Lilfox

That's very true. Thank you.

In the eyes of our state we are legally married, I think we may even have to file for divorce if we permanently separate but am not sure. However, there is a grey area in the common law marriage laws that state both parties must openly state that we are each other's husband and wife to be considered common law married. He has always called me his wife, I have never called him my husband and have corrected him when he calls me his wife. However, we meet all other requirements for common law marriage. The whole point of this question was to find some guidance as to what the Lord says, is state bound common law marriage binding in God's eyes? If so, the Lord tells me to stick with it whether we are unequally yoked or not. I'm with you, I believe an official wedding is important or in the very least a spiritual commitment, in all honesty, he has waited too long to do this and that is just one of a handful of reasons I want to be out, I shouldn't have to "force" somebody to marry me. Since in his eyes, he thinks we are already married, we don't need an official wedding. I've disagreed with him on this several times. I'm not trying to find loopholes to stay or go, I want to do what is right here. If not, the steps I'm taking to move out are correct. I'm not afraid of this and it feels right, but as you know we can't always trust our feelings.

Thank you

Thank you to both of you for your advice on this. You both pretty much summarized what is going through my head, but I do need to talk with him more about both of our faiths. In the past, I have been met with some resistance on it and he will often just shut down on me, much like an unbeliever would. I do believe it is more from a lack of understanding and if I were to be honest, a lack of interest on his part. I will pray about it some more before talking to him again. My conflict is whether the Lord considers us already married or not, because if not, I do believe the end result of the 2nd home will be me moving out permanently. I do agree that we haven't given ourselves to each other spiritually, so I am thinking no, we aren't married in God's eyes, however, I will also pray about it more too. If it sounds like I'm uncertain about this relationship, it's because I am, I am looking at it with open eyes and also know that our feelings can play tricks on us. I trust in the Lord to do what is best for both of us but sometimes have trouble differentiating what are my feelings and his will. I am Protestant, I haven't attended church since my mom got sick but have started researching some area churches, I'm just not to a point where I want to attend. I attended a church for many years and was very active in that church, teaching kid's programs and other volunteer activities. During the time my faith was very weak, I called my pastor up, who lived about 4 houses away and asked him if he'd come pray with my family and I about my mom, who was just days from dying. He told me that he had no experience with people dying of cancer and would have somebody else call me to pray with me. That never happened. Keep in mind this was a seasoned pastor with many years under his belt. That was the straw that broke the camel's back in my faith, the last little shard I had was gone. That pastor lived nearby and didn't check on us once after that phone call. I've ran into him once in a while and have often thought about bringing it up, but never have. I'm not angry with him, just disappointed. Before that, I attended another church where an assistant pastor had invited a convicted criminal/stalker to attend. Well, that man took an interest in me, the AP saw this but never said anything to me to warn me. On several occasions I was followed home with my 2 small children, called, emailed, whatever this guy could do to get my attention(he got my info from the church directory). I called the main pastor to let him know what was happening, the AP called me and told me the guy was harmless even though he had served jail time for stalking his ex wife. They did eventually remove him from the church but that was a few months after I stopped attending. So, I haven't had the best experiences with churches, but I do understand that in the end, we are all just people and make mistakes. I just feel both of these situations could've been handled better. I do fellowship with some ladies online and also have a couple favorite pastors that I listen to online through Calvary Chapel. I'm pretty positive any church I'd attend would recommend an official marriage and that would not stop me from attending.

