Becky21888

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile. When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long. For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah. I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah. (Psalms 32:1-5/KJV) I have been studying about David and his consequences for his sins, that He confessed a year later before God and Nathan the Prophet. When David kept silent about his sins his spirit and body would groan all day everyday. God's hand of displeasure was heavy upon David. His body had no strength he felt so drained from the guilt that kept replaying within his conscience continuously without ceasing until David finally confessed. Nathan's parable was the mirror in which the true enormity of the king's sin was held up to his face. As I examine myself through David's story. I also tried to hide many sins from others. Especially, the ones I was sinning against. I recognize now none of my confessions were confessed right away. I couldn't sleep for years... There were many sins that I kept a secret for years. I would distracted myself from truly allowing the heaviness of the guilt to take over me. I learned to cope with my evil deeds by drinking, watching porn, masturbating, and seeking for attention from strangers online. I would involve myself in my families problems, and find fault in every situation that they shared with me. I would judge others for the same sins I was committing like David did. I had no mercy on what I felt they deserved, and I did not hold back my mouth from my judgement towards them. Some how it did not hit me the same way it hit David. I was committing the very same sins that others were, but I was so lost in my own sick delusion of being righteous in my own eyes I could do no wrong. I cheated in ALL my relationships. I betrayed people's trusts. I would try to find fault in the Godly people God sent my way, because of deep rooted jealous towards their discipline and commitment towards God. When they would try to correct me I would get defensive. Instead of receiving the correction and becoming a better person from it. I would become argumentative and very disrespectful. My pride destroyed my relationships, my reputation and my ability to see the truth for what it really was. I finally confessed my sins after so many months and years, and lost ALL that was good in my life. They were more disappointed in me taking so long to confess my sins, than the actually sin itself. I was so scared on how others would view me, that I tried so hard to masquerade as this close to perfect Christian. When in reality I was such a phony, and a hypocrite. It took me 12 years of sowing evil deeds to finally look at myself in "God's Mirror" and face the truth about myself. The hardest reality of it all is the results of my sins, and how most people rather love me from a far. It hurts to my very core, and the tears are limitless. I take full accountability for my actions, and I deserve what's coming my way...I just hope that someone can learn from my mistakes. If you have someone good in your life stay faithful and loyal to them. If someone trusts you with something personal going on in there life. Keep it and never share it. The most important lesson I urge everyone to do is DON'T KEEP YOUR SINS TO YOURSELF. Confess them right away...Secret sins will eat you alive, and your consequences for keeping it longer than you should have may be harder and longer to bear with...

Thank you for sharing!

I agree with you fully...Evil should not equal human. I deserve everything coming my way...I just hope I have enough strength to withstand it...

I agree...It took years to destroy my relationships, and I know it will take years before its fully repaired. It hurts to be rejected, but once again I have no one to blame but myself. I will be honest with you I wish I was someone else with a pure heart. Who would never think about doing the evil I have done. Or I can start fresh some where else where no one knows my past sins. To feel that full acceptance again. Because trying to regain people's trust from a distances and not feeling fully accepted is torture mentally and emotionally. Never cried so much in my life...? Thank you for your advice.

This is Biblical...David is a great example of not being relieved of his past sins for the remainder of his life.

I agree with you fully Dennis...I just got to suck it up and walk through my conquences...Thanks for your honest opinion and advice.

I hear you...But no one is promised tomorrow, so I will pray for time and peace. But if that person died tomorrow, and there last impression of me was hurt and braytal...It will be hard to find true peace and self-forgiveness knowing I was responsible for causing more pain in that persons life. Especially, when I told that person I would never hurt them and that they can always trust me. ? Then on top of that someone I will trust will betray me. ?Having me re-live the hurt I caused that person, and feeling the pain from both angles...

Yes, I apologise. But everyone has a limit, and I withdraw too much from this person's heart. That it can never be as good as it use to be. Yes, that person is still in my life but in arms length. Meaning they can love me from a distance because they will not allow me to hurt them anymore. Which I fully understand. I take full accountability for taking for granted a good thing, and now that it's gone...it's hard to feel good in my own skin when my actions revealed how evil I really am. Some conquences can stay with you for life...I just need to learn how to balance the sting of my past actions which I'm reminded of daily because all that was good in my life seems like a distant memory, and still be in good Spirits...

How can one find peace and balance in the anguish of their well desired conquences of their past sins? I hurt someone I cared for too many times, because of my selfish motives. I take full accountability for that person wanted to love me from a far. It hurts so bad that its causing me to have a heaviness of spirit, and shut down from God. And anyone who tries to get close to me I push them away because I'm so tired of hurting people... The more I feel the pain of my actions the more I want to stop trying...?

But we, brethren, being taken from you for a short time in presence, not in heart, endeavoured the more abundantly to see your face with great desire. Wherefore we would have come unto you, even I Paul, once and again; but Satan hindered us. (1 Thessalonians 2:17-18/KJV) Paul wanted to come back to minister to them and to visit with them. It would have been like going home, because they had so eagerly accepted Paul and his teachings there. Satan is the author of all lies and the source of all hindrance to the gospel. Paul's own personal desire was to go to see them, but sometimes our desire is not the desire of the Lord. Satan could not have prevented Paul from going back there any time he wanted to unless God gave Satan permission to do this. Unknowing to Satan, he sometimes plays right into the hands of God. God uses for good what Satan intended for evil. If you are a Christian, Satan has to get God's permission to attack you. Our problems come to make us strong and to show us how badly we need God. Share your testimony on a time you wanted to do something, and God stop it from happening because He had other plans for you...

I agree with you Marilyn. Please share, copy, paste because we all struggle with this. When I was studying these verses and realized this is my daily struggle in plain site. Instead of listening to criticism I would get defensive. Yet, I would pray and ask God to show me what was still in my heart, and He would then I was in such denial with the truth about myself, that I would not listen...I would be very argumentative and would speak hasty in my anger...This revelation God showed me about myself humbled me in away that left me in tears and so repentive...? Marilyn to be LOVED by Jesus is nothing like it. He corrects us and helps US get better. He doesn't give up on US! Even when we give up on ourselves! There's no greater love then that... ?

Exactly! ? Well said!

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. (James 1:19-21/KJV) Breakdown: James continues his practical guidance with words about listening. Christians need to listen well both to God and people. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]: the [resentful, deep-seated] anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God [that standard of behavior which He requires from us]. James says that listening to others removes the anger and arrogance that keep us from doing God’s word spoken in Scripture. When others speak words that we do not welcome—words of disagreement, criticism, dismissal—it is easy to respond in anger. But doing so usually makes our position worse, and always discredits our witness as Christ’s servants. How much better to trust God to defend our position, rather than defending ourselves by angry, hasty speech. James directs us to get rid of all uncleanness and all that remains of wickedness, and with a humble spirit receive the word [of God] which is implanted [actually rooted in your heart], which is able to save your souls.