Than a thought jumped in my head if i dont look at him more than one time bad thing can happen him for the rest of his life. I have those intrusive thoughts and can not stop them. So i wanted to look at him, but thought that he will die today if i look at him jumped in my head. And it was like from God i dont know. Why would God do this? Isnt this just my sick mind? Than a thought if i dont look at him he will die in a few days, but this one was more like OCD thought. I was so scared that he could die the days after today so thats why i looked at him. But i didnt realized that he will die today. It was a stranger who i have met in tram so i can not prove myself if he is still alive or not. I am so scared that i had someone elses destiny in my own hands and i messed it up. I am so anxious, dont know what to do. Honestly i dont want to live, trying to survive my anxiety. I still have thought in my head: Why would guy tell me to not look at that guy or he will die. Am i out of my mind? Is this just my sickness or reality? Thank you all so much for your help!

Thank you so much for your response! It is hard when i have thoughts like if now movie ends something will happen to actors. And it has already happened to me, that the movie really had ended and i had so big fear that something will really happen to that people. I really dont want to hurt other people. I dont want to have those thoughts, but i have them beacuse i am sick. I just really dont know what to do when i have thoughts like that i will disrespect God if i dont do certain behaviors, rituals which my thoughts tell me. I feel really bad after i dont do the behaviors. I visit psychotherapy where they tell me that i have to stop doing those rituals and compulsive behaviors. It is so hard, because I do not want to have negative thoughts about God. I think it is my only hope how to live happy life and that is to believe in God. I am so scared that something will happen to the actors in that movie how i said in sentences above. I dont want to deal than with those thoughts that i could hurt others. I try to disregard those those thoughts but i cant. Most often i just ruminate and cant stop those thoughts. Thank you so much!

Hello everybody, I am going through hard times now. I am suffering from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and i have intrusive thoughts (sometimes think that are not mine and from some supernatural power), that if i dont do ritual or something like that something bad will happen to me or others. My typicall obsession was that i will hurt myself or others. Also that i could go to hell was my dreadful obsession. I made a deal with God (if we can call it like that). I told him, that i will not do compulsion, rituals or more ruminating even tho when the thoughts will be crazy and dreadful. I thought that if there is really some supernatural power it is some good power and not bad. Even if there is bad external power, good like God is much stronger. So i decided to not do the compulsions even tho i was so scared that something bad is gonna happen. I felt really good that afternoon when i believed in God and that he protects me in front of evil. Than i was thinking about that situation that i will go to hell after i stepped bad way on street. I know it sounds really irrational and crazy, but this is my magical thinking OCD. So i did mental compulsion that it wont happen but before that day i made a deal with God that i wont do compulsions anymore because if i do, he wont help me anymore. I dont know if the deal was OCD or reality. Please help me! I really feel like i dont deserve help from God anymore, I need help from God because i suffer from OCD and i think that some external power, evil will destroy if i dont get help from God. Please help me, i dont know what to do. I feel like only hope and that was believing in God is gone, because i destroyed my faith in God because i did mental compulsion which i shouldnt do. It was a deal and i broke it. I am so sad, i dont want to live. I try to be the best person i can and i really dont want to hurt myself or others with my thoughts if i dont do compulsion. My only way out i felt was to believe in God, put i took it away. What should i do? I really need help, i dont want to live, feel like there is no way out from this problem. Thank you so much all for your response! Peace. Thank you so much all for your response!

Hello again, not a long time i didnt write here right? I have another question for you. Is everybody responsible for his own salvation and his relationship with God? I mean if someone can influence his life by his thoughts? You know, that i have OCD. I have to do certain things certain way and if i dont do them i feel anxious. This time i have an obsession that i can not send a photo of our class to my girlfriend. There was one girl not looking to the camera, but the picture was overall nice. The thought was saying that if i send it, she will have some small problem with God because of me. I didnt know what to do, because there was more of obsessions: if i dont send it maybe something worse will happen. So i finally send it, but now i am so anxious that i did something really bad. What do you think about this? Thank you so much!

Thank you so much again for your answer! You are right that I need to think more realistically.Sometimes it is really hard when I have blasphemous thoughts. I am trying to get it under control. Thank you so much! God bless you!

Thank you so much for your answer!!! It really helped me! But still, it is hard to deal with those thoughts which I have.For example, i was reading a book about how to find a way to God. I had to go to school, so I dressed up and went. When I was leaving house i had an obsession that i cannot lock the gate to our house. I didn't lock the gate and i felt extremely guilty that i listen t my false message from my brain and i didn't listen to God. Normally i would close the door. I wanted to apologize to God. But first, before i apologize to him i showed to my dad the book, which i was reading (how to find way to God is the name of the book). So I first showed him the book and read something from it. Than i got extremely big anxiety because i felt guilty that i didn't first apologize to God. I didn't pray first. So thought jumped in my head that if i am going to continue reading this book, God won't forgive me. Also that i will be stupid after i read something from it. Today afternoon i wanted to read the book. I have just looked at the cover of the book and i realized that i have already read something from it. Also just that i have looked at the cover means already that i have read something from it. So now there is no way God could forgive. Please tell me am i out of my mind? I feel like really obsessive-compulsive disorder is playing with me and trying to make me not believing in God, but I really don't want that. What should I do know? I think there is no purpose in life anymore when God didn't forgive me. I have almost anxiety attacks, feel depressed, please help me! Thank you so much for your previous answers, I really appreciate it. You know I am going through really hard time and you helping me so much, but this what has happened today really scared me and make so anxious. Thank you so much! God bless you!

Thank you so much! I will try to disregard those thoughts. I will trust in Lord Jesus and I hope it will vanish. One more question. Maybe I have already asked you about this last time, but why did not God punish me after I saw pornography? because I told myself (part of my OCD) that if he exists, he will prove it by not making me able to speak and interact with other people. I felt so bad after I did that sin before this sin, that I needed to promise something to God. I did a big fault. Now it could mean two things: 1) he didn't punish me because he loves me. And also he doesn't have to react to my thoughts, especially when it was my messed up thoughts. 2) he doesn't exist, but I don't think so that this could be real. I think that the first version what has just happen is more trustworthy. But still, it keeps bothering me and can not get away from this. Thank you so much! God bless you!