Just a little background, no judgement please as I am working on correcting things, just want to make sure I'm doing what is God's will. When my mom got sick (2009) and passed back in 2010, I lost all faith in the Lord and had a falling away for about 8+ years. Yes, I was mad at God, mostly about how she had to suffer (Pancreatic cancer). That's a story for another time though. During that time(2009) I met a great guy, down to earth, a great mentor , best friend and good advice giver. We get along great, we are a family. We dated about 4-5 years before we actually moved in together. We are engaged, but have never had a "legal" wedding. Laws of our state consider us common-law married, he considers us married, however, I do not, nor do I know if I want to be married to him for several reasons (he's not abusive or anything like that, he truly is a good guy). We have talked about religion in the past and he's always told me he's a believer, but "has lots of questions". He grew up Catholic but doesn't seem very knowledgeable with regards to the Bible. This past weekend we were talking about things again and he brought up how he believed in evolution, which was a huge disappointment, in the 10 years we've been together he has never mentioned this. So, I believe this was God's answer for me. He does, however, support my walk with Christ, but it is MY walk not OURS. I know not to be unequally yoked, just want to make sure it's not too late... So, with all of that in mind, does the Lord consider us married? I am pretty conflicted as to whether the Lord wants me to try and stick this out, I think I can "make" him legally marry me, but that isn't always the right way to do things either. We have no children together (mine are fully grown) and no financial ties, so there will be no adverse effects there. It would be a very easy split on those levels and I believe we would still remain good friends. I am in the process of putting a 2nd home out at my dad's farm and plan to move out within the next year (hopefully sooner). He knows this and thinks I will live at both homes, but the writing on the wall is telling me differently. With my change/renewed faith is it fair to him that I just up and leave a good working relationship as we know how hard these are to find. Would appreciate some input from pastors on how they'd council members of their congregation on this?

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and thoughts! As I mentioned in my original post, this was not something against the church at all, just stuff I wished I had learned or picked up there but sometimes we have to learn the hard way too. On a side note to regards of the church letting me down as far as knowledge on death and suffering, I was not equipped to handle it on my own at the time. The church I attended for several years basically left our family out to dry on that one, to this day I don't understand why but everything happens for a reason. I did not leave that church on bad terms, there were no disagreements, no bad blood, nothing, but when I asked the pastor for prayers for my mom he told me that he had no experience with that type of suffering (cancer) and that somebody else from the congregation would call me. She never did contact us and my family was never checked on again after we stopped attending. We lived a street away from the church and the pastor. I didn't ask for advice or anything like that, just prayers to get through it. I lost a lot of faith during that time and it took me 8 years to come to terms with it. If my original post came across as bad, it is only because of this experience that I mentioned the part about being let down. I hope you understand. I have, at times thought about writing the pastor a friendly letter letting him know why we stopped attending, so he can avoid doing it in the future to somebody else because I don't feel it was intentional. I understand there is a lot of pressure for a pastor and totally respect that, this situation just was weird but maybe it was also God's way of saying it was time to move on. Those of you who are lucky enough to have a good church to go to, it truly is a blessing.

I look forward to this day too and wish it was talked about more also!

I know that we are each on our own journey with God and that things can be interpreted differently depending on our life experiences. Last night as I was struggling to sleep and pray. Some thoughts came to mind and I wondered if others had a list of things they wished they had learned in Church or that could've been taught better? This is one of those lists that I didn't know that I didn't know, if you know what I mean? I have come to some understanding with this list but thought it would be insightful to see other's lists. Here's mine: - How to pray -- Some say anywhere and anyway that you can, others have a ritual to it. Give thanks, ask forgiveness, and let our requests be known. I pray both ways, hopefully it's ok. I was stuck in the more ritualistic side of prayer and really needed to know it was okay to pray throughout the day or just talk to God in general. I have found he answers prayer either way. - Why memorizing Bible verses is important. We teach our children to memorize verses, but do we tell them why? It is also just as important for adults to memorize verses, this is our best defense against worry, depression, stress and attacks. - How to get through suffering and the loss of a loved one (my church really let me down on this one, took me 8 years work through this and it is only by God that I was able to accept it) - Why God sometimes doesn't answer prayer and that we should ask for understanding when he doesn't. This is not meant to be a negative post about Church, more a post on how we can help each other learn things that may or may not be commonly talked about or is assumed knowledge at church. Up until 8 years ago, I went to church weekly for most of my adult life and didn't know the above until just this past year.

I have crippling anxiety and depression at times. I've been reading Joyce Meyer's "Battlefield of the Mind" and it has helped tremendously. Lots of verses, reassurance and how to get where we want to be using God's word. Probably the most important thing that I've learned from Joyce Meyer's book is to pray every time you feel an anxiety attack coming on, which has helped tremendously. I also have been taking Native Remedies Pure Calm and Triple Complex Calm. Lastly, Greg Laurie with Walk in the Word has a freebie Anxiety sermon that is very good. Hope this helps even a little.